Birthday party vent! updated

[BelleWDW]

I only gave them my email address. I was kind of leary about giving at my phone number to strangers

I think you've hit on the reason.

Your child is a stranger to these kid's parents & maybe it would have been better to invite kids she know and plays with-KWIM?

I never did a whole class party-just invited the 5-8 kids my kid was friendly with-and this was when they were older-8 years old . By then i was a room mother and knew all the kids and lots of the parents.

 

[happygirl]

I think you've hit on the reason.

Your child is a stranger to these kid's parents & maybe it would have been better to invite kids she know and plays with-KWIM?

I never did a whole class party-just invited the 5-8 kids my kid was friendly with-and this was when they were older-8 years old . By then i was a room mother and knew all the kids and lots of the parents.

I would have but the school has a policy invite the whole class or no one. I'm not having it at my house, It's at the Y in there party room.

 

[lecach]

Did you give out the invites at school or mail them? If you gave out at school I would do a quick note on colored paper for each of them (maybe neon pink) and put on there that you have not heard from them and to please let you know by Thursday by email or phone if they are coming. You could say that you have to let the place know by then. You could ask the teacher for assistance in making sure the parents get them.

THEN if you still dont hear from people you can cancel the party and just do something special with one or two friends.

I am planning DS's party for Dec. 6 and was so worried that everyone would be busy I emailed his best friends parents and asked them to save the date. They all said they'd be there. I am so relieved. I am still inviting the entire class with a paper invite that includes my email and cell phone number. But at least I know that the core group is coming.

I know what you must be going through - you dont want to spend the money or embarass your daughter by having no one show up.

 

[Becky2005]

I only gave them my email address. I was kind of leary about giving at my phone number to strangers

I think that is exactly why you may not have had any responses. People may have thought it was weird that you only included an e-mail and no phone number. I know around here, I did start including my e-mail to see if it would be a better response. I only ever got 1 e-mail RSVP. The rest were all called ones.

We would have had to invite the entire class too to hand them out at school (in the past you could do all, or all boys/all girls but this teacher says *all* period). This is why my 6 year old who's birthday was in October hasn't had his party yet. We just got the directory about a week ago. I still need to schedule the party soon.

I would try the reminder & although I know you aren't comfortable with strangers having your phone number but I would give it a try for getting RSVP's -- you may end up with parents just dropping kids off too depending on your area. We just went to a party for a 6 year old that I think 3/4 of the parents just dropped off. It's typical here though, I know other places it is not.

 

[MrsPete]

I can give you a hint about how to make the no-RSVP situation a little better: Leave a vital piece of information off the invitation. It FORCES people to call.

For example, send out invitations to a bowling party on Saturday, November 14 . . . but DON'T tell the parents which bowling alley or what time of day. Instead, write "Call XXX-XXX-XXXX for details".

It's not perfect, but it's a little better than wondering.

 

[EMom]

Let me tell you why you haven't heard back from parents. It's because they are rude and inconsiderate and can't take the 60 seconds to respond. There, I've said it.

Before anyone blames my attitude on what happened with DD's recent party, let me explain that my attitude stems from observations I have made over the years regarding more parties than I can count. The pattern is the same. The mom sends out invitations. Maybe they get send home in a backpack, in the mail, by email......It matters not. Maybe she includes her phone number, her cell phone, her email or every method of contact in the world. It does not matter. Maybe she gives an RSVP deadline of a week before the party, 5 days before, 3 days before, or even the day before. Again, it does not matter. People will ignore the RSVP no matter what.

Yes, some are truly ignorant of what RSVP means. But I can promise you where I live, they are not. Nearly everyone in this town has a college degree and learned what RSVP meant somewhere along the way. And as I told DH, if their husband's boss sent an invitation home, you can bet you rear end they'd respond fast enough. No, it's something else. Maybe they are waiting to see if something better comes up or maybe they are just plain old inconsiderate. I don't know. But I do know you cannot count on people responding to an RSVP even if you say, "Please let me know if you are coming or not because I need to give the venue a head count by X date."

What happened at DD's recent party is typical and has happened to many people I know. We didn't have a directory yet or a class email list. The school is very strict about privacy rights, so sending invitations home in a backpack is the only way to get them to the kids. DD's teacher made certain every girl in the class (10 girls) got an invitation in their backpack. Two girls in other classes received them as well. I gave them 2 weeks before the party and needed a reply the Tuesday before a Sunday party.

On Monday, when I hadn't heard from anyone, I told DD that if I didn't get any responses, we needed to cancel the party, because what was the point? She was upset and said the girls were saying they were going to come. I told her there was a reason the RSVP said to reply to me, the mother and that I needed to be contacted. In the past, I have learned that when a kid says they're coming, it's not all that reliable. I told DH if they showed up for a cancelled party, gift in hand, it would serve them right.

On Tuesday NIGHT I received the FIRST reply. Yep, on the deadline, I received reply #1. The venue had already called wanting a head count and I told them the situation. What could I do? And you could not misinterpret the RSVP itself. It said something like, "RSVP by Tuesday, Oct. X to EMom at phone number or email." Starting on Wednesday, the day AFTER the RSVP deadline, the RSVPs began rolling in. Actually, I'm surprised they even responded. (I had included my phone and email.)

By the time it was all said and done, I went from one pitiful response on the RSVP deadline day to having 8 out of 10 girls in her class attend. Of the 2 girls who were not in her class, both attended......But one showed up having never RSVPed, so it's a good thing I brought an extra goody bag. The RSVPs continued to come in until the night before the party. I could not believe it.

There I was, wondering if DD had suddenly become unliked and without friends since no one was calling, and of the 12 kids invited from school, 10 showed up. I really think I've had it. It was just too stressful, not knowing if anyone was going to show up until virtually the last minute. Crud, the year we took her out of school and took her to WDW for her birthday was less stressful than that.......More expensive, but less stressful.

I told her next year, we may take her somewhere (maybe let her pick a friend to take) like Renaissance Festival and let her spend to her heart's content. Whatever we'd have spent on a party, let her have a go-wild day with that much money. I seriously think I am done with birthday parties.

 

[FireDancer]

I would try the reminder & although I know you aren't comfortable with strangers having your phone number but I would give it a try for getting RSVP's

No need to give out your actual number. Just set up a Google Voice account and give out the Google Voice number. This is exactly the kind of thing this service is perfect for, along with number portability.

It is invite only but if you request one and already have any Google account (gmail, reader, profile, etc) you should get the invite in a week or so.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I personally gave the invites to the teacher to handout to the kids. In our district you have to invite all the kids in the class or none.

Remembering from when my kids were little, we had to invite all the girls, or all the boys, or the whole class to be able to have them handed out in class.

If you can't call the parents, I'd send out reminders in the backpacks. I'm guessing this is your first party inviting the class - I've never had everyone RSVP. When I call (we have directories), about 1/2 say they're coming, and forgot to RSVP. I don't think you handed them out too soon - I usually find 1 1/2 weeks works best, and put my email address on the invitation.

I've forgotten a couple of times myself, usually because I received the invitation 3+ weeks in advance, and I don't know at that time if we're available. If I get it in under 2 weeks away, I call immediately.

I remember sending out reminders too. It IS very frustrating. One thing I found is that often parents would tell their kids to tell my party child that they could come. I hated that! We once had a hayride party, and needed to reschedule due to rain. I called all the parents, and one parent whose child had told my DD she COULD come had NO IDEA about the initial party at all. Afterwards, she dug the invite out of her backpack.

I also would forget on occasion to RSVP if we received the invite too far in advance.

I only gave them my email address. I was kind of leary about giving at my phone number to strangers

We got "ringmate" almost 20 years ago for a home business, and kept it all these years to use for the kids and other phone calls where I'd rather people not have my home phone number (but just for an FYI...our REAL phone number shows up on other people's CID).

I can give you a hint about how to make the no-RSVP situation a little better: Leave a vital piece of information off the invitation. It FORCES people to call.

For example, send out invitations to a bowling party on Saturday, November 14 . . . but DON'T tell the parents which bowling alley or what time of day. Instead, write "Call XXX-XXX-XXXX for details".

It's not perfect, but it's a little better than wondering.

Personally, I'd find that frustrating. That vital piece of information may make or break my decision to allow my child to attend the party, and I wouldn't want to make the decision on the phone with the parent.

Let me tell you why you haven't heard back from parents. It's because they are rude and inconsiderate and can't take the 60 seconds to respond. There, I've said it.

Before anyone blames my attitude on what happened with DD's recent party, let me explain that my attitude stems from observations I have made over the years regarding more parties than I can count. The pattern is the same. The mom sends out invitations. Maybe they get send home in a backpack, in the mail, by email......It matters not. Maybe she includes her phone number, her cell phone, her email or every method of contact in the world. It does not matter. Maybe she gives an RSVP deadline of a week before the party, 5 days before, 3 days before, or even the day before. Again, it does not matter. People will ignore the RSVP no matter what.

Yes, some are truly ignorant of what RSVP means. But I can promise you where I live, they are not. Nearly everyone in this town has a college degree and learned what RSVP meant somewhere along the way. And as I told DH, if their husband's boss sent an invitation home, you can bet you rear end they'd respond fast enough. No, it's something else. Maybe they are waiting to see if something better comes up or maybe they are just plain old inconsiderate. I don't know. But I do know you cannot count on people responding to an RSVP even if you say, "Please let me know if you are coming or not because I need to give the venue a head count by X date."

What happened at DD's recent party is typical and has happened to many people I know. We didn't have a directory yet or a class email list. The school is very strict about privacy rights, so sending invitations home in a backpack is the only way to get them to the kids. DD's teacher made certain every girl in the class (10 girls) got an invitation in their backpack. Two girls in other classes received them as well. I gave them 2 weeks before the party and needed a reply the Tuesday before a Sunday party.

On Monday, when I hadn't heard from anyone, I told DD that if I didn't get any responses, we needed to cancel the party, because what was the point? She was upset and said the girls were saying they were going to come. I told her there was a reason the RSVP said to reply to me, the mother and that I needed to be contacted. In the past, I have learned that when a kid says they're coming, it's not all that reliable. I told DH if they showed up for a cancelled party, gift in hand, it would serve them right.

On Tuesday NIGHT I received the FIRST reply. Yep, on the deadline, I received reply #1. The venue had already called wanting a head count and I told them the situation. What could I do? And you could not misinterpret the RSVP itself. It said something like, "RSVP by Tuesday, Oct. X to EMom at phone number or email." Starting on Wednesday, the day AFTER the RSVP deadline, the RSVPs began rolling in. Actually, I'm surprised they even responded. (I had included my phone and email.)

By the time it was all said and done, I went from one pitiful response on the RSVP deadline day to having 8 out of 10 girls in her class attend. Of the 2 girls who were not in her class, both attended......But one showed up having never RSVPed, so it's a good thing I brought an extra goody bag. The RSVPs continued to come in until the night before the party. I could not believe it.

There I was, wondering if DD had suddenly become unliked and without friends since no one was calling, and of the 12 kids invited from school, 10 showed up. I really think I've had it. It was just too stressful, not knowing if anyone was going to show up until virtually the last minute. Crud, the year we took her out of school and took her to WDW for her birthday was less stressful than that.......More expensive, but less stressful.

I told her next year, we may take her somewhere (maybe let her pick a friend to take) like Renaissance Festival and let her spend to her heart's content. Whatever we'd have spent on a party, let her have a go-wild day with that much money. I seriously think I am done with birthday parties.

Reading that gave me agida! BTDT. I'm so glad I'm past those days. Then my worry became praying my kids' dates for proms and such don't break up with them beforehand. It's always something. And God help me when the first one gets married...ugh, wedding planning.

 

[C.Ann]

I think that is exactly why you may not have had any responses. People may have thought it was weird that you only included an e-mail and no phone number..

See - no phone number would have annoyed me.. I'm not a big fan of sending emails.. However, I still would have RSVPed as to whether or not my child would be attending..

 

[Becky2005]

See - no phone number would have annoyed me.. I'm not a big fan of sending emails.. However, I still would have RSVPed as to whether or not my child would be attending..

True but believe it or not, I still know people who don't have home computers & therefore only e-mail at work, if that. There was one parent I know who always had to call me to find out what was going on with gymnastics because she didn't have e-mail & the coach kept forgetting that she didn't HAVE e-mail access.

Even my boy's den leader tells you to call her with stuff vs. e-mail unless it's not time urgent because she doesn't check very often and is lucky to get on the computer once every couple weeks. She isn't very computer savy but has a cell phone & will answer or call you back ASAP if you leave a message.

I'm just saying that around here, it's not a given that everyone has readily available e-mail access. *Especially* for Kindergarten if it's the parents first child...I could easily have seen me not needing a computer until my DD got into Middle School (I just happened to be married to a computer tech, otherwise, doubt we would have as much access as we do).

 

[hegsag]

Has anyone told your dd that they are attending? I would send out a notice that you need a head count - not just a reminder about the party because then you may not know who is attending. You don't want to pay for a party if noone shows and your dd would be crushed...

 

[hollieplus2]

People don't RSVP...plain and simple. DS had a party a couple years ago at our house. Sent invites to whole class but neighrhood boys. No one from class RSVP. The day of the party came and I prepared for a couple extra but 1/2 the class showed up!!! Some parents I didn't even know just dropped their child off Some parents didn't RSVP and then brought siblings???? And to top it off one mom who brought 2 other kids because she was babysitting was mad that I didn't have a treat bag for all the kids. NEVER AGAIN.

 

[m&m's mom]

I would have but the school has a policy invite the whole class or no one. I'm not having it at my house, It's at the Y in there party room.

To clarify, I think you mean that you have to invite everyone IF YOU PASS OUT THE INVITES AT SCHOOL. You can invite anyone you want but they do not want the kids feelings hurt if they are not invited.
My DD was invited to a classmates party (4th grade) and we got the invite in the mail. DD has standing Friday afternoon with another friend from the class. When the Mom confirmed our girls were still doing their Fri pm thing, I had to nicely explain that she had a party to go to, which was a little awkward but Mom understood.
When we picked up DD I realized there were only 2 girls from their class not there. Probably the 2nd girl was not invited either. I thought it would have been a nice thing to invite the only other 2 girls since they knew it would get back to them.

In your case it probably was the combination of no phone number, did not know you or DD well and just plain bad manners on the guests part.
Do you know anyone you can call to confirm they got the invite? I would want assurances from someone.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I am sorry you are not getting RSVPs It IS frustrating and actually becomming more and more common that people ignore the request to respond. I always put an RSVP date and KNOW I will have to call most people the following day and ask them if they are comming or not. I shouldn't have to do that, but it is what must be done if I want a headcount beforehand.

I personally gave the invites to the teacher to handout to the kids. In our district you have to invite all the kids in the class or none. It's really frustating to me. I gave the invites to the teacher on Oct 30th I wonder if that was to long ago and people forgot?

As others have said--this should only be the case if you are handing out invites at school (and to be honest, with all teachers must do these days I am surprised most schools still allow it at all).

Next year I suggest you get addresses and mail the invites. If you have not yet met the children she wants to invite and have no contact information on them, ask your DD to pay attention to their last names and let you know who she wants to invite. You can still find most kds that way in the white pages (last name--in the school's bounries). If there are 2 or 3 possiblities, I have actually called and just asked. Most people are pretty nice if you say you are Jane Doe's mom and trying to get a hold of Susie Jone's mom to arrange a palydate, do you have the right Jones?

You can still do this NOW to figure out who to call and ask if they are comming or not.

I only gave them my email address. I was kind of leary about giving at my phone number to strangers

I am generally not as over protective as most mothers, but my child would not have been going to a party with a mother who did not trust me to have her phone number. If you want me to trust you to care for my child you ought to trust me to handle your phone number appropriately. This may be a big part of your problem. Aslo, as otehrs pointed out some people actually still do not have email.

 

[sturdypeasantstock]

How long does it take to RSVP? Really! I feel your pain, it's so frustrating. You want it to be a nice birthday for your child. I'm so glad my kids are past that age, now it's just have a few close friends over and celebrate.

When DD was in Kindergarten we invited all the girls in her class, had her party at one of the "party places" and had each child sit down at the table and get a cupcake (I should have ordered extras, but I didn't think to at the time). One of the mothers brought two uninvited older siblings and they took seats at the table and ate the cupcakes intended for the Kindergarteners, who started to cry and their mothers were visibly irritated. A bit awkward. Fortunately the place had extra cupcakes on hand.

 

[Bunchkin]

OP- I'm so sorry to hear this is happening! How frustrating!!!

I KNOW your pain!!!
Two years ago when my son was a kindergartner, we planned a party for him at the local park district nature center building and put a deposit on it.
He was so excited to have a party there. It was THE place to have a cool party! He has a July b-day but gave out the invites before school let out in June giving the parents ample time to RSVP, which was requested.
Not one person called and of course there was no way to get in touch with most of the children since school was out.
We canceled the venue and had a hard time getting our deposit back to boot!
On the day of the planned party, one child showed up at the location wondering where we were!! The park district people called us to let us know someone showed up and put that parent on the phone. They claimed that they had called us and got an attitude about it. They did not call.

Luckily for my son, we kept him busy that weekend so he did not even remember it was supposed to be his party. When we realized that no one was going to RSVP, we quit talking about his party in front of him. I did have a discussion with him about it prior to the day and he took it rather well for a little guy.

People are rude! Inconsiderate. Uncouth.
Pick an adjective!

 

[Darsa]

I know it's kinda late for you at this point, but I found this article and thought it was interesting. I thought that everyone knew that "RSVP" stood for "Repondez, S'il Vous Plait", which is French for "Respond, please"... which doesn't really need much in the way of interpretation, IMHO

What does RSVP mean?

 

[lecach]

Im giving out the invites to DS's Dec. 6 birthday party this week. The invites will go in the cubbies at daycare and I put on there to let me know by Nov. 30 how many to expect. I also gave my cell phone and email address. And for his closest friends I sent them a "save the date" last week. I think I have covered my bases - reading this thread has been helpful.

 

[agnes!]

I like the invites that leave-off pertinent details (like WHERE the party is or the party-time lol) but state something like "Call for details". That would MAKE parents have to contact the party-giver even if they usually just drop Junior off with no warning.

agnes!

 

[mjkacmom]

Im giving out the invites to DS's Dec. 6 birthday party this week. The invites will go in the cubbies at daycare and I put on there to let me know by Nov. 30 how many to expect. I also gave my cell phone and email address. And for his closest friends I sent them a "save the date" last week. I think I have covered my bases - reading this thread has been helpful.

I'd wait. I have found it better to hand them out no more than 2 weeks before the party, when the parents have a better idea if they are free. Otherwise, they get put aside, and forgotten. I'm pretty good about RSVPing, but I've done this a couple of times.