Birthday Party - turning into a budget buster

[NMW]

This happens all the time. You either have to just say to yourself that you will pay for whoever shows up with a sibling, OR be very firm when these siblings show up that you are sorry but you cannot include siblings in the party. I have had to do this many, many times over the years. It's akward and it annoys me that parents put me in that position, but it always happens.

Just say something like, "sorry, but we are at out limit for guests and I can't include any extra children." I think some parents just go for it. They figure if the siblings are turned away, so be it, but they are going to give it a shot.

I have not had big parties in a couple years because it's a pain to turn kids away. For my DD's (8) last 2 birthday parties we took her to AMerican Girl and let her buy a doll, and a couple outfits or accesories...I come out lower than a big party at a bouncy place would have cost me. Plus, it's a lot less work.

 

[msmayor]

The only person to RSVP so far today is a good friend of mine and she didn't try and RSVP her other kid, but I am going to send the other 2 I had not replied too yet a e-mail telling them the charge for additional kids and that the party room activities ( limbo, candy buffet etc..) are for classmates only, but they can still come and do the main center activities.
Well, I called the party place and it is $5 extra for food per person (for the adults), which is Pizza and soft drinks, I am bringing a cake with us. For additonal kids it is $15 per kid for Pizza and Activities.

I broke down and went out and bought more plates and goodies, I ordered enough goodie bag stuff and I own a catering company that does candy buffets, so I have enough of that lying around and can easily make more of the specialty items.

I am not thrilled about inviting the whole class either, but in DD's school, the rule for distributing party invites, is either all girls in the class (or boys in case the student is a boy)or the entire class, they don't allow for exclusions.

I am going to collect certain parents e-mails at this years party to circumvent the system next year because DD wants a pajama party and some of the girls I don't really want over.

This is exactly why birthday parties have gotten out of control - folks feel the need to invite the whole class.

Birthday parties used to be for the friends you played with all the time - parents knew where these kids lived and you either mailed the invitations or hand delivered them to the house.

The idea that you need to invite the whole class to have some big party is ridiculous, and most likely why many parents have had to draw the line at gifts - why you get a $5 gift card as a present - because there are just too many invitations to deal with.

There's nothing wrong with having a few friends over for cake and ice cream. I never saw the need to spend a fortune on a kids' party, especially when you consider it simply sets the bar a little higher for the following year.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

This is exactly why birthday parties have gotten out of control - folks feel the need to invite the whole class.

Birthday parties used to be for the friends you played with all the time - parents knew where these kids lived and you either mailed the invitations or hand delivered them to the house.

The idea that you need to invite the whole class to have some big party is ridiculous, and most likely why many parents have had to draw the line at gifts - why you get a $5 gift card as a present - because there are just too many invitations to deal with.

There's nothing wrong with having a few friends over for cake and ice cream. I never saw the need to spend a fortune on a kids' party, especially when you consider it simply sets the bar a little higher for the following year.

My DD's party has nothing to do with getting presents. We stated several times in the invites and directions that we are having a canned food drive in lui of presents for the local food bank. She will be getting lots of presents at the family get together the next day. I own a catering business, that specializes in kids parties, I love to throw parties, I am just not used to parents behaving the way they are with extra kids etc...

 

[seashoreCM]

A little boy from her class came with his 5 siblings and 5 cousins! I had never met any of these people before. We had to pay an addtional $90 for these kids because they put us so far over the limit! .

I don't know whether to call you the fool (or chump*).

At the risk of sounding naughty myself, I am suggesting to eavesdropping party hosts to immediately deny entrance to the uninvited kids. And immediately call the parents if possible.

If the restaurant wants to cover for the other kids including providing an extra chaperone if needed, it has the privilege of doing so. Otherwise the kids can sit quietly on a bench out front or at an empty table. The latter can actually be therapeutic to the parents and uncles and aunts to not let this happen again. It can also be therapeutic to the kids so they will ask to stay home rather than go uninvited to someone else's party.

Another suggestion for invitation wording: A personal invitation for Susie (or whomever).

* Almost every weekday on WRKO 680 Boston in the 5 PM hour: "Thank you for calling Howie Carr, you chump!"

 

[msmayor]

My DD's party has nothing to do with getting presents. We stated several times in the invites and directions that we are having a canned food drive in lui of presents for the local food bank. She will be getting lots of presents at the family get together the next day. I own a catering business, that specializes in kids parties, I love to throw parties, I am just not used to parents behaving the way they are with extra kids etc...

All the more reason to stop the madness of inviting the whole class. Chances are you don't even know a lot these parents personally.

Invite the kids your child plays with regularly, where you know the parents and their ability to understand that an invitation is for the one named on the envelope, not the whole family.

 

[mommycrawford]

I am sorry you have to be put in an uncomfortable position, but as a former preschool teacher and poor mom, what you should keep in mind is that it is your child's party...not yours. The decisions you make should directly bear on the happiness of your child at the event.

You have created a lovely opportunity for the children you have chosen (with your child) to invite, and those who cannot avail themselves of it, for whatever reason (have to care for their other children,etc), do not have to come. It is nice to be nice, but if you are fine with parents dropping off the one child, and picking up later, then that creates an opportunity for the parent to have quality time with the other child. You are not providing a babysitting service, you are creating a memory for your child, and have nothing to appologize for. IF you were dripping with money, that would still be the case.

I know I sound harsh, but people really should love spending time with their other kids, and be happy that the other child was invited in the first place.

My daughter has a friend that is a twin, and two sisters besides...should she invite the other 3 because they are sisters? I do not think so, but I am sure others will disagree.

Have a great party, and you are not the custodian of your community's desires and feelings1


BTW...We had a party where a parent dropped off her kid with her cousin that we had never met. 4 years later, we see that child in pictures and my daughter gets annoyed...(I was so busy running things, I didn't even know the mom was leaving her.) I try to know parents a bit as well...some kids don't get picked up on time, etc.. I also write "drop off and pick up" times on the invites, so parents don't infer that the party is for them to socialize, but for the children to express their friendship!

 

[maddiesmom0116]

I called the venue today and asked what I could do if people show up like the PP stated, extras that were not invited. The lady in charge of the events suggested the little wristbands, like at concerts etc... or for us MNSSHP as an example. She will let the people at the counters for the mini golf and batting cages that only the kids with these bands are with my party and should be charged to me. I headed to the party store she suggested to pick these up and stopped at Dollar tree for something else and they had a pack of 25 for $1 - Yea! Later at the party store I saw they cost almost $6.

 

[KelliLee702]

I think your proactive approach will work out great for you.
The kids will probably think the "wristbands" are really cool.
I work at an elementary school and it is very cool to have a wrist band from an event from the weekend.
I think things will work out great. Good to let the venue know what you are up against, too. I know they probably want your guests back for repeat business and will work with you and the "uninvited" guests as well.

Let us know how it turns out!

 

[tlh0726]

After DD was in kinder and we had an awful experience I started stating either no siblings or all siblings welcome depending on where party was. When DD was in kinder we had a party at a bouncy place that was across the street from our subdivision. The party was for up to 30 kids for a set price and then each kid additional was $10 per child. A little boy from her class came with his 5 siblings and 5 cousins! I had never met any of these people before. We had to pay an addtional $90 for these kids because they put us so far over the limit! These kids ate the pizza, cake and even took the winnie the pooh goodie bags (thank goodness I always make tons of goodie bags bc dd's b-day is right before Halloween and I use the extras to hand out on Halloween ). I was just floored. It was not the kids fault so we tried to be gracious hosts to them but I wanted to wring the mothers neck. After all that they gave dd $5 in card.

No way!! I would have informed the mother the additonal cost that she needed to pay or she could have taken the kids back home.

After reading the posts, so glad that we keep our kids celebrations to family and close friends only. Less stress and lower cost.

 

[EllenFrasier]

Isn't there a saying that nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them?
When I invited kids to a party, that's who I expect to attend. When my kids were young, I asked the parents to stay. We had the first kids party when they were in kindergarten and had it at a museum. The parents stayed. There were a few extra kids, but we didn't pay for them and they just hung around. The party guests did crafts, the museum party person came in with animal exhibits and then we toured the museum. Back to the party room for cup cakes and juice boxes. There were plenty of cupcakes, so I offered them to the parents and siblings.
If I was having a party at Jeepers or Chuck E Cheese and the parents asked if they could bring siblings, I would simply say the party was for dd's friends only. Parents were welcome to stay and supervise, but if siblings attended it would be at their own cost. Simple as that. Note, I did not say the word "no" even once, lol!

 

[dixonismydog]

Call them back and apologize but that you can only accommodate your child's friends whom you accounted for in the invite.

This FOR SURE!!

We love having big birthday parties.....but it is UNACCEPTABLE for any parent, to ask that siblings come. PERIOD.

 

[weHEARTmickey]

I would call the party place first & ask how much each additional person would cost. THEN, I would either call those parents, or tell them upon arrival that "Party Place gave each of you parents an awesome discounted price of $x.xx for the siblings you brought." That way they KNOW you are not planning on paying.

We've ALWAYS had siblings show up to our parties, and only ONCE has the parent not offered to pay the charge. We've had parties at the skating rink, bounce house place, Chuck E. Cheese, etc....)

 

[tlbwriter]

I called the venue today and asked what I could do if people show up like the PP stated, extras that were not invited. The lady in charge of the events suggested the little wristbands, like at concerts etc... or for us MNSSHP as an example. She will let the people at the counters for the mini golf and batting cages that only the kids with these bands are with my party and should be charged to me. I headed to the party store she suggested to pick these up and stopped at Dollar tree for something else and they had a pack of 25 for $1 - Yea! Later at the party store I saw they cost almost $6.

That's a great idea. Sounds like it's been an issue before!

 

[cari12]

In preschool and K we invited the whole class. In DD K party at her gymnastics gym, we did have a few siblings show up. A couple we knew about and a few we did not. However, the parents were really understanding as we did reach the limit on kids (limit was 26 and we had about 30) and the siblings did not participate in the gym. Also, all of the parents with the siblings stayed for the party so they were not expecting free babysitting. We ordered pizza and had brought fruit/chips so there was plenty for everyone to eat. I did not give goodie bags to the siblings that we did not know about.
On the flipside, there have been a couple of parties where one of my kids (I have DD7 and DS5) had a party at a playplace and my husband was working so I would have to bring both in order for the one to go. But when I RSVP'd, I would let the parent know that I would be bringing the sibling but I would pay for them. I believe in all cases, they said it was OK and I did not end up paying. I stayed for the party so I was not requiring them to care for my other child and they only participated in the "meal" if the parent said it was ok to do so.
The ones who don't RSVP are a real pet peeve of mine though. I find I just make a couple of extra goodie bags and hope for the best.

 

[cari12]

I've had the same thing happen for pretty much every bday party I've ever hosted. People don't respond and we sit around waiting and wondering if people are going to show up. Ugh!

Iwould never wait on the party for people who had not RSVP'd. I may wait a short time for those that did RSVP though.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

I thought I would do an update since all the RSVPs are due in today.
I have had 12 classmates RSVP, 8 of them had parents that asked to bring siblings or one asked if the "all activities included" meant for them too.
All of the parents plan on staying and hanging out in the party room or out with other siblings doing stuff on property.
I have told all of them except that 1st mom who RSVP'd 2 extra siblings that I would have pizza and driks for the siblings, but the partyroom stuff, Candy Buffet, limbo etc... is for the classmates only, that I want to make sure DD knows everyone she is celebrating with.

My question is as the parent... would you expect me to feed you too at the child's b-day party? I need to turn in counts for the pizza and drinks and is it the norm. I always have in the past but only a couple of moms stayed and they were friends of mine too.

 

[Vijoge]

My former DIL used to do this all the time. If one of the girls was invited to a party she refused to let the invitee attend unless the other sister could go too. When the girls came to live with me 5 years ago we put a quick stop to that! It took a while for the younger one to get the picture that she couldn't go just because her sister was going, but she figured it out. Even last summer the 13 y/o was invited and the 11 y/o came in and said "Mom says Sissy can/t go unless I can go, too!" Didn't take me long to let her know they now live in my home and it's MY rules we follow. Mom was PO'd. Oh, well. . .

I don't recall this ever being an issue when I was a kid. Only the person who was invited would be expected to attend.

 

[EllenFrasier]

I've been at many children's parties, including bowling alleys, minature golf, and kids indoor play areas and the parents have always asked me if I would like a slice of pizza, a drink and a piece of cake. I always declined, but I was always asked. These party places do have food that people can purchase, so it's not like they will starve if you don't feed them.

 

[CC12005]

Just a thought for next years parties. I don't include the place of the party in the invitation. Just the time, date & city. This way they have to RSVP so that I can have enough party supplies for everyone, including siblings.
All the parties in my area at my young kids ages, parents stay. Siblings have always been welcomed. Hasn't happened yet, but understand when it does, that the siblings may not get goody bags & that's perfectly acceptable. Bringing cousins to parties, now that's always a no-no.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

Just a thought for next years parties. I don't include the place of the party in the invitation. Just the time, date & city. This way they have to RSVP so that I can have enough party supplies for everyone, including siblings.
All the parties in my area at my young kids ages, parents stay. Siblings have always been welcomed. Hasn't happened yet, but understand when it does, that the siblings may not get goody bags & that's perfectly acceptable. Bringing cousins to parties, now that's always a no-no.

It is not a issue with party supplies, I have plenty, it is at a venue, where I am allowed a certain number of kids and honestly I don't want a bunch of kids celebrating my DD's b-day with her she doesn't know. Yes, I can pay extra for additional kids but right now the cost of the party has now reached over $600 and I have no desire to pay money out for kids I don't know and were not invited.

I personally have feed parents in the past, but today DD's teacher and a friend of mine, said no way, the party is for the kids, so I am wondering if that is the norm or not.

Should I feed the parents? Which I am fine with, but I need to give them a count for the food tomorrow and I don't want to spend even more money for food that is not expected and may not be eaten.