Birthday Party - turning into a budget buster

[tlbwriter]

I would say "I'm sorry, the number of guests in the party room is limited because I have to pay per person. But if you need something to do with Johnny during the party, I know there are other activities there, like batting cages and stuff, that you could do with him."

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

We always pick and choose who my DD invites to her birthday parties. We have never done the whole class thing.

Since we know all the kids and parents, we usually don't have a problem with RSVP's or extra kids coming announced or unannounced.

I just don't see the need to invite the whole class.


To the OP: I would say no! Why should you be stuck for a huge birthday party bill when these kids weren't invited in the first place? Just say no!
I'm room mom and we didn't invite the whole class to DD's birthday. Some kids who weren't invited, found out, from the invited kids talking about it in school. Do I feel bad? No! It would have been way too much money, just couldn't do it. She had 12 kids just inviting neighborhood kids. To invite the 21 in her class on top of that would have cost a fortune.

 

[RumpleMom]

You look the parent straight in the eye and say you couldn't possibly watch one more child during the party. It would not be safe because you do not even know this child, so cannot keep track of him/her.

Then ask, "Do you really think your child would be safe completely unsupervised for 2 hours at this place?" Hopefully, the answer is not yes.

Then say, "You and your child are welcome to stay to enjoy the facility, but your other child cannot be part of the party."

I remember having to say this 20 years ago, so this is not new.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Uggg, I had this happen to me once almost 2 years ago exactly. (DD's b-day is next week.) We went to a bounce house, it was closed to the public and only open for parties. On this particular night we were the only party. No one said anything bout bringing siblings but 5 or 6 showed up that night. Since it wasn't open to the public they were going to get charged the party goers rate. Out of all of them only 1 person offered to pay for her child and she was a friend of mine, of all people her child is the one I wouldn't have minded paying for. I was so caught off guard I didn't know what to do. It was bothering me all night through the party, my DH said let it go, we will pay for it, but that was a lot of extra money, I think like $80. Last year I was so turned off I didn't give her a party, and I felt awful about it but I just had a bad taste in my mouth after the other party.

We are having a big party for her next weekend, I let her invite the class and a few other friends from scouts and dance. We are having it at Chuck E Cheese and not doing a party, just using a bunch of coupons. I plan on having extra coupons there for any families who show up. I can say "Oh you are staying? Great. Do you need coupons?" I won't do a private, I am stuck paying place again.

ETA- This is the first time we are inviting the whole class out of 3 kids, I guess I let her becuase I felt bad she didn't have a party last year. I don't suspect many of them will come. This has been "the thing" this year though to invite everyone, never ocoured to me to doo it before. Thing is, the last party my DD went to was for a little boy. We were free so she went, she was the ONLY one to go. He had a neighbor and a couple cousins there, but out of the whole class she was the only one to go and the mom said not one person replied other then us. I will plan for everyon but won't be buying food till people get there. If 25 come great, if 2 come great, won't matter.

 

[tlbwriter]

You look the parent straight in the eye and say you couldn't possibly watch one more child during the party. It would not be safe because you do not even know this child, so cannot keep track of him/her.

Then ask, "Do you really think your child would be safe completely unsupervised for 2 hours at this place?" Hopefully, the answer is not yes.

Sadly, many parents are pushy enough to say "Oh, he'll be fine" as they head out the door!

 

[LisaNJ25]

I dont have any advice on how to handle this situation... but just have to say that I find this extremely rude that people would assume they can bring their other children to a party that another child was invited to.. Common sense tells you that the parent of the birthday child has to pay for each person there and why in the world would they assume that its ok to bring another child that they want you to pay for??

Sorry just a vent for me.. Luckily my kids are older and I dont have to deal with this type of situations anymore.. Thank goodness is all I can say..

I agree.. all of my kids have birthdays right before school starts or the first week of October. I have never done an invite the whole class party.

My 1st grader was invited to a bowling birthday party 2 weeks ago. Ofcourse I did not bring my other kids with me. If I have no choice and had no one to watch my 5yo I would of paid for my own lane and let him bowl apart from the party. I did watch a family bring 2 extra siblings. I could tell by the interaction with the parents that the extra 2 were invited. The 2 other siblings were much older than the birthday girl. The extras girls stayed and bowled. At $19 a head that is just insane.

Seeing things like this happen has always turned me off to having class parties. That and timed parties like these and people show up so late.

 

[Inigo]

Get the price of the additional sibling from the party place, and then call any parents you have agreed that the uninvited siblings could come.

Say, "I just wanted to let you know I've spoken to Bounce House, and I don't want you to be surprised when you arrive. They said they are willing to give you the special party rate (or can't give you the special party rate) of $--.-- for Johnny to come to Bounce House while Susie is at the party. They said they will take cash or credit cards for his ticket. I didn't want you to be surprised if you didn't get the special party rate for him. Of course I'm going to be so busy with the party, but I'm sure you and Johnny will have a lot of fun while Susie is at my son's party."

If they protest and say they thought you were paying, just act baffled and say something like, "Oh, the party is for Billy and his friends. You're more than welcome to bring Johnny, but the party room is simply not big enough for extra people."

AND DON'T GIVE IN! As Ann Landers (or Dear Abby) used to say, just repeat, "I'm sorry, that's simply not possible."

 

[maddiesmom0116]

The only person to RSVP so far today is a good friend of mine and she didn't try and RSVP her other kid, but I am going to send the other 2 I had not replied too yet a e-mail telling them the charge for additional kids and that the party room activities ( limbo, candy buffet etc..) are for classmates only, but they can still come and do the main center activities.
Well, I called the party place and it is $5 extra for food per person (for the adults), which is Pizza and soft drinks, I am bringing a cake with us. For additonal kids it is $15 per kid for Pizza and Activities.

I broke down and went out and bought more plates and goodies, I ordered enough goodie bag stuff and I own a catering company that does candy buffets, so I have enough of that lying around and can easily make more of the specialty items.

I am not thrilled about inviting the whole class either, but in DD's school, the rule for distributing party invites, is either all girls in the class (or boys in case the student is a boy)or the entire class, they don't allow for exclusions.

I am going to collect certain parents e-mails at this years party to circumvent the system next year because DD wants a pajama party and some of the girls I don't really want over.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I am not thrilled about inviting the whole class either, but in DD's school, the rule for distributing party invites, is either all girls in the class (or boys in case the student is a boy)or the entire class, they don't allow for exclusions.

Its like that in our school too. I just mail the invites. Problem solved.

Good Luck!

 

[tlh0726]

Our school has the same rule. If invites are to be distributed at school the entire class has to be invited.

 

[Mom2micayla]

Sorry to say, but consider yourself lucky they are even asking! I have 4 kids and have given quite a few parties. It seems like at least one (often more) univited sibling shows up at every party we've thrown. One time a woman dropped off 3 of her kids (only one was invited) when we had a party with a jump house at the park. Just pulled up to the curb, let them out and left. I was not amused. Then she shows up late! The party was over, the jumping castle people had already came and got their stuff and I'm sitting in the park ramada waiting on this woman to pick her up kids. She never left me a number and showed up nearly 45 minutes late.

It's stuff like that, along with the people who rsvp and don't show, or don't rsvp and DO show, etc that has caused us to stop doing parties. We now let them invite 2 or 3 kids over for a sleepover, rent movies and order pizza, etc and call it a day. In lieu of a party they get $100 to spend anyway they want and that makes up for the lack of presents they miss out on from a party. We're all much happier that way. I highly recommend just saying no to parties.

 

[RangerPooh]

This has been "the thing" this year though to invite everyone, never occurred to me to do it before. Thing is, the last party my DD went to was for a little boy. We were free so she went, she was the ONLY one to go. He had a neighbor and a couple cousins there, but out of the whole class she was the only one to go and the mom said not one person replied other then us.

Something simialr happened to us this past fall. DD4 is in PreK and to be polite we invited the entire class, ~25 students. In this class we knew that 3 of the kids would come because 1)we're friends with the parents, and 2)our kids have been in the same daycare class since they were infants. The invites went out a week and a half in advance with a final count due two days before the party. The deadline approaches and half of the invites are still on their child's cubby! The next day I get 2 RSVPs , and the morning of the party a phone call asking if their child could come. I said yes, as we had plenty of treats. But it frustrated me plenty that the parents couldn't even send an email to say that their child would not be coming. Two years earlier DD had her bday party and invited the whole class and almost every child came Guess it depends on how the parents of each group were raised.

I'm trying to figure out how to plan our other DDs 6th bday next month. I'm thinking that since it won['t be at home like her sisters party (can't play out back due to snow) that it'll be somewhere with a headcount. That means I'll invite 5 friends from school and a few from daycare. That's it. Any siblings not planned for get the "due to a head count I can't accommodate them, sorry" line.

 

[labdogs42]

I have had additional kids show up at my DS's birthday parties two years in a row now! So, I now make up a few extra goody bags and hope for the best. Last year it was a kid who didn't RSVP and he showed up with his older sister in tow. The year before that it was a kid who RSVP'd, but they didn't mention the brother until they showed up with him. Infuriating!

Now that he's in kindergarten with 22 kids in his class, I think we might not invite the whole class like we did in preschool. We'll see. His birthday is in February, so I need to get moving on this. Thanks for reminding me!

 

[bigmama67]

I'm sorry you're coming up against this rudeness!

Last year DS invited everyone, this year only the boys (and 2 - twin brothers - were noshows and only one other kid didn't RSVP). Originally he wanted to have a sleepover with only a few kids but some of the moms were saying their kids don't do that yet so I told him instead he could invite a bunch of boys and one of them did sleep over (he had done that before with us).

 

[summerrluvv]

I have only had this happen twice. The first time was at CEC and the mom sat with the other two kids and did their own thing and I was totally okay with that!! The other time someone asked if their 2 year old could come to my son's halloween party (4th grade). After she saw the "scary" stuff, they left. I think it's SO rude and would NEVER ask to bring a sibling. Even if they cover the cost, you still have to give them a goody bag. It's just plain rude.

 

[mom2val]

After DD was in kinder and we had an awful experience I started stating either no siblings or all siblings welcome depending on where party was. When DD was in kinder we had a party at a bouncy place that was across the street from our subdivision. The party was for up to 30 kids for a set price and then each kid additional was $10 per child. A little boy from her class came with his 5 siblings and 5 cousins! I had never met any of these people before. We had to pay an addtional $90 for these kids because they put us so far over the limit! These kids ate the pizza, cake and even took the winnie the pooh goodie bags (thank goodness I always make tons of goodie bags bc dd's b-day is right before Halloween and I use the extras to hand out on Halloween ). I was just floored. It was not the kids fault so we tried to be gracious hosts to them but I wanted to wring the mothers neck. After all that they gave dd $5 in card.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

A little boy from her class came with his 5 siblings and 5 cousins! I had never met any of these people before. We had to pay an addtional $90 for these kids because they put us so far over the limit! These kids ate the pizza, cake and even took the winnie the pooh goodie bags .

OMG -I better have a plan in place for that type of thing too. I do not want to let any kid in that was not invited the day of the party, I will not take responsibility/liabity for any kid I do not know. Should I have their teacher bring the phone list in case someone tries to drop off kids not in the class?

 

[Ava]

After reading about all the party drama on here, I've decided my DD is never having a party, hahaha. Seriously though, most of my parties as a kid were at home and we never invited the whole class. Starting at 9 I just wanted a sleepover every year anyway (and most of my friends did the same).

The biggest party I ever had was when I turned 8 we had my party at the roller rink. I had all of my school friends, neighborhood friends, and cousins there, so probably well over 20 kids plus several adults. We also have a video of my mom yelling at me because when they did the Happy Birthday song for the kids having parties and you got your picture taken with the Birthday Bear (or some such nonsense) I was in the back playing video games with my cousin. I guess she was mad that she shelled out all that $$ for the party and didn't even get the special Birthday photo of me to show for it!

 

[spacemountainmom]

After DD was in kinder and we had an awful experience I started stating either no siblings or all siblings welcome depending on where party was. When DD was in kinder we had a party at a bouncy place that was across the street from our subdivision. The party was for up to 30 kids for a set price and then each kid additional was $10 per child. A little boy from her class came with his 5 siblings and 5 cousins! I had never met any of these people before. We had to pay an addtional $90 for these kids because they put us so far over the limit! These kids ate the pizza, cake and even took the winnie the pooh goodie bags (thank goodness I always make tons of goodie bags bc dd's b-day is right before Halloween and I use the extras to hand out on Halloween ). I was just floored. It was not the kids fault so we tried to be gracious hosts to them but I wanted to wring the mothers neck. After all that they gave dd $5 in card.

WOW! I cannot even conceive of the person who thinks it's ok to show up with 10 extra children. WOW!

I got fed up with bday parties because no one ever rsvp's. It's very aggravating to not have any indication of who is coming or not. Last summer for ds's 11th bday we had a lunch and swin party. I planned to take the kids to McD's for lunch and to the local park reserve that has a man made swimming hole. I limited ds to 4 friends as I was not comfortable taking more than that swimming and I can put four in my truck and everybody is belted in. I know all four families pretty well. One family responded immediately and said he'd be there. The second family responded the morning of the party and said he'd be coming. I never did hear from the other two families. We waited nearly 30 minutes past the party time and finally left. I never did hear from either family about the party and obviously they didn't show up. That is just so rude!

I've had the same thing happen for pretty much every bday party I've ever hosted. People don't respond and we sit around waiting and wondering if people are going to show up. Ugh!

I am glad that the kidlets are at the ages that we really won't be having anymore parties. I won't miss the frustration.

 

[lucyem]

I am not thrilled about inviting the whole class either, but in DD's school, the rule for distributing party invites, is either all girls in the class (or boys in case the student is a boy)or the entire class, they don't allow for exclusions.

This has been the rule in most of the schools we have been in but the rule only applied to invitations handed out in school. If you sent them through the mail you could do whatever you liked. Though I have noticed more and more teachers are now requesting no invitations at all to be handed out at school.