Birthday Party - turning into a budget buster

[maddiesmom0116]

HELP!!!
My DD is having a Birthday Party in a couple of weeks and I sent out the invites recently. We are having the party at a local entertainment place, with moonwalks and mini golf etc... for up to 20 people.
My problem is I sent the invites into school for the class and I did state to RSVP and mentioned parents are welcome to come and stay with us in the party room (I can just purchase extra drinks and pizza for the adults).

I have had several people call or e-mail and RSVP for my DD's classmate and 1 or 2 siblings too, that my DD does not know. I was shocked when the first parent asked and said ok, but can anyone offer advice on how to politely say for classmates only. I don't plan on telling the mom, I already said personally it was ok that she cannot now or anything, but as the RSVP's come in, any advice to stop this.

We invited 21 kids, knowing at least a couple will not come, but really don't want a lot of kids my DD does not know at her special party.

The big issue is I have a hard time saying no and I am the room mom in the class, so I need to have positive relationships with these parents, I will see them again.
I really did not anticipate this. I never had this issue in my daughters preschool/kindergarten.

 

[LuLuO]

I think you just need to tell the parents that you cannot accommodate siblings and leave it at that. No further explanation is needed. My DD3 is just now being invited to classmate parties and I have never asked if her little brother could come. I find that to be rude and I'm sorry that people are putting you in that situation.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Call them back and apologize but that you can only accommodate your child's friends whom you accounted for in the invite.

 

[tinkarooni]

That is simply outrageous. I have two kids DS12 and DD10. There were plenty of parties that one child was invited to and I went, took the sibling, paid our own way and stayed on our own....such as the movies, bought our tickets, we sat in the back, Chuckie Cheese, we got our own table on the other side of the place and ordered our own food and drinks. I didn't even tell the parents I was bringing my other child, it didn't matter, it is a public place and I didn't want to put them in the position of maybe feeling that they had to offer anything. It was unnecessary.

I understand that a parent may want to take a sibling for whatever reason, but you don't just invite yourself to somebody's party.

Honestly, I would tell them you invited the whole class and can't afford to include anyone else. I wouldn't be the least bit embarassed to say that. Your only other option is to flat out tell them they're rude, but I'm sensing that's not an option. I might though.....

On the other hand I will tell you that you should be pleased people are actually RSVPing. I am so done with parties and all my friends tell me the same.....DD had a sleepover......A SLEEPOVER.......that the kid didn't RSVP to, we had no idea she was coming, didn't have a treat bag or craft set up for her, they were one hour late, we were eating dinner when they arrived, the mother dropped her off, and just left, didn't even walk the kid to the door......so there she is standing there on my stoop with her pjs and I had no way to even reach that mother all night. Obnoxious and Rude!

Bad manners are my pet peeve these days......and it seems they are everywhere.

 

[walkdmc]

This kind of thing happens a lot (I know from another board I frequent). I don't know what I'd say...well, I'd probably just say yes, but that's not good, IMO. I think you could say we have to limit the number of kids in the party and leave it at that. It sounds like even if the tacky folks don't bring their kids, you'll still have a nice turnout and DD should be pleased.

As a side note, and not that you asked, I really can't believe people do this. It's so rude.

 

[EclecticWAHM]

Ugh - that is just beyond rude. Just tell them the invitation is for the person invited only and that siblings will not be accommodated. If that means the person can't come - too bad. Do people just have no clue about manners anymore? Sheesh!

 

[Leajess99]

OP, does the place have a public area?? If it does than I would honestly tell the parent that the invitee will be in the party room and the parent is more than welcome to pay the cost (maybe see if you can find this out in advance and give quoted price) for the sibling to play in the public area.

I am a single parent and have never imposed my other kids on a birthday party one was invited to. If it is a public place I do like a previous poster and pay for and sit elsewhere with the sibling(s). If it is at a home i will make arrangements for the sibling to be with someone else.

 

[dopeyfanatic]

I know how you feel. I'm room mom for all three of my kids, and last year and the year before I was PTA president. I learned early on to make a note on the invitation that for invited guest only......siblings are welcome at your expense or something like that. I have also flat out said no siblings because I'm not going to have a ton of extra kids dropped off like I'm a babysitting service. If anyone else asks just tell them that they are welcome to come and stay with the siblings but that you have too many other kids invited to take on that expense so they would have to pay for it themselves. I've never had an issue. I had several come to my daughter's party in November to see Tangled and pay for their other kids. Good luck!

 

[SILLYANDI]

It has only happened to me once, with a child and parent that I did not know. When I told her that there wouldn't be room for the sibling she acted outraged. Her concern was how "unfair" it was to the younger brother (this was a tea party?) that he wasn't invited and that she would have to put up with his whining! (What I wanted to say was "you raised the brat- you get to deal with the outcome!")
I suggested that she could have special time with him doing something he'd actually like to do (what 6 yr old boy wants to go to a 8 yr old girls tea party?) and the real issue surfaced- She had a mani/pedi scheduled and nowhere for him to be babysat. GEEZ!

 

[bettyann29]

I dont have any advice on how to handle this situation... but just have to say that I find this extremely rude that people would assume they can bring their other children to a party that another child was invited to.. Common sense tells you that the parent of the birthday child has to pay for each person there and why in the world would they assume that its ok to bring another child that they want you to pay for??

Sorry just a vent for me.. Luckily my kids are older and I dont have to deal with this type of situations anymore.. Thank goodness is all I can say..

 

[mamaLori05]

I would call the parent back and tell them the truth, as well as any future parents that ask. You are having other parents asking if they too can bring siblings, and you just can't afford to pay for everyone's siblings/ are getting close to your allotted 20. Explain to them that you are going to have to tell others no siblings, so it's only fair that you make that rule the same for everyone. I would think most people should understand that. Then again, I would hope most people would find even asking to be rude!

 

[Cindy B]

You said you have a hard time saying no.. Say it.. repeat it... say it.. repeat it... say it.. repeat it... get the picture?

You are the one who controls this.. say no, mean it. Call the parent up and apologize that the count has been controlled and it has been reached. Too bad, so sad.

 

[torinsmom]

Just let parents know that they will have to stay and watch the siblings AND PAY FOR THEM. I would also let them know that you will not have enough pizza and other food for siblings. Parents can buy their own.

 

[Kim1964]

This never ceases to amaze me. It happened to me once, but they didn't call to RSVP about it. In fact, they didn't RSVP at all, so I was very surprised when they showed up with the invited child and TWO cousins of the invited child. They asked me IN FRONT OF THE KIDS if it was OK for them to stay....what could I say?

I think you're stuck with the one you already OK'd, but if anyone else calls and asks the same thing, I would tell them that they are welcome to stay and pay for the non-classmate to use the public area, but the party is limited to classmates.

 

[Familyof4lovesDW]

I had DD5's party at a bounce house place last year and had a mom call and say the same thing. Luckly I was not home and she left a message so I had time to prepare what I was going to say. I told her if I went over the alloted amount I would neeed her to pay $10 for her DD (one year younger than my DD), because that is how much it was for each extra kid. She was fine with that.

A few months later another classmates of DD's had his party at the same place. Tons of extra kids showed up that she did not know, nor was expecting. She went way over her amount and probably spent about $100 extra. Same mom called her asn asked about her DD coming, and volenteered to pay the $10. That mom told her not to worry about it because they were so over the amount. I almost had to take my DS with me (a year older than the birthday boy) and told her upfront if I needed to I would pay the $10, as long as it was not a problem.

I am not sure what I am going to do this year because she only had 12 kids in preschool, but has 24 this year in K. I am hoping they RSVP and do not want to bring extra kids. If so the parent stays and watch the extra kids and pay the amount needed to cover them!

DS7 did get and invite to Chuck e Cheese and it said siblings welcome. It was strange because only about 6 kids from that class came, and the whole family could have came.

 

[mommy23kids]

I have this happen all the time too. We usually have my youngest daughters party at a local christian day camp with a petting zoo, paddle boats etc.
The past two years, the same mom dropped her one son who was invited and his OLDER brother off at the party and leaves. The topper and I know this shouldn't bother me but doesn't even give my daughter a birthday gift! I have never been able to catch her to tell her its not okay because she drops them off in the parking lot and you have to walk a ways to where the party is. This past year I had another parent in addition to the above mom send her teenage son with her younger son to "watch him". Well knowing this child I thought that was probably a good idea, so I thought this teenager was sort of going to act as a "parent". BOY was I wrong, he was trying to participate in the party, cutting in front of the younger kids, first in line for cake,etc. I finally asked him to stay back with the other parents and he got mad. This year, unfortunately because of this, I think we are going to choose the kids my daughter actually plays with to invite to the party rather than the whole class.

 

[mdsoccermom]

You owe no one an explanation. All you have to do is say no. Just say that you are sorry, but no siblings.

I remember once a mother getting mad at me for not inviting her younger son. They were late to the party and she said it was because her younger son had a tantrum that he wasn't invited. If he had been, then they would have been on time. Ummmm....ok, your parenting issues aren't my problem. She then asked me for a goodie bag to take home to the kid to make him feel better. Ummmm..again, it's not up to me to make the kid feel better.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

Thanks for all the replies. I think I will go the route that they have open batting cages and mini golf during the time of the party and they can keep them busy out in that area and get the costs for them. I am going to call the lady I made the reservation with and ask about a extra per child cost, they don't list it anywhere on the website.

Thanks again

 

[seashoreCM]

I haven't fully analyzed the consequences of this next one but here goes:
"A family that tried to sneak in a sibling or additional person does not get an invitation the next time even if everyone else in the class got invited!"
Should elementary school teachers actually teach party etiquette including the idea of being nice or not getting invited the next time?

Some restaurants may have other parties in progress (or just a large number of other patrons) and therefore have a seating limit for the party in question.

There has to be a dividing line between being nice and not being a pushover or patsy.

Another one that I haven't fully analyzed:
Guest mother asks in front of everyone if the sibling could come.
Should the host mother say, "I'm sorry" in front of everyone?

 

[java]

I haven't fully analyzed the consequences of this next one but here goes:
"A family that tried to sneak in a sibling or additional person does not get an invitation the next time even if everyone else in the class got invited!"

Some restaurants may have other parties in progress (or just a large number of other patrons) and therefore have a seating limit for the party in question.

There has to be a dividing line between being nice and not being a pushover or patsy.

Another one that I haven't fully analyzed:
Guest mother asks in front of everyone if the sibling could come.
Should the host mother say, "I'm sorry" in front of everyone?

I would say "Oh I'm sorry we paid per child for X number of children that RSVP'd. We can't add anyone"

Now that being said the last party I had for my son I rented out a roller rink and paid for up to 40 kids so that Anyone and everyone could skate. That was a special situation, and I made it clear it was because of the venue I could be so generous with guests.

My peeve is when people show up without rsvping - and then there is no goodie bag for that kid. I know I should just say "oh well- sorry your parent didn't bother to call so I didn't know you were coming"
but I usually am scrambing trying to come up with some kind of "goodie"