Birthday parties and allergies

[5forDis]

I think you are being very considerate and thoughtful thinking ahead for the children with dietary restrictions (allergies &/or intolerances).

My daughter has allergies to peanuts/tree nuts & a history of anaphylaxis. I would not expect (nor would I trust) another mom to bake for her (has your pan ever had nut products, potholders could have residue from a batch of peanut butter cookies, products are very specific & I often have to call manufacturers---it is the 'norm' of our family, but I wouldn't expect someone else to jump in and do this). We've been doing this for almost 10 years. I keep frozen cupcakes for my daughter to take to parties.

If there are other things being served, I find out what the food is. If someone was serving peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, my daughter probably wouldn't go (if she did go, I'd go and stay at the party which is not something I typically do now that she is older). If it was at the Texas Roadhouse, she'd pass . I would never expect the person to change their plans for her. Her birthday is celebrated for her & on others birthdays, it is their day.

She was allergic to eggs & outgrew that allergy, so I do have egg-free (& yummy) recipes for cakes. Let me know if you want them. She can have dairy, though & the recipes include dairy. One of her best friends can't have dairy & I buy Cherry Brook Farms cake mixes and frosting (they sell allergen free---no peanuts, tree nuts, eggs, dairy & they sell gluten free). I don't like the way they taste, but the kids don't seem to mind.

I try to have fruit, veggies, tortilla chips just in case the kids can't eat what we are serving or don't like what we have.

 

[cornflake]

I agree with most of the above that just noting on the invites what you'll be serving and/or inviting people to send a treat along with their child is totally fine.

However, just because - the *best* chocolate cake recipe I have is a vegan recipe. I'm not a vegan, and I love to bake, it's just the best chocolate cake recipe. So if you were thinking of chocolate cake... It takes like 5 minutes prep and like 25 minutes baking so you can try one out to see.

Preheat oven to 350

1 1/4 cups flour
1 cup sugar
6 tbsp cocoa powder (I make them *heaping* tablespoons and chuck in an extra for the heck of it usually)
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup cold water
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/3 cup oil (you can use whatever - vegetable, I use olive mostly)
1 tbsp white vinegar

Combine dry ingredients in a bowl. Combine wet ingredients in a measuring cup. Pour the wet into the dry, stir. It'll foam. Pour into a cake pan (round or like brownie pan sized square), bake for 25 or so minutes until a tester comes out clean.

 

[squirrel]

My niece is lactose intollerant (she seems to be growing out of it now). I use to make up pizza shells and muffins for her. My sister would always send my niece with food so that she wouldn't get sick.

One of her friends mom bought mini angel food cake and some soy ice cream when she had her son's birthday party. She told me in advance (he was one of my daycare children) that she was buying it. That was the only time one of her friend's parents bought special food for her.

 

[bumbershoot]

You could make some rice krispie treats, with dairy-free butter, of course. You could ice them; most store-bought icing is dairy-free.

Those aren't going to work for the OP's daughter, as marshmallows are corn syrup 'n gelatin. DS has the same problem with corn syrup based products (well, problems with the same things..not necessarily the same *problem*), AND we're vegetarian, so those are something he'll probably never have. Even the kosher marshmallows are made with fish gelatin, sigh...


OP, cupcakes are the answer, my friend. Cupcakes from trusted sources, most likely, to keep worries of cross contamination down.

I now buy vegan cupcakes from a Seattle co-op, with some jumbo gluten free cupcakes from a very close-by bakery (that the gluten-free family goes to), and that's the extent of DS's friend's allergies/problems/issues so far, but I'm sure I'll go further in the future. Nice thing about his friends, since we homeschool, is that I meet the kids and parents at just about the same time, at the Y for his various sportsy classes, and we can run through any issues anyone has, for those he's invited somewhere.


If it becomes too difficult, we'll start doing Disneyland again for his birthday. It falls generally on or around MemDay weekend anyway, so availability is low to begin with, and the two years we did that instead of a party, it was much more fun IMO.


As for sending him elsewhere...he's old enough to know that he's vegetarian and can't do the corn syrup thing (or the food coloring thing), so I would make sure he's been fed and have a snack along with him. And he knows to ask. He remembers what it felt like to react, and does NOT want that to happen again. (and he doesn't want to eat meat, either, so he's careful about that as well)

 

[sparklynails23]

Those aren't going to work for the OP's daughter, as marshmallows are corn syrup 'n gelatin. DS has the same problem with corn syrup based products (well, problems with the same things..not necessarily the same *problem*), AND we're vegetarian, so those are something he'll probably never have. Even the kosher marshmallows are made with fish gelatin, sigh...


OP, cupcakes are the answer, my friend. Cupcakes from trusted sources, most likely, to keep worries of cross contamination down.

I now buy vegan cupcakes from a Seattle co-op, with some jumbo gluten free cupcakes from a very close-by bakery (that the gluten-free family goes to), and that's the extent of DS's friend's allergies/problems/issues so far, but I'm sure I'll go further in the future. Nice thing about his friends, since we homeschool, is that I meet the kids and parents at just about the same time, at the Y for his various sportsy classes, and we can run through any issues anyone has, for those he's invited somewhere.


If it becomes too difficult, we'll start doing Disneyland again for his birthday. It falls generally on or around MemDay weekend anyway, so availability is low to begin with, and the two years we did that instead of a party, it was much more fun IMO.


As for sending him elsewhere...he's old enough to know that he's vegetarian and can't do the corn syrup thing (or the food coloring thing), so I would make sure he's been fed and have a snack along with him. And he knows to ask. He remembers what it felt like to react, and does NOT want that to happen again. (and he doesn't want to eat meat, either, so he's careful about that as well)

I didn't see anything in the OP about a corn allergy, and where do you find a bakery cupcake that doesn't have eggs? You can buy a Cherrybrook Kitchen recipe, but I don't know that the allergic kids' parents will let them eat the cupcakes made outside their own kitchen.

 

[cornflake]

I didn't see anything in the OP about a corn allergy, and where do you find a bakery cupcake that doesn't have eggs? You can buy a Cherrybrook Kitchen recipe, but I don't know that the allergic kids' parents will let them eat the cupcakes made outside their own kitchen.

Most store bakeries/baked goods sections and tons of bakeries have vegan cupcakes, etc., on offer. There are also lots of dedicated vegan bakeries but many of the regular ones and most market ones have some vegan brownies, cupcakes, cakes, whatever usually.

I agree rice krispie treats would be fine if made with margarine - the OP says the issues are lactose and egg intolerance. Nothing about corn syrup or gelatins.

Also, yes there are vegan gelatins though I still find vegetarians eschewing marshmallows strange!

 

[mjbaby]

I love the book "Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World" - it has easy, great recipes that are vegan and largely allergen-free or simple to make that way. I had been borrowing a copy from the library until I realized how much easier it made my birthday party life and bought a copy.

"The Cakemix Doctor Bakes Gluten-Free" is another excellent book with recipes that are easily made vegan (no eggs or dairy). I bought a copy of that one, too.

My daughter has multiple food sensitivities (different from allergies - not deadly, necessarily, but with a negative health impact all the same), as do many of her friends. She also has a friend with the actual deadly kind of allergies. When my girl has a party I always include a couple things I know that child can eat - veggies and hummus, fruit salad, gluten-free crackers and goat cheese (all things my daughter likes anyway) - and then tell the mom that I'm making X cake. She'll either tell me that it's fine or send along a homebaked cupcake for her daughter. Easy peasy.

The only time I had an issue was a child who was so severely allergic to dairy that cross contamination was an issue. She could have been made sick just by accidentally touching a plate that had cake on it or accidentally brushing her sleeve in the goat cheese and then brushing it off. With something so dangerous and my inability to completely de-dairy-fy my kitchen the mom and I decided that the girls would have a special one-on-one playdate at their house instead of the girl coming to the party. It worked out for all.

The bottom line is that everyone remain flexible and with good intentions at heart.

 

[englishteacha]

I am sensitive to eggs but I can eat them baked in something. You may want to ask the egg-allergic parents if they are OK eating them baked in a cake.

 

[sk!mom]

How old are the children invited to the party? Unless they are very young or it is a life threatening allergy then I find it rude for parents to mention the allergies at all.

If they are very young (under 5 or 6), then OK- Let the host know that they shouldn't eat whatever.

If the allergy is life threatening, then absolutely make it known.

IMO- In all other cases, it is up to the guest to avoid whatever they cannot eat.

If children have allergies, then certainly by age 7 they should be able to know what they cannot eat.

I would make my child their favorite birthday cake. I would have their favorite ice cream and then maybe a fruit sorbet for those with milk allergies. Beyond that I'd have a selecton of fruit trays, chips and dips, typical kid food. If some can't eat some things due to allergies then they might as well get used to avoiding forbidden foods now.

Before I get flamed, I always go overboard when I have a party and cannot imagine not having many things that everyone could eat even with allergies.

 

[jodifla]

The birthday boy should have HIS favorite cake. I can't believe this is even a question.

And I say this as the mother of a child with egg allergies (he too, can eat eggs as ingredients, though.)

It's the MOTHERS of the kids who have the allergies who should send food or check with you about what you'll be serving and what their child can have.

 

[Chelley00]

I didn't see anything in the OP about a corn allergy, and where do you find a bakery cupcake that doesn't have eggs? .

There's a bakery near me (well, 30 minute drive) that does vegan gluten free cupcakes.

 

[disneyandme]

How old are the children invited to the party? Unless they are very young or it is a life threatening allergy then I find it rude for parents to mention the allergies at all.

If they are very young (under 5 or 6), then OK- Let the host know that they shouldn't eat whatever.

If the allergy is life threatening, then absolutely make it known.

IMO- In all other cases, it is up to the guest to avoid whatever they cannot eat.

If children have allergies, then certainly by age 7 they should be able to know what they cannot eat.

I would make my child their favorite birthday cake. I would have their favorite ice cream and then maybe a fruit sorbet for those with milk allergies. Beyond that I'd have a selecton of fruit trays, chips and dips, typical kid food. If some can't eat some things due to allergies then they might as well get used to avoiding forbidden foods now.

Before I get flamed, I always go overboard when I have a party and cannot imagine not having many things that everyone could eat even with allergies.

Just for your own personal information, All food allergies are life threatening. That does not mean that every episode of exposure leads to a life threatening event, but every exposure has the potential to kill. It is not rude for the parents to mention the allergies, it's irresponsilbe for them not to.

Now, as far as the party goes... the parents of the allergic children are the responsible party in this picture, they should be contacting you and providing their own safe food. The parents of the allergic children should also be providing instructions for what to do in case of a reaction and having the appropriate medicines (benedryl/Epi) on hand.

It's wonderful that you are trying to be inclusive with your treat planning, but sometimes it's better for the allergic children to not try to make everyone the same, but embrace their differences and not make a big deal about them bringing their own stuff.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Just for your own personal information, All food allergies are life threatening. That does not mean that every episode of exposure leads to a life threatening event, but every exposure has the potential to kill. It is not rude for the parents to mention the allergies, it's irresponsilbe for them not to.

This is sooo true. DS has never had a life threatening reaction to either his egg or peanut allergy but his test indicate he COULD. His doctor always reminds us that you never know when even a trace exposure could put him in real trouble. I still always stay with our 5 year old anytime ANY food could be involved. While we are 100% dedicated to educating him about his restrictions and he is great at saying no to any food I do not approve, I know it will be longer than a year or two before I would totally trust the kid with his life in making a good judgment call at a birthday party!

We always go prepared and would NEVER expect a cake or anything else to be altered for him. We did attend a party where they host was a friend of mine, a nurse , and VERY aware of his peanut allergy and she had peanut butter cookies on the table!! He was about three at the time and while I simply asked her if we could put them up and and I only let DS eat what we brought, I felt that she should have not have offered those knowing a PA kid was invited. I would NOT let him attend a party where peanut butter sandwiches are served. I am not over the top paranoid and we do eat out and function in the real world but a kids party where kids are eating peanut butter and running around is not a safe environment for any PA child. Now if peanut butter sandwiches are soooo important to the birthday child that she has to have them that is fine, but if they know a PA child is invited they need to be sure to inform the parent before the party so we do not arrive with an excited child and have to leave.

 

[pannm]

I didn't see anything in the OP about a corn allergy, and where do you find a bakery cupcake that doesn't have eggs? You can buy a Cherrybrook Kitchen recipe, but I don't know that the allergic kids' parents will let them eat the cupcakes made outside their own kitchen.

Yeah, I mentioned it in a later post. My DD cannot eat corn syrups/corn sugars. She is not allergic to them, her body just does not process them. They sit in her intestines and collon and need to be removed through a tube (requires her to be put out and could eventually start to cause damage to her digestive system), they won't come out any other way. It is a digestive issue that she has due to her genetic disorder.

Even though it is not an allergy, we have to treat it as one- because it makes her sick and leads to needed surgery that could be avoided if she just simply doesn't eat it.

she cannot have Marshmallows, most store bought bread (I've just been making my own!!! So much easier), most candy, most desserts and a ton of oddball things- like liquid medicines, condiments and juice...

 

[kkandaj]

How old are the children invited to the party? Unless they are very young or it is a life threatening allergy then I find it rude for parents to mention the allergies at all.

If they are very young (under 5 or 6), then OK- Let the host know that they shouldn't eat whatever.

If the allergy is life threatening, then absolutely make it known.

IMO- In all other cases, it is up to the guest to avoid whatever they cannot eat.

If children have allergies, then certainly by age 7 they should be able to know what they cannot eat.

As a Mama to an almost 4 yr old with life threatening food allergies to dairy, soy, eggs and nuts, this concerns me. I'm really not flaming--please don't take this wrong--just presenting some info from the allergy side. As pointed out by PP, just because there haven't been life threatening reactions before, doesn't mean one won't happen. Also, though my DS knows what he can/can't have, children are curious. Even 7 yr old children. In fact, a 7 yr old girl just died last month AT SCHOOL from a reaction to peanuts, because she didn't know it was a peanut she was eating. (I believe it was some sort of candy.) The reality for my child is that he will NEVER grow out of his peanut or dairy allergies--his tests are off the charts. As his mother and advocate, I will be contacting every parent of every party and explaining his food allergies, no matter his age. When you have seen your child lifeless in your arms--more than once--because of food, you don't care if people perceive your responsibility of caring for your child as rude or not. Would you want a kid to have a reaction (even non-life threatening can be scary when they are covered in hives) at your house, because the child was over 7 and you didn't know about the allergy? No matter what age, even adults, if someone is in my house, I want to know in case an accidental exposure happens.

Let me say--I NEVER ask people to not serve something or make something special for DS. Many of our close friends volunteer to do this (or to at least have dum-dum suckers for him), but because of cross contamination, I decline and say the suckers are just fine. I do ask what will be served so I can bring soemthing similar for DS. I agree that the bday party is about the bday child and that child should have what they want. OP--I would tell the parents what you are serving and ask them to send something similar, if their child can't have that treat. And don't be offended if the parent chooses to stay.

The cake recipe that was posted earlier in the thread is our standard recipe also. It is actually an old recipe from the depression, when people didn't have eggs and dairy to use. It is very good and people rave at DS's bday cakes. So glad he has an 80 yr old g-grandma that has taken so well to his allergies and is such a great cook.

 

[ccgirl]

Mrs. X, we are planning to have Princess' favorite cake for her birthday party. I'm afraid that it has (fill in the blank with allergen) in it. Would you like to send something safe for Pumpkin to enjoy when we serve the cake? I would hate for her to feel left out but I don't want to accidentally serve her something that could cause a reaction.

This. When I throw a party, I put the food served on the invitation. I expect parents to send something alternative if their child cannot eat it. For years, my DD did not eat pizza. When she went to a pizza party, I always informed the parent she did not like it and would be sending her with a PB&J (or other alternative). I would never have expected the parent to do something "special" for her.

 

[ekatiel]

Another allergy mom here ! I always ask about food when I RSVP. Like most of the moms on here, I keep frozen cupcakes and bring them to the party. Then, I try to find out what other food they're serving-- if it's safe, he eats it, if it's not, I make him something similar that's safe. MY DS is only 7, so I've stayed at all the parties so far. I know the "drop off" parties are coming, but I haven't decided what I'll do about those !

OP-- the parents will probably contact you and let you know they're bringing their own stuff. If you really want to go the extra mile and provide safe cake, I use an old weight watchers recipe that's SUPER easy (like easier than making regular cake!). You just take one cake mix (certain mixes have dairy in them, but many do not) and one can of soda (you would have to find a sugar cane based soda since your DD can't do corn syrup). Pour about 11 oz. of the soda into the cake mix (just short of the entire can-- some mixes will actually take the entire can-- just eyeball it until it looks like cake batter), don't add anything else (no eggs, no oil, no water). Beat for 2 minutes like it says on the box, and bake according to box directions. Perfect every time, and I've had people ask me for my recipe b/c it is so moist!! --Katie

 

[Chelley00]

How old are the children invited to the party? Unless they are very young or it is a life threatening allergy then I find it rude for parents to mention the allergies at all.

If they are very young (under 5 or 6), then OK- Let the host know that they shouldn't eat whatever.

If the allergy is life threatening, then absolutely make it known.

IMO- In all other cases, it is up to the guest to avoid whatever they cannot eat.

If children have allergies, then certainly by age 7 they should be able to know what they cannot eat.

My daughter is 10. In your opinion, it's rude for me to mention her allergies because they are not life threatening. Most food at parties are pizza (gluten and dairy) cake (gluten) and ice cream (dairy) All things my daughter are allergic to. My daughter would then have to sit at a table with other kids eating while she sits there and starves through the entire party?

She wants to fit in, as does any girl that age, and her allergies are embarrassing to her. If I didn't send things with her to eat, she might try to eat a small piece of birthday cake so she wouldn't be sitting there having people ask her why she's not eating and avoid the attention. Then, while the other kids are playing games or watching the birthday child open gifts, my daughter would be in the bathroom in pain, in tears and most likely vomiting or having rampant diarrhea.

Instead, I can inform the birthday child's mom that my daughter has allergies ask what she will be serving for dinner, snacks and cake and then I can replicate that and send it with her so she feels like she fits in. It's bad enough she has to feel like a bother, but to have to sit there and watch other people eat so we don't offend someone by being rude is ridiculous. We've never ran across one parent who has ever had a problem with me dropping stuff off, and most are happy to hear I'll bring something because they know my daughter has allergies and were nervous about not making her sick.

 

[pannm]

So, I've come up with the food and desserts...

I am making my own bread (I usually do anyways) and forming it into large sub rolls (think subway) It is dairy and free but not egg free...I like a recipe that I used back a few months ago.
I am doing

build your own sandwiches- lettuce, REAL meat (turkey, which we're making for a meal, then we'll have leftovers same with ham), cheese (it's their choice to use or not), black olives, spinach (my girls LOVE it!!!), mayo, cucumbers (my girls LOVE it!)

Fruit tray- grapes, oranges, cantaloupe, watermellon? maybe.

Veggies carrots, celery, broccoli (my girls love it!)

Jello jigglers

chips and salsa Tortilla chips and I have a big jar of my home made salsa, it's not spicy and everything in it is good for everyone attending.

lemon cupcakes has dairy and eggs, so those kids can't eat them...It's home made and my girls requested it for their party. It's their favorite cupcake recipe and after all, it's THEIR party. They should get to choose their cupcake flavor!!! They are really light and fluffy and most kids have LOVED them in the past.

We aren't doing ice cream (we won't be at home for our party! so ice cream is difficult to do ANYWAYS!!!)

I'll get 8 doughnuts JUST for the kids with allergies. I've sent out an e-mail to the parents who have kids with those allergies and they've said that works for ALL of them...so I'm happy!

I can get 8 'dairy and egg free' doughnuts for $5 at the local bakery. They are a 'special foods bakery' and they will even decorate them with some yummy frosting. They are locally known to be the BEST for 'allergy people" and I've actually purchased many things from them before. They are great. Two of the moms that responded to me said that's where they get all of their baked items for their children with allergies. They wil be packaged up seperately and kept away from other items.

I do have training with cross-contamination and those issues. I was the assistant to the director of food services years before I became a home maker. I had to have all of that training. I think we're set.

Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions, they really have been helpful! I can't wait to try that CHOCOLATE CAKE recipe a pp listed! And the cake using soda! That sounds good too! YUM!!!

 

[crisi]

That sounds good. Get some large lettuce leaves and the egg free can do wraps. I'm gluten free as is my daughter and I don't expect people to make due - gluten free baked goods are frankly disgusting and I don't eat them normally myself, why you'd make anyone else eat them is beyond me. My daughter was vegetarian, my brother in law and sister in law vegan. If gluten free baked goods are disgusting, vegan stuff is worse (and I have tried a lot of it over the years). And all of it is more expensive than the more mainstream versions. Before I was gluten free, I was a semi-pro baker, so my standards are pretty high for baked goods.

The other issue is that many people I know whose kids have allergies don't trust any one else's food, since those of us who don't have to be diligent can miss things like "manufactured in a factory that processes peanuts" or aren't even aware that soy sauce contains gluten. This is especially true for a real allergy and not a mere intolerance (which is what I have). So you can go through all the work to find the kids pulling out their own cupcake anyway.