Birthday dilemma -- need opinions

[Serena]

I agree with everyone else.

 

[Marseeya]

I'm on AIM right now if you need to vent

I'm sorry I missed you! I'll probably catch you in the morning and say hi since we are always on the same schedule.

(I didn't actually mind the e-bay joke -- I'm ready to put both DH and DS up and run off with DD for a while! I wonder how far we'd get on what they sell for? )

 

[Karel]

Maybe the two of you can go spend some time together alone and then meet up with the other two for a movie or dessert or something.

He's been having such a hard time lately and needs to connect with someone.

OTH, my own soon to be 15 year old would not choose to go out with me and spend some special alone time.

You should feel special and honored that he wants to spend time with you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

MysteryMachine: That's what we usually do, but this year I just want to make it special for him and do what HE wants rather than what I want. 15 seems like a milestone to me -- my baby is really growing up.

No problem...My dd will be turning 15 in April.

 

[Hannathy]

Just the two of you. Besides you offered this choice he didn't come up with it so it wouldn't be right to change the offer now. Maybe I am cruel but it is your son's birthday not your daughter's why does she need something special? on her birthday let her pick how she wants to celebrate until then it is your son's day and his celebration not hers.

 

[disney4us2002]

I guess I'm the only dissenting voice. We celebrate birthdays as a family. We've always had "family" parties, even when the parties were slumber with friends, we still did our own celebration together usually on the real date. My dh would be so hurt - he gets upset when they only want to sit next to me, or ride with me if we're taking two cars somewhere. I think spending time alone with each child is great and very special but I wouldn't do it for a birthday. I thought the idea someone posted of doing a lunch where he would also get to leave school a bit early was a good compromise.

 

[minkydog]

Marseeya, i can so identify with this dilemma. DS19 went through a long(very long) period where he just could not stand to be in the room with me. He hated me, hated my laughter, hated the way I look, hated everything i said, didnt' want anything to do with me, except my checkbook . He just was miserable to be around for about 4years During that time he did stay connected with his dad, thank goodness. I just quietly bowed out of the picture and left them to work things out.

I won't lie to you--it hurt my feelings terribly. I thought I would never get over the pain. But in the last 12 months and remarkable transformation has occured in DS and now he loves me again. It's amazing how the hurts just slid away!

I would encourage you to stay connected with your son. If he wants to go to dinner with just you, then do that. Take him out of school and go for lunch(DS loves when I do that with him!) Perhaps you can have a cake & ice cream for dessert at home with the whole family, but keep it low key. Even if he says he doesn't want anything special, he still wants to know that you think HE is special. Keep your DH informed of your plans and let him know that this too will pass.I"m sure his day will come. I prayed and prayed while DS was in his "hateful years" and I was impressed to "just love him"--just love him, don't try to change him. Just love him through it all. And it was hard. But it has been so worth it

 

[bettyann29]

If it were my son and thats what he wanted to do.. I would do it.. Since your birthday is right there too then Id make that a family night out.. Your son might really appreciate some one on one time with him and would make him feel special for his birthday..

 

[eeyore kelly]

I have a son who is "troubled" right now, and I have been following the OP's troubles with her son. {{{Hugs}}} OP BTW. If this child is willing to connect to the OP only, I say go for it. I would go with just my DS, if that is what he wanted and needed.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Marseeya,

Sorry to hijack your thread, but I need to add something.

I just got a very nasty PM from JerryMo-whatever asking why do I troll her posts, why don't I just say what I mean and not "hide behind my little screenname." I have no idea what she is talking about except for this thread. Knowing what you've been going through (Marseeya) I thought the e-bay/wife beater comment was a little inappropriate, so that's why I said what I did.

Since you didn't have a problem with the comment, I apologize to JerryMo. Sorry it chafed your rear. I honestly don't know what your problem is with me. I really don't know what you are talking about besides this particular thread.

I would PM her back but she isn't accepting PMs.

Sorry for the hijack.

 

[Marseeya]

Marseeya, i can so identify with this dilemma. DS19 went through a long(very long) period where he just could not stand to be in the room with me. He hated me, hated my laughter, hated the way I look, hated everything i said, didnt' want anything to do with me, except my checkbook . He just was miserable to be around for about 4years During that time he did stay connected with his dad, thank goodness. I just quietly bowed out of the picture and left them to work things out.

I won't lie to you--it hurt my feelings terribly. I thought I would never get over the pain. But in the last 12 months and remarkable transformation has occured in DS and now he loves me again. It's amazing how the hurts just slid away!

I would encourage you to stay connected with your son. If he wants to go to dinner with just you, then do that. Take him out of school and go for lunch(DS loves when I do that with him!) Perhaps you can have a cake & ice cream for dessert at home with the whole family, but keep it low key. Even if he says he doesn't want anything special, he still wants to know that you think HE is special. Keep your DH informed of your plans and let him know that this too will pass.I"m sure his day will come. I prayed and prayed while DS was in his "hateful years" and I was impressed to "just love him"--just love him, don't try to change him. Just love him through it all. And it was hard. But it has been so worth it

I got choked up just reading this. It reminds me of what our counselor always told me when I would tell her about DS's hateful behavior. She always said that he treats me that way because he feels SAFE with me and knows I'll always be there for him. Maybe it was the same with your DS.

I am so sorry you had to suffer through this.

Parenting -- the most difficult job we'll ever have, but also the most rewarding.