Beyond Recovery: Christin's journal of progress (comments welcome)

[DznyDreams]

Woo Hoo. I'm at 210, and down one size! . . . but found a pair of jeans I liked for only $10! All of my other jeans were too loose.

AWESOME JOB!! You are SO CLOSE to the much-desired ONEderland! You go!

Have a great day!

 

[Clare]

You are doing so great! Don't you love it when clothes start getting looser. To me, that almost means more than the scale!

 

[rcyannacci]

Loose clothes definitely means more than the scale! ONEderland, here I come!

(To be honest, I've only been watching the scale so religiously because I will see my mother in 2 weeks at the beach. I love my mom and we get along great...except on the subject of dieting and weight. She's lost quite a bit recently and is fitting into 14's. The last big fight we had was over food- she was on the Atkins diet last vacation and we were eating fried food every night. I finally drew the line and said I could not eat one more piece of fried anything! She called me mean and overly dramatic (I am) and we stopped speaking the rest of the day. Hopefully, this beach trip will be more congenial.

What I've learned is that, as an adult, I need to be in control of my food. There have been many times in my life that I have had an adversarial relationship with food, and I'm actively trying to change that. So whenever I'm on my mom's "turf," so to speak, I just panic. So, I think once we get to the beach this trip, I'm going to go to the grocery by my self and just buy what I need to eat and be done with it.)

OK, enough rambling. Tuesday (turned in grades for my 2 biggest classes- hooray!)
B- eng. muffin and peanut butter (could only eat 1/2) and a DanActive, small yogurt smoothie that is suppose to help you immune system. At 90 calories, I thought I'd give it a try.
S- bananna
L- tortilla soup and garden salad (I'm addicted to this soup!), some chips, but not too many, and a sm. soft serve on the way out the door.
S- handful of nuts while cooking dinner
D- spagetti and meatballs (average serving) and spinach salad with lite Newman's honey mustard dressing

Curves 40 minutes, 5 minutes on abs later in the evening.

 

[Lesli54]

Thanks for the green beans and mushrooms recipe. Most of my family would pick out the mushrooms, but I am going to try it just the same.

You are so right to stick with your own food plan as much as possible when you are around your mom. Realistically, she should be happy that you are losing and you have to do what works for you. I would get tired of fried foods every day as well. Try not to let the thoughts about what might happen stress you too bad. Focus on the positives. You are doing so well!

So...since you have been to London before. Do you know if the Paddington area just above Hyde Park is a good area? We are staying in that vicinity and so far no one has told me to steer clear so I am thinking it is fairly safe for two women. Any suggestions for places to eat and "don't miss" places to see would be much appreciated.

Have a great day!

 

[rcyannacci]

Oh my gosh!!! I have so much to say about London, but I have to go teach class (last week!!!). I'll try to pm you this afternoon, though.

(BTW- I used to be one of those kids who picked out the mushrooms, but I'm learning to like them slowly. They definitly add a great flavor, so even if you used them sparingly, it would still taste great)

 

[rcyannacci]

Wednesday-
B- a DanActive and eng. muffin w/ peanut butter and bananas
L- about 1 1/2 c. of the leftover pasta and meatballs. Few bits of leftover green beans.
S- 2 handfuls of nuts (I am starting to get really hungry around 5:00...I wish I could just go ahead and make dinner, but most days Bender isn't home from work until 6:30.
D- grilled chicken breast, zuchinni and onion stirfried with terraki over basmati rice.

Exercise- 40 minute speed walk/run with the dogs, 5-7 minutes of abs later that evening.

 

[Lesli54]

You are doing great! I agree, late suppers are hard to wait for. My DH get home between 6 and 6:30. On the Saturdays that he closes up, it is after 7pm and I always forget to plan my meals for the rest of the day accordingly.

Have a great day!

 

[rcyannacci]

Arg!!!

Thursday (Eating meltdown day)
B- same, and I think I'm really getting sick of peanut butter and english muffins. Breakfasts are so hard for me! I need the protein to keep me going, but I can't eat meat in the morning. I have to think of something else.
L- ate way too late- 1/2 a Wendy's Greek chicken salad and a baked potato with the butter and sour cream packets.

Here's where I got into trouble...I was making baked goods for my acting class. Friday is our last class day, and I wanted to do something special. So I ate 3 homemade oatmeal cookies on the spot. It is one of my fav. recipes from when I was a kid, and I was feeling deprived from the day before. I went straight to Curves to try and work it off (40 minutes, plus 5 on abs).

D- taco salad for Cinco de Mayo. I thought DH was going to be home for dinner, but he had to work late, so I was depressed and ate way, way too much, especially of the chips. Then I had 2 of the brownies I had made after the cookies. Then, because I know my day was shot, I had another brownie and another cookie!

Yikes- this hasn't happened to me since I started this new program. I guess it's realistic to know I'll have bad days, but today was just so over the top in terms of food for me that it reminded me of some of my days in college when I used food to deal with stress.

Problem is, today is going to be crazy too. 3 end of the semester parties to attend, all with crappy food!

I'll just have to detox this weekend.

 

[Lesli54]

Hope you made it through the parties alright. Unfortunately, we all have those bad days. I did the same yesterday, with the "what's the difference" attitude. But time to move on and get back to normal today.

Have a great weekend!

 

[rcyannacci]

Friday (last day of the semester, aka, day of 3 parties)

B- a DanActive and a banana
1st party- my last day of acting class. I made my class some oatmeal cookies and brownies and some fresh salsa and chips. The salsa was gone in nothing flat!!! They also loved the cookies. I limited myself to 1 cookie. Not bad.
L, or party #2- Area party with all the faculty and graduate students in the program. We all met at a pub, The Crown and Anchor, to celebrate the end of the year. I had 2 pints of Shiner beer, a hamburger and 1/2 of the fries that came with it. (Those 2 beers would really weigh me down at Curves in an hour...but at least I made it to exercise)
D, or party #3- Potluck at the house of one of the administrators in the department (she lost her husband to cancer earlier in the year, and it had been a while since we'd been able to hang out with her.) The basic sampling on my plate (I didn't really hold back): spiraled ham slice, homemade mac and cheese, broccoli casserole, spinach-walnut-strawberry salad (my contribution), cornbread pudding, and marinated carrots. And a glass of sangria and small piece of chocolate cake (quite a dose of sugar!!!)

Exercise (my saving grace for the day): Curves 40 minutes

Hooray for the end of the semester! Since I won't be teaching all summer long, I will be able to set my own schedule and concentrate on my eating and on writing my dissertation. It was a great semester teaching, however. My acting students were so great, and really rose to the challenge with their final scenes. It was hard saying goodbye to them.

 

[rcyannacci]

OK- today I finally had to admit to myself that despite the antibiotics I took to get rid of this sinus infection, I'm still sick. At least I'm through the semester and don't have to pretend I'm well anymore. I'll try to go back to the doctor on Monday since I'm leaving town on Fri. for Hilton Head. I'd hate to still be sick for the beach. Especially since my little nephew will be there.

Saturday- (admitted I was still sick, gave up a bit, and attended my last party of the semester...enough already!
B- a DanActive and iced coffee (just couldn't stomach any real food yet)
L- left-over serving of mac and cheese, and left over serving of taco salad from Thurs.
Derby Party gathering (a lot of my colleagues are from Kentucky and held a big party for the Derby). Mint julip (man, are these strong!!!) and a plate of snacks (chips and guacamole, 1 spinakopita, sliced fruit, 4 crackers and cheese), and a small sliver of Derby pie.
D- DH and I threw our hands up in the air after a full weekend of eating poorly and ordered hot wings. 8 chicken wings with blue cheese dressing and 1/2 order of fries.

At least I'm being honest with myself here. I should be back on track by Monday.

 

[Lesli54]

Well, at least the parties are done and as much as it can "hurt", honesty is the only way to go on this journey.

Think of all the beach walking you can do out at Hilton Head. We drove out there on our trip home from the last WDW vacation and it was really beautiful. One day we may actually stay.

Here's to getting back on track.

 

[pearlieq]

I'll be your detox buddy!

It's so hard to get back on the horse, but I know you can do it. You've come so far. I know it's hard, but try to take the longview--this one week is hardly a blip when you look at it with all of the weeks of hard work you've put.

Congrats to you for getting your exercise in--that's awesome and I'm sure it helped stem the damage somewhat.

You WILL bounce back from this! Congrats on finishing the semester!

 

[rcyannacci]

Sunday- (not feeling great, starting to think I'll have to go back to the doctor
B- a DanActive (should have added something else, but I wasn't much into eating)
L- some of the left-over mac and cheese
S- 2 of the left-over brownies...at least they're gone now!!!
D- a combo dinner from Taco Cabana (DH was at work ALL DAY so I had to fend for myself...and I was feeling sorry for myself). a chicken flauta, 1 beef taco, 1/2 a cheese enchilada, and a few bite of rice and black beans.

Monday (yep, went to the Doc who said my sinus infection had turned into bronchitis. More antibiotics to take, and hopefully I'll be better before leaving for Hilton Head on Friday.)
B- skipped it to go to the doc, and then had the last of the leftover mac and cheese around 10:30.
L- DH had the day off, so he made me a healthy tapas plate to make me feel better. Carrots with hummus, tabouli and flat bread, apple slices, olives, etc.
D- chicken pita pockets with yogurt dill sauce and red potato-cucumber-feta salad (also made by DH, also fantastic!!!)
Dessert- (on my way to detox, I promise) 1/2 piece of Italian Cream Cake (also a treat from DH and hard to say no to )

Exercise- Curves 40 minutes, 10 min on abs and legs.

 

[Lesli54]

I hope you get to feeling better soon, because if your DH keeps cooking you will be going the wrong direction.

Sometimes it is hard to get away from those sweets. For me, it comes and goes. At times, I really want a lot and other times I couldn't look at sweets if I tried. Right now, I wish I was at the later. Had a cupcake w/frosting last night.

Together, we will get there.

 

[rcyannacci]

I hope you get to feeling better soon, because if your DH keeps cooking you will be going the wrong direction.

It's that the truth!!!

Tues.
B- a DanActive
S- 1/2 chicken pita sandwich with yogurt sauce...and the last 1/2 of the piece of cake DH bought.
L-...the other 1/2
S- a popcorn and nut mix I made for the upcoming plane trip...it just smelled too good not to eat some...and I was working at my desk getting the munchies
D- a steak, marinated dill green beans (fresh, very good, very healthy) and the last of the leftover cucumber/potato salad (vinegar based, so pretty healthy as well).
S- oops...went back from more popcorn

Exercise- Curves 40 minutes (cardio mainly)

So, I ate really great meals, but I snacked too much. I weighed in yesterday, and it was reading 1 pound higher, but I also just started TOM, so I may be breaking even yet.

Luckily, I should break even during my vacation since we'll be at a condo and my parents are eating more healthy too. Plus, I'll be really active w/ Curves in the morning w/ my mom, riding bikes w/ my DH around the island, swimming in the ocean, and checking out the qym in the complex. Maybe I"ll even lose a few... In any case, I can't wait to get to Hilton Head!!!

 

[rcyannacci]

Wednesday-
B- lite yogurt w/ 1/2 c. grape nuts
L- had a training session for a freshman seminar I'm teaching next fall, and they provided lunch. Taco Cabana! yikes! I didn't do too bad- 1 serving of fahita chicken, 1/2 flour tortillas, black beans and cheese, rice, lettuce and tomatos, small dab of guacamole and sour cream. OK- actually, I could have done better, but they kept us 1/2 hour over and I was starving!!!
S- popcorn and nut mix
D- out with friends before a movie. I chose this restaurant because I knew I could stay on track! A large field green salad (w/ blue cheese, walnuts, and apples in a vinegrette) and a side of crispy green beans (so good! great alternative to fries!)
S- sm. handful of sour bears at the movie theatre...at least I avoided everything else! Darn that sugar!!! At least now I can have just a little and feel satisfied.

Exercise- 40 min. at Curves, 5 min. on abs

 

[calena]

Don't focus too much on a pound up on hte scale. Don't forget that with consistent healthy eating and exercise the scale will move in the right direction.
Have a great time at Hilton Head. I know what you mean about dealing with your Mom and weight issues. It can be tough. Just remember, you are doing this for your health and well being, and that is great motivation. Your body will thank you for it! I find I usually do better on vacation because I have time to exercise as much as I want.

 

[Lesli54]

Have a great trip to Hilton Head! I'll trade reports w/ you when I get back. I've never done HH, so you tell me how it was and I will remind you about London.

Try to relax as much as possible with your mom and don't worry about the weight issue, you are doing great!

 

[rcyannacci]

Thanks, calena and Lesli- I know I shouldn't fixate on the scale because I am feeling really great...I just don't feel like my progress "inside" matches my "outside" appearance yet, and it's frustrating. Maybe after my vacation, I'll figure out a productive way to turn that frustration into a motivation!

OK- inspired by Lesli, I thought it was time to review my progress to this point, especially before I go on vacation and forget everything I've learned! I started approx. 4 months ago (3 months with WISH) and I feel like my progress goes way farther than what is measured by the scale.

Lost: 8 pounds, and approx. 8 inches of body fat
Gained: probably more information about myself and my body than I can articulate in one post, but I'll give it a quick summary...

General thoughts:
I realize that before dedicating myself to this journey to health, I divided myself in two: the part of myself that I liked and was proud of was my personality and abilities as a student, teacher, and writer. I feel most confident in the classroom, behind a computer, or in some sort of dialogue with friends and colleagues. The part of my self I disliked was my physical body; I was (and continue to be on some days) embarrassed by my size, irritated by my awkward physicality, scared of any sickness my body might exhibit, and in a continual adversarial relationship with food, or whatever my body needed to function efficiently. In short, I felt I had control over my mind, but not my body.

I didn’t really notice this until a week ago, but I started this journal around the same time last year that I began radiation therapy. Talk about feeling out of control of my body! This gives me some indication as to why I’ve felt more committed to this change in lifestyle; I never want to feel that tired ever again, which means more nourishing food and consistent exercise.

Now, I’m starting to develop an appreciation for the interconnectedness between my mind and body. Since exercising, I’ve noticed that my powers of concentration are much sharper both when I’m writing and teaching. I’m looking forward to a very productive summer in which I will focus on both my writing and my health. I actually might use this journal to combine some of these ideas to see if I can notice any further connections.

More specific thoughts:

- I have to eat something in the morning for breakfast, and it’s best if it has some protein. My worst days are the ones when I skip this or substitute carbs like a bagel. I have more energy and am less likely to go overboard with snacks.
- I do the best on days when I am busy and have a set schedule
- I do best during weeks when my DH and I have time to sit down to plan a few dinners and healthy lunches AND get to the grocery store. I have to shop at least once a week to keep fresh fruits and veggies in the house.
-I like shopping the perimeters of the grocery store. Fresh foods might be a little more expensive, but as long as we eat what’s in the fridge, the price is well worth while. Since cutting out most processed foods, we’ve eaten much, much better and everything tastes better as well.
- Since moving to Austin, I’ve developed quite a liking of tortilla chips and Tex-mex. This I need to start moderating!!! And now that summer is here, the cravings for margaritas will increase!!! I just need to make sure that this is more of a special event and not a weekly indulgence.
- My biggest challenge is still cutting sugar. I never realized how addictive it was, and how much tougher the cravings are after a splurge.
- I have to get better at handling social settings/parties. There is always going to be some gathering of people, food and alcohol that I have to go to, and I need to have a better strategy before going. I think I’m still in the graduate student “free food!” mentality and need to adjust my thinking.
- Alcohol can really wreck progress. I think I could have handled the extra food at the weekend of parties by increasing my exercise, but the extra sugar added from the beer and mixed drinks made me gain a pound. I’ve been fighting so hard for these pounds that it seems hardly worth the indulgence.

Plan for vacation:
- Try as much as possible to be in control of my own food at the condo. This might take a few conversations with my mother, but I’ll try and do that upfront so we can relax the rest of the time. Also, know that some meals will be out of my control, especially at the seafood restaurants that my family usually goes to that specialize in fried everything!!!
- Curves in the am with my mother, and lots of activities with my DH including bike riding, walks on the beach, swimming in the pool/ocean, and possibly checking out the weight room.

Plan when I return from vacation:
- Incorporate my writing schedule into my journal so I can track daily progress in a more integrated way. (I think this will help me ease my stress about my dissertation; I need to stay on track this summer so I can make fall deadlines with job applications and my spring deadline for graduation)
- Start working on portion control so I can jump start some further weight loss.