Oh yeah I was going to get ready and tell you about how I became one of THOSE moms
but I decided I wanted to KEEP all my dis friends so I am not going to tell you a thing..nothin
nada
zilch
Oh no, you say
Please tell us what a horrible, no good, lying mother you are so we can laugh our booties off at you then flame you and send you right to WDWHell
Ok
if it will get me more reads I guess I will.
The scenario is here at this spot:
You all know what is about to happen, so brace yourselves. Yes. I mold the minds of young Americans. Yes I go to mass every week. And do not GO THERE with me because shes my kid and if I want to inflict emotional distress on her than I can. I gave birth to her and thanks to her, I have a bad c-section scar and a built in apron around my tummy made of saggy skin
so she owes me.
So we enter the ride that is Dinosaur. So what? Yeah, I read UOG. They also said Snow White was scary but that was cheesecake compared to Dinosaur and my dd5 handled that just fine. Furthermore if the kid gets to sit out Space Mt, Splash Mt, RNRC, BTMR, MS AND TT, she is going to TRY something that she does not want to, SOMETHING because I am a believer that you need to push your kids on some things. In my defense, I had read a lot about Dinosaur but to be very, very honest, I did not totally understand how freaky the ride would be. IMO it was one of the freakiest rides at WDW. It was just downright pee your pants and go deaf in your right ear scary.
We get on the ride. I tell her we are going to see some Dinosaurs. She is cool with it because she likes Dinos and once she sees those Jeeps, she is ready to ride. My dd5 is very small and for the most part she does fine as long as the ride is not fast or high. We get in the Jeep and start the adventure. I might suggest here that even if you are not a wicked parent and in fact you are not going to stoop to lying to your child, at least take them in the waiting area to look at all the dino stuff because the way Disney tells a story is like no other, especially if you have a dino loving kid. Just see it and then push the kid on the jeep really fast so they have no idea what happened and not enough time to call for a SOS from a CM
OK I am kind of kidding about this. Do not permanently scar your babies. I am not advocating that whatsoever
however I knew this would be the LAST somewhat scary ride of the trip and I had been all nice until then.
Still she was not freaking out or anything. She was actually fine with going. She was not crying or saying no or trying to get out of her chains
.errrr
seat
At first we were all having fun. Being transported back in time has it advantages. You get to see lots of cool stuff. The ride starts off pretty tame but then the T rex starts freaking out and that guys voice on the radio is like a twist between Michael Jackson and Ice from Top Gun, creepy huh??
The ride gets suddenly bumpy. Very bumpy. This is when dd5 realizes she could be thrown from this jeep at any minute and be fed to the awful T rex chasing her
I feared for all of our lives
where the hell is Laura Dern and Sam Neill when you need them?? And why cant my kids be like that little guy on Jurassic Park?? No
instead she starts crying.
Real, sad crying. Not bratty, I did not get my way crying. Like REAL huge my short 5 year life is about to end and I never even got to Kindergarten crying. This is when I felt terrible. I felt just horrible people. My stomach turned and my heart burned
Dang it
that Flame Tree BBQ doesnt do a body good on these rides
Yeah I felt sad for my little pumpkin too.
Seriously though I hurt for her and she hid her face in my arms and held on like a receiver on the way to goal. She cried the whole way through the rest of this crazy ride and I was about to join her. It is loud. It is jostling. The T rex is a bad, bad, boy
he wont stop til he has you for dinner. Thank God
Michael ICE Jackson gets our machine thingy fixed and we can all return to WDW and the AK! WOW!!! I thought for SURE we were prehistoric pretzels and ol Rex there had the hot mustard a waitin.
Dang it. Could I have chosen a more insane ride to trick my child with? I am the spawn of evil and I apologize up and down for it. I tell dd she can have ANY toy here at WDW
matter of fact she can have all her sisters toys too...and she can even be the first to date
oh crap she is only 5
.
She turns to me and says:
That was really fun
lets go again.
Uhhhh
.come again there jelly bean??
Yeah she likes it. I did not. DH cant hear plus the brain injury he sustained in all those terrible car accidents seems to be back from the jarring impact of the time machine
my older dds are running around and I have to wonder if their spines are still intact cuz they are running kinda lopsided. At any rate, the ride was kinda scary, ok? Let us move on.
We do some very fun things at AK, but considering our TERRIBLE time management skills, and need to only carry, not use our official touring plans we missed some things. Dangit, I really wanted to see some half naked guy on stage beating his rock hard chest. Mama like. (Sorry Lala
can you say copyright??) I will just say Polymelon mama like. I find it fascinating that there are some males who have melons, hard ones. So we wander aimlessly like baffoons and stop here: I told you I am a dismal example of a Diser...I just rely on the melons when I need somethin'
Can't tell ya where this is or why I took a picture of it, only that it had been exactly 2.3 seconds since the last picture and this was my "obsessed tourist" photo op.
We manage to actually READ the show times guide instead of half a**ing it this time. To our amazement, those little paper thingies they give you at Park Entrance? Yeah, use them, ok?? We get to see Lion King and it was fabulous. DD9 thinks she is a star and was very put off that she was not chosen to be a stage helper for this. The kid is born addicted to attention. She was a baby model at 9 months old. She did print ads. For formula. Only she was breastfed. Go figure.
We actually had time to spare and stopped to see Minnie and others. This was really fun and we had a great time. For some reason DD9 is a character snob. She only poses with the cool ones in the pretty outfits. She must be a maelstomer in cognito... She will not be photographed with any thing less than royalty. We did manage to get pics of our two NICE kids with them.
Next, We get on the train and do the whole Rafiki trail thing. So I do not have a park map because
A. Dont use those touring guides
And
B. I got a show times guide this time and can only handle so much paperwork in one trip.
We have no idea where we are going. All we know at this point is that it is raining and we need shelter. So we jump on the train. We have fun in that station there with Pocahontas and Stanley. I sit in the dark in one of those listening booths and DH pops in. He thinks he is gonna get to cop a feel. I just had my hands on a bunch of smelly petting zoo animals and dried animal dung so I am not exactly in the mood right now. He says it turns him on. I leave the booth because obviously we have been sharing a single room with three kids for WAY too long.
Aha
yes there is rain. YES we have ponchos. FIJI 2307 remember???
No, jk
we actually have ponchos in our geek packs. The kids are so excited to use them. I am excited to use them and look at all those other stupid people that forgot theirs. WHAT MORONS. Freaks. Now I am a good mother again. So what if our ponchos are basically just over sized garbage bags? Nothin fancy here folks, you all know where my money went to by now. I went to the nearest Dollar Tree and bought three for a dollar. The kids then fought to the death over the blue one. We put those bad boys on, the rain stops. Crap
if only we had these at Fantasmic the other night.
We walk, we talk, we enjoy each others company and the sweltering heat and humidity in September after a thunderstorm in central Florida and once again my hair goes all bozos momish on me so you will not be seeing me in any pics at animal kingdom cuz I maybe mistaken for Ms. perma scowl.
Still having NO idea where we are going and what we are doing, we happen to walk by the Safari ride and SCORE it is only a 20 min wait. WHY do you say? Because we are going to be on it in the middle of the only AK parade and closing of the park extravaganza~~
After Spectro, this homie dont play that. We aint doin parades til my kids are like 35. We are done. We only do fireworks because I can equip them with so much strobe and light that they look like the Las Vegas Strip.
The safari is great and we get a lot of wonderful pictures. The safari is a must do for everyone of all ages. We even saw a hippo out of water, which our guide says NEVER happens!! Isnt it spectacular how the safari makes you feel as though you are touring an African Savannah?
My girls have their own cameras too. I bought each of them a primary colored camera at the dollar store (because I am too cheap for disposables) and we decorated them with Disney Stickers at home. The kids got a lot of shots of the animals too. DD9 got a lot of shots of none other than herself
and some VERY up close pics of Spectro AND Cinderellabration (yet another mysterious disappearance I did not feel the need to go into). It is funny because we look through all our photos and the whole family has these WAAAY from the back shots of everything, except little Ms. David Copperfield, she manages to get exceptional close ups, only her disappearing is REAL and not just video taped only to charge 100 bucks a seat to watch fake tricks
but thats another story
a Vegas story and TRUST me, you want NO part of that if you think my WDW stories are not family friendly
that thread would be locked FOR GOOD.
To end this chapter of our little tale, I am reminded of the Colors Of The Wind song
because that is what is on my CD player right now for one, and for two I like it.
Heres my Disney Observance of the day:
$5,000 is not that much money.
OK I lied. It is a lot of money. It is about half of a semester of college for one of our three kids but we figure they will either join the Army or get scholarships so we spend it wisely at the Poly because we are great parents, right?
No really
it is a lot of $$ but in all seriousness, where on Earth can you go and see so much? Honestly. Disney does it so well that it is hard for me to imagine a better value anywhere. Yes, I mean that. No I do not smoke crack. Lotto winner? No. Dead, rich uncle? I wish
we love all that is Disney and each park teaches us something different. Disney tells the best stories and makes the best memories of all time. When we look back on this years from now, for one, the vacation will seem cheap
for two we will not think about our bank accounts, we will remember the experience of a lifetime, together. We will think back about the rain, the heat, the crying on Dinosaur. It will be nothing but happiness and love filling our hearts, minds and souls when we think back on this, our first trip around the World as a family.
Next installment:
No really LALA you did miss Ohana and it WAS just as FANTASTIC as you thought, only better!!!
You rock
More 
I need another coffee...like now....
the white glittery shrug was 30 dollars alone and the stupid tank with silver shimmeries was 16....I am insane...I know. I would never agree to that usually but I still had my heels on from work and just wanted to leave the mall so I caved....ever tried shopping for three girls at Limited Too??? Lets just say this is the reason we can not afford the Poly again this year... 
is the darn buses. They really do stink and for some reason people cut in front of you more there then anywhere else. Perhaps the way it is set up, or the fact that it takes forever before another bus to come so peoplea re panicked and want on. Our 2 trips last year were POR and CR and we never experienced similiar problems. I had hoped maybe it was better, but after reading your report (which rocks by the way) 
I am not very confident. Maybe we will drive to MGM and AK.
jw50 thank you for reading my itty bitty tr!!! LYMI
