Best way to meet a good man?

[torinsmom]

Just looking for advice here because it is obviously not happening on its own, LOL.

I have been divorced for 10 years now, and other than a few blind dates early on, I have not dated since then. I guess I always figured if it was meant to be it would happen. I have full custody of my son, so I stayed pretty busy taking care of him and working and all. Well, now he is about to turn 15 and I am feeling really lonely. I feel like I would like to meet someone, but the question is how?

Work is not really a possibility, as I am a teacher. All the men are either married or gay. Our church seems to be full of couples and families, and I don't want to change churches. I am a little on the introverted side, and don't have the best self confidence. I am unsure about online "dating"; have tried it once or twice and it seems like all the men want size 4 women who don't have any kids.

So......any advice on what might be a good way to meet a good, decent man? I feel like I am just kind of treading water at this point and I need more in my life than work, family and church.

Marsha

 

[Cheshire Figment]

There is a fairly new website called www.disdates.com (started about 3 weeks ago) which is singles trying to meet others and all have Disney as an itereest. You can also go to the Adult and Solo Travelers Forum here, which is a few lower on the list than this one.

 

[hlkeck]

A friend of mine has had success with "It's just lunch!" if they have one of those near you. You meet for just lunch and chat and if it doesn't work out, part ways - if it does - set up another date. I don't know anything about the expense of it but she has met some nice guys. I think a lot of people are in the same boat as you and unsure where to meet good people - and a lot are turning these days to online dating. Match.com is another one another friend uses. Good luck! We all deserve to be happy.

 

[DVCBELLE]

You could try a reality tv show. Those always seem to have a happy ending. (sorry I was just reading the drama about the latest season of the Bachelorette and wonder why people keep subjecting themselves to these type of shows.)

I do have a serious answer for you: Match.com

I know 2 couples who met and married b/c of match.com and I will have to say - they are both perfectly matched for each other. When you think how many people are out there and want to find someone - it seems silly to limit yourself to just your local area and someone you happen to meet wherever you are. I really think you should give it a try. Aside from those couples, I do know others who have met through Match.com and either dated for a while or still are dating.

 

[vanyel]

I met my second dh on match.com though with a twist. We had actually met several years prior in a college classroom - I worked there, he was taking classes. We were both married to other people though I was in the midst of my divorce and he was close to a separation (didn't know that at the time though). We had a few very, very short conversation - no connection or anything like that. When we started e-mailing through match.com, we realized we had met before. We got married not quite 2 years after meeting through match

My ex husband met his second wife through e-harmony (we're not enemies!) and she's very much like me I actually like her very much, not him as much!

If you go online - use common sense and be careful. I met a couple of very nice people there but I also met a few scary guys!

 

[derocas]

My brother met his current gf on eharmony. My former college professor has two children that met their spouses through online dating services. I think online dating is now the way to go. Just go through a reputable site and stay a way from craigslist.

 

[ACS228]

I met my husband on match.com. Two of my friends did too and none of us is a size 4 lol! Just weed out the guys who seem shallow and be open minded about who you choose.

Before I tried match, I attempted to fill in the e-harmony profile thing but I got bored about half way through and gave up.

My best advise is to put up a few different pictures of yourself, be honest in your profile, meet dates for coffee instead of dinner and have a really good sense of humor about it.

I went on dates for about a year before I met my husband. He lived an hour away from me so we never would have met.

good luck!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Well, this is outside of my usual budget board posts but I'll give it a shot-we have some in our group of friends that are now divorcing (you know the routine, the group starts getting married, the group starts having kids, the group starts divorcing, the group starts dying), and here's what some of them do.

1. If you're a teacher, do they have improvement or certificate programs that you can attend? You might meet some fresh people there.

2. Take a night class that is mainly in a male-dominated field. Night school tends to attract older people who are working during the day.

3. Change churches. You might be in a rut, and some of the churches have these HUGE active singles groups.

4. Go on an exercise and diet program. I don't know anyone who wouldn't feel better ten pounds lighter and with better cardio. You can join these groups that are "run a 5k in 10 weeks" sort of thing.

It'll probably be mostly women but those women represent a new group of people who may have single/divorced friends. Plus, you'll feel better about yourself, it'll give you confidence, and that's more important (I think) than what you look like on the outside. People are attracted to confident people.

Good luck!

 

[a1tinkfans]

Just looking for advice here because it is obviously not happening on its own, LOL.

I have been divorced for 10 years now, and other than a few blind dates early on, I have not dated since then. I guess I always figured if it was meant to be it would happen. I have full custody of my son, so I stayed pretty busy taking care of him and working and all. Well, now he is about to turn 15 and I am feeling really lonely. I feel like I would like to meet someone, but the question is how?

Work is not really a possibility, as I am a teacher. All the men are either married or gay. Our church seems to be full of couples and families, and I don't want to change churches. I am a little on the introverted side, and don't have the best self confidence. I am unsure about online "dating"; have tried it once or twice and it seems like all the men want size 4 women who don't have any kids.

So......any advice on what might be a good way to meet a good, decent man? I feel like I am just kind of treading water at this point and I need more in my life than work, family and church.

Marsha

Well, I am happily married....... BUT have a single sis....
I say
Find your interests and get involved in them socially. Meaning, if you like photography, take a class, other like minded people will be doing the same thing! You're already at an advantage..you like something similar!!!!
Like Bicycling, join a local bike club......and if you have been so busy raising your son and have no "real" interests.,.,...well, its a great time to branch out and try something NEW, maybe a cooking class, adult ed class (consider going to a district not affiliated with your job for privacy) ...Even if no available man is in the class you choose, its a networking situation...everyone knows someone....so
get involved, try something New, branch out and also let people know that you ARE interested in going out on some dates.
I know several people that have happily met their mates on the internet, but they said it took a while and they were very specific as to what they wanted and did not want. They did not waste their time with serial dating just to go out!
BY the way, not every guy out their wants a stick figure, THAT may surprise you, but it is true......Be Confident and Be proud of what you have accomplished, no guy can resist a Great Woman.
Best of Luck....

 

[bondgurl]

Oh wow, I have the same problem. Divorced for four years now and have had about a million first dates since. Nothing ever clicks.
I don't meet anyone at work, there are only 3-4 guys, all married. We don't have customers or people coming in and out so that's not a possibility. I'm a non-practicing Catholic, so that's another no-go. Even if I started going to church again, they're all married and clique-y. I don't live near my family so no fix-ups there. I have only a small circle of friends and the two times they tried to fix me up were so I'm NOT going there again lol. For awhile I went out dancing etc alot, but meeting guys in bars, ughh.
The guys I meet online are usually lying about one or more things, and never seem to be what I'm expecting. I've been on Match, eHarmony, plentyoffish, okcupid, etc etc etc. I even bit the bullet recently and went on a plus sized dating site (I'm "voluptuous" but still pretty attractive I think!)...still no sparks. I always have honest, recent, full body pics up and I get interest and dates, but that's as far as it ever goes. I just don't get why other people can find "the one" and not me.
I realize none of that probably helped you at all lol...just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

 

[mamalle]

I would say church or a park- like if you took up running or a sport like tennis, softball, etc.. join a team. I see alot of divorced parents out at the ball fields..

 

[MinnieForMe]

I agree with another poster -- whatever you are passionate about -- get involved. Volunteer -- take a special interest class -- join a recreation sports team (coed volleyball, golf, tennis, softball) -- get involved in town politics. There must be something that you can do that would make you happy and give you the opportunity to meet new people. Good luck!

Don't give up hope! A friend of mine in his 50's met a woman through a friend two year's ago. She had two children from her first marraige. He always wanted a family but his first wife couldn't have them. He feels like he has won the lottery with this wonderful woman and his new family!

 

[libinatorsmom]

Its tough I know!!! but keep an open mind there are lots of things you can do. And try the internet scene - yes you have to be careful but it can work!!! Its how I met my hubby and we have been married for 9 years and have a beautiful little girl!!!!

Try Eharmony.com, cupid.com, or Yahoo Personals and depending on your intrests there are usually sites that have a particular intrest like I know of equestriansingles.com for horse people (I know several people that have married thier matches including me)

GOOD LUCK!!!!

 

[Reagan&Co.]

Friends of friends? Like do your co-workers know of someone? Or are there single dads at your sons sporting/school events?

 

[torinsmom]

I guess the problem is that I am not outgoing, so even if someone might be interested, they wouldn't know I was, you know? I just signed up on match.com and I guess I will see how that goes. Even there, most of the men seem to only want average or smaller women to reply. I listed myself as a few extra pounds, which I think describes me(I am a size 14)

I don't really have time for extra activities during the week. I teach and then babysit a 3 year old until 6:15 to make ends meet. Changing churches is not an option. I am sure there are people at church who know single men, but how do I say "Can you set me up with a good man?" without sounding weird.

I did reply to one guy on Craigslist, is that terrible? I would never post there, but this guy sounded really nice, like someone I would like to meet. I got my babysitting job on Craigslist and it has been a blessing for sure.

Marsha

 

[bettyann29]

Friends of friends? Like do your co-workers know of someone? Or are there single dads at your sons sporting/school events?

This was how I met my DH.. He is a friend of one of my coworkers/friend..

Maybe someone who you work with knows someone.. you never know..

 

[stpetedisneydad]

I guess the problem is that I am not outgoing, so even if someone might be interested, they wouldn't know I was, you know? I just signed up on match.com and I guess I will see how that goes. Even there, most of the men seem to only want average or smaller women to reply. I listed myself as a few extra pounds, which I think describes me(I am a size 14)

I don't really have time for extra activities during the week. I teach and then babysit a 3 year old until 6:15 to make ends meet. Changing churches is not an option. I am sure there are people at church who know single men, but how do I say "Can you set me up with a good man?" without sounding weird.

I did reply to one guy on Craigslist, is that terrible? I would never post there, but this guy sounded really nice, like someone I would like to meet. I got my babysitting job on Craigslist and it has been a blessing for sure.

Marsha

I can sympathize with you on the not being outgoing thing, it certainly makes it difficult. The online dating services can help with that. It's easier to get to know someone via several emails than to be thrown together on a blind date, awkward!

What kind of things do you talk about with the people at your church? If your talking about family you could say something like "I can't believe my son's 15 now, I spent the last (insert number of years since divorce here) years so busy raising him I never had a chance to meet someone. Now that he's almost an adult I think it's time for me to dedicate a little time to me but these days it's so hard to meet people or know who you can trust". Say something like that to enough people and someone's bound to say they know a guy who you should meet.

And, as a guy I can say that not all of us want the rail thin women so don't be concerned about a few extra pounds. Good luck!!

 

[pilgrimage]

I have several friends from church who met other people of
faith on match.com. Just be honest about your faith. There
are many good people, including my friend who is a PASTOR, who
met their life companion in that way.

You don't have to change churches, but maybe investigate adult
singles groups. Our church has one and many people from other
congregation join in for social events.

 

[Chancedabowsa]

you seem like a nice lady. i will tell you da truth. first, you got to get yourself fixed up. go to one of those fancier beauty parlors and come back with a new style / color. get yourself some better clothes and work on the weight loss. you gotta be neat with your appearance . no man wants to be around a sloppy lookin woman. all this work on yourself,is gonna make you feel good which is also gonna attract the man.

most important thing is you gotta get out there and enjoy your life a bit more. a man is gonna sense you are "lonely" as you stated. this is not attractive. a man wants to be around a happy woman. if you are busy doing all things you love , you will be happy and more fun to be around. you are now sending out the right signals that are gonna tell da man that you are intersting / worth being around. the chemistry thing will click better. get involved in all kinds of activities, go places , meet people. it will happen when you least expect it.

 

[tlh0726]

DH and I met through AmericanSingles.com

This site lets you search and view profiles. You also receive a notice of who has viewed your profile. So either the viewer or the viewee could initiate the first contact with each other.

Just remember, alot of people out there are not the most honest people in the world.

Good luck!!!