Best Time and Parent Tagging Along

[disneyjes]

Hi there!

How do you "survive" when your parents come along on vacation and you don't always see eye to eye? My mother seems to think DS will be doing every ride with her no matter how many times I've explained we alternate who we go on rides with to give everyone a turn. There are other issues as well but I'm sure you get the idea.

Also, when is the lowest crowd time to enjoy F&G festival? It has to be after the middle of March. I've seen so many conflicting things on different websites that I am just not sure who to trust. Touring Plans was 100% wrong during our last trip.

Thanks guys!!

 

[Pesky]

I don't know about F&G festival timing but I did have my ILs along for our DLR trip. Your DS is on the older side -- have you told him what you are thinking in terms of rotating? Is he on board with it? I would guess he's not going to care too much but might prefer riding with you or dad through more intense rides or certain favorites. Maybe he doesn't care at all and is ready to go with the flow. But I think it is good to have that talk so you can know where he is coming from and plan accordingly. Then I would strive to keep him out of the fights. Now I have to say that I have no fear of confrontation, especially to preserve a good memory for my kids. I would simply reiterate to your mom the plan for rides as there is one kid and that, should she try to pitch a fit, whine, wheedle or guilt her way onto another side-by-side with DS, putting DS in a very awkward spot for a 9YO feeling like he has to choose between his parents and grandma, that you will immediately implement separate time and announce that you think it is best your core unit (you, DH, DS) go their own way for a bit and you will meet them for your ADR at this place/time. Be calm, happy, and firm. The calmness will indicate to your DS that it's not a big deal to have a disagreement and handle it by walking away. And then do it. Walk away. It would be sad if she chose to act that way and she might surprise you by behaving but if you have to do it, my guess is you'll only have to do it once. I was lucky in that when I announced to MIL that we would alternate which kid went with which parents and grandparents, she readily agreed and was really great about it. In fact I ended up encouraging the kids at times to be with their grandparents to make that memory with them as well, as they tended to get clingy with mom and dad as they got tired.

 

[absolutmey]

My ILs are coming with us on our trip in October. They've never been before and (I think it's because they're generally go with the flow) they've let me make ALL planning decisions - where we're staying, park days, ADRs and, when it's time, FP. I don't anticipate any major issues but I think the best way (and only way that I can come up with!) to deal with it is to let them know that if, at any time, they don't want to do what we're doing or what the schedule says, simply go back to the hotel. If you're tired, go take a nap. We're staying on site so they have the bus at their disposal all the time. Maybe laying some ground rules beforehand and being flexible is the best way to go so feelings don't get hurt and everyone has a magical vacation

 

[Tigerlily81]

When I've traveled with family, I've found it helps tremendously for everyone to have their own space. So for example even if I'm at the same hotel, I tend to have my room in a different area to give some space. I went once with my parents and we had connecting rooms, and it was not pretty, so since then, I've made sure to have some separation to give everyone some space. Also, maybe try talking to her ahead and seeing if there are a few key rides she really wants to ride with DS and then let her know you'll make sure she gets those experiences but otherwise you'll be alternating, that way you're giving a little, might make her be more open to giving a little back? Just an idea.

 

[disneyjes]

Thank you everyone for the ideas! My mom will actually be sharing our hotel room as she cannot afford her own separate room, sadly. She is the only relative tagging along so we can't even suggest her and so and so go off for a bit and we meet up later. Whenever I've suggested she can go back to the room via bus for a nap I get told she isn't missing a second of it. It's difficult as I want her to enjoy her only trip to WDW/Universal with her grandson, but at the same time I want family memories as well and for us to have special moments alone too. My son loves the alternating person per ride idea but yes for certain rides he wants to ride with myself or my husband. My mom has let me make all of the plans including where to eat (although we made sure we picked some character meals we knew she'd enjoy) so she's very flexible like that. I think my concern is her just being too clingy on the trip and not giving us a moment for just our little family to enjoy as well. If someone else was popping along too, it would be easier I think. If I tell her straight out "We are so excited you're coming on vacation with us! We can't wait to make some wonderful memories with you, but, it's important the 3 of us have some alone time too. On such and such days we are going to wander off for a bit and can meet up for dinner." she would be very offended by it and I would be getting attitude for quite some time.

Thanks again though everyone! I am hoping I can figure something out, lol.

 

[Tigerlily81]

That is tricky, she sounds a bit like my mom. What if you booked a pedicure or something for her at Senses Spa one afternoon as a gift, that could give you some family time. Of course she might not be into that at all, trying to think outside the box!

 

[Tigerlily81]

One more thing we did when we went with my parents was gave my parents a night with DD while we did a date night, that helped soften the blow when we let them know we also wanted a little family time on our own as well.

I will also say that my parents thought before we went they wouldn't need breaks, but once we were there and they realized it was different for them than when they were younger and they took quite a few hotel breaks, so maybe something similar will happen with your mom.

 

[BigAlsGal]

Slip her a Mickey and run!!!

Lol. See how I did that?

I hope there are enough people who understand what I just said. I said that one time in front of a group of friends and they looked at me like a lunatic.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

When we took our son for his 7th birthday (his last birthday as an only child) BOTH my husband's parents and my mom tagged along. In the first few days it was awkward and a LOT of togetherness for our blended family. Especially since my mom couldn't afford her own room and stayed with us. Three adults and one older child in a moderate room feels very small, cluttered, crowded. Sharing a bathroom wasn't much fun either. And my mother and I don't get along well when we're under the same roof. We need our own personal space or we butt heads constantly because our personalities are so different. The in-laws were in the room next door so there was absolutely no buffer or space. And we don't all get along well for long periods of time but we can be cordial for a few hours, which is actually funny because my mom and my in-laws live right next door to one another in real life, my husband and I were next door neighbors growing up.

Anyway, now that you have some background info to show that I can sympathize with your situation, I'll tell you what worked for us. We tried to figure out ways for us to split up and go our separate ways while we were in the planning stages for the trip, but like you we just couldn't seem to make that work. The in-laws and my mom were in some sort of competition to be the best Disney grandparents and my poor son was stuck in the middle. It was annoying because my husband and I wanted to spend some time with our son too but there was always a grandparent there wanting him to ride with them, buying him food and souvenirs, trying to top one another. But after about 4 days of this gung-ho touristing, all the adults started to burn out and have massive adult temper tantrums. That's how we got some time to ourselves. My husband took his tired, disabled dad back to the hotel for some rest, MIL picked a fight with me and then flounced off in a huff, and my mom got angry about MIL yelling at me and left and my son and I had the best time exploring Tom Sawyer Island. We saw every inch of it, top to bottom. To this day that is our favorite part of the trip, my son and I really bonded over the experience and the tantrums that preceded it are all but forgotten. Prepare yourself for the inevitable adult tantrums and take advantage of them.

 

[BigAlsGal]

Seriously though you're just going to have to toughen up. My mom wields guilt like a battle axe! Do not let your mother guilt you or bully you out of your precious moments. Just be firm and honest. There is nothing wrong with your requests. If she balks that's HER issue...not yours.

 

[disneyjes]

Thank you all for the courage and ideas!

Just spoke to her and started it off by telling her that DH and were going to do a date night and this way she could have an evening alone with DS. She was very happy with that! And then I said "Also, one day DH, DS and I are going to run off for a few hours. This will give you a chance to explore the park on your own at your own pace! It will be so nice for you to have that quiet moment I think! Or you could go back for a swim or a nap at the hotel!"
Thankfully she was just fine with it! PHEW. Hopefully things continue to be positive like that, lol.
Again, thanks! <3

 

[unrequited23]

Booze.

We are planning a trip where both sets of grandparents might be coming along (yikes!). I've already had to veto taking the 5 yr old to universal on a rest day.

If you could find out what your mom thinks is the quintessential Disney experience and make sure she knows she gets to do that with DS. Everyone one knows we are riding Dumbo twice so I can sit next to each of my boys one time.

 

[Nancyg56]

Thank you all for the courage and ideas!

Just spoke to her and started it off by telling her that DH and were going to do a date night and this way she could have an evening alone with DS. She was very happy with that! And then I said "Also, one day DH, DS and I are going to run off for a few hours. This will give you a chance to explore the park on your own at your own pace! It will be so nice for you to have that quiet moment I think! Or you could go back for a swim or a nap at the hotel!"
Thankfully she was just fine with it! PHEW. Hopefully things continue to be positive like that, lol.
Again, thanks! <3

I travel with my dd and her family sometimes and I understand your anxiety. At times I think we are very luck because we go see pretty much eye to eye. You already talked to your mom about her "date" night with your sin and prepared her for her own alone time.

When you are in the queues avoid telling mom who your son is riding with, tell her who is riding with her. Ask if she wants to share with you or DH, things like that. I believe many times hard feelings stem from delivery, not intent.

I also would make it clear mom is not "tagging along" but joining you. There is s huge difference, and one that can change your vacation dynamics completely for either the better or the worse.

Ask mom to capture some family pictures for you, and then do the same for her. Not just her and your son, but the two of you, just the "boys", a three generation family shot at a favorite place.

I guess I am saying that just how the three if you discuss this trip can make it magical.

 

[Tigerlily81]

I'm so glad that you were able to have a good conversation about it, I completely agree with Nancyg56, the delivery is really important. I think oftentimes offering something up, such as the date night one on one time can help with compromising as well, because it shows that you care about her feelings and helps her to remember to consider your feelings in return.

 

[Nancyg56]

When our dgd was 4 we joined our dd and her family on Kady's first Disney vacation. At that time dd and dsil lived with us while they saved for a down payment on a home, so we were pretty used to each other, and respectful as well. My dd aunt wanted to join us, and dd was fine with it..... Until the aunt decided she was in charge. Dd had said that their little family wanted time just the three of them, and I encouraged them. Not the aunt! Holy nasty!!! I finally had to tell get dgd was along for the rude and needed to either straighten out and fly right or remove herself. It wad pretty disrespectful in my opinion.

Well that was her last invitation to join us, and funny thing, dd and dsil never left to explore alone. But they knew I wanted them to have all the family time they wanted, so there was never pressure.

I think that sometimes if you just step back and let the vacation flow it will be okay. The minute you try to control it, it changes.

My DS and ddil are vacationing with us in December. It will be the first find they join us, and already are worrying we will try to keep them with us at all times. No!!!!! If i made it any more clear we want them to plan time alone as a couple i think they would think we did not want them along!! lol!!!

 

[Pesky]

Why not surprise her with a tour or two? That way you will have some special family time and she can have this great tour experience. You can package it as an early birthday or Christmas present or something. Stuff like Keys to the Kingdom take a long time and you can also plan shorter ones like Behind the Seed. Also you can consider her and your son do a tour together to acknowledge her need for some special time while you and your DH explore on your own or relax somewhere with a fruity cocktail. Behind the Seed tour is a good one for that and brief as well. You can also go to tea with her at the GF and let your DH and DS have some alone time for them.

 

[pa. dad]

We went with my father in law and his wife one trip.
We let him know beforehand that we would be doing certain parks on certain days and that we had a touring plan based on the guidebooks and our online research. And that they didn't have to ride any ride that didn't interest them or was too fast. etc.
We also made a few ADRs including some that were geared to their tastes.
And it seemed to work out well. They sat on a few more benches and skipped s few things here and there but overall, it worked out.