Best advice for first month on one income only

[Lady V]

Hello! I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I know its hard because you want to give one child what the other child got. I think the sharing the car thing is a great idea. Maybe just until the first one can pay you for some of it and then she can call it hers? I remarried a couple of years ago. I now have twin 17 year old boys!
Our rule was that they had to pay for thier whole car outright and pay thier own insurance. They were not allowed to get the 'real' license until they could afford the car and the six month premium. I know it sounds harsh but had they gotten thier license without a car they would have still had to be listed on our insurance (the rule with State Farm-any licensed driver MUST be listed on a car). It would have raised our insurance dramatically and they wouldn't even have been driving because we both use our cars. So-one of them saved up and bought a car outright. It wasn't fancy but he is so proud and takes excellent care of it. He also has paid his insurance from the start. He took drivers ed and also did a safety thing State Farm offers and that saves him money. The other twin is in the process of saving. He should be there this summer. My point is that while thier friends were given cars-the boys seem to have so much pride in that they have earned this money. It also makes them really careful when the go to the mall or something. They will tell me they knew not buy something extra because they needed gas money. I know it won't work for everyone but it really works for us. Also-I think if the girls even had to pay for SOMETHING it would help them be more prepared for the real world. And I think that if you explained your situation had changed they might surprise you with how much they understand. They might really step up and wouldn't that make your day so great?
Good luck in everything-I'm really sorry you are having to go through this.

 

[MrsPete]

OH, I know. That didn't even enter my mind. They only know and expect what they are told. I tried to have a talk with them when I first left work, it didn't go well. But that's in the past....
We are going to have readjust, but since it's my fault that I am not working I want to be the one who bears the brunt of the financial burden. I don't want my family to suffer because of me. It's my job to revamp the budget and I really appreciate the advice. It's going to be a challenge, but I am going to keep working on it. Hopefully with the help and support from you guys, I won't have such a hard time. As far as getting Hannah a car, we have a year to figure it out. Things might be better or worse. I seriously doubt I will have been approved for disability by then. I'm trying to be smart and think ahead and much as I can. This has been a real wake up call for me. I just hate letting my family down.

What I'm hearing all over this post: I show my family that I love them by buying them things. I'm sure that's not true, and you've got to get past that idea. Are you providing your kids with a roof over their heads? Meals every day? Guidance, supervision, and love? Then you've done what you have to do. Everything else -- cars, prom dresses, ipods, whatever -- is just gravy.

I don't think that it is wrong to pay for a teenager's car. We paid for our older son's car, which we bought new. We pay for his insurance and we still give him a fifty dollar a month allowance. Many will not agree with this, sometimes we wonder about our sanity as well! But, he goes to an out-of-zone school for an academic program ~ no transportation ~ plus, he plays varsity baseball~ in Florida ~ they play ALL year. He also has a job, but in the spring, he can only work Saturday nights. In our county, High School releases at 3:45, which is late, but it leaves little time for work and baseball because of the state rules about how late kids can work. He is VERY FORTUNATE to have a job. (Being willing to work Saturday nights helps! Fast food bosses love that!)

I don't think there's necessarily one right road to teaching kids to appreciate the value of a dollar. We're giving our not-quite-16 year old a very old family car (not what she wants, but them's the breaks), which she can use at our convenience. We're not letting her drive it to school on a regular basis. I teach at her high school, and it's just dumb to drive two cars to the same school. She can drive it when she has a need to stay after school, etc. We do not expect her to have a job during the school year; she is near the top of her class academically and super-involved in school activities, and she can "earn more" by working towards scholarships than she can with a part time job. She's also planning to major in a field known for giving out lots of scholarships. When our younger, should-I-do-my-homework-today? daughter is 16, we may well take another tact. Unless she experiences a major upheaval in her habits, she probably won't qualify for scholarships, and I think working (to prove to her that she doesn't want to do fast food all her life) may be more beneficial to her. They have very different personalities, and I feel no compunction to treat them equally -- although I will be 100% sure to give each one what's best for her.

Also, I don' t hear you saying that giving your son a brand-new car was a financial hardship. That makes a huge difference in the decision-making process.

There are a lot of things you can do to save money, but they take work. And if you are depressed, getting them done can be a battle. Take it in easy steps and do the things that make you feel rewarded when you finish them.

For me, I wouldn't invest in a clothes line. I know that the discipline of drying clothes with I am depressed is beyond me. And then the failure sets me up for being more depressed.

But I like to bake bread, which is another frugal thing. The tactalness of it, getting out aggression by kneading, the smell, and the loaf when it comes out of the oven are all things that leave me satisfied, and something I can pull off when I'm depressed.

I know people who love to garden and find that to be theraputic. And a vegetable garden is a very frugal thing. Not for me - though I can get satisfaction for some zucchini and a few tomato plants - that's easy enough for me to pull off.

So target your frugality efforts to the things you can be successful on. Note those successes and how they make you feel (this is part of cognative behavioral therapy by the way) and built on them. But don't set yourself up for failure by trying too much off the bat or committing to do something that is going to make you feel worse.

Good points. You could find HUNDREDS of things that you could do to save money -- some of them are useful to you, some of them are useful to me. Like you, I find laundry a most disagreeable chore, and I'm not going to do anything to make it even worse -- no matter if I can save doing it. On the other hand, I like to cook from scratch, don't mind skipping meals out, and enjoy searching for bargains on ebay. Over and over I've tried gardening; it's not my thing, and I've wasted money on plants and fertilizer. But I'm a whiz at canning, and I'll gladly can other people's home-grown veggies in exchange for a portion. With enough cash in reserve, I can raise my insurance deductibles, but since we never really go out, I'm not going to cancel cable TV.

The point: Don't feel badly about the things that aren't going to work for you. Pick out what WILL WORK and do it. I've always had a "scrimp-to-splurge" attitude.

I'm on one and saved $80 on groceries last week.

I suggest that you focus not on what you're "saving" but what you're spending. Too many places jack their prices up sky high, then put things on "sale" because they know that customers like to feel that they've done well -- it's a mental thing. Instead, pay attention to what you're spending. For example, yesterday I was at SuperTarget and wanted to buy some chicken. They had boneless thighs -- organic for $3.99/pound (regular price $5.99). I could "save" $2 per pound by buying them . . . but the reality is that $3.99 is still pretty high for chicken thighs. I need to get down to the surplus food store (which is an hour's drive for me) and do a big stock-up trip. I know I can get boneless chicken breasts there every day of the week for $1.50/pound.

The point: All "saving" isn't "saving". Ignore the "savings" and pay attention to what you're spending.

 

[SOnotLayuh]

I'm on the same coupon train as haunteedmansionmomma. I love it! Along with saving money, it also builds friendship between disboarders. It's a lot of fun.