I have to vent. Ever have one of those days? Today I have decided that the Griswolds have absolutely nothing on my family.
Where to begin?
Let's see... While me and the kids were away in North Carolina last week my darling Fred was entrusted with the care and well being of our beloved pets, which include a frog, a parakeet and three dogs. I left explicit written instructions (or so I thought) for Fred on feeding, going out, etc. My dogs are escape artists so my biggest fear was one would be MIA when we got back. Cut to last Friday, all pets were present and accounted for when we returned, but my sigh of relief was premature.
Today Drew goes to refresh the bird's food. He normally requires refill/refresh every 3-4 days so this was the first time anyone explicitly checked the food although we had refilled the water several times since we returned. Fred had just fed him Friday so all should have been well. Come to find our beloved parakeet was sitting on the bottom of the cage (still moving) and well... we just knew there were issues. Drew looks at the bird's food bin and discovers that instead of birdseed, Fred apparently refilled the birdseed with the wood shavings that are for lining the bottom of the cage. Not even joking-it is times like this I wonder if my husband is going senile... seriously. To cut to the chase, while we tried to feed the bird, it was just too late. Drew held him until he passed. Drew was devastated because this was his parakeet. To make matters worse he is leaving for college tomorrow and this really did not end his last day at home on a good note or set him off on his journey in a positive way.
So now trusty old mom here breaks out the sewing machine. I have become an ace at making custom coffin linings for a variety of pets. Try not to laugh. Yes, the things we do for our children. It gives the kids comfort that their pet is resting comfortably and in style. So now Drew in his grief takes the bird in his makeshift coffin and goes in the back yard to dig the parakeets final resting place. Just when you think the day could not possibly get worse... here is where it all takes the bizarre turn and the Griswold effect takes hold.
My old, fat, overweight, lazy, sausage-like Lhasa Apso was outside. This dog is so fat he cannot jump up onto the couch into your lap like the other dogs because his butt is pure lead. All of a sudden this same dog develops the stealth and agility of an Olympic athlete. This is where we add insult to injury. He jumped twice the height of our couch up onto the patio table where the bird is. Meanwhile Drew is vigorously digging a hole through tears with his back to said dog/bird. Do you see this coming? Because we didn't. Before any of us knew what happened the dog was up on the table and swallowed the bird in one fell swoop. The only evidence of the birds existence was the three or four feathers dangling out of the dogs mouth (sorry if that was way TMI). Stunned doesn't even cover it and much as we tried the dog was just not giving it up. Drew had pure meltdown and me, Fred & Rachel didn't know whether to laugh, cry or just be flat out horrified. Anyhoo... Hollywood needs to call me. Our house is just a comedy of errors. I'm still shaking my head in shock and amazement while vacillating between wanting to kill Fred and wanting to kill the dog. I need a drink!
Not a great way to head off to college. That is one family story that will be told again & again.
I had to laugh when I read that you were neglecting your kids ... 
And don't apologize ... there's no interrupting here - we just talk - so feel free to pop in and join us whenever you feel the urge. 
