Behavior Challenge Thread

[saveaquarter]

I'm pretty firm in my belief (as is one of our close friends) that House is somewhere on that Asperger's spectrum.

 

[BeckyScott]

Bookwormde, I don't know much about it, the counselor is the one who referred to it as "special". All I know is that it is self-paced. Don't know anything else about it. However- since it is self-paced it sounds like it isn't regular curriculum, which concerns me too, as I haven't ever had either kid go off regular curriculum how that effects things long-term.

I am just wondering how, if you are in a small tutoring session every day (which is what his first hour is, basically), how you can get 3 out of 25 on a worksheet. No I don't want the teacher to do it for him, but seriously, that just doesn't sound like it's working the way it should.

 

[C&G'sMama]

We had one of our dogs put to sleep today. Actually she was never our dog but our friend Jen's dog. Jen died about 2 years ago and her 2 dogs needed a home. So we took them. Brit was almost 19 (she'd have turned 19 in January). So after much thinking praying etc we decided it was time for her to go home. We told the kids last night. DS has never really had to deal with death before. DD asked if we could get a cat. Turned out she was deflecting. Because when the perseverating began, Brittany is going to die tomorrow. She is going to die. I'm sad she is going to die (think about 20 times in 10 minutes) DD burst into tears. "would you stop?". So he started crying (not real tears but I guess he figured since sister was doing it that's what you're supposed to do). It was interesting to say the least .

 

[Piper]

Okay guys, I don't know where else to ask.

My daughter is in the process of getting help for my 5 yr old grandson. Two professionals have said that he meets the criteria for Aspergers. A third (highly qualified) professional will meet with them in November for the final diagnosis. BTW--I think they are right on track.

My GS started kindergarten a few weeks ago. My daughter requested n evaluation through the school district. They are in California. The principal told her they didn't do testing until second grade. She told my daughter that she just needed to have better control and teach him not to meltdown or hit! I know in Texas, when a parent requests an evaluation, the district has to do it--no matter the age of the child. Can California deny testing until second grade?

The principal also reduced his day to 1/2 days and told my daughter to pick him up early. I don't think this can be done without an IEP meeting. I suspect that the district is in serious violation here--how about it? Is California that different in its administration of IDEA?

She is in the process of getting him private speech and social skills training in a really good well-trained environment.....but it is very expensive! She wants to do this in addition to modifications at school that would help him be more successful (which he hasn't been so far--wonder why

 

[C&G'sMama]

Okay guys, I don't know where else to ask.

My daughter is in the process of getting help for my 5 yr old grandson. Two professionals have said that he meets the criteria for Aspergers. A third (highly qualified) professional will meet with them in November for the final diagnosis. BTW--I think they are right on track.

My GS started kindergarten a few weeks ago. My daughter requested n evaluation through the school district. They are in California. The principal told her they didn't do testing until second grade. She told my daughter that she just needed to have better control and teach him not to meltdown or hit! I know in Texas, when a parent requests an evaluation, the district has to do it--no matter the age of the child. Can California deny testing until second grade?

The principal also reduced his day to 1/2 days and told my daughter to pick him up early. I don't think this can be done without an IEP meeting. I suspect that the district is in serious violation here--how about it? Is California that different in its administration of IDEA?

She is in the process of getting him private speech and social skills training in a really good well-trained environment.....but it is very expensive! She wants to do this in addition to modifications at school that would help him be more successful (which he hasn't been so far--wonder why

OMG!!!
Unbelievable. I don't know where federal law ends and state law begins. There's got to be links out there through Autism Speaks maybe.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[DisDreaminMom]

C&G's Mama and Koolaid Mom, here's a for being such good people and all that you have done to help those dogs live out the rest of their days. I can't tell you how many pugs the rescue gets in every month with similar stories and it's really hard to find homes for them all. Strange how the Aspie thing works with "the unknown" (death, God, in my case, algebra). Sometimes you just have to let it go and let them work through things. Sounds like you two have things under control.

Piper, I don't know anything about CA law. I'm sorry your DD is getting the run around. I just want to hurl when I think of someone saying it's because we are bad parents. Funny, the Apsie parents I know of the generation generally tend to be more "mindful" than others. Apples, trees, I know. So here's a for you. That's about all I can do to help.

But let me jump on my soap box and say that I DO NOT understand how it is a BAD thing for a parent to want more help for a child. You've got parents who can't even make a kid a decent breakfast or wear clean clothes and the kids are little monsters because of a nutso home environment, and the school is upset of people like us? Seriously? Is this the world we are living in?
I almost feel like some administrators think, "Well, that mom is just an over achiever. Her kid is clean, fed, has seen a dentist lately, and mom has a college degree and she still can't get that brat to pay attention. She's just being whiny. Who cares if her kid will only read the alphabet backwards or he has a stutter. Other kids have it much worse, and we just put 'em on ADD meds and get on with it. She's just not tough enough on the kid at home. He's probably a spoiled brat." Am I the only one who has gotten this in one form or another?


Nothing fun to report, other than I think House is an Aspie, too. ABC has a new show called "The Middle". It's got Patricia Heaton in it, and I always have loved her acting. Anyway, it's a pretty funny show and some of you might get a kick out of it. The young son on the show is "quirky" and the pilot episode had the kid's teacher telling the parents the child needed "more help", so I'm interested to see where that's going. But I did think it was the funniest and most "real" of the new Fall line up, so check it out. Kind of like "The Office" but in terms of my life. And for those of you that watch Fringe (which you should because it's a hoot, and it's the closest thing to Alias so I'll take what I can get) the crazy scientist character could either be classified as Aspie or some NV type.

OK, you caught me. I'm a DVR junkie. But no soaps or reality shows except Amazing Race.

 

[BeckyScott]

Piper, IDEA is federal law, not state. A child can have an IEP as young as age 3, that's part of Child Find, which is federal too I'm pretty sure.

I don't know that the state can over-ride that, can they?

Don't even mess w/ the principal, half the time they don't know the laws. Have her write the letter requesting an eval, and turn it in to the special services coordinator for the district.

There should be a free advocacy service in Cali. All states are supposed to have them, however, it may be tricky to figure out who it is. (the schools won't tell you about them, but maybe the professionals she's seen would know) Just off of google, I'm guessing it's http://www.disabilityrightsca.org/connect/index.htm

That's really ironic, the more I think about it. You all remember back in the "old days" when there was so much press about autism/ Asperger's and there was much focus on Silicon Valley? That was like the Mecca Of Aspergers.

Yikes. I guess I can add California to our list of "Places We Don't Need To Live".

 

[bookwormde]

C&G’sMama,

Everything has its time but that only makes if a little easier, we went through this a couple of years ago, once we explained “moses” (our golden retriever) was in pain could not be comfortable and that it was only gong to get worse and it was not fair to let her suffer fro our needs and wishes the boys were sad but understanding. Reactions are always interesting.

Becky Scott,

You know the current IEP is not working, so unless there is an obvious “fix” that the team can agree on without a meeting it is definitely time for a meeting.

Piper

I answered on the other thread but if there is anything else I can do to help please feel free to ask. All the state IDEA policies must have a statement that if the state policy is in conflict with the Federal policy that the federal policy takes precedent.

bookwormde

 

[BeckyScott]

DisDreamin, we are very fortunate that the principal at youngest DS's school "gets it" that way. After a kinda nasty meeting I had last year, he told me he'd much rather have parents who were up there all the time because they cared, instead of the parents who drop and run. They have a lot of parents who can't be bothered showing up for parent/teacher conferences, or who knows what you'd have to do to get them to show up for an event. (I totally get that, having been involved in some of that stuff, I'm hard pressed to come up with volunteers)

I'm amazed that the guy is still employed by the school district, since usually the attitude is more like you describe and he certainly doesn't fit the mold.

That's why I don't want my kids to grow up. The middle school and higher, they want you to drop your kid off and stay the heck out of their way. They've got a reputation for, if you manage to get a meeting in the first place, smiling and nodding and then going back to doing whatever they want.

 

[saveaquarter]

We had one of our dogs put to sleep today. Actually she was never our dog but our friend Jen's dog. Jen died about 2 years ago and her 2 dogs needed a home. So we took them. Brit was almost 19 (she'd have turned 19 in January). So after much thinking praying etc we decided it was time for her to go home. We told the kids last night. DS has never really had to deal with death before. DD asked if we could get a cat. Turned out she was deflecting. Because when the perseverating began, Brittany is going to die tomorrow. She is going to die. I'm sad she is going to die (think about 20 times in 10 minutes) DD burst into tears. "would you stop?". So he started crying (not real tears but I guess he figured since sister was doing it that's what you're supposed to do). It was interesting to say the least .

That's so sad. Death is hard enough with NT kids to cope with. I'm very sorry to hear about your dog, that's always such a difficult decision to make. More often than not, though, it is the right one <3

Nothing fun to report, other than I think House is an Aspie, too. ABC has a new show called "The Middle". It's got Patricia Heaton in it, and I always have loved her acting. Anyway, it's a pretty funny show and some of you might get a kick out of it. The young son on the show is "quirky" and the pilot episode had the kid's teacher telling the parents the child needed "more help", so I'm interested to see where that's going. But I did think it was the funniest and most "real" of the new Fall line up, so check it out. Kind of like "The Office" but in terms of my life. And for those of you that watch Fringe (which you should because it's a hoot, and it's the closest thing to Alias so I'll take what I can get) the crazy scientist character could either be classified as Aspie or some NV type.

OK, you caught me. I'm a DVR junkie. But no soaps or reality shows except Amazing Race.

The Middle looks wonderful, we picked out that little boy by midway through the episode as NV. I'm looking forward to how that pans out as well! I agree with you about the scientist on Fringe, as well. There's a character on Community, which just started this season on NBC, named Abed, and after this past week, when he used a very bizarre, quirky film to express to his father how he felt about his parent's divorce, but not before thoroughly frustrating and weirding out everyone around him, I'm pretty convinced he's somewhere on the spectrum as well.

Glad to know I'm not the only TV junkie present.


J's obsession with The Office is going strong now. Of course, the show is called 'Pam' in our house, and Thursdays are 'Pam Night', and we watch every syndication there is. Did you know it's also on Fox, ABC, and TBS? Because I do. There are at least three episodes a night, we watch them all, and are still working our way through the bonus features on the season five DVD. We also had to scour two Target dollar bins for the merchandise they've been selling. Thankfully, at the second we found plenty, and are now proud owners of Dunder Mifflin mugs and Pam pens. I'm starting to wonder if there's a reason Pam and perseveration start with the same letter.

Last week Jim & Pam were featured on the cover of Entertainment Weekly in anticipation of their wedding on next week's episode, and we had to comb heaven and earth to find a copy. Apparently the college aged females of this town are-and rightly so- very much into this, as every store we went into or called (somewhere in the neighborhood of 35) were sold out by last weekend. I had to put out the call to friends in far flung corners of the country, who sported similar stories of difficulty. He was near panic on Tuesday, with the magazine being pulled from shelves Thursday, and I happened across it at the grocery store. Thank goodness

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Saveaquarter, I was dying laughing reading your post! First, thanks for showing what the adult version of perseverating looks like. I am guessing you don't take offense to the Pam thing. You must be a fabulous woman to help and be supportive of these "quests". (This coming from someone who figured out how to take an acoustic guitar and make it into a cello-because DS NEEDED a cello!-it involves rubber bands and a yardstick, BTW). I must admit that I bought some of the great Office stuff they had at Target. I use my Dwight note pad and it makes me smile every time I look at it.

I like Community and picked out Abed, as well. It was my DH, actually, who said, "There's our kid!" when he started talking.

I think we could talk for days about how many Quests we have gone on, looking for stuff our kids and loved ones will actually be interested in playing with or reading, etc. Some of mine have been:

Miniature toilets
Small fans
small musical instruments
Eiffel Towers
Statue of Liberty
pictures of cities
pictures of Paris
Thomas trains
bells
Chinese lanterns
maps of Europe

 

[saveaquarter]

Saveaquarter, I was dying laughing reading your post! First, thanks for showing what the adult version of perseverating looks like. I am guessing you don't take offense to the Pam thing. You must be a fabulous woman to help and be supportive of these "quests". (This coming from someone who figured out how to take an acoustic guitar and make it into a cello-because DS NEEDED a cello!-it involves rubber bands and a yardstick, BTW). I must admit that I bought some of the great Office stuff they had at Target. I use my Dwight note pad and it makes me smile every time I look at it.

I like Community and picked out Abed, as well. It was my DH, actually, who said, "There's our kid!" when he started talking.

I think we could talk for days about how many Quests we have gone on, looking for stuff our kids and loved ones will actually be interested in playing with or reading, etc. Some of mine have been:

Miniature toilets
Small fans
small musical instruments
Eiffel Towers
Statue of Liberty
pictures of cities
pictures of Paris
Thomas trains
bells
Chinese lanterns
maps of Europe

Fortunately, all his interests are ones I enjoy as well. I tend to be a bit on the obsessive side, and he indulges mine too. We're both trivia nuts and love knowing everything there is to know about anything (did you know they moved Creed's desk to build Jim's office? because we had to figure out where it fit in the floorplan at 9:30 Thursday), the big difference is I can switch gears a hundred times faster than he can! And, of course, I'm no more offended by his love of Pam than he is by my love of Jim

And may I just say, it's wonderful to talk to people who GET this sort of thing, and don't think it's creepy or weird.

And I absolutely have to hear about the miniature toilets. Please do tell. And I can't get over how common the Thomas love is. I've never known anyone on the spectrum who didn't spend part of their life in Sodor.

 

[BeckyScott]

Justin's domino phase comes to mind.

He wanted someone else to set them up, so he could knock them over. And again. And again. This was great fun for him, not so much for the setter-upper.

So that is when I introduced him to YouTube, which btw, has a gazillion domino videos. He wanted dominos for Christmas. I noticed on several of the videos there were these plastic dominos that were hinged on a track, so they were easy to flip upright. Had no idea where to buy them. Registered on YouTube so I could email some little 11-year-old and ask where those dominos came from. They are Domino Rally tracks, which is no longer sold retail, but you can buy them from Ebay, but they're "collectible" so you know how much I ended up paying for them. Good heavens, all that to save me some work???

It's almost as bad as when Santa was working overnights and got off work at 6 am and illegally sped 70 miles to a neighboring town to stand out in front of ToysRUs an hour before it opened to get a Wii. Which both Santa and Mrs. Claus swore they'd never do such nonsense.

I think Abed is swinging Aspie. I haven't seen any of the rest of those shows, though, as I seem to be addicted more to reality tv. Not the bachelor shows or the Real Housewives at least, more like Mike Rowe and the cake dude and What Not To Wear and a heavy addiction to American Idol. Plus my weekly bawl, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, where I am guaranteed to be crying by the first commercial break. Much like my kids only believe in reading for information and not for entertainment, I seem to do the same thing with television.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

Hello all!

Looked up Community, so I will catch up on those episodes. My dd's "thing" lately is playing school, where she recreates all the poignant moments from the day. That's where I get to find out what really went on at school. She also is obsessive about maps-anything with a map on it is fair game!

Friday was the end of the 60 days and so I sent a letter to Autism Leader requesting records (I have received NONE up to this point). She called me today requesting a meeting with me to go over the results and present their opinion. I don't know if that's code for "refusing services" or? Isn't she supposed to schedule an ARD to refuse services once the Eval has been done? Anyway, I've got LOTS of data up my sleeve for tomorrow or the ARD or whatever. It seems according to my dd the teacher has been telling her the answers to all the worksheets. I knew my dd wasn't able to answer the work she was bringing home-word problems such as "6 eggs are in a carton. Emma cooks 2 eggs. How many eggs are left?" My dd replied to me 6 eggs verbally--The only thing I can figure is they didn't state Emma got the eggs from the carton? Another problem: "Write a number story about a toy box and 6 toys". Another problem: "7 pens are red or blue. 5 Pens are red, how many are blue?" These problems are TORTURE for my dd because they are not specific enough. She is also having problems with greater than and less than. Then she told me the teacher tells her the answers and she writes them in!!!!!

Anyway, any advice for my meeting tomorrow besides the obvious (no, I won't sign ANYTHING)?

Thanks!

 

[bookwormde]

While there is nothing precluding a meeting to review the results technically they cannot “form an opinion” until the actual IDEA classification determination meeting. They should supply you copies of the evaluations ahead of even an informal review so you (and any one else you care to have review them) have a chance to study them.

One to the first curricular modifications is to delay any word problems until the underlying mathematical skill is masters since they are contaminated by social contexts and as “reading” is difficult with her EF system. The homeroom teacher is a required member of the IEP team so you can always ask directly in the meeting (sounds very “fishy”).

How is the clinical evaluation coming, have they done the auditory processing evaluation (most schools are not set up to do these), but are very important to the classification and IEP development

We have lot of laminated maps (world, US, tectonic, environmental etc) laminated and pinned to the wall; DS takes them down and studies them regularly. We also have globes, which are a big hit.

bookwormde

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Oh, I forgot the globes! We have lots of those, including an insanely expensive one that is a lamp.

Toilet thing happened when DH was terrified of the potty and we were trying to train him. It was his pre-K teacher that got the first toy potty. Then it became an endless search for play toilets. We had a long spell of looking at the "neck" of all toilets in every single place we went. I don't miss that. He had to "go" every time we left the house, but most of the time was scared to death of the actual toilet, so it was very frustrating. Toilets with large "outlet areas" were going to swallow him whole. Good times. Don't get me started about automatic flushing toilets. Just bring your sticky notes when you get to that phase.

Maps, maps, maps, all over the house.

I am getting around to selling my Thomas collection. A person on ebay had one that was much smaller than ours and the last bid was for $300. I shudder to think how much I have invested in my set.

OT, but I messed up and forgot to change my WDW trip dates when our schedule changed, so I need to add one night's hotel onto my trip, the first night. We had wanted to stay at AKL but decided to save $ and do CBR in a Pirate room. SO the first day we are there, we are doing AK with a follow up dinner at Boma (yum). Do you think it would be nuts to book a night at AKL and make it a surprise? I don't think it would be too hard to transition to CBR, cause it is a Pirate room. Any thoughts?

 

[DisDreaminMom]

Becky, as per "reality tv preferences", DITTO. But it's not like it's Big Brother (skanky). We watch all the ones you like, but they are not DVR'd. Mike Rowe is AWESOME. We all love his show. Did you know he has a website promoting higher education that doesn't involve a Lib Arts degree, as in Vocational school? He is so right on target. There are always a lot of Literature majors out there, but very few welders and pipe fitters. I'm sure some of us Aspie parents have thought more than once about how much more sense it would make for our Electrically Interested children to actually just go this path and make $40/hr right out of school instead of being a "well educated" jobless kid. Heck, I even think about going to VoTech to learn something new. I've always been a "closet" carpentry fan. My Equine/Business degree was fun at the time, but sure doesn't pay many bills.

 

[GraceLuvsWDW]

HELP!

Just had meeting with "Autism Leader" who states:

my dd is perfectly normal and does not qualify for special education services despite her differences which they concede but they state do not rise to the level of needing special ed.

She states she does not have to give me all the records pertaining to my dd, only the summary report.

I presented documentation of the deficiencies of my dd in this class and she stated they did not evaluate those areas.

She inferred my dd was "manipulating" me by having meltdowns at home and they see no evidence of extreme anxiety in the classroom.

They made NO effort to contact the neuro-psych and stated they didn't HAVE to.

Ok, people. I need your help on this. What should I do? They want to have an ARD on Oct 15th but I told them I'd get back to tham as to whether I can do it then. The eval report is full of "differences" but none they say that qualify for special ed. Oh, and they completely deny she has Asperger's eventhough I specifically asked which diagnostic criteria they are stating she doesn't have and she didn't state which ones.

Help!

 

[bookwormde]

Yes Thomas trains we have Tupperware bins full of them, a lot the nice wood ones (maybe I will keep them to sell when they are collectors items on ebay to help pay for DS’s college).

We did 1 night at AKL the first time we visited, and it was ok (that visit) but it is now a must do each visit.

bookwormde

 

[bookwormde]

GraceLucsWDW,

OK here is where things get really technical.

First we need to determine how compliant they were up to this point.

Did they supply you with a copy of the “notice of procedural safeguards” when you requested the IEP evaluation? If so have it in front of you, if not they have violated IDEA and we will include that along with any other due process paperwork that needs to be prepared.

If you have the procedural safeguards manual there is a section on your rights to participate (as an equal member). “you are a member of your child’s IEP team and have the right to participate in team meeting in identification, evaluation, and educational placement of your child and other matters relating to your child’s free and appropriate educations”.

OK we first need to find out if the school considered your meeting today to be an evaluation review meeting for the purpose of determining educational classification.

Did you receive a prior written notice of this meeting at least 10 days in advance, or did you sign a waver giving up this right for this meeting. Did the notice state the purpose of the meeting (to review the IDEA evaluation of your child and to make an educational classification determination). Were minutes kept of the meeting and were you given a copy for you to review and add corrections and additions. If any of these did not happen then this was not the review required under the time constraints for the initial evaluation IDEA regulations. It was just a meeting where school personnel were “blowing smoke”.

Did they give you anything I writing expressing that they had made a decision and what it was (please tell me they did since that is gross violation of parents rights) if not ask for the items expressed in the meeting to be sent to you in writing including the refusal to send anything but summery reports.

As for records, there should be a section in the procedural safeguards manual about this but to paraphrase, for your child’s educations records (educational evaluations are part of this) the school must tell you what types of records exist, must allow you to review these records before any meeting including an evaluation meeting, and must supply you copies of the records at reasonable cost (for the copying only) that is affordable to you.

As to outside evaluations, diagnosis and recommendations, you need to get copies and bring them to the evaluation meeting. You may also bring clinicians, therapists, or anyone else who is familiar with and can provide input to the process or just to support you.

As you know I am direct, but the “Autism leader” (what ever that is?) has demonstrated that she is incompetent in both Aspergers (not that unusual for someone whose background is in classic autism) and IDEA.

Other than seeing if you can get her to give in writing what she said during the meeting any further dealing with her are a waste of time outside the formality of an IEP meeting (and hopefully not then).

Now before you move foreword I need the answers to the above questions.

OK now once I review your answers as I have recommended before it is time to call the director for special education for your district. While there will be some variation depending upon the answers here is the general scenario.

You will ask the SPED director when the formal IEP meeting will be held to review the educational evaluation and to make an educational classification. Then you will bring up the IDEA violation(s) that have occurred and detail them the SPED director. You will ask if the “autism leader” is a certified Educational diagnostician and if she has any current training and experience in Aspersers or IDEA since all indications to date are that she does not. State that if the district director cannot assure future competency that you want an alternate individual to act as the ED (educational diagnostician) and a person experienced in accurate evaluations and classifications of Aspergers to become part for your child’s IEP team. Let her know that you are in the process of drafting multiple due process complaints to request due process hearings which will be sent to the district and the IDEA complaint/compliance official at the State DOE. Let her know that it is not your desire to go through these administrative complexities but blatant disregard for IDEA regulations and the apparent lack of competency of the individual who is acting as the ED are making this necessary unless the process changes immediately.
Let her know that if the evaluations are not accurate, complete and competent that you will be requesting outside “second opinion evaluations” which under IDEA will be paid for by the district. Let her know that you want a district representative at all meeting to assure compliance and competency.

As I said some answers from above come first then I can provide final direction they it is how you wish to handle it.

As always any help than I can offer is here for the taking.

Here is a link the the federal dept of educations IDEA section which has most of the information I have described above, it is allways effective to email links of the DED DOE website for items which the district is not following to the director of special education.

http://idea.ed.gov/explore/home

bookwormde