Battles with kids and spending money

[Sugardimples]

I think that I would establish that each gets the same amount and that is their spending money for Disney. Any other money stays home. $100 is more than enough to spend per child.

 

[tinkermom23]

I think that I would establish that each gets the same amount and that is their spending money for Disney. Any other money stays home. $100 is more than enough to spend per child.

I tend to agree with this!
Although I too think that $100 is ALOT of money for 7 year olds.
If that is the amount you decide on, leave all the other money home. Even if it comes as a gift that the says it's for Disney, tuck it away for when he gets home.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

We make our kids save their allowance. That's it.

 

[tzolkin]

OP: I think it's wonderful that you are concerned with fairness , but I really can't see why kids should spend over $100 on a trip.


I'm always amazed by these "spending money" threads where people budget hundreds of dollars or those that budget an amount per day. Do you really buy something for each person every day?

Maybe DH and I are just cheap parents, but we usually give our kids a few Disney dollars before we leave (just for the fun of them handing them to the CMs to pay). We go to DTD one afternoon during our trip. The past two years we have bought the potato head pieces (all three kids love these and play with them often) and each kid got one other item (they each spent $25 or less). Last year my two girls didn't see anything they really wanted, so DH wound up buying them paintings of their names.

I did buy them a few things on sale before our trips that I gave them while we were there like light up spinners, fanny packs, beach towels, new sunglasses, etc.

I just think it would take up a huge chunk of our vacation time to wander throught every store while the kids tried to decide the best way to spend their money every day of our trip. If something really catches some one's eye, we'll stop, but usually checking out the resort gift shop a few times and going to DTD for a few hours is enough shopping for us.

 

[bookgirl]

I had a stepbrother for awhile when I was a kid.

We took him on a trip with us one summer. My mom and stepdad gave us each 60 dollars. I was thrilled because that with my summer job money was a good amount for a 12 year old in the 70's. Then my step dad told me that if I took my savings then I would not be getting any money from them. It would not be fair to my stepbrother. My thought is how fair is it that I get my money taken away because I saved. What if his mother gave him money or he brought saved money, but I wasn't allowed to use that argument because they were only concerned with the 60 they gave us. (never did find out if he had extra money, and I wasn't sneaky enough to just bring money and not tell them) I only took the 60 and saved my other money. Either way you will get the "it's not fair" argument.

I say you tell them upfront. We will give you 100 for the trip, any money you have on your own is your decision to bring or not. That way all the kids know they have a certain amount and that they have the option of using any money from other relatives or saved money. I mean what if their mom gives them extra money, does that meant that it's unfair to your son? Do you then have to give your son more extra money? It's never going to be fair unless you hold out all money except the original 100.

Good Luck.

 

[zoemurr]

that would never let a 7 year old use $100 for souvies? No way.. not chore $ or gift money.

We walk through the shops, look around and leave.

We buy autograph books, lights, pins, etc. from ebay before we go. We have done BBB, Alice lunch, etc. but that is not out of their money. I think in 3 trips (9 days each) we have bought a few pins, DS Mickey ears ('cause DD had ears already from home) and DS a shirt for Philharmagic ('cause he LOVES it) I'm sure DD had something to offset that, but I don't remember right now. Grandma also bought a few legos from the Lego Shop.. oh yes and Potato Head parts for me.

So much to do at Disney besides think about how you're going to spend more $$.. especially when it is mostly over priced stuff that won't get used at home.

If you are worried about fairness I would tell them all they could pick out a shirt, and one other thing that is reasonably priced. In my house we don't really worry about "fair" 'cause it all works out somehow. I'm sure this is different with blended families though, and I'm glad you're paying attention to everyone's feelings.

 

[tinkermom23]

that would never let a 7 year old use $100 for souvies? No way.. not chore $ or gift money.

This trip is a surprise so we aren't giving DS a chance to save up ahead of time. DH and I decided that $25 is enough for each of the kids so I got gift cards that we will give when we get to WDW. On our second to the last day we have DTD planned and we will let them each buy something there. We don't want to spend our park days browsing the shops and looking at stuff when we could be doing other things.
I hate to buy anything if it isn't on sale and I have a coupon so shopping at WDW isn't that much fun for me. However, my DNiece10 went last year and she had over $150 of her own to spend and she LOVED shopping! It was in her top 3 favorite things about Disney!
So, to each their own, but we wouldn't give our kids $100 + to spend.

 

[davis65]

Thank you to everyone for posting, but I feel that I should probably clear up some things. We have my step sons 2 weeks out of the month, their mother has them the other 2weeks. We alternate weeks. I really wish that I could call and work out something with their mom, but we have tried in the past and it didn't work. Their mom has a bad habit and she expected us to pay her for letting the kids do chores at her mom's house (the kids stay with her mom on her weeks) She became very upset when we told her that we were paying the kids at our house. She wanted the money and when we told her no, and that it belonged to the kids and not her... well to make a long story short we wound up back in court because she kept the kids from us and the judge said to just keep her out of the picture when it came to things that we do at our house. Her mother is not much better when it comes to this situation. Her mother believes that we should also pay their mother because the judge ordered no child support since we have them equal amount of time, and their mother refuses to get a job. Therefore her mother believes that we should support her since she mothered the children. She told us that if they have the kids do chores then we should pay them at drop off and they will decide how much to give the kids and how much to give the mom. Sorry but I refuse to do that. If the children do the work, then they should get the pay.

The other thing was the reason why we are letting them spend so much. Our kids rarely get to do things like this. This is the first time in 5 years that we have not been up to our nose in lawyer bills and actually have the money to do something with them. I grew up in a house were my mother didn't care if I got anything or not. She never took us anywhere, and told me that the reason why she had kids was so that they could do the housework, not to buy them all kinds of things. I guess growing up like this, I tend to go overboard to make sure my kids have things. I usually spend $400 easy on birthday parties and another $200 on presents. I know its alot, but for me its letting my kids have things that I only dreamt about. I don't want my kids growing up thinking "My childhood sucked" However this year my DH and I agreed to let Disney be the big Birthday for all of them. We are having a much smaller party than normal, and cut way down on the presents. We are giving them the money as part birthday present, part just wanting them to have money to spend. Plus they don't want to spend all the money on themselves. My step sons want to buy their brother something. (their mother has another child from another failed marriage, and we are really close to that childs father in order to keep a relationship between my step sons and their brother due to the fact that she lost custody of him) Plus they want to buy some presents for their grandparents on DH side and my side. My son also wants to buy presents for his grandparents and a couple friends. So given that all the money is not going to go on things for them we decided to give them enough to cover gifts for others and get themselves a few things. With them having their own money the gifts will come from them, not "well mom and dad got it." I know $100 will cover their gifts and maybe something for them, but I don't know if it will cover all of that plus get them a few things that they want. Therefore being the reason why I was allowing them to bring their extra money for themselves.

Sorry this is so long, but I just wanted to clear up those couple of issues. Hope this makes sense.

 

[clutter]

This is what we do. We have a 6yr old daughter and 12 yr old son. We give them both $10 to $15 per day to spend (depending on how long we plan to stay and how much my personal budget can spare). They get all the $ up front and know the can spend a little each day or blow it all one one thing...however they choose. But, when it is gone, there is no more

I did the same, but in the opposite way. I gave the $5 or $10/day to my dd. If she saw something that cost more, she could save for it for another day. I also would buy a "big' gift, with a limit, at the end of the trip.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

You know what OP? Your right as a parent is to provide a better life for your kids (even if they aren't biologically yours) than you had. It's in the parent's handbook!

I don't think it's a problem for the kids to have $100 to spend at 7 (though I would put them in gift card form vs. cash or I'd distribute the money over your vacation) since you said yourself that this is a big treat for them. I was responsible for that amount on a couple of trips around that age, and you are making them earn it vs. just handing it over which will make it mean more.

You've got a big heart and I hope everything works out in the end.

 

[deerhart]

Both my kids (ages 9 and 6 at the time) had $100.00 to spend last year on things at Disney. My oldest had a bit more (because he had saved b-day money) but it wasn't much (and we let him keep that in cash not on the card we had for each of them). Also relatives did send them money for their trip.

They did really well on their spending. My youngest lived it up at the Lego store!

We don't pay for chores (they don't have a lot, feed/water dog, put clothes in hamper, put clothes away, pick up toys, put dishes away/set table, take out garbage sometimes, bring groceries in and help put away. they will sometimes pitch in do other things like sweeping, or this morning when my 7 yo was shoveling the sidewalk!) at our house and my kids don't get an allowance. If they want something, I generally do get it for them, but usually they have to do somethings to earn it. My oldest wants a new star wars game and I am debating on what he's going to have to do to convince me to buy it. I feel its going to be no whining over homework for two weeks, though he did mention to DH that he wanted to shovel driveways after the snow (and then DH asked me what he wanted )

 

[shaylahc1]

I think $100 is a lot to give a 7 year old. I have an 8 year old and she is very impulsive---she'd spend it on the first 2 things she saw that she liked What we do at Disney is to let the kids look at everything they want and then on the last few days we go back and choose $50-75 per kid worth of stuff to buy. This allows them to see everything they want and then CHOOSE what they want, and not just make impulse purchases. Because kids want everything they see I think that "delay of gratification" is a good thing.

I would give all the kids the same amount to spend, no allowance spending involved. That's JMHO.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I have given each of my kids $100 to spend at WDW, actually each person in our family got $100 so DH and I were able to set an example with our shopping, the way we waited to buy things. When my 5yo went as a baby we even alloted him souvenir money, the same amt. as the other kids (we used it to buy him a jacket, new outfit when his diaper leaked and a baby's first Christmas ornament).

Maybe my kids are just cheap, but they thought $100 was plenty and none of them brought their own money to add to it, they didn't want to and I didn't make them. My oldest DS has over $100 saved up and he has a goal in mind of a laptop, I'm not going to make him ignore his goal just so he can buy more stuff at WDW, if he had wanted to bring it I would have encouraged him to leave it home because on a family vacation DH and I pay for the extra "treats".

We have also done more budget vacations where they got no souvenir money and they understood that and still did not bring their own money, they were just happy to be there and focused on experiences.

 

[krcit]

I think $100 for a 7 year old is alot of money! When we went my kids were 3, 7 and 10 and they each got $50 to spend. It was funny to see how thrifty they were with 'their' money, lol. Anytime they would ask for something, I would say "ok, but remember it comes out of your $50" Suddenly they didn't want it anymore My 10 year old came home with the money and my 3 and 7 year old spent about 1/2 of it.

 

[msmama]

Could you do something like...you each get a t-shirt and a toy and... whatever. And then maybe give them $50 or something to spend on other people.

Your kids sound like great kids, and it's great that they want to buy things for other people, my concern then would be that they would spend it all on other people and not get anything for themselves.

Or maybe get them each 2 gift cards, one to spend on themselves and one to spend on other people (yes, making things harder on you).

After your other post, I'd be afraid that you DS would come home with lots of stuff for himself (with his extra $) and the other 2 would come home with nothing for themselves, but lots for others.

Have a great trip!

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Thank you to everyone for posting, but I feel that I should probably clear up some things. We have my step sons 2 weeks out of the month, their mother has them the other 2weeks. We alternate weeks. I really wish that I could call and work out something with their mom, but we have tried in the past and it didn't work. Their mom has a bad habit and she expected us to pay her for letting the kids do chores at her mom's house (the kids stay with her mom on her weeks) She became very upset when we told her that we were paying the kids at our house. She wanted the money and when we told her no, and that it belonged to the kids and not her... well to make a long story short we wound up back in court because she kept the kids from us and the judge said to just keep her out of the picture when it came to things that we do at our house. Her mother is not much better when it comes to this situation. Her mother believes that we should also pay their mother because the judge ordered no child support since we have them equal amount of time, and their mother refuses to get a job. Therefore her mother believes that we should support her since she mothered the children. She told us that if they have the kids do chores then we should pay them at drop off and they will decide how much to give the kids and how much to give the mom. Sorry but I refuse to do that. If the children do the work, then they should get the pay.

The other thing was the reason why we are letting them spend so much. Our kids rarely get to do things like this. This is the first time in 5 years that we have not been up to our nose in lawyer bills and actually have the money to do something with them. I grew up in a house were my mother didn't care if I got anything or not. She never took us anywhere, and told me that the reason why she had kids was so that they could do the housework, not to buy them all kinds of things. I guess growing up like this, I tend to go overboard to make sure my kids have things. I usually spend $400 easy on birthday parties and another $200 on presents. I know its alot, but for me its letting my kids have things that I only dreamt about. I don't want my kids growing up thinking "My childhood sucked" However this year my DH and I agreed to let Disney be the big Birthday for all of them. We are having a much smaller party than normal, and cut way down on the presents. We are giving them the money as part birthday present, part just wanting them to have money to spend. Plus they don't want to spend all the money on themselves. My step sons want to buy their brother something. (their mother has another child from another failed marriage, and we are really close to that childs father in order to keep a relationship between my step sons and their brother due to the fact that she lost custody of him) Plus they want to buy some presents for their grandparents on DH side and my side. My son also wants to buy presents for his grandparents and a couple friends. So given that all the money is not going to go on things for them we decided to give them enough to cover gifts for others and get themselves a few things. With them having their own money the gifts will come from them, not "well mom and dad got it." I know $100 will cover their gifts and maybe something for them, but I don't know if it will cover all of that plus get them a few things that they want. Therefore being the reason why I was allowing them to bring their extra money for themselves.

Sorry this is so long, but I just wanted to clear up those couple of issues. Hope this makes sense.

I don't see why you should have to explain why you are giving each child the amount you are giving them. IT is YOUR money and YOUR chidren. I think telling your son to save the other money would work out the best. That way they each have $100. BUT maybe you bring it just in case you decide to give the step kids more You may get there and your son may not want to buy much at all you know.