Basketball Bully - what would work to change this situation?

[WillR]

Hi,

I need some advice. My son is 14 and about to try out for the town travel team. He played on both the 6th and 7th grade travel teams with basically the same kids. Problem is he doesn't enjoy this group - one kid in particular makes his life miserable - this kid calls him names like retarted and pushs, hits, annoys him any chance he gets. Forget going to the coaches - they encourage this behavior.

I hate to see my son quit because of this kid but frankly he doesn't know how to deal with it. He usually holds his own (they're both big kids) but he hates it. When he goes to basketball camp he loves it - works hard - has fun - all the right things.

Any thoughts, suggestions on how he can get back to having fun with this team and get this kid off his back?

Thanks

 

[coqui]

Well unfortunately that's the life of high school. He really has two options that might stop it.

Ignore it. (the guy will get worse initially but it will fade away)

Take him to school. If your son is good at basketball, (espescially if he can dunk) have him do it on this guy at any given time. The guy will get upset but at the same time, when he calls him a retard, your son has game to back up on.

 

[JAP]

Talk to the coaches again. If it doesn't help go to the school principal about the coach and the bully. That approach may horrify your son but it is unfair for the coaches to let this behavior go.

Also, is the bully's dad a bully? Maybe try the approach with the parents.

I hope the situation gets better for your son. Good luck.

 

[WillR]

The school is not officially involved in travel so that doesn't work.

This kids parents have raised him to be like this and they are quite proud of his actions. That isn't going to change.

Ignoring is what we've told him to do but it is tough and it has robbed him of some of his confidence. This kid will tell my son he lost the game if he has one bad play - who doesn't have one bad play. The bully has his share - but he's the bully.

This isn't fun

 

[RoqueC]

I've been picked on quite a bit, especially in Middle School. My solution: IGNORE IT. That's the best way to get over it.

 

[jsmith]

this does not sound like a school issue-if it is a rec or pay league traveling team coached by volunteer coaches there is little you can do if you want your son to play and the coach will not handle it (unless he wants to kick some ----). It is unforunate that the coach will not do something about it since this is not good sportsmanship.
If this is a school team-in a middle school (my 14 year old is in 8th grade) talk to the principle-in high school, the atheletic director-while they can not get the kids off his back they can certainly address the coach encouraging it-forget the that's high school stuff-trust me I know kids behave that way-but you are paying the coaches salary and he owes you some accountability. Beyond that, the boy will have to decide how badly he wants to play in this program-and explore the opportunity of moving to another program or changeing schools

 

[Rock'n Robin]

unfortunately with travel you can get this kind of nonsense. Is there a commisioner of the league to talk to? Can you beat up his mother? (kidding). Hugs to you for not throttling parents like that--I'd have trouble keeping my temper in check.
Robin M.

 

[browneyes]

Sounds to me like this other kid is jealous of your ds's playing ability and he's trying to make him quit. The only way to make him stop is your ds is going to have to stand up for himself.

 

[shortbun]

I don't know what to say except that any
coach not willing to stop bullying immediately
should not be a coach. IMHO there should be
a NO TOLERANCE policy for bullying and teasing.
This IS after all what causes boys to snap and
bring weapons to school to threaten their
bullying classmates. Explain to the coaches
that it is an adult's responsibility to
stop bullying and teasing in it's tracks.
Anyone who says your ds should put up with
this behavior and "just ignore it" is dead
wrong. Bullying is not tolerated at my ds's
school nor on his teams nor in the houses
of his friends. Find another team, one with
coaches who GET what their responsibility is.
William Pollack has written a books about
"Real Boys" and a workbook to help parents,
teachers and mentors(coaches are mentors)
to make kids feel safe and teach other kids
how to respect each other. "Raising Cain" is
another book about boys as children, adolescents
and adults. Men who think bullying is cool are
desensitized, unemotional, angry and brutal;
stay away from them and keep your son away
from them too. If your son decides to "stand up
for himself", he should engage the help of others
that have been bullied and THEY, as a group, should
approach the bully saying they will not tolerate
that kind of treatment from him. This approach does
work. Alone, your ds will be subjected to further
bullying.
Good luck.
mimi