Bar Mitzvah Assistance Please

[Vivig]

I am hoping that my Disboard friends can assist me with a quick question. Our son has been invited to a Bar Mitzvah Hockey Party. (Friend from school.) The religious ceremony was held yesterday and only long time friends were invited to the ceremony. Today is the friends party..I am thinking it was more official yesterday. I performed a search to determine what is an appropriate gift ...and it appears to be money in multiple of $18.00...my question to you all is what would you deem as being appropriate...$36.00 or $54.00? They are playing Hockey and then at his home for movie and food. Your suggestions would be welcomed!
Thanks in advance

 

[krcit]

I would give $36.

 

[Tinkerbell424]

$36.
It's a double chai(which means alive), and is lucky or good luck in the Jewish religion.

 

[JoiseyMom]

For such a low key party, and not going to the Temple, I would send $18.00.

The 18 is CHAI, which means life. That is why we give in multiples of 18 .

 

[disfan07]

Personally, I don't think not going to the service or a low key party should determine the amount.

That might very well just be what is done in that area or what they parents could afford, or actually what teh kid wanted. Where I was living when I had my Bat Mitzvah about 8 years ago, It was ALWAYS big catered events at hotels, country clubs, DJs, dance floors, 150+ people (we had 200+ people) etc but that was because thats what we "did" in our area.

When I had mine I didnt get less than $36 from anyone even if they did not go to the service (a lot of people didn't because of sports commitments---end of baseball season) or to the party.

From what I know, $36 is pretty standard.

 

[Cindy B]

I'll go with Joisey Mom and say $18..

 

[Vivig]

Thank You all! I will be going with the $36.00. (Sorry it took me so long to reply my computer kept crashing).

Researching the customs etc on Bar Mitzvah's has been very interesting.

Thanks again!

 

[mdsoccermom]

I'm currently planning my daughter's Bat Mitzvah and I have to admit, never in my life have I heard of people not being invited to the ceremony which is actually the reason for the party. Sure, people may skip, but to not be invited? Odd.

Anyway, only you know what you can afford. $36 is a good amount and it's always nice when someone takes the time to understand the tradition.

 

[Cindy B]

I'm currently planning my daughter's Bat Mitzvah and I have to admit, never in my life have I heard of people not being invited to the ceremony which is actually the reason for the party. Sure, people may skip, but to not be invited? Odd.

Anyway, only you know what you can afford. $36 is a good amount and it's always nice when someone takes the time to understand the tradition.

Some of my daughters friends have had "private for family only" services. In these cases, the attendees that weren't family only got an invitation to the party only. One of her friends is actually having his service is Israel, so we certainly can't come!

 

[cybrkitn]

We just attended one yesterday for the son of DH's co-worker. We had never attended one before so didn't know what to expect. It was interesting to see it.

The reception afterwards though, was very surprising to me. The family had it at a restaurant out on Eastern Long Island (Baiting Hollow area). They had a magician there and a great selection for a buffet lunch. What really surprised me was the dessert. I thought they would just have cake. They had huge pixie sticks for the kids, slices of chocolate cake, candy jars with bags to fill them up with and an ice cream bar with the fixins! I have never attended a reception with that type of dessert! DS7 went crazy on the ice cream of course, LOL, and couldn't wait to get his hands on the pixie sticks.

We all had such a great time and the weather was just perfect.

 

[Vivig]

Last Bar Mitzvah you all helped me out..,,our son is now invited to two more...one is at a reception hall and has stated elegant dress and the other is a big dance party again at a reception hall....multiple of 18's what is acceptable for a gift:? $54.00, $72.00 or $90.00? I apologzie for coming out once more I just want to ensure we are following proper etiquette.

Thanks again in advance
Vivian

 

[JoiseyMom]

Last Bar Mitzvah you all helped me out..,,our son is now invited to two more...one is at a reception hall and has stated elegant dress and the other is a big dance party again at a reception hall....multiple of 18's what is acceptable for a gift:? $54.00, $72.00 or $90.00? I apologzie for coming out once more I just want to ensure we are following proper etiquette.

Thanks again in advance
Vivian

Again, if just your son is going I would give either 18.00 or 36.00. If he is closer to the boy then more. For DD bff, we gave either 54 or 72, but again it was her BFF.

My bff's son had his, but it was family only (it was the only way he would consent to do it...anxiety issues), I sent a gift for $90.

Also take into consideration what your budget allows!! That should be the major factor!

 

[mjkacmom]

Again, if just your son is going I would give either 18.00 or 36.00. If he is closer to the boy then more. For DD bff, we gave either 54 or 72, but again it was her BFF.

My bff's son had his, but it was family only (it was the only way he would consent to do it...anxiety issues), I sent a gift for $90.

Also take into consideration what your budget allows!! That should be the major factor!

I'd say $54. My dd14 bff is Jewish, and I'm close friends with the mom. I asked her what her dd usually gives if she goes alone, and she told me $50ish (and then explained the 18 rule).

 

[krcit]

My dd just got her first invitation to a Bat Mitzvah today. It is a very close friend and I am actually very friendly with the parents. I will give $72 for that. However, I expect dd to be invited to a few more and for those I will give $36 no matter how fancy or casual. I only give my own nieces and nephews $25 for birthdays so I can't really justify giving so much more to kids I don't even know. I wish I could afford to give higher amounts to everyone but I can't and refuse to break my budget. Now I have to start the search for a dress for my very tomboyish dd..yikes

 

[snykymom]

My dd just got her first invitation to a Bat Mitzvah today. It is a very close friend and I am actually very friendly with the parents. I will give $72 for that. However, I expect dd to be invited to a few more and for those I will give $36 no matter how fancy or casual. I only give my own nieces and nephews $25 for birthdays so I can't really justify giving so much more to kids I don't even know. I wish I could afford to give higher amounts to everyone but I can't and refuse to break my budget. Now I have to start the search for a dress for my very tomboyish dd..yikes

This is perfectly appropriate. Even $18 is fine. We live in a very Jewish area, with lots of professionals, and many have fully catered, "formal" affairs. I didn't bat an eyelash when my d's friends gave $18 (or less). They had multiples to go to every weekend! Even though the receptions may sometimes feel like weddings, they're not. And these are still just kids.

Don't sweat it.

 

[Rora]

I would do $36.

But, the key is to always give what you can afford.

 

[krcit]

This is perfectly appropriate. Even $18 is fine. We live in a very Jewish area, with lots of professionals, and many have fully catered, "formal" affairs. I didn't bat an eyelash when my d's friends gave $18 (or less). They had multiples to go to every weekend! Even though the receptions may sometimes feel like weddings, they're not. And these are still just kids.

Don't sweat it.

Thanks, that makes me feel better! This is a new one for me because I've never been to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. My friends ds will be making his this spring and I'm so excited to see the ceremony!