Bad Bridesmaids!

[Michelle67]

I have been a maid of honor three times. No major drama, no ugly dresses, and no horrendous expenses. I'm really lucky to have frugal, simple, very sweet friends. There was one very very minor drama in the second wedding, because the dresses were home-sewn (everyone sewed their own except me, because I can't sew anything more complicated than a pillow...so the mother of the bride sewed mine so I wouldn't look awful ), the bride picked the pattern but I got to pick the fabric. I chose my favorite color (cobalt blue) and one of the bridesmaids was annoyed because she already had a blue dress and wanted pink instead. She got over it.

 

[chrisw127]

I was a bridesmaid three times in my 20s.

The dresses were awful, but I didn't have to pay for any of them.

One was a "dry" wedding. I was raised catholic. I didn't even know what that meant until I got to the church hall and there was cake and punch. And those little mints that southern women must have at their weddings upon penalty of death. And no alcohol. Which, considering that 6 months later the groom came home and found his new wife in bed with his first cousin, was probably a good idea.

All three marriages were very short-lived.

Clearly, I am bad luck.

 

[wendy46001]

I've been a bridesmaid more times then i'm willing to admit
Never had a truly horrid experience

I've over spent on dresses i'll never wear again, over-the-top showers, and crazy bachorlette parties
I’ve truly hated my hair, my jewelry, and even my nail polish color

but i have wonderful friends…and I’d do it all again
gold taffeta dress with dyed to match shoes in all

 

[Snoopymom]

Dress, shoes, $25 on hose for gosh sakes, nails, hair, make-up, dh in wedding also, so tux and the works for him, bachelor and bachelorette party expenses, 4 hour drive, 2 nights in a hotel, $100 gift, $100 for developing photos I took as an extra gift...

divorced 4 months later

AND, I happened to giggle about something at the rehersal dinner, and her father stood up, did a toast and looked right at me and said that he felt the need to remind everyone that this was a serious and sacred occasion. I was so embarrassed and humiliated!

I did not have a wedding, but I would never ask anyone to do this, and I will never do it again!)

 

[Debbie7452]

I enjoyed being a bridemaid (4 times)and had good experiences. I found out years later that one bride was put out with me for "outshining" her at the wedding. I was newly married myself and my DH was waiting for me as my groomsman at the alter so I guess I was reliving my wedding and had a glowing bride look. Oops, sorry...it was unintentional! I didn't know you could look TOO good. I am not bragging...this was when I was young, I am old now, LOL!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I was a bridesmaid for my cousin when I was 17 (her sister was MOH and her cousins from the other side were also bridesmaids.) I didn't live anywhere close to her so it was really more of an honorary thing, there was nothing I could do to help with the wedding.

It was a really neat experience. She had to find dresses that would fit me at 4'10" and her cousins who are over 6' tall. She had us get these very simple navy two piece dresses that made altering very easy. They are nice dresses and I would still wear it if I fit into it. The shoes werent' expensive, and she gave us jewelry as a gift. On the day of all the girls had their make up and hair done by the stylists she hired.

It was really a beautiful wedding and she was a wonderful bride. I would do it again in heart beat.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I have been a bridesmaid twice, a flower girl once, and the honorary MOH for a wedding without official attendants. I have never had any major drama. I have shelled out whatever was required for dress, shoes, hair, etc and never complained, because that is what is expected. I've actually never been asked to chip in money for a shower (just time and food), but I have chipped in money, time and hassle (in some cases significantly) for bachelorettes. I have taken B&W photos for two brides in addition to my other duties. I essentially took over the MOH duties on one occasion because the real MOH was a flake.

 

[Camicar]

I was asked to be a bridesmaid a few years ago and let's put it this way, my story of the ensuing events was a sort of featured story on Etiquettehell.com forums for a while. (The bride being the problem, not me, btw!)

I worked in bridal for years and in reality, more bridesmaids are zillas than brides. Too too many women have been brought up as spoiled princesses and think every day is all about them and have let's call it cognitive dissonance when reality intrudes upon their castle in the air.

 

[maelstrom]

I was a junior bridesmaid in my aunt's wedding when I was ten; not much obligation there.

I'll be a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding next autumn. Her fiance is paying for everything, including my dress, shoes, etc.

 

[SanFranciscan]

I wrote the originial post here and am now being entertained by your responses since I was not scheduled to work today.

I suspect that the frequent readers of Disney web sites are more likely to have enjoyed their bridesmaids' experiences and to like weddings more than the general public. Do you all think that that may be true?

What I am hearing from disgruntled bridesmaids, in private, is that the expense is too much. I haven't been to a wedding in years, and I didn't have a traditional wedding myself so I did not know protocol for bridesmaids until I starting reading that book I mentioned "Bad Bridesmaid." My husband and I went to Reno for a fast wedding that practically no one knew about and then called people later so even reading this thread is an education for me.

If you want to save your friendships with your bridesmaids, what you really need to do most is limit their financial liability. The fact that the bride is the center of attention seems to be fine with the bridesmaids. Most get it that they are called brides*MAID* for a reason. What really seems to bug them is how much they are expected to shell out of their own pockets for a bride who may be screaming "It's my day! It's my day!" As weddings have gotten more elaborate, with the resulting strain of paying for bridesmaids' attire, so have the pre-wedding parties that the bridesmaids often feel pressured to pay for by the bride or her family.

I have never been asked to be a bridesmaid, and I have never been a high-income person. I suspect that there may well be a strong connection between these two factors.

 

[MinnieMe87]

I was MOH in my brother's wedding. It was quite the experience to put it nicely. I was an "awful" MOH. (the bride was very dramatic) I am going to be in two weddings this coming year, so we'll see how those go! I have a feeling these weddings will be far less stressful which is wonderful!

 

[minechuchie]

I have been a bridesmaid...let me see...5, no, 6, no, 7 , no 8 that is correct count them eight times. This is not including my own. I have to be nuts, lol. I have worn every imaginable color including gold lame' ( really was very nice ). I wore a teal taffeta gown to a July wedding, no air conditioning in the hall. I sweat so much the dye from the gown came off and dyed my skin. How 'bout that for a great day. We had a good laugh over that one. I also wore pale blue satin to a late June wedding, hello! what was that bride thinking. It was a very hot day even with air conditioning and satin does not hold up well to sweat. I have been a maid of honor 4 times with no hassle. I like to throw parties so it all worked out. The topper.....two weddings same groom different brides.

It was all good though and I always have a good time. I wore what the bride told me...it was their dream day and after all I got to do the same to them. Life is too short it is all about having fun. Terri

 

[powellrj]

I was a bridesmaid years ago and I had 2 when I got married. No drama for any of them. We were both teenagers when we got married, so there are no drunken parties and no hurt feelings.

Over 30 years later and we are all still married to our original spouse!

 

[LisaZee]

I have been a bridesmaid 4 times, most recently for my brother's wedding.

I've decided I'm a bad bridesmaid, maybe because I think I was a good bride. I don't agree with a bride picking the dress SHE wants, in a color SHE wants. I don't appreciate asking people to spend money on a stripper that makes them uncomfortable... I guess I'm too all about myself to be a good bridesmaid.

As you can probably guess, the last wedding was a NIGHTMARE. We were 4 fat girls in bright red sleeveless dresses. Ugh. NONE of the other bridesmaids gave gifts for the bachelorette party (after they send out invites saying "personal shower") OR the bridal shower itself. Heck, one brought her hubby and 3 kids and gave nothing for the wedding! Oh yeah, and that was the MOH. None of those things should have bothered me cuz it wasn't MY wedding, but it all did.

I'm too old to be a bridesmaid, I decided. I am past the "wear taffeta and shut up" phase of my life!

 

[ZPT1022]

I worked in bridal for years and in reality, more bridesmaids are zillas than brides. Too too many women have been brought up as spoiled princesses and think every day is all about them and have let's call it cognitive dissonance when reality intrudes upon their castle in the air.

So true!! My SIL was like this. Pushed and pushed til she was invited to be a bridesmaid and then pushed and pushed to have things her way, at MY wedding. Didn't like the shoes so she waited til 3 days before and of course they couldn't be ordered then. Didn't want to have her hair done with everyone else, had to go to her own place. The list of "didn't wannas" is quite long. I let the bridesmaids pick the dresses, I just picked the color, SIL bought it a size too small and squeezed into it because she was offended at the thought of buying a size 6, no matter how much we tried to tell her that bridalwear does not run true to size.

Both SIL and my other bridesmaid did nothing other than show up- not only did they not throw a shower, they didn't go to the one my aunt threw at the last second when she felt bad realizing no one was going to throw one. No bachelorette party either and while I didn't want some big elaborate thing, going out to dinner or SOMETHING would have been nice.


Luckily I guess, I have not been a bridesmaid since I was much younger- I have tons of pictures of me being the flower girl in my parent's younger siblings' weddings as well as a bunch of my mom's friends. I've also done the "junior bridesmaid" thing a few times too. I remember those as being fun

ETA- the same SIL that forced her way into my 2 person wedding party didn't even ask me to be part of her wedding party, and she had 14 bridesmaids. I would have turned it down since I had just given birth to twins but it would have been nice to be asked

 

[minechuchie]

bump

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I"ve only been in 2 weddings....one I was the maid of honor...and there were no bridesmaids...and the others was my sisters.. she had her maid of honor and 2 of us as bridesmaids...
It was the maid of honor who was a real .. she refused to wear the pink...so she got black... and she didn't have 'time' to do any of the traditional maid of honor duties... she was rude to everyone... my sister said it was just cuz she was shy...

whatever...she's a snob....lol - But the other bridesmaid and I (whom I had only met days before) got along fine

 

[Abbie]

I read that book just recently and thought, while amusing, it wasn't representative at ALL of most bridesmaid experiences. And the way she described herself, she really did sound like a difficult girl. I probably would have kicked her out of my wedding too!

I've been a bridesmaid twice and a matron (is there any worse term?!) of honor once. All were lots of fun and no problems.

 

[phragmipedium]

I have never been a bridesmaid yet. But when I got married, I tried to think of what I would want if I were a bridesmaid. So the first time I got engaged, I chose a color (can't remember the name - wisteria or something, it was plum) and let my girls choose their dress at David's Bridal in a style they felt flattered them. I didn't care if they were different styles and they each chose something different. My parents offered to pay for their dresses. That wedding, however, did not happen.

The second engagement and real wedding I was even more laid back. I told my bridesmaids to choose a simple black dress that they'd like to wear again, or wear one they already had. They loved it. Three of my bridesmaids already had a dress they loved and the fourth wore hers to prom (she was my cousin). I gifted them with antiqued-looking silver and black earrings and necklaces that they could wear if they wanted, or not. My colors were black, red, and ivory, and at Easter we found adorable black and ivory polka-dotted dresses at Target for $19.99 for my sister and other cousin, who were my flower girls. I trusted the judgment of all of the girls and made no requests about hair, shoes, nails, etc. They all looked lovely. I'm pretty easy-going, though - I ordered flowers online and did all the flowers with my sister in law, did my own makeup and had my aunt do my hair, and painted my fingernails a lovely deep blackened red shimmer to match my roses and my toenails a pretty sparkly pale blue for "something blue." I honestly felt like the more uptight I was about my day the less I would enjoy it, especially if anything went wrong, and I think I was right.

 

[monkey68]

I was the maid of honor in my sister's wedding this summer, and boy oh boy, was that a mess. Well, not all of it. I got to pick out the dresses and the color, which was great. The other bridesmaids were my BIL's sister and our cousin, but she lives in another cousin, and just came down a couple weeks before the wedding. my sister's SIL came when we were picking out the dresses, but that was more of a formality since she has no style and would pick everything with big glittery sequin things if she could (she's 16, but a very young 16, kwim?) But we picked out these gorgeous 2 piece dresses.

The bachelorette party, that was a disaster. First, one of my sister's friends wanted to throw it, and just sent me a message that she was throwing the party. I said nuh uh, not gonna happen. I planned a trip to Atlantic City for the weekend, but then there was this whole drama surrounding that, and the fights in the car, lets just say it took me a few days before I would talk to my sister again.

I'm going to be a bridesmaid again this coming June in my best friend's wedding. She actually wanted to make me MOH, as i introduced her to her fiance, but then she didn't want to put that onto me. I am still in school, living off of loans, and I have some major exams to take at the end of June that basically determine a large part of my future. So she didn't want to give me the extra stress of planning a bachelorette party or anything, which I am totally grateful for.