Back me up on this...

[sam_gordon]

$192 per paycheque would mean a lot to many people!
Honestly this comes across very braggy.
We don’t know your finances. If you can afford a pay cut then go for it.

Some people don’t have that choice.

I also don't see it as "braggy". It's simply another way of saying $5000/year.

OP, assuming DH knows you're supposedly "set" if you retired today, I don't understand why he would be so upset over a $5k paycut.

I just HAD to take a significantly larger paycut when my previous employer decided they no longer needed my service. Unfortunately, we're not ready for either of us to retire (mentally we are, financially we're not). Enjoyment of a job is worth $5k.

 

[ronandannette]

He knew you were stressed and ready to quit, and that you can afford it, but did he know that the new position was being offered and you were seriously considering taking it? Did your accepting the new position come as a surprise to him? If so, maybe that's what he is reacting to and it just came out wrong, him asking if you can afford it.

I back you 100%. I have a job that is killing me; it's not a hard job but it requires long hours of grading at home, evenings and weekends, in addition to the 40hrs "in person" every week. I am tired, I can fully retire on 11/26, but my mortgage and HELOC disagree with that, so, hi-ho, hi-ho! DH is always saying I should look for something less stressful, something with better hours, or just retire, but I don't feel financially secure enough to do that. Crap... cuz this job is slowly killing me... so I hear ya!!

Yes!! That's what I was going to ask. The OP mentioned telling him, presumably after the fact. That wouldn't go over well here either. Neither DH or I would ever just inform one another of major decisions we've made that affect our family, we talk them over and decide together. If it were me, I'd probably have reacted badly too; without having had a chance to think it through and get on-board. I'd never deny my DH such an opportunity and it's hard to believe the OP's husband would have either.

It doesn't matter what it means to anyone else. It isn't an issue for them, financially.

Her husband sounds like a controlling, greedy person. People like that like to make everything an issue, even when there is no reason to.

OP, enjoy your new position.

Or, a person who feels blindsided by a MAJOR decision made by his wife and as @leebee said, his reaction came out very wrong.

 

[Snowysmom]

Since you and your DH could be fine if you both quit, I think the decision is actually a good one for you and for you and your DH as a team. When you are unhappy in your job, it affects all areas of your life as well as your health. He knew you were unhappy and looking at other options. It can get a little scary when you think about paycuts like this especially later in your career but according to your financial advisor you both could retire and be fine. Maybe he was just surprised.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I 100% agree with you... your sanity is far more valuable than the money!

Absolutely! Backing you up here, too.

As long as the health insurance was still decent, I would encourage my DH to take a pay cut that size in return for greatly reduced stress in a heartbeat!

Up to a certain point, I agree that money does reduce stress, but once you cross that threshold, more of it becomes far less important than quality of life.

 

[Lisa_lvspplmvr]

A friend of mine literally did the same thing this month . She is beyond happy with her decision. She was so unhappy in her old department and with her boss . She made the right move and also took a small pay cut. It’s a small price to pay for happiness.

 

[ronandannette]

A friend of mine literally did the same thing this month . She is beyond happy with her decision. She was so unhappy in her old department and with her boss . She made the right move and also took a small pay cut. It’s a small price to pay for happiness.

I think we absolutely all agree on this part.

 

[China Expat]

Retire. I am also struggling to keep a smiling face on at work. I am going to see where I am in June and either quit fully and take on SSI pus 401k, or try to make it to June 2023. Life is too short to work an unhappy job if you can retire.

 

[china mom]

$192 per paycheque would mean a lot to many people!
Honestly this comes across very braggy.
We don’t know your finances. If you can afford a pay cut then go for it.

Some people don’t have that choice.

I truly apologize if I offended. I did not mean to come off as braggy but was trying to paint a picture that it is not a lot of money for where we are at this point in our life. I have lived the ramen noodle lifestyle so I do understand how my comment appeared insensitive.

 

[china mom]

Woo Hoo! Celebrate this change. Don’t let him rain on your parade.


$5k isn’t a deal breaker because you can retire! Was he aware of this position change? Maybe it was the shock of not knowing you accepted a new position? Who knows … but no doubt he will hop on board and gladly say so long to that piddly amount when he sees you happy.

Actually, I am already retired. DH and I are collecting our pensions already. I went back into the workforce because when I retired, I was still 19 years away from medicare and the kids were only 6 & 8 so we needed health insurance. But, we are in a financial position to quit working and live on our pensions and 401s with a little bit of belt tightening. I am hoping he sees the tradeoff - a few less dollars versus me not whining every night

 

[china mom]

It doesn't matter what it means to anyone else. It isn't an issue for them, financially.

Her husband sounds like a controlling, greedy person. People like that like to make everything an issue, even when there is no reason to.

OP, enjoy your new position.

I don't think that his comment came from a place of greed but rather a place of fear. He used to be in charge of all of our finances but we have split responsibilities and I handle the rental property business and he handles the household finances. Something switched up a few years ago and suddenly he doesn't want to hear any numbers. He does not want to hear what our mortgage liability is nor our cash in the bank. It is really bizarre but I think it comes from nervousness.

 

[china mom]

Your financial adviser looked over your situation and said you both could quit and be okay. If you would be okay with zero income, I can't see a circumstance where making only a $192 less would be an issue.
But it can be unnerving for sure. We jumped last year when we retired, our financial advisor showed us how we could make a go it. No pensions, no Social Security for another year living on $3,000 a month drawn from savings. Is it tight? Yup. But 16 months in it is working, and it is great NOT working. And our Social Security will be equal to what we were bringing home working, and we can stop taking savings withdrawals.

You are living my dream

 

[kymom99]

I don't think that his comment came from a place of greed but rather a place of fear. He used to be in charge of all of our finances but we have split responsibilities and I handle the rental property business and he handles the household finances. Something switched up a few years ago and suddenly he doesn't want to hear any numbers. He does not want to hear what our mortgage liability is nor our cash in the bank. It is really bizarre but I think it comes from nervousness.

Does he suffer from anxiety? That might explain the reaction.

 

[china mom]

So, to answer some of the comments/questions that have arisen:

Both jobs are with the same employer - county government. I will keep all of my leave balances which is very important to me.

I discussed this move with DH months ago when the job announcement was first posted. I told him that it was several grades lower than my current position but that the county won't drop me all the way down and could possibly maintain my pay. I was close. They have a formula where they will not reduce your salary by more than a certain percentage even if you go to such a lower grade that it would have been more.

The hiring process has taken months but DH has been well aware of every step. He has been rooting for me. I think he was hoping that there was no reduction in pay but I had told him all along that I just had to get out of my current situation before I found myself unemployed altogether. He said that as long as I kept the health insurance, he was good with that. I think that he had forgotten the part about the possibility of lower pay and was just surprised when I told him that it actually happened.

 

[DLgal]

Yes!! That's what I was going to ask. The OP mentioned telling him, presumably after the fact. That wouldn't go over well here either. Neither DH or I would ever just inform one another of major decisions we've made that affect our family, we talk them over and decide together. If it were me, I'd probably have reacted badly too; without having had a chance to think it through and get on-board. I'd never deny my DH such an opportunity and it's hard to believe the OP's husband would have either.

Or, a person who feels blindsided by a MAJOR decision made by his wife and as @leebee said, his reaction came out very wrong.

Um, yeah, she doesn't need her husband's permission to make a job change. It's her choice to make, not his.

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

That's what is so funny, we are well beyond having a budget. We were putting money away well before he got a $20K raise last year. Budget, smudget. Thank you for the back up. I should point out all the money he is saving with me not needing to go to therapy.

Some people need to see the numbers. Laying out a budget of what you're spending currently and showing 20k+ in excess cash annually might help him get on board with it.

Um, yeah, she doesn't need her husband's permission to make a job change. It's her choice to make, not his.

Eh, marriage is a team sport. You don't make major changes to the budget without consulting with the other party. $5000 per year is a decent car payment and I don't know of any healthy relationship where someone would make that purchase without consulting their partner first.

Disclaimer: If we had a situation like OP, I would have been pushing her to change the job regardless of pay difference. We thankfully have that privilege financially though so it's easy to say 5k isn't worth it.

 

[tvguy]

Eh, marriage is a team sport. You don't make major changes to the budget without consulting with the other party. $5000 per year is a decent car payment and I don't know of any healthy relationship where someone would make that purchase without consulting their partner first.

Just depends on the dynamics of their marriage. But certainly in my marriage neither my wife or I make any decision involving more than about $100 without running by the other.

 

[ronandannette]

Just depends on the dynamics of their marriage. But certainly in my marriage neither my wife or I make any decision involving more than about $100 without running by the other.

For me it has nothing to do with money - any major life change for one of us is a life change for both of us. We'd definitely be coming to those types of decisions together. The OP did clarify in a later post that her application for this new job was discussed at some time in the past, but the wheels of progress turned slowly.

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

Just depends on the dynamics of their marriage. But certainly in my marriage neither my wife or I make any decision involving more than about $100 without running by the other.

I'm probably scarred a bit from watching my aunt/uncle growing up. It really seemed like they had a contest to see who could spend the money first when a paycheck came. That resulted in two bankruptcies that I know of and another (wealthy) family member bailed them out at least once too.

Seeing how they acted around money probably resulted in some psychological trauma where I would view a spouse making 4 figure decisions without talking about it first as a huge red flag. Everyone is different though so whatever works for someone's relationship is good for them.

 

[barkley]

Both jobs are with the same employer - county government. I will keep all of my leave balances which is very important to me.

He said that as long as I kept the health insurance, he was good with that

curious/confused (as a county retiree whose dh also worked for the county)-why is he so concerned about the health insurance? if he's w/the same county agency he should have the identical healthcare available to your household-and if you were to quit/retire he would enter into a open enrollment eligibility period. is it that he gets a financial kickback by virtue of you carrying the healthcare vs. him? we had this at one point-if one of us showed we had coverage that covered the other we could opt out on coverage in which case the uncovered was kicked back the county's contribution to coverage. if that is the case-your financial advisor needs to be aware of this b/c it could have financial/tax implications down the line when it's no longer a choice on quitting/retiring (and you/the advisor may want to research under whom it would be more beneficial to carry healthcare post retirement-depending on your classifications one of you could have a much lower retiree share of cost/available coverage).

 

[tvguy]

For me it has nothing to do with money - any major life change for one of us is a life change for both of us. We'd definitely be coming to those types of decisions together. The OP did clarify in a later post that her application for this new job was discussed at some time in the past, but the wheels of progress turned slowly.

Same here.