back again, school issue

[robin09]

UGHH.. HI guys, I'm back with another problem. I'm seriously thinking of homeschooling... I know I know.. details, details...

DD is now 10. She has aspergers, ocd, sensory problems, adhd... She is in a contained classrom with about 8 kids.. her 3rd year in this one, and is in 4th grade. She mainstreams for Math and science. Jenn is a hugger, a big hugger (which is wonderful because for the first 4 years of her life she hated to be touched.)

Anyway, we are working with her, and the school too... ask before hugging someone... So here's my story and I'm sticking to it!

I've had issues with the school before, including a huge fight last June after a school trip, where I was forbidden to attend the school picnic... School just doesn't understand aspergers, autism, they just want the kids, quiet and listening. They want them all to be the same. Well that just doesn't work for us.. jenn is definitely and out of the box type kid.

Yesterday, after recess, Jenn came into the school and apparently wanted her doll (and yes she still needs to take her doll to school, it comforts her. To her, the doll is alive and can breathe, feel... and I'm not making that up, if we put it in her backback , we must leave the head out and the zipper open, or jenn will have a meltdown.) to kiss her mainstream teacher.. The doll, a build abear, hit the teacher in her eye. So that's the explanation.. here is the note I received from jenn's contained teacher....


"She took a stuffed animal out at recess (which is ok) but when she came in she ran from the blind side into Mrs D.. and thrust the animal into Mrs. D..'s face and hit her in the eye - she had surgery on her eyes two weeks ago and now her sight in the one eye is blurry - yesm it was an accident but an invasion of space & impulsiveness was the problem - she has to write a not of apology to Mrs. D... and she will contract with me about space issues and stuffed animals - happens again she will lose the animals..." signed her teacher...


We have battled about Jenn's animals before... She is too old for them, they are not appropriate for school, she cannot take them. Jenn still takes her doll to school, she really needs it. She does not really have friends in school, in fact, just this week I spoke to her guidance counselor about what was written in her journal. "That my friends like it I leave them alone. They hate me. I like them but they hate me. I really like them but they hate me."

Her doll is her friend, her safety. I hate that the teacher got hurt, but I truly don't believe that Jenn meant it, she just wanted to give the teacher a kiss. But I think the attitude with the teachers is wrong. Jenn told me her teacher told her to keep away from her for awhile. I understand that it was probably said in the midst of anger and pain. Jenn came home how stupid she was, and a butthead (She was talking about herself, not the teacher) and has been sick all night.

What do I do in the meantime? Do I send her back, homeschool, or just let this pass?

 

[KirstenB]

First of all, I'm sorry. My dd who has ASD, is much younger than your Jenn, so I'm not speaking from any voice of experience.

It sounds like Jenn got excited and forgot to ask before having her doll hug or kiss her teacher. The fact that this happened so close to the teacher's surgery is a shame. Something that should have been pretty harmless (yes she forgot to ask before the hug/kiss), wound up being a big deal all around. Perhaps you could suggest an alternative punishment other than she permanantly has to leave her doll at home if this happens again. It sounds like the doll is her friend, and I can't imagine losing my only friend at school, which is basically what the punishment would be.

I'm not opposed to homeschooling. But for a child with delayed social skills, it would definitely have to be an extreme situation. If you did homeschooling, does she have other opportunities for socializing? Does she do a sport, or belong to Girl Scouts, or maybe active at church? I guess I'm saying if you choose this route, you're going to have to make sure she has an equivalent environment in which to practice social skills.

I hope someone with more experience can help you out with suggestions.

 

[robin09]

Kirsten, Thankyou for responding, I find it funny that it seems Jenn is the older one! To me she is always the little one! Anyway, I'm just so frustrated with school, and this hit me on a bad week. I was going through her October Journal that they send home each month... In it is the beginning of a sentence and the kids have to finish the thought. On this one page is... My friends like it when...

Jenn filled it in this way... My friends like it when I leave them alone.They hate me. I like them but they hate me. I really like them but they hate me.

My heart broke when I read that.

I know she is always the odd one out. The child that is always on the outside. She is in school for the social aspect, but it's really not working. She has been in girl scouts now for 6 years. Cheerleading for 1. She goes to the library once a week for kids of her age. I do keep her busy
swim lessons weekly. Church programs on MOnday afternoons. But she's always the one on the outside.

I'm just sooo frustrated with the school.

First of all, I'm sorry. My dd who has ASD, is much younger than your Jenn, so I'm not speaking from any voice of experience.

It sounds like Jenn got excited and forgot to ask before having her doll hug or kiss her teacher. The fact that this happened so close to the teacher's surgery is a shame. Something that should have been pretty harmless (yes she forgot to ask before the hug/kiss), wound up being a big deal all around. Perhaps you could suggest an alternative punishment other than she permanantly has to leave her doll at home if this happens again. It sounds like the doll is her friend, and I can't imagine losing my only friend at school, which is basically what the punishment would be.

I'm not opposed to homeschooling. But for a child with delayed social skills, it would definitely have to be an extreme situation. If you did homeschooling, does she have other opportunities for socializing? Does she do a sport, or belong to Girl Scouts, or maybe active at church? I guess I'm saying if you choose this route, you're going to have to make sure she has an equivalent environment in which to practice social skills.

I hope someone with more experience can help you out with suggestions.

 

[ireland_nicole]

I don't know if this is different state to state, but I believe that in TX at least, if a child has an IEP, they cannot be "disciplined" because of their disability. While I agree that her social skills issues (i.e. boundaries- sounds like our house lol) need a plan of some kind, the way it is being treated implies malicious intent, which is clearly not the case, and due to her disability that she is receiving services for, clearly a violation of her rights under IDEA. (I think) Her behavior is not "bad" it is consistent with her level of functioning in light of her disability. Work on strategies w/ Jenn, get the school on board if you can, but remind her that she is wonderful just the way she is. to you too, sometimes it hurts so much seeing our babies hurt.

 

[robin09]

Thankyou so much for those kind words . Sometimes I just feel so alone. What is supposed to happen and what does happen are 2 totally different things. She's not supposed to be punished, but she is. Recess is taken away even though it shouldn't be. Her social skills are lacking, boundaries are definitely not where they should be.. but she has improved so much. She's been in this school for 6 years now. They know of her improvement but I think they expect her to act typical because she is so very bright.

You have a great way with words.. you said it perfectly... implying malicious intent.... She is such a loving sweet childm she feels awful for hurting the teacher (which in itself is a wonderful improvement). I tell her all the time I wouldn't trade her for anyone else on this earth.. she is so very unique!

I don't know if this is different state to state, but I believe that in TX at least, if a child has an IEP, they cannot be "disciplined" because of their disability. While I agree that her social skills issues (i.e. boundaries- sounds like our house lol) need a plan of some kind, the way it is being treated implies malicious intent, which is clearly not the case, and due to her disability that she is receiving services for, clearly a violation of her rights under IDEA. (I think) Her behavior is not "bad" it is consistent with her level of functioning in light of her disability. Work on strategies w/ Jenn, get the school on board if you can, but remind her that she is wonderful just the way she is. to you too, sometimes it hurts so much seeing our babies hurt.

 

[mechurchlady]

Have you thought about a therapy dog? When she need to hug the dog would be there and in time you might be able to get her away from the doll. People would accept a dog more easily than a doll.

 

[robin09]

Have you thought about a therapy dog? When she need to hug the dog would be there and in time you might be able to get her away from the doll. People would accept a dog more easily than a doll.

I've never thought of a therapy dog. I don't even know if they would be accepted at the school. We do have an austrailan shephard/border collie that does accept her biggest hugs. Her doll is a build a bear, quite soft and goes everywhere with her. When I tell her it's time for it to be cleaned and fixed up she tells me it shows people how well loved it is! She's really quite a character.

 

[LMC]

I would suggest the service dog also. This could be one that is for therapy and also public accessible so she can take it to school and have a constant companion and the school can not block it if it is a SERVICE dog.

 

[Tinkerbell_n_neverland]

I somewhat understand what you are going through. I have a 4 year old (will be 5 on Dec 27th) who is in kindergarten because he missed the deadline to enter school the following year. He is Autistic. I am having a very hard time with his school.

The first kindergarten teacher he had for the school year had him removed from her class and put in another teachers class because my son was "too disruptive".

The current teacher he is doing better with, however, just like your daughter, my son had an incident that seems to have left a mark on the teaching staff.

My son apparently tried to "trip" a teacher in the hallway when she was walking by (we found 2 days later my son had a pulled groin muscle from falling over the ball during a soccer game, and we discovered he was in pain every time he stretched his leg out straight in pain). As we know not all autistic children can express when something is wrong. I believe that this is the reason why my son stretched his leg out "to trip" the teacher.

Moving on, this incident caused the teaching staff to look at my son as if he was an angry child. They began sending him to the principal’s office everyday after recess. He'd sit in there anywhere from 15 mins to a half hour.

My son began doing the same things your daughter does. He plays school and he says to me "go to the office! Your being a bad boy!" and at random times he's blurt out "I’m a bad boy!"

I finally had it with them and had my son's days shortened to avoid the principal office trips. He is now coming home after recess. I feel as though the school has no patience for my son who needs extra attention. The school refused to put him in any kind of special education.

The first teacher that had him removed from her class completely overlooked that my son was autistic!!!! I sent in a package of paperwork with all of the PPTs done in P-K and she never even read it!

Since all of this I have had 3 meetings with the school principal, social worker, and his new teacher to explain that this negativity is affecting my child.

I also made them look at the paperwork with the information on where my child is on the spectrum and solutions we figured out last year when he was in P-K.

I keep a journal with the teacher and I insisted that they only be positive with him because that what always works. My son is not a "bad boy". He is just misunderstood.

I've taken these steps and am currently watching what develops from these talks and meetings with the teaching staff. I am also in contact with the principal by phone at least once a week.

My son is a very loving little boy. He needs love just like every other child. Make it clear to that school that they are breaking down your child's self-esteem. I know some people may not be affectionate but some children need that. There should be no reason she cant have her doll if she needs that affection!

I can completely understand what stress you feel (especially because it seems like no one on the teaching staff does!). It finally wore me down. How many kindergarteners do you know end up in the principals office everyday??? I finally snapped. I was sick and tired of day after day hearing all the negative things my child was doing and NONE of the positive things!

You can’t trust anyone to love and have patience with your child the way that you do, especially if they've never lived it themselves. Be strong in all of this because your daughter needs you to be. Try to keep her in that school even if you need to spark a fire to get them to do right by her. Too much change in a child’s life can be very damaging, especial children that need a little extra. If you realize you cant win then that’s when you pull her out and home school her. Try to keep things as normal as possible for her and speak up for her, cause some people on the outside are blind.

Good luck and God bless

 

[robin09]

Hi there, geez, I could've written your note years ago. DD went to young K, and had to go home before "naptime"... 1 o"clock, because she would never nap and couldn't stay quiet. Then I was asked to bring her home before recess because it was to strenuous to watch her and the other kids at the same time. Then they asked me to take her home before lunch because prodding her to eat. DD has eating issues, doesn't feel hunger, and needs to be reminded her to eat. Do I have to also write that lunchtime for the kindergartners was 10:20?

I am very frustrated with the schooling she is receiving for a number of reasons. BUT for you, please make sure you have DS's IEP in order, make sure all is written down. I have learned to have everything in writing... Good luck to you too!

I somewhat understand what you are going through. I have a 4 year old (will be 5 on Dec 27th) who is in kindergarten because he missed the deadline to enter school the following year. He is Autistic. I am having a very hard time with his school.

The first kindergarten teacher he had for the school year had him removed from her class and put in another teachers class because my son was "too disruptive".

The current teacher he is doing better with, however, just like your daughter, my son had an incident that seems to have left a mark on the teaching staff.

My son apparently tried to "trip" a teacher in the hallway when she was walking by (we found 2 days later my son had a pulled groin muscle from falling over the ball during a soccer game, and we discovered he was in pain every time he stretched his leg out straight in pain). As we know not all autistic children can express when something is wrong. I believe that this is the reason why my son stretched his leg out "to trip" the teacher.

Moving on, this incident caused the teaching staff to look at my son as if he was an angry child. They began sending him to the principal’s office everyday after recess. He'd sit in there anywhere from 15 mins to a half hour.

My son began doing the same things your daughter does. He plays school and he says to me "go to the office! Your being a bad boy!" and at random times he's blurt out "I’m a bad boy!"

I finally had it with them and had my son's days shortened to avoid the principal office trips. He is now coming home after recess. I feel as though the school has no patience for my son who needs extra attention. The school refused to put him in any kind of special education.

The first teacher that had him removed from her class completely overlooked that my son was autistic!!!! I sent in a package of paperwork with all of the PPTs done in P-K and she never even read it!

Since all of this I have had 3 meetings with the school principal, social worker, and his new teacher to explain that this negativity is affecting my child.

I also made them look at the paperwork with the information on where my child is on the spectrum and solutions we figured out last year when he was in P-K.

I keep a journal with the teacher and I insisted that they only be positive with him because that what always works. My son is not a "bad boy". He is just misunderstood.

I've taken these steps and am currently watching what develops from these talks and meetings with the teaching staff. I am also in contact with the principal by phone at least once a week.

My son is a very loving little boy. He needs love just like every other child. Make it clear to that school that they are breaking down your child's self-esteem. I know some people may not be affectionate but some children need that. There should be no reason she cant have her doll if she needs that affection!

I can completely understand what stress you feel (especially because it seems like no one on the teaching staff does!). It finally wore me down. How many kindergarteners do you know end up in the principals office everyday??? I finally snapped. I was sick and tired of day after day hearing all the negative things my child was doing and NONE of the positive things!

You can’t trust anyone to love and have patience with your child the way that you do, especially if they've never lived it themselves. Be strong in all of this because your daughter needs you to be. Try to keep her in that school even if you need to spark a fire to get them to do right by her. Too much change in a child’s life can be very damaging, especial children that need a little extra. If you realize you cant win then that’s when you pull her out and home school her. Try to keep things as normal as possible for her and speak up for her, cause some people on the outside are blind.

Good luck and God bless

 

[Tinkerbell_n_neverland]

My son has the same eating issues. He eats maybe 3 different foods; chicken nuggets, cereal, and soup. I have been keeping records as you suggested. To me it’s all in baby steps, and on top of all of it I monitor how everything affects my son. If something starts to go in a way that affects my son in a negative way I work on correcting it.

It’s nice to know there’s someone else out there that goes through the things that I do, because in my little corner of the world I feel like I'm walking alone.

I hope everything works out for you. Keep updating on what becomes of all this. I'd like to know how it turns out.

 

[blondietink]

My DS with Classic Autism, now age 16, has many of the same issues at his age. He has a Build A Bear Frosty the Snowman that goes on every trip with us. He looks a little ridiculious as he is over 6 feet tall holding his Frosty the Snowman in airports, on buses, etc.. But this is his security blanket on trips and people seem to think it is cute. And yes, he makes Frosty talk and interact with himself and other people (flight attendants, bus drivers, waitresses, etc.). Otherwise, Frosty is a part of his stuffed animal collection on his bed when we are home.

Back to the school thing. My DS's, both disabled, have always gone to their neighborhood school, although in special education classes. Along the way they have both broken the school rules in one way or the other. My older DS actually was hitting people hard during the puberty years when he got frustrated. We were firm in them receiving the same discipline that other "regular" students would receive, namely a trip to the principal's office. The principal's actually have had a hard time with this, because both my DS's get so upset at being sent to the principal. They can be very dramatic! But, they have only to go once, recieve disciple, and then they have never done that particular offense again. Yes, the law says that they cannot be expelled from school if the behavior was caused by their disability. There needs to be a hearing for that to happen. But, if one of the reasons you are sending your child to a regular school is to interact with regular kids, then IMHO, your child needs to follow whatever rules the school has. Natural consequences to behavior often extinguishes the behavior fast.

Perhaps there needs to be some rules set up for your child's doll that she can understand and the school will reinforce to help her remember them. Social Stories are a great tool that help children with ASD to understand things that they cannot control in their environment and their emotions.

 

[mechurchlady]

I have sensory issues aka SID and never got any training and little counseling in my childhood. I did better with boys and was seated with them. They knew early on that I had socialization problems but nobody knew much about various disorders like SID. I learned early on to hide my SID and other quirks except the socialization and control stuff.

I still feel to this day that I am a bad person and that I cause trouble and misery. I am in chat with people who as soon as they see a weakness will attack. Bosses, friends, pastors, everyone seems not to understand limitations that people have. "Try harder" is what is said too often. "You knew better" and then you are the outcast. This board and about 10 places on the internet are the only places I feel comfortable and even then I am the outcast.

It is wrong that people cannot see that children with a disorder do not purposely set there and plot havoc. With training and self awareness maybe in time the child can change, maybe. It is sad to read about kids who are made to feel like they are worthless obstacles for others when the kid cannot help what they are doing.

I think the original poster should look into a service dog because the dog could be there to protect her and help her when she needs to hug or talk to someone. She could learn in time not to smother the dog and probably the dog could learn to read the child and do things to help her. For me a dog was someone whom I loved, loved me and was there during the bad times to cheer me up.

 

[bookwormde]

Tinkerbell n neverland

On the light side a lot of spectrum children have very limited diets. Here is a link to a thread on the subject

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1778693

At least your child eats meat.

As to the situation that with school staff saying “you are being a bad boy” with the perception variations of the Autism spectrum this is equivalent to them saying “you are a bad boy” and is bulling and if repetitive rises to the level of abuse. I would state if this way. I am assuming that at the IEP meeting that the school psychologist either chastised the school personnel or crawled under the table in embarrassment.

Some times making this direct a statement can wake up the school as to how little they know about creating an appropriate education so they can make the effort to move forward. If your child has a private councilor or psychologist have her(him) write a letter addressing the bad boy situation which should include references to the statement being both bulling and abusive and stating the potential long term damage. Also include a statement that initiating punishment for spectrum manifestation is also damaging and if done knowingly is also abuse with profound long-term medical damage to your child.

bookwormde

 

[Schmeck]

I don't know if this is different state to state, but I believe that in TX at least, if a child has an IEP, they cannot be "disciplined" because of their disability.

Actually, children on IEPs can be disciplined. Wouldn't you want them to be? Or are all children on IEPs supposed to just figure proper behavior all by themselves? Even if their disability makes it difficult for them to control an impulse, they must learn how to do it at some point in their lives. It's not just going to happen magically, overnight. It's going to take years and years of firm discipline by all involved to help the child understand and be in control and responsible for his/her actions. I thought that's what parents wanted for their children?

All the IEPs I've seen have a section on discipline, and we even have a section in our student handbooks about the ability of our school system to suspend/assign detention for students who are on IEPs. It sets up certain guidelines and plans that have to be met by the school system before a child is suspended. It gives the child on an IEP a little more 'cushion' to adapt to certain situations that might be difficult, and it gives the family and school time to work out glitches in a student's program.


To the OP - you need to figure out what you want for your child. I'd like to point out that 'keeping her busy' might be too much for her. She needs to spend a lot of time working on social skills, with the right guidance. Sending her to so many activities can be confusing, as she is probably getting exposed to a lot of behaviors that she doesn't understand. I think she really needs you to work with her on skills - set up social situations at home that deal with issues at school, etc. In a controlled environment, she can get one skill at a time, instead of being bombarded with constant situations at a public event.

I'd also start working on weaning her off the doll. It's going to be hard, as she's been allowed that crutch for so long. I wish I could share some stories about students I've worked with, and the objects they were obsessed with, but confidentiality laws prevent me from doing so. I can say that once the doll obsession is gone, your daughter should be able to focus more attention on her social skils at school.

 

[robin09]

I'm here, I haven't forgotten this post, just computer issues, not allowing me to sign in... Schmeck, I agree with you to a point. Yes, the kids need to control an impulse, especially mine, but sometimes the way the school decides on discipline, ie: no recess, is incorrect. I try to discipline my DD, but not in a way that will bring fear to her, or hatred. How is disciplining to a point where a child refuses to go to school, good for the child?

We have to make our children think for themselves, and about themselves, for example. I've given DD my old cell phone with the strict rules, that she cannot let anyone else use it. Notice.. Dd is literal, sometimes to literal. We were an hour away from home driving in a car with a frined that also has a child with autism. Jenn showed him her phone and told him that it takes videos. All of a sudden her friend starts yelling and a meltdown from him occurs. We have to pull to the side of the road. I take the phone from Jenn, put it in my pocket. She's cowering to one side, as he's screaming... He wants to make a video....

When I get home, I discuss it with her to find out what happened. She says she showed her friend the phone and told him about the video and that when he asked to use he , she couldn't because of what I said. UGHHH.

Then of couse we have the discussion, asking how she would've felt if the roles were reversed. ANd I asked how she could've done differently.. ask me.. It was a good lesson.

As for keeping her too busy? I don't know, my DH says I do. I don't see her, I'm trying to get her into social situations, with kids her age.. It
s a fine line, as to what is too much? Girl scouts, twice a month? Swimming, 45 minutes a week on a Saturday. Cheerleading was a bit much, but it's over for now. But she was great in cheerleading and quick to learn all the cheers, not graceful at all, lol.. but loud!

Her doll is her security. I don't know if I could possibly take the one friemd away from her. She believes it is real. I do try to keep it in the car.. so it can keep the car safe... but many times it just cannot be left alone. I will think about what you say, as it does make sense. Thankyou!

Actually, children on IEPs can be disciplined. Wouldn't you want them to be? Or are all children on IEPs supposed to just figure proper behavior all by themselves? Even if their disability makes it difficult for them to control an impulse, they must learn how to do it at some point in their lives. It's not just going to happen magically, overnight. It's going to take years and years of firm discipline by all involved to help the child understand and be in control and responsible for his/her actions. I thought that's what parents wanted for their children?

All the IEPs I've seen have a section on discipline, and we even have a section in our student handbooks about the ability of our school system to suspend/assign detention for students who are on IEPs. It sets up certain guidelines and plans that have to be met by the school system before a child is suspended. It gives the child on an IEP a little more 'cushion' to adapt to certain situations that might be difficult, and it gives the family and school time to work out glitches in a student's program.


To the OP - you need to figure out what you want for your child. I'd like to point out that 'keeping her busy' might be too much for her. She needs to spend a lot of time working on social skills, with the right guidance. Sending her to so many activities can be confusing, as she is probably getting exposed to a lot of behaviors that she doesn't understand. I think she really needs you to work with her on skills - set up social situations at home that deal with issues at school, etc. In a controlled environment, she can get one skill at a time, instead of being bombarded with constant situations at a public event.

I'd also start working on weaning her off the doll. It's going to be hard, as she's been allowed that crutch for so long. I wish I could share some stories about students I've worked with, and the objects they were obsessed with, but confidentiality laws prevent me from doing so. I can say that once the doll obsession is gone, your daughter should be able to focus more attention on her social skils at school.

 

[robin09]

I have sensory issues aka SID and never got any training and little counseling in my childhood. I did better with boys and was seated with them. They knew early on that I had socialization problems but nobody knew much about various disorders like SID. I learned early on to hide my SID and other quirks except the socialization and control stuff.

I still feel to this day that I am a bad person and that I cause trouble and misery. I am in chat with people who as soon as they see a weakness will attack. Bosses, friends, pastors, everyone seems not to understand limitations that people have. "Try harder" is what is said too often. "You knew better" and then you are the outcast. This board and about 10 places on the internet are the only places I feel comfortable and even then I am the outcast.

It is wrong that people cannot see that children with a disorder do not purposely set there and plot havoc. With training and self awareness maybe in time the child can change, maybe. It is sad to read about kids who are made to feel like they are worthless obstacles for others when the kid cannot help what they are doing.

I think the original poster should look into a service dog because the dog could be there to protect her and help her when she needs to hug or talk to someone. She could learn in time not to smother the dog and probably the dog could learn to read the child and do things to help her. For me a dog was someone whom I loved, loved me and was there during the bad times to cheer me up.

Hi! I am the original poster, and really haven't thought about the service dog, didn't even think about using it for around town. We do have a border collie, austrailian shephard that definitely herds DD in. lol. She loves her dog and squeeze him to death, but thankfully he is huge and lovable. She lays with him on her rough days.

I always value what you have to say and have to say I feel like I know you. I, too feel inadequate much of the time. It hurts to know that others can feel such pain too. I know my Dd can change.. she has quite a bit, and I love her so much, that even if she didn't it wouldn't matter.

I can't say that about my mom. I don't live up to her expectations and I know she feels I'm not good enough for her. I NEVER want my daughter to feel that way. Jenn did not allow anyone near her when she was younger, didn't like to be touched, didn't speak. Now she is the complete opposite, never shuts up, and is a hug monster. She is smart and beautiful inside too. BIg heart. Impulsive. It just kills me to see her hurt.... Take care and keep in touch

 

[bookwormde]

Schmeck if I am guessing correctly what ireland_nicole was talking about is being disciplined for actions, which are manifestations of the disability, this is inappropriate, damaging and is usually not allowed under and IEP. Also a completely different “system” of discipline must be use in comparison to the standard NT system.

Here is a copy of the model I use for my son



N9 Discipline

Needs

The child needs the standard behavioral/discipline policies to be modified
and expanded to be appropriate for an individual who is Aspergers. These need
to be appropriate for the significance of the event

Accommodations, Curriculum Modifications, Supports, and Services

A Principles base approach will be implemented for The child. Components include based
on event severity level based determinations of the impact of Aspergers manifestation
on the event including characteristic factors, environmental factors skill deficit
factors which may have contributed to the event. An event review process
(social autopsy) accomplished in addition to the above manifestation determination to allow for
full understanding of the circumstances of the event, Identification of contributing
factors and an assignment of responsibility to those involved and identification
of factors that may be reduced in future by environmental adaptation, skills identification
and training of other practical educational opportunities.

Classroom level events which do not require outside reporting or assistance
should be handled by classroom staff which are properly trained in the above principle
based approach in a timely manner within the classroom. Such skills or needs which are
identified should be coordinated with The child’s broader educational team so that they
may be addressed and included in The child’s curriculum or accommodations and goals
when needed.

Events which require reporting outside of the classroom or assistance will be
handled with a formal social autopsy and the same determinations and identifications and
responsibility allocation as above except that they we be accomplished in a formal manner.

Events which by there nature which indicate the potential for being seriously
damaging to The child or other persons will be disseminated to The child’s IEP team for
review and determination and review of The child’s IEP's sufficient to address the
event an the appropriate responses.



Goal
To provide accurate assessment of manifestation, environmental factors, and skills deficits so
events may be handled appropriately and future opportunities to reduce or eliminate manifestation,
environmental factors, and skills deficits, to have an accurate understanding of the event and to
provide an opportunity for all involved to understand and "own" their level of responsibility and
what the appropriate changes are to reduce or eliminate repetitive events.


bookwormde

 

[Schmeck]

bookwormde, that's exactly what I said, without the excess fancy mumbo-jumbo to get bogged down in. Even behavior based on disabilities need consequences, of course. Saying that a child can't overcome a behavioral problem based on a disability limits that child so much, I'm surprised that you think that's OK.

A child that spits and bites other children can learn the consequences of that action, no matter what the disability. I've seen it work. If a dog or cat can learn the consequences of certain actions, a human child can certainly learn as well, not meaning that we should treat any child like a dog or cat, of course. It can be done with great respect for all the children involved, and it can show empathy towards all children.

I hope that parents are not using a child's disability as a shield against the world and that child's potential. It's a very difficult path, to try not to do too much buffering for a special needs child - you don't want to keep them in a bubble, for once they get out of high school, (some when they turn 22, at least here in MA) the IEP is null and void, adult services take over, and adult services are very basic. If the child is looking to go to college, most colleges do not offer the support given in high school (and why should they? Who wants a college graduate that can't perform a job on their own?) and I've seen too many shocked young men and women come back to visit after they experience the real world outside of an IEP.

While it may be easier in the short term to have all these comfort items and shields, it really isn't in the child's best interest to perpetuate the dependency. I work 6 hours a day with special needs students. That means I only experience 1/3 the amount of trials and stress a parent does. I can only imagine the hard work involved in being that child's constant advocate. But it's a fine line between doing what's best and enabling dependency.

 

[BeckyScott]

And another perspective- Please keep in mind that I have a child with autism so I'm just playing Devil's advocate for a bit.

A couple weeks ago we were at a meeting, a special ed parent-teacher committee type thing. They provided respite care and both boys went off to the gym with the respite ladies. The respite was providing supervision to both the SpEd children and any typical siblings that had come along.

An hour later when I picked the kids up, oldest DS had broken glasses, a scratch on his face, and later needed a trip to the chiropractor. He had been knocked down twice on the gym floor. Enough to break the frames on his glasses, the kind of frames you can bend into a pretzel and they won't break. A week later, his back still hurts. The "perpetrator" was a special needs child who one could probably assume wasn't being supervised very well.

I am not saying the child did anything on purpose, or that he fully understood the repercussions of their actions. What I *am* saying is that we were out $100 at a time we couldn't afford it, plus the time out to get the glasses frames replaced and having to send DS to school with no glasses the next day, having them fit on DS, and the chiro appt. Nothing was said to the parents or child, as "he didn't mean to do it". His actions were a manifestation of the disability. By the time I got to the gym, the child had left, and I don't know his name, which kid it was other than DS's description of clothing, nothing. I don't even know if his parents are aware of what happened, I suspect not as the respite ladies downplayed the entire thing.

That's your flip side. If the roles were reversed, I would want to know, and in that situation I would have worked with the other parents to compensate for the damage, because that is what I would have done if the situation didn't involve a special needs child. I know every situation is different, but you have to be careful not to swing too far one way or the other.