babysitter issue - wwyd? UPDATE in OP

[buckler]

Deleted

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm wondering if the boyfriend comes by the house to give her the laundry? It doesn't make sense that she would do her own, since she is living at home.

I'd want to know about something like that. And I would wonder what other things she takes upon herself.

 

[NAB]

How do you know it was her laundry? I know you say it wasn't yours because there was laundry of yours there.

Maybe she spilled something on your childs clothes that needed washed right away. Has it been more then once?

I think I would just ask her .....

 

[Traveliz]

Just wondering if you ever said anything like help yourself (meaning food), treat this like your home, etc. She might have assumed it extended to laundry.

And seriously if I nannied I would probably ask but if I didn't and you called me out on it I would be ticked. If you have to say anything I would make it REAL casual.

Someone who is taking super care of your children is a good thing and something to happy about.

Liz

 

[dakcp2001]

I would be fine with it. She spends a lot of time there. I would however, get a nanny cam, because I would worry about what else she might be doing when your not home. I tend to be suspicious of everyone until proven otherwise. And if you ahve a weird gut feeling ro weird red flag about it, then ask her and see how she answers.But be nice about it, cuz if she is a great baby sitter, then you want to keep her happy! But no biggie on the laundry if that is the worst thing she is doing, consider yourself lucky!

 

[Disneylanding]

I too don't believe she means any harm by it. However, she should have asked you first. I find it kind of funny she uses it on days you are not there. Maybe it's not to interfere with your washing days or maybe it's 'cause she really doesn't want you knowing about it. I know 'good work is hard to find", and you don't want to lose the help you have. But I think you should address this before she gets 'too' comfortable in your house and doesn't ask permission for something else next.

If you don't want her to take offense and don't want to risk losing her but still want to 'lay down the law' you can do this: If you don't mind her using your washer/dryer and she doesn't know you know that she is using it. You could be like, "Gee, "Jenny" you are over here alot. I hope you are comfortable. If you ever need to use my phone, computer, laundry or want to make a snack feel free to do so just let me know so I can clear my stuff out of the way first". No hard feelings, yet she has been given permission AND she knows to simply ask first so you can 'clear your stuff' in reality you want to know when and what she is using.

 

[C.Ann]

I think you are extremely lucky to have found such an incredible babysitter and it seems very petty to get upset over a few loads of wash. Considering the things she could be doing I'd have no problem with a few loads of laundry.

Before complaining about such a minor annoyance stop and think could you find someone better or even as good? and how long would that take. (and what difference does it make if it is her clothes or some of her boyfriends? don't get that one at all)

IMO I wouldn't have a bit of a problem with it if I liked how she took care of my child that would be ALL that mattered to me.

I would let this particular situation slide.. She sounds like a wonderful nanny!

However, if you find she is also doing other things you aren't aware of, then it's definitely time to have a talk..

 

[JerseyJanice]

I don't think I would mind or even be miffed, but I would feel like I had to say something just so she doesn't think I'm a bubble-head for not noticing, then feel like she can start using something bigger in my house without clearing it with me first.

 

[autumnpalm]

If it bothers you, talk to her! She sounds like a great nanny and if it were me, I would ask nicely if she'd been doing her laundry and then let her know it is okay with you if she uses your washing machine/dryer but that you would prefer that she asked ahead of time.

 

[ChristmasElf]

If you think about it-what else is there for her to "use" besides maybe a computer? And the computer you could just lock if you don't want it used.

As for anything else, like the stove, oven, fridge, micro, vaccuum, I would think you would want her to be able to use these things if she needed too.

It sounds like you have a great thing going with this nanny for your son and that's really all that's important- not the few pennies of water and electricity.

 

[cm8]

How do you know it was her laundry? I know you say it wasn't yours because there was laundry of yours there.

Maybe she spilled something on your childs clothes that needed washed right away. Has it been more then once?

I think I would just ask her .....

,I was thinking the same thing!

 

[jenrose66]

I don't think it's a big deal. I'd let it go.

 

[Bethenny]

If she's potty training your son for you, it's quite possible she got some poo on her shirt and needed to wash it ASAP. Or maybe she even washed your son's clothes.

 

[Jex]

I wouldn't say anything, but I would start leaving my laundry in the washer and dryer. Either she. Stops using them, or finishes up your laundry, win win situation.

 

[holycow]

Let her do her laundry! What is the big deal?

 

[LuvOrlando]

I understand why you might feel put out about it but i can't see how the conversation could possibly go well. Basically you are upset she crossed a boundary so any mention of that fact is going to alienate her, really no getting around that. If it were me I might clue her in that I know by requesting that she air out the laundry room before you get home because the fragrance bothers you. An approach like this would make her aware you are watching and inform her you make the rules without being directly confrontational, any similar sort o approach would probably be better then drawing a line and telling her she crossed it. Sometimes a bit of finesse can go a long way and anything dealing with kids and caregivers is best handled gently IMHO.

 

[horseshowmom]

As the saying goes, "Good help is hard to find." Yes, she probably should have asked you but she isn't really sneaking around because she leaves the settings changed on the washer. Since she is at your home so much it probably helps her out a lot if she has to go to a laundromat.

If you really feel strongly, you could say something about the bleach smell or ask her to make sure she cleans the lint trap.

If I needed a good nanny and this was the only issue, I would definitely let it go.

Honestly, if she is there over 40 hours a week I probably would have OFFERED to let her use the laundry facilities. Are you paying her overtime? If not, I think I would let it go--although I would ask her not to use the bleach dispenser because it doesn't always clean out well and we have had issues with it ruining our clothes. Heck, I would offer her EXTRA to do my laundry too .

I agree with these two posts.

The question reminded me of something from many years ago. I had someone who came to my house one day a week and who also went to my relative's house once a week. The relative told me that she was letting the woman go because her husband sometimes washed his car at her house (her parent across the street had mentioned it to her), and she didn't appreciate it. She was telling me in case he was sometimes washing the car at my house.

To her, it was a big deal. To me, I knew the woman's husband had to bring her to clean the house (she didn't drive, and he also helped her out with the work). I just figured he sometimes washed the car to kill the time. My relative and I both have our own wells (live out in the country) so all he was using was a little electricity (and maybe a little dish soap ).

The woman was a great maid, and I wasn't about to lose her over something like that. My relative, on the other hand, wasn't about to keep her. Just a difference in perspective. I really hated when she left. I don't think my house has been that clean since then!

 

[Disneyrsh]

whatever

 

[janey99]

This person is basically living in your home .

I have no doubt she's doing lots of things that you wouldn't approve of that don't leave obvious evidence like the smell of bleach.

I think it's the price you pay when you pay someone else to live your parental life for most of the day.

Erm, yes, because we working parents get what we deserve when we hire out the job of raising our children to someone else, right?

In the interest of keeping this thread going so I can collect some useful responses, I'm not going to respond the way I'd really like to.

Jane

 

[ccgirl]

Treat others how you would want to be treated. IF the shoe was on the other foot how would you want someone to approach you. You said she is there for 40+ hours a week pretty much doing everything for your children; including potty training. Personally, I don't see the issue with the laundry. Why would it matter if she was also doing her boyfriends clothes? She is your childrens taxi during the week as well as preschool teacher etc. If you are really concerned I would say something like, "I really don't mind you doing the laundry but if you could not use bleach as I am sensitive to the smell I would greatly appreciate it." or...."If you could only do laundry on Fridays that would be much appreciated."

Good luck.