babysitter issue - wwyd? UPDATE in OP

[AlleyKat]

my bleach dispenser does make spots on clothes. In fact, the reason I am sensitive to it right now is that last week, I washed my bed stuff and my blue duvet cover ended up with bleached dots on it where it laid in the washer against the holes in the drum. At the time, I thought "that's weird, that only happened way back when I used the bleach dispenser and now I don't use it any more." That incident tuned me in to the bleach smell yesterday, and is why I think she washed her clothes yesterday and probably last week too (hence the spots on my comforter cover when I did the next load after her bleach load).
Jane

My washer does the same thing when/if I use bleach.

 

[Imzadi]

I'm confused by the posters who think I lied -

Am I missing where you think I lied?

Jane

Sorry, "lied" may be too harsh a word, especially as I am not sitting across from you, for you to get I'm not flaming you. I mean it in the sense: you weren't up front in telling her you KNOW she washed her own clothes.

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I came to the realization today that she is doing her laundry at my house on days that I'm not home.

[...]
I mentioned it this morning in a casual way - I just did laundry Tuesday and I didn't think anything was dirty yet."

Since you knew she did her own laundry, (IMO) you should have just come out and said so. Then stated whether that was OK or not. That might have really impacted and changed her response.

She probably really loves working there as much as you love having her. She was too scared in thinking her whole job rests on the use of the washing machine for her OWN stuff. Like maybe you'd be upset she was stealing your water, making her self too much at home, taking too much for granted, or something. She was using your soap & bleach.

It obviously didn't occur to her to think earlier she was doing something wrong, or she would have hidden her tracks better: reset the buttons properly, used her own soap & bleach. Maybe tossed in a few onesies, in case she was confronted. Those are actions of one who is used to lying and having had people check up on them in the past.

I would say this was a teaching experience for both of you. You did say in the OP you weren't sure how to proceed. You both failed miserably at this situation.

Give both you & her amnesty over this. You both didn't mean to lie. Keep this in the right perspective. I doubt she's a baby shaker. I say that because, I know I am severely tempted to be one when listening to a screaming kid. So I would think I can recognize the signs in others. But, keep an eye on her (loosely) over her truthfulness. There's a saying, "Trust in God, but tie up your camels."

 

[janey99]

Sorry, "lied" may be too harsh a word, especially as I am not sitting across from you, for you to get I'm not flaming you. I mean it in the sense: you weren't up front in telling her you KNOW she washed her own clothes.

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Since you knew she did her own laundry, (IMO) you should have just come out and said so. Then stated whether that was OK or not. That might have really impacted and changed her response.

She probably really loves working there as much as you love having her. She was too scared in thinking her whole job rests on the use of the washing machine for her OWN stuff. Like maybe you'd be upset she was stealing your water, making her self too much at home, taking too much for granted, or something. She was using your soap & bleach.

It obviously didn't occur to her to think earlier she was doing something wrong, or she would have hidden her tracks better: reset the buttons properly, used her own soap & bleach. Maybe tossed in a few onesies, in case she was confronted. Those are actions of one who is used to lying and having had people check up on them in the past.

I would say this was a teaching experience for both of you. You did say in the OP you weren't sure how to proceed. You both failed miserably at this situation.

Give both you & her amnesty over this. You both didn't mean to lie. Keep this in the right perspective. I doubt she's a baby shaker. I say that because, I know I am severely tempted to be one when listening to a screaming kid. So I would think I can recognize the signs in others. But, keep an eye on her (loosely) over her truthfulness. There's a saying, "Trust in God, but tie up your camels."

I see your point now. In truth, yes, I was fairly certain she was washing her own clothes given that I had just washed 9 loads Tuesday, but I couldn't rule out the possibility that some freak dirt incident had occurred when I was gone. For example, we have a new puppy, and maybe she peed on her crate liner, and the nanny felt compelled to wash it, in which case my response would have been "eek - no need for you to wash stuff like that - you focus on DS and I'll deal with puppy pee!" I would even have been perfectly fine, as I mentioned earlier, if she had said "I threw my gym clothes in the wash so I wouldn't stink when I went to work out after work," in which case the bleach warning would have been valid for her. The wacky lie that I so easily knew was a lie kind of threw me, and coming so recently after another bad nanny experience where I was second guessing a lot of things anyway.

I do think she did panic when confronted, no matter how mild the confrontation was, and hence the silly lie. Based on what I've seen so far, it does not seem indicative of her overall personality, but a little hiccup, as I said before, in me thinking she is 1000% super wonderful.

I think we are OK. The rest of the day seemed regular. The camels are still tied up, but I'm relaxing in the tent sipping some tea!

Jane

 

[okeydokey]

Look, there are two types of reactions when people are put on the spot:

One fesses up and admits what they did was wrong and apologizes.

One lies.

You picked the one who lies to raise your kid.

No, the OP is raising her kid. What a load of garbage.

 

[HelenePA]

Just ask her not to use bleach if she does laundry...

 

[JessicaR]

Just ask her not to use bleach if she does laundry...

Exactly!

 

[janey99]

Just ask her not to use bleach if she does laundry...

Bleach is OK, you just have to pour it directly into the washer drum. Why do companies even make those bleach dispensers part of the washing machine - everyone I know has problems with them!

Jane

 

[bumbershoot]

She told me a story about how DS was playing with a bunch of onesies that were in his bottom dresser drawer, and he had no diaper on, and he had a pee accident all over the onesies, so she had to wash them.

Thing is, I checked the drawer, and those onesies are still in the drawer in the same pile I put them in this weekend, fresh out of the winter clothes box, they haven't been moved and they definitely haven't been washed.

Since you pay such close attention to know exactly what onesies were there in what order and how they were stacked, isn't it possible she paid THAT close attention as well, when she put them away?



I'm not saying she absolutely didn't lie about this, but if you trust yourself to know this information, you might trust HER to pay close attention as well. When I'm staying at my brother's place (as I am right now) and I knock something down in the pantry, or if DS does, I put it back EXACTLY the way it was before, so that he doesn't have to know of the problem. (he's really specific and perfect and I'm not, and don't care for him to know of all the times I'm not perfect) So he might think "wow they never mess up anything in my pantry", when the truth is...nah, I just pay as close attention as he does...



And I agree that you should have been bold, upfront, and honest with her.

 

[HelenePA]

Bleach is OK, you just have to pour it directly into the washer drum. Why do companies even make those bleach dispensers part of the washing machine - everyone I know has problems with them!

Jane

well then just tell her that... seriously unless your asking her to pay you a dollar a load... just keep it short and simple...

 

[Keli]

I wouldn't know what to do about the lie if I were you except be vigilant and make sure she is doing what you think she is doing with your son.
As far as the laundry, I think you should come right out and tell her it's ok for her to wash her clothing at your house. I see things like that as compensation for the fact she's not getting to 'clock out' and eat lunch and get fifteen minute breaks every four hours. I know she probably has 'down time' when your ds is taking a nap and things like that but it's not the same as clocking out and leaving work for a few minutes to unwind with no responsiblities.

 

[Disneyrsh]

sure

 

[happygirl]

You are making way to big of deal about it.

 

[Delaney21]

Since you pay such close attention to know exactly what onesies were there in what order and how they were stacked, isn't it possible she paid THAT close attention as well, when she put them away?

I'm not saying she absolutely didn't lie about this, but if you trust yourself to know this information, you might trust HER to pay close attention as well.

This. I would put things back exactly like they were left, so how do you know she didn't do the same?

 

[Jex]

What does your husband think about the situation?

 

[okeydokey]

Of course, silly me. The social effects of a 40+hour a week nanny are completely negligible.

Yes, silly you.