babysitter issue - wwyd? UPDATE in OP

[janey99]

I have a fulltime babysitter for DS who comes to my home for over 40 hours a week. Three days a week I'm in the house because I work from home, and 2 days a week she's there all day by herself because I go to the office.

She has been with us about 5 weeks and I'm thrilled with her - she does preschool activities with DS (he's 2.5), takes him to the park, the library, Gymboree, is working on potty training, really, everything you could hope for. She's totally self directed and has worked out a schedule for herself and DS and is totally running with it.

I came to the realization today that she is doing her laundry at my house on days that I'm not home. She uses a certain setting on the washer that I never do, and uses the bleach dispenser which leaves a really distinctive smell in the laundry room. She's not washing anything of ours, because I just did laundry yesterday, and the three items of clothing that are dirty since yesterday are still in the hampers.

For some reason, I'm struggling with how to bring this up with her - I don't necessarily have a problem with her doing her personal wash here, but I do wish she had asked (I think it's kind of presumptuous to just do it, especially when I'm not here), and I don't want her to be doing anyone else's clothes here (she has a boyfriend and I think she still lives at home).

Any thoughts?

Thanks,

Jane

**********************************************************
UPDATE:

I mentioned it this morning in a casual way - "Oh, I see you did some laundry yesterday. I can tell by the smell that you used the bleach dispenser. FYI, I don't use that because it causes bleach spots to get on the next load you do after the bleach load. BTW - what got washed? I just did laundry Tuesday and I didn't think anything was dirty yet."

She told me a story about how DS was playing with a bunch of onesies that were in his bottom dresser drawer, and he had no diaper on, and he had a pee accident all over the onesies, so she had to wash them.

Thing is, I checked the drawer, and those onesies are still in the drawer in the same pile I put them in this weekend, fresh out of the winter clothes box, they haven't been moved and they definitely haven't been washed. I also checked my washing stuff, and about 1/3 a bottle of Clorox II is gone after I topped it up from my big BJs bottle Tuesday.

So, she, um, lied.

Now I'm really not sure what to do.

Jane

 

[Monte Cristo]

Sorry, this wouldn't bother me at all.

 

[Robinrs]

Of course it's easier said than done but realize, YOU are her employer and boss. Sit her down and just tell her "I don't mind if you use my laundry facilities, but you MUST ask me, first."

Don't ask, just tell.

Then let her know your expectations and criteria.

It's difficult to find a good child care provider and besides this she sounds awesome. Just let her know the rules.

Good luck.

 

[CajunMomof3]

I had a similar situation with our after-school provider. She uses my desktop computer to check her Facebook before the boys get off the bus. I don't care that she uses it, but, like you, thought she should have discussed it with me first. I am really happy with the way she takes care of the kids, so I decided that if I trust her with my 2 most preciuos assets, I can let this go.

 

[mrsv98]

I have a fulltime babysitter for DS who comes to my home for over 40 hours a week. Three days a week I'm in the house because I work from home, and 2 days a week she's there all day by herself because I go to the office.

She has been with us about 5 weeks and I'm thrilled with her - she does preschool activities with DS (he's 2.5), takes him to the park, the library, Gymboree, is working on potty training, really, everything you could hope for. She's totally self directed and has worked out a schedule for herself and DS and is totally running with it.

I came to the realization today that she is doing her laundry at my house on days that I'm not home. She uses a certain setting on the washer that I never do, and uses the bleach dispenser which leaves a really distinctive smell in the laundry room. She's not washing anything of ours, because I just did laundry yesterday, and the three items of clothing that are dirty since yesterday are still in the hampers.

For some reason, I'm struggling with how to bring this up with her - I don't necessarily have a problem with her doing her personal wash here, but I do wish she had asked (I think it's kind of presumptuous to just do it, especially when I'm not here), and I don't want her to be doing anyone else's clothes here (she has a boyfriend and I think she still lives at home).

Any thoughts?

Thanks,

Jane

As the saying goes, "Good help is hard to find." Yes, she probably should have asked you but she isn't really sneaking around because she leaves the settings changed on the washer. Since she is at your home so much it probably helps her out a lot if she has to go to a laundromat.

If you really feel strongly, you could say something about the bleach smell or ask her to make sure she cleans the lint trap.

If I needed a good nanny and this was the only issue, I would definitely let it go.

 

[sparklynails23]

That's a bad indication of things to come. No one honest would have done that without asking. I would say something to her.

 

[RitaZ.]

That would bother me. She is using your washer and dryer, water and electricity without your permission. What else would she do without your knowledge? That's what I would be thinking.

 

[ontariomonkey]

I think it's wierd that she didn't ask. Just talk to her. Ask her why. Maybe the laudromat is inconvenient and expensive. Who knows. I don't think being able to do your laundry at work is a common benefit so if you want her to stop I don't think it would be unreasonable. However, you may be able to work something out with her like she uses her own soap and only washes her own clothes. Whatever makes you comfortable.

 

[Hannathy]

I think you are extremely lucky to have found such an incredible babysitter and it seems very petty to get upset over a few loads of wash. Considering the things she could be doing I'd have no problem with a few loads of laundry.

Before complaining about such a minor annoyance stop and think could you find someone better or even as good? and how long would that take. (and what difference does it make if it is her clothes or some of her boyfriends? don't get that one at all)

IMO I wouldn't have a bit of a problem with it if I liked how she took care of my child that would be ALL that mattered to me.

 

[JessicaR]

I think you are extremely lucky to have found such an incredible babysitter and it seems very petty to get upset over a few loads of wash. Considering the things she could be doing I'd have no problem with a few loads of laundry.

Before complaining about such a minor annoyance stop and think could you find someone better or even as good? and how long would that take. (and what difference does it make if it is her clothes or some of her boyfriends? don't get that one at all)

IMO I wouldn't have a bit of a problem with it if I liked how she took care of my child that would be ALL that mattered to me.

Amen!

 

[janey99]

I think the first few posts are an indication that it is a polarizing issue - part of me thinks what some of you think - "Let it go, she's a great nanny and great nannies are hard to find," but another part of me thinks what others are thinking - "how presumptuous - what else might she do without asking/telling?"

Jane

 

[golfgal]

Honestly, if she is there over 40 hours a week I probably would have OFFERED to let her use the laundry facilities. Are you paying her overtime? If not, I think I would let it go--although I would ask her not to use the bleach dispenser because it doesn't always clean out well and we have had issues with it ruining our clothes. Heck, I would offer her EXTRA to do my laundry too .

 

[heatherwillmom]

I think it's strange that she didn't ask but I don't think this would have bothered me. Our former nanny (kids have outgrown a nanny), would download her pictures on my computer that bothered me a little. SHe was wonderful otherwise. She took the kids lots of places & was great to them. They loved her & still do. She will come by our house when we go on vacation & feed our sugar gliders & get our paper. She's a wonderful person so I figured I could put up with her using my computer.

 

[JessicaR]

I think the first few posts are an indication that it is a polarizing issue - part of me thinks what some of you think - "Let it go, she's a great nanny and great nannies are hard to find," but another part of me thinks what others are thinking - "how presumptuous - what else might she do without asking/telling?"

Jane

Re-read your first post - what is most important? Laundry or care of YOUR child? Of course address it with her but keep in mind there are worse things a nanny could be doing than laundry.

 

[JessicaR]

Honestly, if she is there over 40 hours a week I probably would have OFFERED to let her use the laundry facilities. Are you paying her overtime? If not, I think I would let it go--although I would ask her not to use the bleach dispenser because it doesn't always clean out well and we have had issues with it ruining our clothes. Heck, I would offer her EXTRA to do my laundry too .

Uh huh

 

[OceanAnnie]

That would bother me. She is using your washer and dryer, water and electricity without your permission. What else would she do without your knowledge? That's what I would be thinking.

I agree.

 

[kirstenb1]

It's strange she didn't ask, but I'd let it go.

 

[aaarcher86]

I honestly don't think she means any harm by it. If she was trying to be super sneaky she'd change the settings back and she doesn't. She probably does it on days you aren't there in case you need to use your own wash/dryer. It'd be annoying to not be able to do a load in your own house because the sitter has hers in there, ya know? It sounds like she's awesome, and I find it hard to believe someone like that would be super devious.

If she's at your house 40 hours a week it's probably just a little easier for her.

I personally wouldn't have a problem with it, but I'd also wished she would have asked first. I honestly don't think I'd even mention it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Would you be okay if she 'asked' and agreed not to use the bleach dispenser??? ( I don't use mine either, I pour a container of water and bleach right into the system thru the main detergent channel... the little 'dispenser' is kind of a pain.)

Also, is she not doing any of your laundry???

Really, it sounds like one of those things that might need to be ironed out early in this kind of arrangement.

I wouldn't necessarily see it as a deal-breaker...
But, I would want to know that all expectations are clear between the two of you, and that you feel she respects that.

Maybe a nice conversation and go from there????

 

[disykat]

That would bother me. She is using your washer and dryer, water and electricity without your permission. What else would she do without your knowledge? That's what I would be thinking.

It would bother me too. Mainly because she lives at home where she presumably has access to a washer and dryer. Since she didn't ask, it would make me suspicious that she is doing her boyfriend's laundry. The fact that she does it only when you are not home also makes me suspicious. Why would she want to lug laundry back and forth if it wasn't necessary?