babysitter issue - wwyd? UPDATE in OP

[dodukes]

Why don't you just bring it up again and say hey i checked or something and let her know how you feel about laundry. Honestly it would be eating me up inside to know lol. And maybe she actually did wash something of your son's and just thre her stuff in, who knows. If its bothering you that much I would ask again.

 

[mster425]

She seems to be really adept at lying....a huge character flaw imo.

I respectfully disagree about her being adept at lying- it sure was easy enough to catch her!

 

[handinpocket]

I totally agree with this. but you evidently would rather find someone who won't touch your washer but is less ideal for your child so..... IMO you should fire her and make sure you tell her it is because of the washer not the wonderful way she takes care of your child! and go look for someone else. But again IMO don't hold your breathe for someone who will do all she does with your child-because they just aren't out there-but you seem to have different priorities than I would have in child care.

Yes, and when the child turns up with shaken baby syndrome and the nanny comes up with some elaborate lie on how it happened, you can expound on these priorites.

I guarantee if that happened everyone here would be saying....you knew she was capable of lying, why would you let her around your child?!

 

[ols386]

I think she probably should have asked before using your washer and dryer, but it's not the end of the world that she didn't.

I wouldn't like it that she lied to you, and I would definitely bring that up with her in a nice way, but at the same time tell her it's ok for her to do laundry.

If you find out anything else down the road that she lies about, then if it were me, I'd have to give some serious thought to letting her go.

 

[SaraJayne]

Yes, and when the child turns up with shaken baby syndrome and the nanny comes up with some elaborate lie on how it happened, you can expound on these priorites.

I guarantee if that happened everyone here would be saying....you knew she was capable of lying, why would you let her around your child?!

I really hate to state the obvious, but equating doing laundry at the house to progressing to shaken baby syndrome is a HUGE (paranoid) leap.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Yes, and when the child turns up with shaken baby syndrome and the nanny comes up with some elaborate lie on how it happened, you can expound on these priorites.

I guarantee if that happened everyone here would be saying....you knew she was capable of lying, why would you let her around your child?!

EVERYONE is capable of lying, especially when their livelihood is on the line. I don't mean that everyone would lie, but we are all certainly capable of lying.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Fib about taking laundry priviledges - harmed or dead baby...
Ridiculous....

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I would give her an out. I would tell her that you know she did not wash the onesies because you were the one that put them exactly the way they are and that almost 1/2 a bottle of bleach is gone when it was full and nobody in the house used it. Then tell her that you aren't mad if she had to do some laundry for herself but you want to know that truth. Then see what she says. If she continues to lie then I would fire her. I could see her lying the first time because she was scared she was going to lose her job. However- once you give her an out if she continues to lie I would not trust her with my child. What will she lie about when you are not there? Is she really so wonderful when you are not there? Sorry but that would irk me. If someone is going to watch my kids then I need to be able to trust them. Good luck.

 

[superdiz]

I would start searching for a new nanny and in the meantime I would let her know "You know, I don't mind you using my laundry but be honest with me about it. Honesty is all I ask. And don't use bleach."

I'd get a new nanny though. I don't like liars.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Fib about taking laundry priviledges - harmed or dead baby...
Ridiculous....

It's not ridiculous. I get what that poster is saying. If the sitter is lying about small things and you as her employer know it what is to say she won't lie about other things? When the OP isn't there will she have her boyfriend over? The kid is too young to really tell Mom. Will she really play all day and watch the kid as closely when she is not being monitored? If the child fell and got hurt would she be honest about how it happened? Lying to me is a big problem. You need to be able to trust who you leave your kids with.

 

[Hannathy]

I really hate to state the obvious, but equating doing laundry at the house to progressing to shaken baby syndrome is a HUGE (paranoid) leap.

I totally agree!

I also guess we don't have any other House fans on this thread but as the good Dr. Says

EVERYBODY LIES

 

[sbell111]

I would simply tell her that it's fine if she wants to do her laundry there.

 

[robinb]

UPDATE:

I mentioned it this morning in a casual way - "Oh, I see you did some laundry yesterday. I can tell by the smell that you used the bleach dispenser. FYI, I don't use that because it causes bleach spots to get on the next load you do after the bleach load. BTW - what got washed? I just did laundry Tuesday and I didn't think anything was dirty yet."

She told me a story about how DS was playing with a bunch of onesies that were in his bottom dresser drawer, and he had no diaper on, and he had a pee accident all over the onesies, so she had to wash them.

Thing is, I checked the drawer, and those onesies are still in the drawer in the same pile I put them in this weekend, fresh out of the winter clothes box, they haven't been moved and they definitely haven't been washed. I also checked my washing stuff, and about 1/3 a bottle of Clorox II is gone after I topped it up from my big BJs bottle Tuesday.

So, she, um, lied.

Now I'm really not sure what to do.

Jane

I'm not sure why you didn't just come out and ask her if she washed her own clothes instead of setting up a trap for her. I think that your line of questioning backed her into a corner and she felt like she had to lie to keep her job. Especially when your questions made it clear the correct answer was: "There were special circumstances and I washed your clothes!". Sadly, the lie will probably lose her the job instead.

 

[smb6]

I would let it go. If your worried about bleach spots- ask her not to use bleach. Sounds like she is a great nanny- let her wash the clothes without saying anything; JMO.
As for the update- yes, she lied and I would not like that- BUT I also feel you approached her in a way that a lie does not surprise me; I'd let it go.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I agree, it is a fairly complex lie - she processed all the info and came up with it quickly. I'm struggling with that.

Jane

I'd be struggling with it too. I wouldn't be okay with the situation until I was frank with her. It wouldn't be an easy conversation but it would be necessary for me.

 

[kirstenb1]

No good will come out of bringing this up again with her.

If she's good with your children, keep her. If this lie is more important than that, then you have no choice but to fire her.

 

[handinpocket]

It's not ridiculous. I get what that poster is saying. If the sitter is lying about small things and you as her employer know it what is to say she won't lie about other things? When the OP isn't there will she have her boyfriend over? The kid is too young to really tell Mom. Will she really play all day and watch the kid as closely when she is not being monitored? If the child fell and got hurt would she be honest about how it happened? Lying to me is a big problem. You need to be able to trust who you leave your kids with.

Thank you, that is exactly it. Sometimes on the net, it is hard to convey your point. I just think that if something really serious occurred, this girl would lie, lie, lie. I would have to have someone I could trust with my children's life, simple as that.

 

[ccgirl]

I have a fulltime babysitter for DS who comes to my home for over 40 hours a week. Three days a week I'm in the house because I work from home, and 2 days a week she's there all day by herself because I go to the office.

She has been with us about 5 weeks and I'm thrilled with her - she does preschool activities with DS (he's 2.5), takes him to the park, the library, Gymboree, is working on potty training, really, everything you could hope for. She's totally self directed and has worked out a schedule for herself and DS and is totally running with it.

I came to the realization today that she is doing her laundry at my house on days that I'm not home. She uses a certain setting on the washer that I never do, and uses the bleach dispenser which leaves a really distinctive smell in the laundry room. She's not washing anything of ours, because I just did laundry yesterday, and the three items of clothing that are dirty since yesterday are still in the hampers.

For some reason, I'm struggling with how to bring this up with her - I don't necessarily have a problem with her doing her personal wash here, but I do wish she had asked (I think it's kind of presumptuous to just do it, especially when I'm not here), and I don't want her to be doing anyone else's clothes here (she has a boyfriend and I think she still lives at home).

Any thoughts?

Thanks,

Jane

**********************************************************
UPDATE:

I mentioned it this morning in a casual way - "Oh, I see you did some laundry yesterday. I can tell by the smell that you used the bleach dispenser. FYI, I don't use that because it causes bleach spots to get on the next load you do after the bleach load. BTW - what got washed? I just did laundry Tuesday and I didn't think anything was dirty yet."

She told me a story about how DS was playing with a bunch of onesies that were in his bottom dresser drawer, and he had no diaper on, and he had a pee accident all over the onesies, so she had to wash them.

Thing is, I checked the drawer, and those onesies are still in the drawer in the same pile I put them in this weekend, fresh out of the winter clothes box, they haven't been moved and they definitely haven't been washed. I also checked my washing stuff, and about 1/3 a bottle of Clorox II is gone after I topped it up from my big BJs bottle Tuesday.

So, she, um, lied.

Now I'm really not sure what to do.

Jane

Oh goodness...that is a whole 'nother can of worms. I don't think I could take a sitter that flat out lied to my face. Not sure I could trust her anymore. I think I would be looking for a new sitter. All she had to say was, "I washed some of my own clothes, I hope you don't mind." At least that wouldn't have been a lie. But...to use your laundry products as well? How old is she? She sounds very immature. however, I would agree with a PP that stated you kind of trapped her with the wording of the question and perhaps she got very nervous. I would definitely call her out in the lie. Good luck.

 

[terri01p]

 

[janey99]

No good will come out of bringing this up again with her.

Agree completely.

I'm not sure why the thread is deteriorating into "sadly, the OP's greater concern for her laundry machine than her child will probably cost this great nanny her job"?

Doing laundry is fine. Asking would have been better. Lying about it when mildly questioned, not good, but perhaps the result of immature panic in the moment. Complexity of lie and ease of doing so not reassuring, but some people are quick on the recovery and smooth. Could be evidence of simply this, or a more devious and nefarious character. Originally and still true, her treatment of my son when I have observed her (and when others have - Gymboree teacher raves about her) is excellent. She is present with others during her care of DS for 31 out of 42 hours. Do I think she can keep up a Mary Poppins charade for that length of time and devolve into habitual liar who will abuse or neglect my son because no one is there to see it in the remaining 11 hours? Unlikely, but who can know for sure?

Conclusion - as mentioned, this incident is a hiccup in our mutually developing trusting relationship. On days I am out, I will observe a little more carefully on my return the state of the house and DS. I will mentally cross check stories to the extent I can to confirm consistancy. This will continue, in the background of my brain, until no similar repetitions occur and future wonderful behavior overrides this occurrence.

Granted, we all believe wholeheartedly in our own journey, but I think my initial and continued ambivalence was/is reasonable.

I appreciate everyone who offered their thoughts.

Jane