Baby wants.....

[Pomlover2586]

DH and I have been married for just over a year now. Originally we said we'd have a baby when I was 25 or so.....27 at the latest. Which would give us time to save more $$, hopefully I'd be done with school etc.

Now we are still in the same position, and realistically the above plan is the best option for our family....both current and future. DH does not want kids anytime soon and we both want to be more financially ready [though we know we'll never be "fully" ready]

We want our children to have everything we can give them and live comfortable lives.

So can anybody explain to me why in the past 2 or 3 months I'm having these really intense urges to have a baby!??! I feel like I've gone crazy......every baby i see is adorable.....I'm obsessed with baby stuff LOL. I know it's not realistic to want a baby right now.....our baby deserves so much more and we're in no rush to have one....no medical time lines etc.....

So why all of a sudden do I feel this way? Anybody else experience this? It's like all of a sudden someone switched on my maternal button LOL.

 

[bumbershoot]

Biology. Connected with your age. Most of my friends from 22/23ish to about 26 had baby fever to a huge degree. Those who were married indulged it. Most who were not did not. I was the last to get married, and I got to be the go-to person when those who indulged the urges called in tears when they turned 30 and wanted to be single and childless again... I had mine at 34 and still haven't felt that way.

Follow your head. My mom had me at 25 and my brother at 27, and as I turned 25 then 27, I couldn't even IMAGINE having kids at that age...

I don't mean to sound insensitive, it's just I saw this happen and saw the fallout (the first of "us" to get married and have a baby divorced shortly after having the second baby and let her husband have custody b/c she wanted to be free and single...the second of us to get married and had her first at 25 is now busy having affairs while on "girls trips" and expecting the "girls" to stay quiet about it), and I know how peaceful it feels to have a baby later...my group of friends can't be that unique.

Stay "safe", let your brains rule, just relax and enjoy your married lives for a few years.

 

[Plantlady]

I was a teen pregnancy.. but, the lady that confirmed my pregnancy (at the college health center), was one of the few calm people.. of that first pregnancy.. she told me... a baby only needs love. Not money. That yes, the doctor bills will cost a lot, during the pregnancy.. but after the baby was born.. we'd be ok financially.

I guess, my thought is.. if you want a baby. If DH is in agreement.. you'll be ok financially. DH and I had three kids. Our third was born when I was 25, we were young, not financially stable, but our kids ALWAYS were loved. They have very fond childhood memories.. (Well, they're still children).. but, always fond memories.

Just yesterday, I was looking through old photos. They're laughing and having fun in all of them. It wasn't money that made them laugh.

We're good now. Financially stable. The kids are still happy. I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[Piecey]

I had lucas 2 months after I turned 22. He wasn't planned. I got baby fever BAD after I knew he was coming, though.

DH and I are pretty much like what you said. We wanted more money, planned to have kids when we finished school and everything like that.

If you are serious now, stock up on basics now (diapers, wipes, etc.) when you get a coupon. Always check the clearance sections for clothes/onesies/blankets/bedding/etc. It doesn't have to be expensive to have a baby.

Check out what your insurance will cover, you may be surprised. DH's covered 100% of prenatal/delivery. You could put what you're responsible for in a Healthcare spending account to pay for it tax free.

At the end of the day, like a PP said, all Lucas needs is love. He's much happier being held than sitting in his swing. A lot of the stuff that places like BRU said you need, you don't.

 

[ZachnElli]

I had my first child at 23 and my second at 27. By 28 I could no longer carry a child. I'm sure glad I didn't wait. I've been married 17 years and still happily! I have to admit, because of what I went through, I want to tell all women, if you wait, it may be too late! I have no idea why I can't carry another child, lots of tests, lots of doctors, but still lots of miscarriages.

 

[iggbees]

don't feel bad. i feel the same way. i'm 26, i've been with my boyfriend over 5 years and every baby i see i think how much i would love to have children. i realize that having a child right now is just not in the cards (considering i'm not married yet and i'm still in grad school). i've talked to the girls in school about it as well and they all feel the same way about wanting to have children now, but none of them are ready to either. i think it's definitely an age thing. not to mention a lot of people i went to high school with are having children now and i keep seeing pictures and it makes me want children that much more. i'm happy just enjoying life with my boyfriend for the time being.

 

[Pomlover2586]

Well at least it's nice to know I'm not alone......it's not like I've lost my mind all of a sudden LOL I never used to be like this....I liked kids yes....I wanted kids eventually etc.....now it's like "I want one NOW!!!" LOL. DH is not in agreement AT ALL.....he does not want one yet, says he's not ready etc.....so we're definitely not going to start TTC anytime soon.....and no I would never "try" without his consent.....don't even get me started on women who do that LOL!

Thanks for the support/understanding.....like I said it's nice to know I'm not alone

 

[december]

Dh and I got married at 23, after dating for 8 years, and were going to wait 5 yrs to have babies. 10 mos later, I was begging dh to change his mind, and ds12 was born 10 mos after that! When he was 18 mos old, dh was the one begging for another child, and dd9 was born exactly 9 mos later. And we are still so happy together, that we decided last summer to do it one more time before my eggs got too old, and I'm typing one handed holding my 9 wk old right now.

Would we have been better off financially if we had waited? Most definitely. Do I ever regret not waiting. NEVER! For most of us, we are never going to have "enough" money for kids. If dh is on board, go for it!

 

[bekkiz]

Yeah, I was addicted to A Baby Story from about 23 (when I got married) until, well, I got pregnant (at 27)!

We had a few things in our way before it felt right to have kids (mainly, I had to have, then recover from, major back surgery), but I'm glad we had the time alone to travel, get settled in the community etc.

You want to know how I was able to stave off some of those baby pains? I got a puppy The potty training and getting up in the middle of the night for a month or two was enough to make sure I wasn't quite there yet!

 

[ORMom2Four]

I ditto bekkiz. A puppy or a pet might help with the urge (especially a puppy, they are almost as hard as a newborn!).

I've heard it refered to as "baby fever", the feelings you are having. It's very common, and it is quite often not "cured" by having your first baby Before long, you'll be looking at those baby clothes again.......and trying for #2 (or 3, or 4....lol)

If you and your Dh really want to wait, it will help to gear the maternal energy towards something else like a new pet

 

[Pomlover2586]

ORmom2four- I'm sooo sorry for your loss.

DH and I currently have 3 cats- all 3 of which I bottle raised from a few days old- that definitely curbed my motherhood instincts- but I wasn't even really having this "fever" then

We're currently not in a position to adopt any more kids- a one bedroom apartment gets a but cramped with more than 3 cats LOL Though I'd LOVE to have a puppy!!

 

[nskjerven]

Even at the "late" age of 33 DH and I agreed to wait for a year or so after our pending marriage so we could be in a better space...Miss Molly was conceived a few weeks later, oops.... we both knew how this happened and after being together for 5 years prior we both were a bit shocked

Having this happen to me, taught me the best lesson in my life. God brings babies when he choses too and if we are lucky enough to be choosen savor it love it and embrace it.

Molly turns 12 on Thursday and I am the most blessed mama in the world to call her my daughter

We also have a wonderful son who is 9. Completely planned down to the day

I still want another one...that feeling for some reason never leaves some of us

 

[bellebuzzntink]

You're so young! There isn't any hurry! If you need to get your baby fix, offer to watch someone else's baby for a few hours.....that'll solve the problem!

Babies are life changing - nothing is the same after having them. Your priorities and responsibilities all of a sudden shift to this helpless little life. Make sure both of you are ready.

That being said - I got married when I was 24, and had baby #1 right after I turned 26. It's now many years later, baby #4 is now 6 months old, and I haven't had a single day where I wanted to turn it all in for the single life.

 

[Piecey]

Even at the "late" age of 33 DH and I agreed to wait for a year or so after our pending marriage so we could be in a better space...Miss Molly was conceived a few weeks later, oops.... we both knew how this happened and after being together for 5 years prior we both were a bit shocked

Having this happen to me, taught me the best lesson in my life. God brings babies when he choses too and if we are lucky enough to be choosen savor it love it and embrace it.

Molly turns 12 on Thursday and I am the most blessed mama in the world to call her my daughter

We also have a wonderful son who is 9. Completely planned down to the day

I still want another one...that feeling for some reason never leaves some of us

I did the bold, and I totally agree!!

My cousin TTC for years. She miscarried once and they spent thousands (easily $75k+) on TTC. They even had his 'stuff' flown to her here in WV when he was working out of state.
He ended up having an affair and they're divorced.

She's currently pregnant (with no medical assistance at all) and on top of the world.
(Her ex husband's girlfriend is also pregnant, right now.)
All she says is that God knew they weren't meant to have a baby together but apparently they were both meant to have a baby, and now they both will.

 

[Breezie]

You are so not alone.

My older brother just had a baby, and it's given me the fever bad! She is the most well behaved baby I've ever watched (I think that's part of the problem). But holy moly, does it make me crazy for one. And honestly, pet sitting my Mom's yorkie-poo is worse than babysitting this kid.

Unfortunately, I feel it's probably not the best idea to have a baby right now- you know, being single, 22, in college, and poor.

 

[NHdisneylover]

OP--I agree with many others. It is a typical feeling at your age. I think we are biologically prgrammed to have "baby fever" somewhere in our early 20s (most of us--everybody is different). If you look at it from nature's standpoint: with no modern medicine and not looking at modern school/work situations it is probably the time period in our lives when our bodies can most safely carry and then care for a baby.
DH and I got married at 23. DD was born 2 weeks after I turned 24 and DS was born almost exactly 2 years later. We actaully would have gotten married and had hte kids a year or two earlier but were wating to both be out of college. We were pretty broke those first few years, but in the long run we are as well off now as we would have been staying childless longer. We were okay making the financial sacrifices and knew (as pps have said) that money is not what makes a good family. It WAS rough though--scraping by and making sure the kids' needs came first. I, perosanlly, could not have done it while in school. Nor, oculd I have done it without a husband who is 100% supportive and was in the same place as I was as far as wanting the kids then. I think you are wise to wait until you are both out of school and your DH has similar feelings (though likely will never be AS strong).

Biology. Connected with your age. Most of my friends from 22/23ish to about 26 had baby fever to a huge degree. Those who were married indulged it. Most who were not did not. I was the last to get married, and I got to be the go-to person when those who indulged the urges called in tears when they turned 30 and wanted to be single and childless again... I had mine at 34 and still haven't felt that way.

Follow your head. My mom had me at 25 and my brother at 27, and as I turned 25 then 27, I couldn't even IMAGINE having kids at that age...

I don't mean to sound insensitive, it's just I saw this happen and saw the fallout (the first of "us" to get married and have a baby divorced shortly after having the second baby and let her husband have custody b/c she wanted to be free and single...the second of us to get married and had her first at 25 is now busy having affairs while on "girls trips" and expecting the "girls" to stay quiet about it), and I know how peaceful it feels to have a baby later...my group of friends can't be that unique.

Stay "safe", let your brains rule, just relax and enjoy your married lives for a few years.

I think your group of friends is "that unique." Plenty of us who made the decision to have children young love them dearly and love our spouses dearly and have no desire to be "childless and single" again. I cannot even begin to imagine feeling that way Geeze, I am going NUTS missing my two who are at camp this week (and DH is away for work). I don't even WANT to be "single and childfree" for four days much less on a permanent basis.
Just as you cannot imagine having kids at the age your mother did, I have a hard time imagining only having just had my yougner one (my older would be 2 instead of 12 if I had had her at the age you had your son) It is fantastic that having a child in your mid 30s worked for you. It works best for lots of people and that is great. However, having children in the early 20s works for LOTS of people as well. I think the bigger issue is having made teh decision as a couple to have the child becuase you both want to and thinking through the issue likely to occur (financial, etc) rather than simply making a rash decision (which can still work out, but is harder) at ANY age.

 

[DVCisME]

My husband had our kids (5 and 2) in our early twenties. As our family grew so did our bank account. We also owned our own house by the time we were 22 and 25, we had already had one child. We, I guess you could say, rose to the occassion. My husband worked harder, same hours just got better. And I saved, budgeted, couponed. I think these things have a way of working themselves out.
Maybe it is just a feeling, maybe it will subsided, maybe it will get stronger. Either way I am sure it will work out. Best of luck!!
*We never have regretted our decision to have our kids so young. We have now been married for almost 6 years.

 

[taylor3297]

I never have had the baby fever. So, I cannot relate to your situation, but do have a child when you know you are ready. I swore I would never have children, but now I have two. I got married at 34, had dd at 36, and ds at 40. We had no trouble conceiving either, but it was a decision dh and I made together. In the end most people do realize when it is the right time to start a family. There was no way I could have been a parent at the age of 27. I was not mentally ready for that type of commitment.

Good luck to you!

 

[mickeyboat]

Well, there really isn't a "right" time to have a baby. Some people do it when they are young and broke, and it works out well. Some people do it older and financially stable, and it works out badly.

I do think it is wise to wait a little while after you are married to have a child. It gives you and your DH time to settle in to married life, and some time to spend together as a married couple before the huge change of having children.

I always knew I wanted children, but wanted to be finished with school and established in my career before I did. Then I found out I would have trouble conceiving, and all timetables went out the window.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

Denae

 

[Veronica Lodge]

I never have had the baby fever. So, I cannot relate to your situation, but do have a child when you know you are ready. I swore I would never have children, but now I have two. I got married at 34, had dd at 36, and ds at 40. We had no trouble conceiving either, but it was a decision dh and I made together. In the end most people do realize when it is the right time to start a family. There was no way I could have been a parent at the age of 27. I was not mentally ready for that type of commitment.

Good luck to you!

I just started getting the "baby fever" a few years ago and I am 35. I think DH and I are finally on the same page and ready for children.

While I've wanted a baby for a few years, I don't think I really would have been ready to be a mother until just recently.

I seriously did not want to be a mother in my 20s - I felt WAY too young, personally. I have one friend who had a baby in her 20s, all the rest had theirs in their 30s. That is just how my circle of friends rolls.