Baby at Bridal Shower

[Beth76]

Besides, how much fun could a toddler have at an shower anyway?

 

[izzy]

Originally posted by Aimeedyan
I am the biggest child advocate in the world, it's my passion, profession, and what I go to school to do... family is a huge thing for me. HOWEVER, I do not understand why people feel that children ALWAYS have to be apart of things... 2 hours at a shower is NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. Do breastfed children really feed every moment of the day? None that I know of. A breastfed child can easily stay at home for an hour while mom pops in on an adult only shower. We're not talking about a week at the Spa... just a couple of hours on an afternoon.

The bottom line is, that a host has the right to decide whom is invited and whom is not. Children are very much apart of that, as well, they are people too. There are many that are not comfortable with the idea of young children in their home, for fear that they will get into something. I know several older ladies that feel this way. Not to mention the fact that young babies/children take attention away from the Bride and her big day. That's not fair to her.

I think it's sad that a mom can't be away from her child for an hour or two every once in awhile, but to each his own... if that mother truly feels that she cannot, then she should respect the feelings of the hostesses and not attend. I find that these kind of moms are far and few between... matter of fact, I can't even think of one personal friend/acquaintance who acts this way.

I should be thankful I never ran into this with my showers... All of my guests were able to read the invite, understand who it was directed towards, and take a break to come and celebrate my upcoming wedding with me. Their children spent a wonderful afternoon with their grandparents or their father...

I think the same goes for weddings. For me, a formal wedding and reception is not an appropriate place for children under 3, and they were not invited to our wedding.

I think it just comes down to respecting the host and their desires... you don't have to attend if you're not happy with the hosts wishes, just respect them. In return, people will respect your wishes when you bust your rear and spend tons of money to host a shower one day.

It is often those that have never attempted to host such a large, expensive, and formal event in someone's honor that complain about not being able to drag children along...

JMHO =)

I couldn't have said it better!

 

[Az Pirates]

I was going to post my opinion - but I pretty much agree with everything Aimeedyan said - so there you go!

I'm sure the bridesmaid had plenty of notice about when the shower was to be - I can't imagine not being able to find someone to watch the child for even an hour so she could at least make an appearance - kind of expected if you agree to serve as a bridesmaid I would think.

 

[RachelEllen]

Originally posted by birdiesunshine
The bottom line is that it was YOUR bridal shower and the day was all about YOU. If your friend couldn't be without her 15 month old for a few hours while there were people able to watch the baby then your friend has a problem.
Also, regarding breast feeding hasn't anyone heard of pumping??

Besides which, we're talking about a 15 month old, not a newborn. As in a child who would usually be a full diet of solid food and other liquids besides breast milk.

Rachel

 

[trip]

Originally posted by SnoWhite

She also didn't come to my other shower that the "girls" threw. She was still upset.
She also didn't come to my bachelorette party (dinner and karaoke, nothing wild). She was still upset.

Was she planning to bring the toddler to these events also?

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by Aimeedyan
HOWEVER, I do not understand why people feel that children ALWAYS have to be apart of things... 2 hours at a shower is NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.
I think it's sad that a mom can't be away from her child for an hour or two every once in awhile, but to each his own...
JMHO =)

I am away from my daughter for 40 hours a week at work...I refuse to spend any more time away from her than I have to, if she is not invited then I don't go either, if people don't understand that then tough but I spend enough time away from her during the week, I refuse to leave her on the weekend too!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by birdiesunshine
The bottom line is that it was YOUR bridal shower and the day was all about YOU. If your friend couldn't be without her 15 month old for a few hours while there were people able to watch the baby then your friend has a problem.
Also, regarding breast feeding hasn't anyone heard of pumping??

Lastly, there are certain things adults need to do without their little ones. I'm sure she was just offended she couldn't bring the baby and show him or her off.

Pumping works IF your child takes a bottle. Some babies never take a bottle.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by Beth76
Uh? Yes. I think the bridesmaid should have asked the hostess and the bride if she wanted to bring the baby. Not say, I'm bringing the baby. If the reply was "no" (as it was), she then had the option of saying, "Fine, then just I will attend) or "I'm sorry, I won't be able to attend."

Uh-ok. If you read my original post you would see that I agree that the BM should have asked and not assumed. Just because her parenting style is different from yours doesn't mean she didn't "cut the cord."

 

[Crankyshank]

I went to a bachelorette party recently that was also a toy party. a very rude and selfish guest brought her infant with her, knowing that it's against the law for a minor to be present. I don't know what honestly would possess someone to do that. she knew exactly what was going to go on at the party. she was going to have the limo stop by her house on the way to the bars so she could drop the baby off.

She was very upset when she was asked to leave or have someone pick up the child.

 

[arminnie]

Originally posted by totalia
There was a time when this kind of thing (refusing a baby to be accepted into a shower or a wedding) would NEVER have even been considered. It's only recently that this seems to have popped up

Must have been a LONG, LONG time ago - my friends and relatives had babies 40-50 years ago and babies were NEVER included in adult parties. And I don't think anyone had even heard of showers when my grandmother was birthing babies 65 years ago.

Showers were a treat for the "ladies" to have a little fun without having to watch their children. My sister is 12 years younger than I am and I watched her and my mother's friends' children all of the time so the mothers could have some free time.

I think it's only recently that some mothers have developed this obsession that their child be included in everything.

 

[Disney Doll]

There are many reasons why parents feel that their children need to be included in every event. I won't go into them here. I do know that, as a child, I did not go to any event to which I was not invited. I certainly didn't go to a wedding until I was about 12 or 13. My mother would have never "presumed" that I would be welcome everywhere, nor would she have wanted to have me at adult functions where I didn't belong. I was born in 1962, so you have an idea of the era I come from. Had she been a "work outside the home" mother, and felt that she didn't spend enough time with me during the week, so she wanted to spend maximum time with me on the weekend, she would have declined the invitation, and not carried on the way the OP's bridesmaid did.

I love children. One of the biggest heartbreaks in my life is that I cannot have children of my own so I am probably more tolerant of them than most people, since I enjoy being in their company, enjoy interacting with them, just plain enjoy them. But it doesn't mean that they are little adults, it doesn't mean that they belong at every function with their parents, and it doesn't give a parent the right to go into a snit when their child is not welcome somewhere. If you don't want to go anyhere without your child, then don't. But save the theatrics.

 

[swea_pea1]

I think the OP is right about being upset, and the BM doesn't sound like a very good friend to me. She was the guest of honor, not the host of the party!

I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding and DD was born a month before the shower. Even though some of the family wanted to see the baby, I didn't bring her. Not because I don't love my DD and certainly not because I didn't want to spend time with her, but because it wasn't about me. It was about my about-to-be SIL and it was her day. It wasn't formal, and I did have DH bring her when it was all over for the extended family to meet her, but during the shower I was way to busy doing all those BM duties to be caring properly for my baby. She was better off at home with her daddy.

I am curious for the folks that feel strongly that a woman should take her baby to these types of "women only" events, the dad should give up that same quality time with his child because??????

BTW, I didn't bring DD to my brother's wedding wedding either, but not because she wasn't invited or welcome and not because I don't love her enough. I didn't take her because taking an 8 week old baby to a loud, smokey environment where there would be lots of potentially intoxicated adults trying to hold her is not my idea of "good parenthood". JMHO

 

[totalia]

You have no idea how relieving it is to see that I'm not the only one that thinks asking a mother to be parted from their child is an unreasonable request.

Btw, how childish is it to be jealous that a baby gets all the attention at a shower (which is NOT true btw, its only perceived as such by a jealous and childish bride)?

 

[KimRaye]

Oh, this reply should get some knickers in a bunch....(altho that's not my intention)....

Dear baby Bro was getting married. I was a bridesmaid (sorry, typing BM just doesn't look right). I CO-hosted a shower at MY house.....no children were extended an invitation, EXCEPT my DD who lives here, and the flower girl (my cousin's DD-who did NOT attend). Did everyone respect this? NO. Was it a PROBLEM? No. It was nearly all family, and one breastfed newborn attended, and altho the baby was NOT invited, it was nice to see the newest addition to our family, and that the Mom DID attend, given her newborn Mom status.

When it came time for the wedding, my DD attended the church (sat with her Dad), but she did NOT attend the reception at all, for a lot of reasons that swea_pea1 stated.

I think ANY hostess has the right to limit their guests. They are, after all, throwing the party for a specific reason, for a specific person/event.

And, here's a kicker.....My kids were born 10 years apart. When I was pregnant with youngest DD, I had 2 baby showers thrown. I did NOT bring oldest DS to either of them. Someone else however brought all 3 of her children, because she thought my DS would be there. It was a surprise shower, How in the world would I know to bring DS along just to keep her kids busy???

I think every situation is unique, and individual.

OP is not at fault here. jmo

Flame suit ready.

 

[epcotfan]

Originally posted by totalia
You have no idea how relieving it is to see that I'm not the only one that thinks asking a mother to be parted from their child is an unreasonable request.

Btw, how childish is it to be jealous that a baby gets all the attention at a shower (which is NOT true btw, its only perceived as such by a jealous and childish bride)?

How is that an unreasonable request? It isn't like the person was asking the mother of the baby to leave her child for days on end. Just a couple of hours.

I don't see this situation as jealousy at all. A screaming/fussing infant is definitely going to get a lot of attention and be distracting to the party guests.

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

I must live in a completely different world then the rest of ya'll. Babies and small children have always been welcome to every shower and wedding I have ever attended. Of course these are events that the family celebrates and ALL of the family is included. IMO the children act more behaved than other children BECAUSE they are included in these adult events. I have never heard of people resenting the fact that people would bring their children or even have to ask until I started reading these boards. I also never knew I was supposed to give hundreds of dollars in cash for the wedding gift but I digress lol

To the OP, would you have been so offended if your BM had been a single mother and no one could watch the child?

 

[Jennyfyar]

JMHO. The bridesmaid had every right to stay home if her child was not invited to the shower without hard feelings on either side. I personally enjoy adult-only gatherings from time to time. I work 30 hours per week and love my two girls more than anything. They know how to behave and when we go out to eat, church, where ever, they sit still and play quietly. But, I think it is healthy for moms and dads to get out without the kids and enjoy an evening together. I breastfeed my DD's until they were fourteen months. They did not need to go everywhere with me. They only nursed a few times a day by that age and could eat solid foods while I was gone.

If the bridesmaid felt she couldn't go without the child, then she did the right thing by staying home. Adult-only parties are exactly that, adult-only. They are not an occassion to bring your uninvited child and let them play adult.

One last thing. I don't fault parents who feel they need to always be with their child. That is their style of parenting and I respect that. I don't like some of the tones in this thread implying that because I do enjoy a childless event occassionally, I am a bad, neglectful parent.

Jenny

 

[hentob]

It is as simple as this, if your child's name is not on the invitation, they are not invited. If you don't like it, don't go. But please don't be offended.

I have a totally opposite situation than a previous poster. I am SAHM. I spend 24/7 with my children. I relish adult only events. Love them! It is so lovely to sit and enjoy adult conversation without tending to little ones. I understand that it would be difficult to sit and enjoy that time alone from your child if you just spent 40 hours away from him or her. But, in all honesty, if you take your child to a shower, are you really spending quality time with them anyway? I would decline the invitation and spend a nice day with my child, all the while respecting the fact that it is an adult only function.

I think it is wonderful to teach children that there are places adults go without them. On a side not, one of my biggest pet peeves is when a parent/parents ask their children "Is it ok if I go here or there? I will only be x amount of time." I actually have a friend that refuses to go out to dinner because "Her daughter would throw a fit.". Ugh.

Hentob

 

[CamColt]

I have to say I thought the friend was totally in the wrong for being upset about the child not being invited to the shower, until I read that she was supposed to be the flower girl. In that case, I think she should have been invited to the shower, considering not only is she a guest at the wedding, but also a member of the bridal party. I can understand the friend being upset that she was not invited to the shower now.
But again, I dont think the OP was wrong, it should have been the woman throwing the shower who should have realized the child is a part of the wedding and should have been a part of the shower too.

 

[Lisa F]

A bunch of female friends and I try to get together every year for a "girls weekend." Generally this involves a lot of bad for you food, alcohol, chick flicks, conversations about sex and laughing your head off from the second you walk in the door until you collapse at 3am from exhaustion. It's just about the best time all of us have all year.

The last few years the character of these get-togethers have changed as pretty much everyone who attends (except for me) is a mom now. The first time we had a child there it was because someone had a newborn (literally like 6 weeks old) and was breastfeeding. It was no big deal to anyone, at that phase the baby is just a slug. We're a pretty crunchy group too so it was no big deal for the mom to just give the baby her **** seconds before she started to get fussy and really, besides the initial ooohing and aaahing, no one really noticed or cared that the baby was there. Oh, and she did ask the hostess permission to bring the baby and we all decided we'd rather have her there with baby than not.

Fast forward a few years later... no other parents had brought their kids with them and our parties had remained mostly the same, until last year. During this time, even the hostess had a child, but for girls weekend the little girl got to spend a quality weekend with daddy at someone else's house (grandparent, uncle... depends on the year). It was fine until last year when two moms said they needed to bring their kids (toddlers, not infant) because they were still breastfeeding.

Now you're all probably thinking "oh, that evil woman who doesn't have kids yet and doesn't understand the wonderful bond between mother and child so couldn't possibly have anything USEFUL to say about children is going to complain about having kids there when it's perfectly natural for children to go everywhere their mothers go" but you'd be wrong. It didn't really bother me one way or the other because I rarely see kids, I love Disney, and I'm pretty good at ignoring them unless they are shrieking their heads off. The ones who WERE bothered were the frenzied stay at home moms who really really really needed a weekend off and were sooo looking forward to adult time who now had to deal with "OPK" (other people's kids). Still, being the group of adults that we are, the moms tried really hard to make it so that their kids were not a burden on the other moms there rather than viewing this captive group of women as "free babysitting."

Really, the ones who missed out were the moms who brought kids. While we were up laughing at 3am when someone said just about the funniest thing EVER, they had already been sleeping for several hours because they knew their kid would be up at 6:00AM no matter what. When we were having dinner, one mom spent the whole time trying to convince her little one to eat some veggies and chicken from a chicken soup someone brought rather than the cookies and other goodies that were sitting on the table that she kept reaching for. The other mom FINALLY got to eat when we insisted on keeping her little one busy for 15 minutes so she could wolf down her food.

So my point is really that there are just sometimes when kids don't belong. Both of those moms learned that the hard way, really, and both wished they had left their kids home because they would have had a much better time. Luckily this group of women are really pretty cool and we can talk about almost anything so we don't really have situations where people get all huffy about something and then stop talking about it... if something someone is doing bugs you, we talk about it and we try to respect each other as much as possible.