Baby at Bridal Shower

[Beth76]

Originally posted by totalia
A child is NOT a friend. It is a mother's baby. It is part of her body, not a buddy.

What is happening to this world that a child is given less consideration and acceptance than ever before?

There was a time when this kind of thing (refusing a baby to be accepted into a shower or a wedding) would NEVER have even been considered.

Was this baby still attached to the mother? I don't think so. Perhaps metaphorically.

What if this child was a 10 year old boy? Would you still feel it completely appropriate for him to attend the fancy shower? The baby was NOT invited to the party. You don't bring univited guests to parties. I don't care if it's a baby, a child, or someone's beloved grandmother.

 

[HollyJoy]

I think it depends on the situation. There were a few kids at my Bridal shower and it didn't bother me. You have to remember that some moms breastfeed and HAVE to bring them along!

 

[aprilgail2]

I would ask if it was ok to bring her...if they told me no then I would stay home with her and not attend.

 

[CBRorBust]

Okay...I have read this thread, and I cannot decide whether it is a classic case of Bridezilla or a guest being rude.

On one hand, how big of a brat does the bride sound that she can't be bothered with a 15 month old child at her bridal shower? Granted that it is a party for adults, I bet at one time or another, you all have taken your children along to something that probably would have been better if they stayed at home (i.e.: grocery shopping, weddings, birthday parties, work, etc.) Sometimes, you do what you have to do. And sometimes, wives/mothers don't have the "perfect" husband that wants to spend his entire weekend watching the baby while his wife gets to go to parties or shop with friends. It would be nice to think that there were husbands that would jump at the chance to watch the kids, but that is not always the case.

Then on the other hand, if the OP requested no children, the guests *should* respect that. However the bride better be ready for the "sorry I will not be attending" responses. So ultimately I guess the bride got what she wanted, no children at her bridal shower. But I want to know, was it worth not having a friends she was close enough to have in her bridal party not attend?

What is going to happen when it's the actual wedding? Will they have a sitter for that night, or is the baby coming?

 

[CajunDixie]

Once the child pops out - it is it's own being...

Don't have any children of your own do you? I hope you remember that statement and the meaning of it if and when you ever have a child.

If you can't say something nice...

Funny how it was nice when the poster agreed with you but when I disagreed it's not nice. Guess I need to have the Tag Fairy add a new tag "Honest but not nice"

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by CajunDixie
Don't have any children of your own do you? I hope you remember that statement and the meaning of it if and when you ever have a child.

I have a child and am currently pregnant and I agree that a child becomes his own person once the cord is cut. I guess the difference is that I cut the cord at birth.

I think the main issue here is that the home of the hostess was not a good place to have a toddler running around. God forbid, the child got a hold of a fancy knick knack and broke it or hurt herself with it. Then that hostess is liable. Not EVERY place is suitable for small children.

 

[SnoWhite]

Ok, I guess I Should have posted the whole story. I didn't feel I needed to, but here goes.

I am the Anti-Bridezilla.
I asked the people in my wedding to be my bridesmaids because they were all my family/friends and I wanted them to be a part of my special day. I didn't expect anything from them.
They could pick out any dress they wanted to wear, any shoes, do their hair any way they wanted, etc. I had NO requirements of them at all.

My Mom's friend threw this shower. It was at her house, which is very nice, and very formal. It was a "tea" type shower. It was all older family friends, and then me and the bridal party. She specifically asked that no children come.

My BM told me a couple days before that she was bringing her little girl. I told her that I didn't think that the hostess wanted children, and asked if she had called her. She said no. I told her that she really should leave her at home with her Dad since it was an "adult" shower. She got mad...and didn't come.

She also didn't come to my other shower that the "girls" threw. She was still upset.
She also didn't come to my bachelorette party (dinner and karaoke, nothing wild). She was still upset.
I really didn't mind, my feelings were a bit hurt, but like I said I had no expectations of my bridesmaids other than to show up for the wedding and be there with me to celebrate my special day.

Her daughter was actually suppsoed to be my flower girl. But on rehearsal day, she was absoultely terrified to walk down the aisle. So we decided that maybe it would be better if she just sat with her Dad. My friend was FURIOUS about this. She said that her daughter HAD to walk down the aisle because "everyone needs to see her". I thought that was a bit strange...but decided if it meant that much to her we could try it.

Apparently the day of the wedding the little girl was in tears, so her Dad came and got her and she sat with him. My friend was upset the rest of the day, because she didn't walk down the aisle. I was completely fine with it! I hate it when people try to force kids to do that, it just terrifies the child and is no good all around.

I really don't feel that I did any wrong here. I was respecting the wishes of the person throwing the shower....
I was trying to help out the little girl...
AND trying to make my friend happy..which obviously didn't happen.

Since the wedding she and I have barely spoken. I've called her a few times but she won't call me back.
It's sad, but I figure that there really isn't much I can do at this point. I have tried to talk to her about it but she doesn't want to talk.

You can flame me all you want. But I do love kids, I really did want her to be a part of the wedding, and I really did want my friend to be happy. But there is really only so much you can do.

Lisa

PS The wedding was great, we had a fun time, and it was very "us" (not too formal) We have been married about 2 months now!

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by SnoWhite

She said that her daughter HAD to walk down the aisle because "everyone needs to see her".

AHA!!!!! You see, this woman was just wanting to show off her child.

 

[CajunDixie]

Originally posted by SnoWhite

I told her that I didn't like that idea. I think it was rude of her to assume she could bring her child to a woman's house that she had never met. It was kind of a "fancy" bridal shower at that, and this woman has very nice things, and rarely has small children at her home. She didn't ask the host, she just TOLD me she was bringing her.
When I told her that she couldn't, she got upset and told me she wasn't going to come.

Originally posted by SnoWhite
Ok, I guess I Should have posted the whole story. I didn't feel I needed to, but here goes.

My Mom's friend threw this shower. It was at her house, which is very nice, and very formal. It was a "tea" type shower. It was all older family friends, and then me and the bridal party. She specifically asked that no children come.

My BM told me a couple days before that she was bringing her little girl. I told her that I didn't think that the hostess wanted children, and asked if she had called her. She said no. I told her that she really should leave her at home with her Dad since it was an "adult" shower. She got mad...and didn't come.

So which story is true? You didn't like the idea of a child at the shower or the hostess specifically asked that no children come?

As for a 15 month old being a flowergirl. You couldn't trust this child to behave at a shower but yet expected her to be your flowergirl?

 

[SnoWhite]

I really think maybe you should not jump to conclusions.
First of all, the hostess asked for no kids.
Second of all, I didn't think it would be a good idea for the child to be there.

I don't see how those two are mutually exclusive.
She asked for no kids, I didn't think it was appropriate in this case, especially since she had ASKED for no kids, and had NOT talked to the hostess about it.

It was my friends idea for her to be the flower girl. We weren't going to have one, but she suggested it, so I said that would be fine, if she wanted to. Obviously the little girl DIDNT want to, it was her mother that wanted her to. So when the little girl didn't want to do it, I was absoultely fine with that. We even bought her a dress to wear, I just didn't want her to be upset.

I'm questioning why I am defending myself here when I have done nothing wrong.

Lisa

 

[Beth76]

SnoWhite, you do NOT need to defend yourself. You have done nothing wrong. You made if perfectly clear in your original post why the child was not welcome at the shower.

 

[lulu71]

Originally posted by SnoWhite

I don't see how those two are mutually exclusive.
She asked for no kids, I didn't think it was appropriate in this case, especially since she had ASKED for no kids, and had NOT talked to the hostess about it.

I'm questioning why I am defending myself here when I have done nothing wrong.

Lisa

You are a better woman than I am!! I would have been annoyed if the BM even asked to bring her child to begin with. If her name (and her name only) was on the invitation, there should be no question as to whether her baby was invited. I think it is rude to put you in the position to even have to address the baby issue. It's not like you were the hostess of the party, you were the freakin' guest of honor!!! It's not for you to make the decision and she should have left you out of it and taken it up with the hostess if she had an issue. It seems like she is totally misplacing the blame here by being upset with you.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by Beth76
I have a child and am currently pregnant and I agree that a child becomes his own person once the cord is cut. I guess the difference is that I cut the cord at birth.

What is this supposed to mean? Because the Mother wants to take her child with her she didn't "cut the cord"?

OP-Personally, I think the situation may have been handle a little better on BOTH of your parts. Sounds like you really resented the fact that she wanted to bring her child and were really put out that she would even think of it. I would think that if she was close enough to be in your wedding that maybe you could have questioned her (in a nice way) as to why she needed to bring her. Maybe it was a baby-sitting issue? You can assume that her DH would watch her or that she just wanted to show her off, but that might not be the case.

It sounds like you both are harboring a lot of resentment towrds each other. Maybe ask her to lunch to try to work it out. Perhaps some where family friendly?

 

[GlennandAnn]

I agree with the poster who said some people take their children to showers and create a diversion- the attention goes to the kid not to the bride. I'm throwing my sister's shower this summer. The flower girl is the daughter of one of my friends. The mom is a kind of Momzilla, and the kid's behavior is atrocious at best. I do not want this kid at the shower because one of two things will happen:


A. It will turn into "Oh, this is the flower girl, isn't she cute, isn't she adorable?! Can't you just see her walking down the aisle?" all coming out of her mother's mouth.

B. This kid will be a holy terror and her behavior will ruin the shower. I've seen her act up and totally get out of control.


I choose not to take either one of my sons to events like this because showers are not parties for children, and because I like to go places without them occasionally.


Ann

 

[froglady]

Originally posted by totalia
A child is NOT a friend. It is a mother's baby. It is part of her body, not a buddy.

What is happening to this world that a child is given less consideration and acceptance than ever before?

There was a time when this kind of thing (refusing a baby to be accepted into a shower or a wedding) would NEVER have even been considered.

It's only recently that this seems to have popped up where the child is treated more as a nuisance than as a beloved member of society. No wonder children act up. They are treated like they have a communicable disease that kills on contact.

Parents don't spend time with them, they aren't accepted into things like showers or weddings (which are part of life), and worse, then everybody wonders why children act out.

A child is not a convenience/inconvenience, they are part of life.

I find it shocking some of the things I have been reading.

What time was this?

I grew up in the 50s and 60s, and certainly didn't go to any showers, and only a few weddings, until I was in my teens!

No one thought of bringing a toddler to a bridal shower. If a mother couldn't leave the child, she declined. I saw very few small children at any of the weddings I attended (and one spring, I attended one every weekend in May and June!!!) because only children who were close family members were invited. I assume that the other mothers who were invited got sitters or just didn't attend.

 

[Aimeedyan]

I am the biggest child advocate in the world, it's my passion, profession, and what I go to school to do... family is a huge thing for me. HOWEVER, I do not understand why people feel that children ALWAYS have to be apart of things... 2 hours at a shower is NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. Do breastfed children really feed every moment of the day? None that I know of. A breastfed child can easily stay at home for an hour while mom pops in on an adult only shower. We're not talking about a week at the Spa... just a couple of hours on an afternoon.

The bottom line is, that a host has the right to decide whom is invited and whom is not. Children are very much apart of that, as well, they are people too. There are many that are not comfortable with the idea of young children in their home, for fear that they will get into something. I know several older ladies that feel this way. Not to mention the fact that young babies/children take attention away from the Bride and her big day. That's not fair to her.

I think it's sad that a mom can't be away from her child for an hour or two every once in awhile, but to each his own... if that mother truly feels that she cannot, then she should respect the feelings of the hostesses and not attend. I find that these kind of moms are far and few between... matter of fact, I can't even think of one personal friend/acquaintance who acts this way.

I should be thankful I never ran into this with my showers... All of my guests were able to read the invite, understand who it was directed towards, and take a break to come and celebrate my upcoming wedding with me. Their children spent a wonderful afternoon with their grandparents or their father...

I think the same goes for weddings. For me, a formal wedding and reception is not an appropriate place for children under 3, and they were not invited to our wedding.

I think it just comes down to respecting the host and their desires... you don't have to attend if you're not happy with the hosts wishes, just respect them. In return, people will respect your wishes when you bust your rear and spend tons of money to host a shower one day.

It is often those that have never attempted to host such a large, expensive, and formal event in someone's honor that complain about not being able to drag children along...

JMHO =)

 

[birdiesunshine]

Originally posted by SnoWhite
Thanks to Stinkerbelle's post, it reminded me about a problem I had at my bridal shower.
One of my bridesmaids has a child. The father stays home all the time, so he can easily take care of her, but instead my BM takes the child with her EVERYWHERE.
When it came time for my first bridal shower, which was thrown by my Mom's friend, so it was mainly family and older family friends (the only "girls" there were the bridal party) she decided that she needed to bring her little girl who was about 15 months at the time.
I told her that I didn't like that idea. I think it was rude of her to assume she could bring her child to a woman's house that she had never met. It was kind of a "fancy" bridal shower at that, and this woman has very nice things, and rarely has small children at her home. She didn't ask the host, she just TOLD me she was bringing her.
When I told her that she couldn't, she got upset and told me she wasn't going to come.
Ok....the Dad could have easily taken care of the child for a couple hours, but in the end, she did decide not to come.

Is it just me, (and Stinkerbelle), or is it kind of rude to bring a child to a Bridal shower?

Lisa

The bottom line is that it was YOUR bridal shower and the day was all about YOU. If your friend couldn't be without her 15 month old for a few hours while there were people able to watch the baby then your friend has a problem.
Also, regarding breast feeding hasn't anyone heard of pumping??

Lastly, there are certain things adults need to do without their little ones. I'm sure she was just offended she couldn't bring the baby and show him or her off.

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by Jenn Lynn
What is this supposed to mean? Because the Mother wants to take her child with her she didn't "cut the cord"?

Uh? Yes. I think the bridesmaid should have asked the hostess and the bride if she wanted to bring the baby. Not say, I'm bringing the baby. If the reply was "no" (as it was), she then had the option of saying, "Fine, then just I will attend) or "I'm sorry, I won't be able to attend."

 

[birdiesunshine]

Originally posted by totalia

Parents don't spend time with them, they aren't accepted into things like showers or weddings (which are part of life), and worse, then everybody wonders why children act out.

.

Are you suggesting that kids act out cause they can't go to a 4 hr bridal shower once every couple of years? Come on now!
There are events and have always been events that children don't need to attend!!

 

[sha_lyn]

Originally posted by totalia
A child is NOT a friend. It is a mother's baby. It is part of her body, not a buddy.

What is happening to this world that a child is given less consideration and acceptance than ever before?

There was a time when this kind of thing (refusing a baby to be accepted into a shower or a wedding) would NEVER have even been considered.

It's only recently that this seems to have popped up where the child is treated more as a nuisance than as a beloved member of society. No wonder children act up. They are treated like they have a communicable disease that kills on contact.

Parents don't spend time with them, they aren't accepted into things like showers or weddings (which are part of life), and worse, then everybody wonders why children act out.

A child is not a convenience/inconvenience, they are part of life.

I find it shocking some of the things I have been reading.

Uh no it is the "you are the center of the world, should be allowed anywhere and can do anything you want" attitude that you have that is the reason many children act up these days.


Leaving a child at home instead of taking them to an adults only event is not "treating them like they have a disease that kills on contact" It is treating them like children instead of little adults for mom to show off on every occasion.