B*TCH in-law

[WDWDancer]

OMG!!! I am sorry gotta vent this is gonna be LONG...I now have a B*TCH in-law (sister in-law)!!! So she has been bugging my DF's mom about our wedding plans...she refuses to ask me personally about it from some unknown reason. Well she sent out an email invite for her holiday party (mind you they live 2 hrs away but won't come to DF's parents house for ANY holiday). I cannot attend their holiday party cause I am taking LSAT's that day...well in the email I also explained what we are doing for our wedding (next September 22 either a intimate at SeaBreeze or WDW Cruise..we also have a couple backup dates I told her about). I included in the email the estimated prices for the trip...WELL I got this email back that was SO sweet. She criticized my choice of venue, my dates, and the whole entire wedding, she also said if I do not change the dates she might not be coming!!!

THATS NOT ALL THOUGH...she also emailed my DF told him the email was not for me to see (it was our JOINT EMAIL ACCOUNT)...she sent him 3 pages of questions about me! Is he sure this is what he wants, she feels he has no choice in this wedding (he came up with the cruise idea), the way I am having this wedding I am trying to make sure none of his family comes, that she will not be attening because of the way we are choosing to host our wedding, ohh hand the kicker...his 3 yr old niece who was going to be our Tinkerbell Flower Girl (I already started her dress) will not be attending if her mom doesn't come because mom doesn't want to have her daughter have her first big occasion without her there!!!
THEN SHE EMAILED HIS MOTHER ABOUT ME....his mom totally defended me saying that DF and I have discussed all options this is the one we both want. Also the fact that we decided we are going to have a sentimental wedding in a chapel my father built for his grandparents at home makes NO SENSE because they didn't attend HER wedding! An how i am being inconsiderate to guest by not sending out official invitations yet...an its gonna cost so much! I have to say she didn't think of all these things when she told us 4 mts before she decided to have a Vegas wedding at the Bellagio (where we all had) ...oh and her wedding was on December 23!!!

Sorry this just really pissed me off that she would come out an say all this!!!!

THANKS YOU GUYS

 

[Deesknee]

I'm sorry you have to go thru all this. The silver lining is you fmil defended you and your df.

I hope all works out magically for you. Keep wishing on those stars.

 

[DIsNeYSweEtHrTs]

She sounds like she's being rediculously selfish. Maybe she's jealous?? Who knows....she sounds like she totally deserves the name you gave her. Isn't it crazy how weddings are supposed to be these joyous occasions, something that the bride and groom decide to do to celebrate their marriage with their closest friends and family, yet there are so many people who are less that enthused to even offer an ounce of support for your happiness. This is such a common thing with weddings, and it's a little depressing. I know that I've always wanted this big joyous wedding and always imagined my whole family and all my friends being there to support me, but after I started planning, I couldn't believe how many things made me cry! Between family comments and attitudes, it takes the fun right out of it.

I guess my advice to you, is to do exactly and ONLY what you and your fiance want to do. It's YOUR day - everyone else has their own chance for their own. Your sister-in-law sounds like a very whiney, jealous person and it seems like she takes without giving. Worry about yourself, and your happiness. Surround yourself with people that support you. I know it's easier said than done...but try your best to make your day YOUR DAY. Put on that beautiful gown, and marry the man of your dreams...that's what it's all about. Be the princess you are...you deserve it.
....can you tell this touches a nerve?

 

[DiznEeyore]

I'm sorry you've got such an ugly situation with your future sil! When I was engaged to my dh, his sister told anyone who would listen that if I took her brother away from her, she'd kill me! Guess what? 15 years later, I'm still here, LOL!!

Oh, and dh's brother said that dh didn't have a clue about how miserable he was going to be with me, that he hadn't been jerked around by women enough (whatever that means), and their aunt said that marrying me was a "fatal mistake". Again, 15 years later, I'm still here -- and said brother and aunt have both been to WDW with us on family vacations!

So, what I'm saying is, hang in there, ride it out, and be happy your future mil is being supportive (mine sure as heck wasn't). You and your future dh are the only thing that matter. Good luck!!

 

[WDWDancer]

Thanks guys...I know if I let it bug me it just means she won so I am just gonna have to pixie dust her lol Yea my FMIL has some issues with her...after she got married she became the DIL from HELL!! Oh well at least FMIL an I have something to talk about..... Thanks again!!

 

[Moonpie]

I don't think she confronted you directly with any of the issues because she's probably intimidated by you, because she can tell you're not the type of person that will put up with any of her (bleep). I'm glad your DF and MIL defended you...but if I were you I'd confront her...and say, "It really bothers me that you talked about me to my fiance, and your mother all behind my back. I'm so hurt by your implications, and actions that I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable having you participate in our wedding day, and I'm honestly so upset that someone who will be a part of my new family would treat me in this manner."
Let's see what she says in response to that. If you confront people with "I was hurt when you..." then there is no way for them to argue back...all they can say then is "sorry".

Well, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

 

[georgiajaimie]

Ohh I feel for you. I have been fortunate enough not to have any major family issues like this but I think it is just impossible to please everybody all of the time. If it is any consolation, my own mother is not at all interested in our wedding and hasn't even spoken to me since mid september. I dont even want to think about whats being said behind my back. But hey she said my sis married too young and it wouldn't last..... and that was 20 years ago!!!!

On the other hand my FMIL is BRILLIANT

 

[lovindonald]

In-laws can really stink. I have to say I was so happy when my MIL/FIL stopped talking to my ex-dh. It made our lives so much easier. He had only one brother we kept in touch with and that was only because of his SIL. His sister was such a ***** to me and so clingy to him. It drove a very large wedge in our marraige that eventually was unrepairable. Look at where they all are now.....SIL is dead, husband is an ex who doesn't even see his kids, MIL has alzheimers and nobody visits her in the nursing home and FIL is finally happy because he is alone and a miserable jerk. I have my 3 kids and my family and am very happy that my kids are safe and well taken care of. Sad but true. She will get hers in the long run, don't worry. Karma is a *****! Hang in there and do what is best for you and DF. You know what you want and it is your day not her's. I think the poster that said she may be jealous hit the nail right on the head.

 

[BrideToBe82]

Geeze I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. My advice-just stay out of it and do what you want to do anyway!! Do what YOU and your FI want to do...your FSIL can either suck it up and attend or not. What did your FI say when he saw that email? Did he talk to her? Good luck!!!

 

[agnes!]

You are blessed, it sounds like your FMIL has your back. The best thing to do @ the [W]itch is absolutely *nothing*. (What does your DH2B have to say about all this? Is he willing to stand up for your choices as a couple?)
I'd let his mom take her on. I read sometimes on The DIS about ILs and families who undermine the marital relationship and fiances/spouses/FILs/MILs/etc who ennable their nastiness...you are *blessed* to be marrying into a family that won't take cr*p from family just because "they're family". Ignore this woman, that will take any any possible power she might have.
And, besides, when [W]itches get ignored?...it really p*sses them off .
Oh, and make SURE you get your fiance's mother a truly fabulous Christmas gift, she deserves it.

agnes!
PS - Is this your DH2B's sister or a spouse to his brother? Inquiring minds want to know...

 

[jojoandhb]

He should talk to his sister and nip this in the bud right now. She seems to have some misconceptions about you and the wedding. He can explain to her that this is his idea, too. I think she's trying to protect her little brother, but her methods are bizarre. Also, I have found that some people are intimidated by the destination wedding. They know Disney is expensive, and they don't want to travel, but it's not her wedding. It's yours, and you can have it on Mount Everest if you want to. She sounds selfish. Your fiance should defintely talk to her before things get worse.

 

[MrsTink04]

Your wedding = your choice

If she's not there...OH WELL! If you do what she wants, you will regret it and resent her for it for the rest of your life. I would ignore her and let your FMIL and DF deal with her. Enjoy planning your Disney Wedding...it was the greatest day of my life and I am SO glad we didn't give in to other people's opinions!

 

[dznystar]

I am so sorry to hear about your FSIL. I had a similar problem but with my own brother. He made it seem like my wedding was a burden on his family, and that they would have to put off their cruise until 2008. He made it very clear that he didn't know how in the world he was going to be able to come up with all the money to travel down to Disney.
After talking to my mom, she told me that its mine and DF's wedding, and although we want people to be happy, its not possible to make EVERYONE happy. You need to sit down with DF and decide what you want. Its not what anyone else wants, because ultimately, you will be the one later that will be upset if you don't have this your way. Good luck!


Mrs.Tink04- I live in Loganville! How neat.

 

[WDWDancer]

Ok to answer some questions!!!

*This is actually his older brothers wife
* They had a destination wedding in Vegas and reluctently had a reception back home
* DF took the email quit well...he didn't want me to say anything to his parents but oh well He just ignores her whenever he can...lol...I feel bad though because he never gets to see his niece and he really loves her
* She has always been a W*tch ( I like that she can be the W*tch in law) she has said some pretty hurtfull things to his family...I think she wants to be seculded from everyone...my FMIL just always tries to smooth the waters because she does not want to be responsible for pushing her son and his family away (it is her only grandchild). I feel so bad because I don't think she should always have to hide how hurt she really is by the things that the W*tch says.

**Thanks for all the suggestions...my mom and sis had a field day with the emails...I am gonna try to talk to her hopefully sometime soon.

Thanks again your all the bestest

 

[JonetteA]

Hang in there. We are all here for you. Something about weddings just make people what to cause drama. How much does your future sil matter to you? I guess it really depends on how much you care. I have gotten to a point in my life that I really pick what and who I care about and try not to appease everyone. Remember this is your wedding not hers. She chooses not to be there that is her issue. I would ask though if your Fiancees niece can come with his mom. Let us know how things go!

*HUGS*

 

[Ileana]

Don't feel too bad. I have a feeling that when my day comes, the least of my worries from his sister would be criticsm. I'm worried about the drunken, drugged debauchery that will ensue. It still sucks to have that feeling that somewhere out there in the family you are about to join is someone who you will NOT get along with no matter what.

Don't compromise yourself for her. I can almost guarantee you that if she's anything like mine - she wants all the attention to be focused on her, and right now you're stealing that attention & the lime-light.

Good luck

 

[Mystry62]

Sorry.. a little OT, but I justed wanted to wish you luck on your LSATs. I'm just finishing up my first semester of law school. Exams are right around the corner...MUCH fun (can you feel the sarcasm). Anyway, sorry DF's sister is being so crappy. That's certainly not something you should have to deal with with everything else going on. Good luck on your exams.