b-day party invite - no gift

[disykat]

First of all, glad it went well! I'm sure the mom will be okay with getting a few gifts because she'll be happy people came.

Now here's a question. Do all of you who take gifts when specifically asked not to expect a thank you note? Do you get offended if they give away or re-gift your offering?

I'm trying to wrap my brain around forcing gifts on someone who doesn't want them.

I do understand that it feels weird when others bring things and you are empty handed. I just remind myself that I honored the hosts wishes and that I'm the one who did the right thing.

I admit, I don't like gifts. If I asked for no gifts and received them anyway I'd be irritated.

 

[budafam]

Last year we wanted to cut back on Christmas a bit (for ourselves and how much our kids got) so we asked my brother and my sister in law to please not get our kids anything and we said we would do the same... last minute my husband felt like we should get a LITTLE something for both of them so we did and I'm glad we did. My sister in law bought both of our kids gifts anyways but my brother didn't get us anything (which was fine!) This year we never said anything to either of them and we gave my sister in law's 3 kids each gifts and she had nothing for our kids. I was fine with it but my kids were a bit sad that they didn't have anything to open and the other ones did.

If it were up to me, we would do away with all of the gift giving and just save for another trip to Disney

 

[shoney]

First of all, glad it went well! I'm sure the mom will be okay with getting a few gifts because she'll be happy people came.

Now here's a question. Do all of you who take gifts when specifically asked not to expect a thank you note? Do you get offended if they give away or re-gift your offering?

I'm trying to wrap my brain around forcing gifts on someone who doesn't want them.

I do understand that it feels weird when others bring things and you are empty handed. I just remind myself that I honored the hosts wishes and that I'm the one who did the right thing.

I admit, I don't like gifts. If I asked for no gifts and received them anyway I'd be irritated.

I personally don't expect anything in return. I wouldn't be offended at all if they re-gifted/donated. It is theirs now and they can do what they wish with it.


Thanks to you all! I will be sharing the kind comments with my son.

 

[bear74]

if you feel you really need to do a gift, how about donating the amount to a charity in his name.

 

[gk90]

I told my son that a few hours out of his day wouldn't kill him and that it is the right thing to do. After he said he was going, his friends at the table decided to go to.

Good for you and your son! I can understand your wanting to bring a gift, though. As you say this one isn;t covered in the parenting manual.

 

[Reddy]

great point. I have my suspicions that this child may be autistic. He doesn't speak...just sits at the lunch table. the kids at the table couldn't understand why they were invited and weren't going to go. I told my son that a few hours out of his day wouldn't kill him and that it is the right thing to do. After he said he was going, his friends at the table decided to go to.

Ok...no gift then. I feel bad about it, but I should honor the request I see.

as a parent of a autistic sons - thank you for sending your son, i know it means alot to the mom

I can really understand the no gifts - what would you send - legos or action figures - those would be flushed in my toilet so no I really don't want you to spend your money for that or DH having to "repair" the toilet again

some boys had to sit with the special needs class when they were younger,(they were making fun of them) now these boys make sure no one picks on them - maybe it will be a good thing will come out of this like that

 

[Reddy]

I know! The clock was ticking...the other boy had a gift...and I had to make a quick decision.

Either way, I feel bad, so I decided I'd rather feel bad giving a gift than feel bad not giving a gift. (I don't feel bad for the parents...it is the kid...what kid doesn't like gifts?!LOL)


Ugh! This is the part of parenting that they don't give you the manual for!

what kid doesn't like gifts - that would be mine - we have to open the Christmas presents for him - he won't - even if it is his favorite cookies or chips (we were working on opening gifts so yes I wrapped them)

gift card to Mom was a great idea

 

[msmama]

You did what I would have done!!

I say no gifts in the hopes of not getting crap (in general, I find it works).

If I get an invite that says no gifts, I usually go with a book. Who doesn't like books? It's something, but nothing major, you know? I think your GC idea was a great one, too!

 

[dreamin_disney]

Please don't buy a gift. I am a "no gifts" mom and when I put it on the invite, I mean it! There may be a valid reason why the mom doesn't want gifts. I put "no gifts" because my daughter has autism and a sensory processing disorder. Most people buy gifts of toys that light up, play music or otherwise have something she can stim off of (i.e. a knob or switch that she can fixate on and flip back and forth or something she can chew on). Inevitably 1 or 2 people still end up bringing a gift anyway, which then makes for a really awkward situation because no one else brought a gift. I realize this is about an older kid whereas my DD is just 3 years old, but there may still be some reason the mom doesn't want gifts for him. Honor her request. If you absolutely can't live with yourself by not sending anything, just buy a card wishing him happy birthday and leave it at that (no gift card, no money, etc.).

this^

I work with special needs and the keyword was social issues, first thing that came to mind was autism or some kids are to shy and opening gifts and having attention on them can be very uncomfortable.

 

[SnoWhiteRabbit]

After he said he was going, his friends at the table decided to go to.

That is the gift. This mom would like her son to be able to celebrate with a few peers/"friends." Whatever the issues are, you have helped make this happen. As you explained to your son, it is the right thing to do. That is the gift for all involved.

 

[SnoWhiteRabbit]

After he said he was going, his friends at the table decided to go to.

That is the gift. This mom would like her son to be able to celebrate with a few peers/"friends." Whatever the issues are, you have helped make this happen. As you explained to your son, it is the right thing to do. That is the gift for all involved.

 

[HM]

We did the "no gift" party once. Didn't work. We just wanted to have neighbors over for cake and ice cream in our backyard for my daughter's and her caregiver's daughter's birthdays when they were three (they had the same birthday). I guess a lot of people feel like you and feel they must bring something.

If she said no gifts, don't send one.