awkward situation: no shoes at baby shower

[CdnCarrie]

DD has a no shoes policy at her house so I got some disposable foot coverings (like medical staff use in surgery) to fit over our shoes for our next visit. Then my feet will stay warm while keeping her carpets clean.

Why not just wear socks?

 

[monsterkitty]

When I had my ankle/foot surgery, the surgeon told me to never go barefoot. If I know I'm going to someone's house who is a shoes off person, I take my slippers. In fact, one of my shoes-off friends, who is Hawaiian, bought me the slippers I take with me. I only wear those slippers at shoes off houses.

Now we ask people to NOT take their shoes off when they come in. Our dog will steal them and hide them.

 

[NotUrsula]

Why not just wear socks?

Your Canadian-ness is showing, LOL.

Many Americans (particularly older folks from the South) have associations with being shoeless that are class-specific, and an etiquette background that says it is rude and overly casual to appear with your shoes off in front of anyone outside your household. My MIL was really poor in childhood, as in, didn't-wear-shoes-at-all-in-summer-because-kids-outgrow-them-and-that's-too-expensive. Once she reached adulthood you could not pry the shoes off her in public if you used a crowbar, and seeing unshod adult feet made her cringe. (She didn't like unshod babies, either, she was forever buying shoes for our kids when they were too young to even crawl.) My BIL married someone from a no-shoes-in-the-house background, and they were locked in a passive-aggressive war over it until the day MIL died; she really did not like people taking off shoes in her home, but SIL did it every time she stepped over MIL's threshhold, and so did BIL, because his wife had him trained.

I grew up mostly in the Deep South in a family that could afford shoes, but we kids generally didn't wear them in summer -- except if guests were in the house, because going without shoes in front of guests was considered rude. I actually own very few socks and almost never wear them, but I never go sock-footed because my balance is wonky and I'm apt to fall on my face that way. If you force me to remove my shoes and don't give me a warning or loan me non-slip house slippers, then you're getting my bare feet.

 

[PezRuth]

So I now need to wear shoes...thanks bunions and bone spurs. So I always have a pair of small slippers in my purse and ask if I can wear those. I do think there is an element of regionality with this. More common in the Northeast where I know live but definitely not where I grew up in the Midwest.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Your Canadian-ness is showing, LOL.

Many Americans (particularly older folks from the South) have associations with being shoeless that are class-specific, and an etiquette background that says it is rude and overly casual to appear with your shoes off in front of anyone outside your household. My MIL was really poor in childhood, as in, didn't-wear-shoes-at-all-in-summer-because-kids-outgrow-them-and-that's-too-expensive. Once she reached adulthood you could not pry the shoes off her in public if you used a crowbar, and seeing unshod adult feet made her cringe. (She didn't like unshod babies, either, she was forever buying shoes for our kids when they were too young to even crawl.) My BIL married someone from a no-shoes-in-the-house background, and they were locked in a passive-aggressive war over it until the day MIL died; she really did not like people taking off shoes in her home, but SIL did it every time she stepped over MIL's threshhold, and so did BIL, because his wife had him trained.

I grew up mostly in the Deep South in a family that could afford shoes, but we kids generally didn't wear them in summer -- except if guests were in the house, because going without shoes in front of guests was considered rude. I actually own very few socks and almost never wear them, but I never go sock-footed because my balance is wonky and I'm apt to fall on my face that way. If you force me to remove my shoes and don't give me a warning or loan me non-slip house slippers, then you're getting my bare feet.

Yup it seems very climate oriented.

I just would find wearing shoes all day in the house uncomfortable.

 

[evilmommie]

We have wood floors throughout the majority of our home and don’t ask people to remove their shoes. Hasn’t even crossed my mind, as I deep clean all the time especially after entertaining. I ask maintenance people to wear booties, that I have on hand as they can track stuff in from the outside depending on what they are working on…coming in and out of the house. There is some carpet in bedrooms.

I’ve been asked on a few occasions at other people’s home to remove my shoes. Didn’t think twice about it. Their house, their rules. Maybe a heads up would be nice if it were cold, as my feet get chilly.

 

[disykat]

I learned this the hard way at my own coworker bridal shower many years ago. I had never been in the hosts home and at that time had literally never met anyone who had people that didn't live there take their shoes off when entering their home. I had on boots and holey socks that I had worn to work that day. Nothing says bridal like wandering around in old holey socks at your own shower!

And - as someone alluded to above, I was raised by someone who was poor and not having shoes you could wear in the house (ie different from the ones you wore in the barn) was a reminder of poverty. While I never met people who required shoes off in their homes (as opposed to taking them off for comfort or if they were visibly muddy) until I was almost in my 30's, my dad literally NEVER had his shoes off unless he was sleeping, in the shower, or on the beach.

1990 at my bridal shower was the first I heard of it and I ran across it very sporadically (I can literally think of one other person who had people take their shoes off, she also made everyone use the back door) until in the 2000's when it seemed to become more common. The threads on the DIS over the years (It's been a while) is the only place I've heard of it being the "norm." It always cracks me up because I'll read people here on the DIS who say "here in the Pacific Northwest" EVERYONE ALWAYS takes off their shoes indoors - when that is not my experience at all. So, people who live within miles of me obviously have a very differing experiences.

 

[tvguy]

First world problem for sure.
No biggie to me either way. I have known people who asked people not to wear shoes in their house. When I really noticed it was when my daughter was house hunting in 2019, there were homes where there was a big signs on the door of homes that were having open houses that no shoes were allowed inside, although a few realtors did provide those slip on disposable shoe covers like home service people use for those who did not want to take their shoes off.

 

[Moliphino]

I always have a basket of slippers at the front door for anyone who needs some.

Do those get washed after use? I'd be a little weirded out to use slippers that some random other person had worn. What if they had sweaty and/or dirty feet or toenail fungus?

Why not just wear socks?

Socks can be pretty slippery. I've slipped and fallen going down the stairs in socks myself.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

I'm more interested where everyone from the baby shower put their shoes? Did you just remove them and leave them by the front door or did the housemaid pick them up and place them elsewhere?
Couldn't help the jab. IMO if you're hosting an indoor party like that it's plain rude to expect someone to take off their shoes. Does this household ever entertain during the evening? like cocktail party for shoeless guests too? Tacky!!!!!

 

[tvguy]

Mentioned this thread to my wife and she mentioned something I overlooked. Who has an in person baby shower during a pandemic? Pregnant woman, older women, THAT is the script for a super spreader event.
We just got an invite for a baby shower in February, but it's via Zoom.

 

[Calee]

I have friends who have shoeless homes and I happen to know that that is their preference, so when I go I take my shoes off. However, these are casual drop ins. If I was at a party, unprepared, and didn't know folks I would likely be embarrassed. I often end up with socks that don't match (when wearing boots). I never have my toenails done (an expectation in some circles). I've been self conscious about how my feet smell. I am also very very short and my pants/dress will often drag the floor if I take off my shoes. I wouldn't like it in the kind of setting described. I think it is rude to host a party and then dictate this kind of thing. Don't host if you are that worried.

 

[DLgal]

Mentioned this thread to my wife and she mentioned something I overlooked. Who has an in person baby shower during a pandemic? Pregnant woman, older women, THAT is the script for a super spreader event.
We just got an invite for a baby shower in February, but it's via Zoom.

Plenty of people are still engaging in risky gatherings like this, and who knows why.

My parents were supposed to travel to Puerto Rico last weekend, but they cancelled. Want to know what the trip was for? A surprise party for a 90 YEAR OLD, with over 100 guests.

Thankfully, the daughters of this man got some common sense and cancelled the party at the last minute, just having a very intimate immediate family dinner (which still was attended by family who flew in from GA, so still probably not the best idea). The kicker is, this 90 year old is a DOCTOR who would have been horrified at the idea of this surprise party. He still has no idea it was planned.

 

[fly girl]

I have never been to a party where I was told to take off my shoes.

I am a germaphobe and I understand how you want to keep your house clean. However, if you are going to make such a request:

1. It needs to be told to your guests beforehand so they can plan accordingly. As simple as a memo on invite.
2. You should provide disposable slippers. (I just looked it up, you can buy 25 for $26.99 on amazon. If you are that concerned about it, provide it.)

There is etiquette involved. No one wants to be blindsided with a shoes off policy.

 

[design_mom]

I much prefer being barefoot or sock-footed, so most of the time I'd be happy as a clam to be invited to remove my shoes at someone else's home. (My husband is like disykat's dad -- always wears shoes -- although I don't think his is related to poverty. He just doesn't like to be barefoot. He would not take his shoes off unless directly asked to, and then would probably resent it.)

Anyway -- although I'd be happily shoeless in most situations, I think it would be an odd request if it was an official party (like a shower) vs a casual get-together (like "c'mon over to watch the game.")

 

[AlwaysGoofy]

We keep a shoe rack at by the front door. We don't ask people to take their shoes off at our house, but they always do. Nobody thinks twice about it in our social circle. That being said, if someone didn't remove their shoes, I wouldn't say anything to them to make them feel awkward.

 

[CallieMar]

It’s a cultural thing in my family (Asian), and ever since I was a kid I’d just follow along with what everyone else does. If I see a pile of shoes at the doorway I’ll take mine off. My parents sometimes have visitors who automatically start taking their shoes off and will tell them they don’t have to. I take my shoes off the minute I get home and DH almost never takes his off. We have hardwood floors so I’m indifferent to what he does. However I don’t like going barefoot, I wear slippers or flip flops.

Growing up, I did find it funny visiting friends houses where they had those plastic carpet runners everywhere AND I had to take my shoes off as well lol.

 

[unrequited23]

I like shoes off at the door but I'm not a stickler for it. I have a large rug, a boot tray and a chair in my entryway and most kid visitors automatically take off their shoes as soon as they enter. Some grownups do, some don't. Our parents are getting older and have some mobility issues and replacement joints, so they are steadier when they where shoes inside. For parties, I mop before the party but save the scrub the floors on my hands and knees for after the party when the floors are much dirtier.

I always wonder if the truly shoes off in the house families take them on and off each time while bringing in the groceries in the winter.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Most homes I visit are shoes-off, including mine. But I never push it. - If a guests asks, I say that we normally take ours off, but either is fine with us.

I agree that being blindsided at a party is not OK, though. My feet are always cold too! (On the rare occasion I go to someone else's house without socks on, I stick a pair in my purse in case I need them.)

 

[AussieFan8]

I always wonder if the truly shoes off in the house families take them on and off each time while bringing in the groceries in the winter.

We are a shoes off house and the answer to your question is yes - we put on flip flops if we're trekking back and forth and leave them at the door even in the winter. I was raised in a house where we wore shoes but my husband's father is Hawaiian and they never wore shoes in the house. I thought it was weird at first but once I thought about where those shoes have been I was totally on board.

For the most part, if we have a friend or two over, they know the drill and take their shoes off. We don't ask, they just see we don't have ours on. I would never ask someone to take their shoes off, especially in a party type of situation.

Having said that, my neighbor had a party and a woman destroyed her wood floors with her stilettos. I wish people would have some type of consideration at least of the type of shoes they wear in someone's home. Germs are one thing and can be cleaned - floor damage is another.