Attending Adoption Meeting this weekend...any tips?

[islandbabe]

I don't have much to add except that if you want to be a parent -- DO IT! You have to want it more than anything. Adoption is a tough road to go down. I remember after so many failed fertility treatments I was just done. I had been poked, prodded, and was a black and blue pin cushion. I announced to my husband that we were adopting from Russia and that we would adopt two kids (toddlers) at the same time. He looked at me like I was crazy, really unable to respond. As he tells the story now he reminds me that he was afraid of me the whole time I was on the fertility drugs.

He just let me talk. He says he never thought it would really happen. The cost? Well who has that kind of money, times TWO. Not regular people like us. Who goes to Russia? No one that we had ever heard of. Who adopts two kids that you cannot communicate with?

Well it turns out -- lots of people just like us. Be warned, every type of adoption is a struggle. There will be bumps. But oh the rewards are great if you hang in there.

We researched, signed a contract, and 13 months later brought home our two and three year old brother and sister.

DS(now 6) and DD(now 4) are sound asleep right now. DS just came home from his very first Boy Scout meeting tonight. Excuse me, apparently the kindergardeners are only Tiger Cubs. The joy of watching my beautiful son tell me about the campout that Daddy is going to take him on was just priceless. Imagine what his life was like before God put us together. Imagine how much better our life is because he did.

If you want to be a parent. If you want to make a meaningful difference in the life of a child. Research, make a plan, make some decisions, but don't be afraid to jump. You will not make a mistake if you do this out of love.

 

[1rockinmamato2]

I don't have much to add except that if you want to be a parent -- DO IT! You have to want it more than anything. Adoption is a tough road to go down. I remember after so many failed fertility treatments I was just done. I had been poked, prodded, and was a black and blue pin cushion. I announced to my husband that we were adopting from Russia and that we would adopt two kids (toddlers) at the same time. He looked at me like I was crazy, really unable to respond. As he tells the story now he reminds me that he was afraid of me the whole time I was on the fertility drugs.

He just let me talk. He says he never thought it would really happen. The cost? Well who has that kind of money, times TWO. Not regular people like us. Who goes to Russia? No one that we had ever heard of. Who adopts two kids that you cannot communicate with?

Well it turns out -- lots of people just like us. Be warned, every type of adoption is a struggle. There will be bumps. But oh the rewards are great if you hang in there.

We researched, signed a contract, and 13 months later brought home our two and three year old brother and sister.

DS(now 6) and DD(now 4) are sound asleep right now. DS just came home from his very first Boy Scout meeting tonight. Excuse me, apparently the kindergardeners are only Tiger Cubs. The joy of watching my beautiful son tell me about the campout that Daddy is going to take him on was just priceless. Imagine what his life was like before God put us together. Imagine how much better our life is because he did.

If you want to be a parent. If you want to make a meaningful difference in the life of a child. Research, make a plan, make some decisions, but don't be afraid to jump. You will not make a mistake if you do this out of love.

I loved your entire post. Every bit of it is so touching and true. Our journey to our children was a LONG, HARD road. But, oh my gosh! Was it ever worth it!

But, I have to also specifically address the part that I have highlighted. I was laughing out loud when I read that part because, let me guess, it was the Lupron that did it? My husband called Lupron "Satan in a Syringe." That stuff made me psycho. Made me not like me, him or anyone else. Made me cry and made me wonder if I was crazy for even thinking about wanting to be a mother. And it made me eat whole chocolate cheesecakes. Within two days.

 

[Aliceacc]

It sounds like we're in the minority. But our adoption was incredibly easy-- none of the bumps or disappointments others always speak of.

We went to church one Sunday and noticed a family we had never noticed before. At the sign of peace, two blonde boys kissed their Korean sister. We went to the diner and both said "Why not adopt??"

I went out that day and got a book on international adoption; we knew right away that we wanted international. Then the next day at work I spoke to two friends: one had adopted his son (who is now a Senior at our school) from Guatamala, the other had a Korean niece and nephew. Both highly recommended the same agency. It was located a few blocks from the school where my husband teaches.

We went in and talked. We decided fairly early that we wanted to go through Korea for a variety of reasons (including a relatively short wait time, the fact that the kids are in foster homes, not orphanages, and the fact that you don't have to travel to Korea.) We submitted our application in February 1998.

Brian arrived at JFK in January 1999, a happy healthy 7 month old. The process was incredibly easy. Lots os paperwork, but we were well warned to the agency of what to expect. They gave us a timeline, including where money would be due and how much, and kept to it precisely.(As in, down to the dollar.) We were warned that the immigration quotas might very well fill up at the end of the year, forcing us to wait until after New Years. While we weren't happy when it happened, we weren't surprised.

The morals to my story? 1) Go for it. This is SO do-able.
2) Do your homework and get the right agency. That can make all the difference.
3) Not everyone faces all those bumps we read about. Be prepared for them, but don't assume that this has to be a long, drawn out,horrible experience. It wasn't for us.

 

[PrincessRora]

I don't have much to add except that after years of struggling to get pregnant, my aunt and uncle decided to adopt. It was a struggle and a lot of money, but I will never forget the look on my aunts face when she got the phone call announcing she and my uncle had been approved and they had a match for them. It was a look of pure joy. My first cousin was adopted at birth, with my aunt and uncle in the delivery room with the birth mother. She sent a few birthday cards at the beginning, but hasn't tried to stay in contact. My aunt and uncle then adopted a second boy 4 years later. He was already 3 months old and living in foster care because the mother had surrendered parental rights and no one could find the father. They had to wait from the time he was born to that 3 month mark to hear from the father. The agency put ads in newspapers and sent out letters trying to locate him. He never did and the government severed his rights so my cousin could be adopted. My aunt and uncle feel they have been blessed with two beautiful boys.

 

[Deffenm]

I also have 3 beautiful adopted children. We tried for 3 years using fertility treatments and I told DH I could not be poked anymore. So we started to look into adoption. When we first started we thought for sure we were going to do an international adoption however after attending an informational session at our local children service agency we decided that an "older" child adoption would be right for us. So we took the classes in Feb and by Oct. our first son was placed with us. DS was 2 he is now 7. Last year we adopted DS 8 and DD4 (1/2 brother and sister). They were placed with us within 4 months of expressing intrest in adopting more. Our agency and caseworkers are wonderful. Our experience went so smooth. I know the foster care system gets a lot of negative press but there are some great kids out there that need a family. We did not foster either we did straight adoption. If you would like more information feel free to send me a PM and good luck on your journey. Let us know what you decide.

 

[Mickeyorbust]

From someone who was adopted, Thank you to all those who do adopt.

 

[bsusanmb]

Having adopted two sons, research the agency you arethinking about. Keep your options open, because when we started out in the process we were going to adopt domestic, but ended adopting from Russia. Whicah was a better match for us. Don't forget about all the online forums either.

I am the person who is going to take your chef Mickey reservation and my grandson in the picture below...Nicholas was adopted from Kemerovo Siberia!!!! How wonderful...I have chills. He was 13 months old when he came to the USA. He was 7 months when my daughter and son in law got the referral and 10 months on their first visit. He was very ill when he came here but with meds and nutrition, like you know, he is just an angel. I love him so so much....he is my heart. Tell me about your boys. My daughter was starting the process to adopt a baby girl, but now the international adoptions for Russia are closed temporarily, we hope. She was devastated.
Where are your boys from?

Susan

 

[wildfan1473]

The above posters have already given you a great start of questions to ask. As another adoptive mom of 2 boys from Russia, I wish you alot of luck - and ALOT of patience.

Do you know if you want to go domestic or international?

Check out yahoo groups - there are tons of adoptive groups on there. If Russia or far east Asia is a thought, check out Families for Russian and Ukranian Adoptions - frua.org. They have a great organization and message board, with people who give REAL information. The agencies can only give you authorized information - the people who have lived it, and are currently living it, can really give you much more insight. Another great message board is on Adoption.com.

I cannot stress enough to research the agencies. Ask for referrals. Look them up on the internet, talk to people. On that same note, however, be very cautious about what you read.

Good Luck!

 

[bsusanmb]

The above posters have already given you a great start of questions to ask. As another adoptive mom of 2 boys from Russia, I wish you alot of luck - and ALOT of patience.

Do you know if you want to go domestic or international?

Check out yahoo groups - there are tons of adoptive groups on there. If Russia or far east Asia is a thought, check out Families for Russian and Ukranian Adoptions - frua.org. They have a great organization and message board, with people who give REAL information. The agencies can only give you authorized information - the people who have lived it, and are currently living it, can really give you much more insight. Another great message board is on Adoption.com.

I cannot stress enough to research the agencies. Ask for referrals. Look them up on the internet, talk to people. On that same note, however, be very cautious about what you read.

Good Luck!

WOW, my daughter and son in law also used FRUA and they are a wonderful organization. My husband and I donate to them to help support the orphanages in the Ukraine and Russia. My dear little Nicholas below is so wonderful...he just turned 4 and he is the all american boy...but he will tell you he is from Russia...My heart just aches for these little children and how much we have here in the USA and how little they have.
My heart goes out to all of you who give these adoptive children your love and your lives...God bless you all!

 

[bsusanmb]

The above posters have already given you a great start of questions to ask. As another adoptive mom of 2 boys from Russia, I wish you alot of luck - and ALOT of patience.

Do you know if you want to go domestic or international?

Check out yahoo groups - there are tons of adoptive groups on there. If Russia or far east Asia is a thought, check out Families for Russian and Ukranian Adoptions - frua.org. They have a great organization and message board, with people who give REAL information. The agencies can only give you authorized information - the people who have lived it, and are currently living it, can really give you much more insight. Another great message board is on Adoption.com.

I cannot stress enough to research the agencies. Ask for referrals. Look them up on the internet, talk to people. On that same note, however, be very cautious about what you read.

Good Luck!

This is great advice. I know that my daughter said she started with one agency and then changed because of her comfort level. She researched and spoke with people who had been there...networking is so important.

Well spoken!

 

[GoHerd1028]

My wife and I have adopted both of our children and both were domestic adoptions. We live in Ohio and used an adoption facilitator in California called "The Adoption network". They guaranteed placement and even gave us a time frame of about 100 days that is typical before a birthmother selects you. We were selected exactly on day 100! Our son was born in NY state. He was born on December 21 and the birthmother was not able to sign the papers until December 24. So, on Christmas Eve 2004 we received the greatest present anyone could ask for. As people have said before..the process is difficult but the end result is worth it all. It takes a leap of faith to adopt. I will NEVER forget the look on my son's biological mothers face as she turned to look at him for the last time. You could see the heart ache, but she knew she had to make this decision. It was a true act of love on her part. She gave us a journal shekept during his pregnancy that she in her own handwriting explained to him the reason she made the decisions she made and that she loved him enough to do it. It makes me want to cry to just recall this.

Fast forward 2 years later and we were on vacation in Myrtle Beach and took my son to the Dixie Stampede. You know how they take pictures of the kids and families as they go in..well...when we got our pictures I told my wife that it was sad that he was all alone. We knew that the finacial aspect of adoption was more than we thought we could do then, but said that in the rare event that anyone would ask us to adopt a child we would take it. Well, as luck would have it we were home 1 week and received a phone call from family friends in IL and they told us of a relative that was pregnant and wanted to put the child up for adoption and asked if we had thought of adopting again. We said yes and if she is serious we woudl take the child. We knew nothing else about it. Shari was not sure after the fact that we had made the right decision so she prayed for God to give us a sign that we were doing his will. She said that if it was meant for us to have this child to make it be born aroudn Christmas time and then she would know. About 2 weeks later we received another call from our friends...the birthmom had an ultrasound and was going to have a little girl and that her due date was December 25. Well, it does not get any clearer than that does it? The rest as they say is history.

I love to tell our story and to offer advice and help to anyone who is going to go through the process. There is so much that you learn along the way that you wish someone had been able to tell you.

As far as finances..it was expensive but God proveded the money somehow each time. We have an extensive family health history on each child. I recomend adoption to anyone who feels it is right for them. It is the journey of a lifetime!

I am very sorry to have rambled on so long. I hope that maybe I was a help to someone and if anyone wants to PM me to ask things feel free to do so. We want to help others find the joy that we have!

 

[kelma]

I agree with what everyone else has said We brought home our 2 year old son and 6 month old daughter from Ethiopia last year to join our 8 and 6 year old bio children. There have definitely been bumps, but they are such amazing blessing and beautiful additions to our family!

The only thing I would add is to not be afraid to ask ANY question you have. For us, there were times I had concerns but didn't want to "rock the boat" with the agency that was handling our adoptions. We eventually switched agencies, which cost us a lot of extra money, but did give us more peace of mind. Bottom line, while they are doing a wonderful thing, they are also getting paid a lot of your money and you deserve to feel completely comfortable with them. Also, if you decide to pursue international adoption, once you've chosen your country, be sure to join a Yahoo or Google group with other adoptive families and they can initially help you choose an agency and then later, help with questions, conerns you have both during the process and after.

Best wishes on your journey!