At What Age Do You Stop Trying to Please Your Parents?

[disney junky]

Does anyone else make decisions based on what was/is expected years/decades later?

 

[EMom]

A lot depends on whether you even CAN make them happy. I enjoyed doing things for my mother, because she appreciated them and I really could make her happy.

DH would try to make his mother happy, only to fail repeatedly. In fairness, no one made her happy and all fell short. We hadn't been married long when I pointed out the futility of his actions and asked how long he was going to beat his head against a wall trying to do the impossible. He would still make the occasional effort after that, but he saw things more clearly and came to accept her for who/what she was. A person who simply could not be made happy.

I will not put forth effort for people like that. But I will for those who appreciate the effort. Big difference. Most of all, I have to be happy with myself.

 

[JanaDee]

Does anyone else make decisions based on what was/is expected years/decades later?

No.

 

[Christine]

Does anyone else make decisions based on what was/is expected years/decades later?

I will generally make my own decisions however I want. But my parents have always been good to me, live close by, so I certainly consider their feelings on something but I doubt that would stop me from doing something I really wanted or needed to do. But let's say that I do take into consideration how my actions might affect them.

 

[crz4mm2]

Never

 

[tvguy]

Our parents are all gone now, but I think we both give some thought to what they might have thought about major decisions.

However , it is a delicate balancing act. I was debating buying a used versus new car 12 years ago, DW wanted me to buy a new one, and I finally decided I would, but because my mom said buy new about the time I decided, my wife still is made because she thinks I made the decision based on my mom's opinion.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'd never do something for the purpose of rebelling or trying to hurt my parents, but on the flip side, I don't think I was making decisions about MY life with them in mind even in highschool, much less decades later. I guess I was lucky, I don't recall ever feeling pressured to do so either.

The only time it has ever come close was in a shocked response my dad said something about how could I do that to him when I told him I was pregnant the first time. Apparently being a grandfather was not something he was expecting for a while yet. I sure as heck wasn't going to change anything at that point and he got over himself and came around pretty quickly...and DD has him wrapped around her pinky within minutes of him laying eyes on her.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Last year right about this month/day. It was freeing for me.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I lost my dad a few years back. I wish I had done more to please him. So short answer I will never give up trying to please my mom.

 

[minneylovesmicky]

A lot depends on whether you even CAN make them happy.

This...my mother is never happy with anything anyone does, I have given up trying.

It is always "you should have done this' or "why did you do that for" or the latest one, a present I got her, was a beautiful hamper of things to spoil herself, lotions, bubble baths, bath salts, scented candles - ALL of which she uses and complains about the price of...So I thought it would be nice to do up a hamper of it all, only to get the reaction of "why did you buy me THAT, I would have preferred cash"...never ever happy

 

[Glennie5]

I stopped trying to please my parents just this past summer and it felt great!

 

[Neesy228]

This...my mother is never happy with anything anyone does, I have given up trying.

It is always "you should have done this' or "why did you do that for" or the latest one, a present I got her, was a beautiful hamper of things to spoil herself, lotions, bubble baths, bath salts, scented candles - ALL of which she uses and complains about the price of...So I thought it would be nice to do up a hamper of it all, only to get the reaction of "why did you buy me THAT, I would have preferred cash"...never ever happy

This is my mother as well. I gave up after I had children and decided I had more productive things to do with my time, so that was about 13 years ago. It was an excellent decision! I'm sure she has noticed that I gave up, but she would never admit that it was because of her miserable attitude. We have a limited relationship because I can only stand so much negativity.

 

[bigbabyblues]

I try to make my grandpa happy if I can--he an my grandma raised me--but it doesn't take much. I always answer the phone when he calls, which is once a week unless he has been to the dr, I take him to the dr if needed and travel to out of town appts with him and my aunt. I check on him if the weather is bad or I don't hear from him, and I visit him when I am in his area. I tried a lot harder when I lived under his roof, but it was his house and his rules, and I was okay with it.

I have never done anything to please my parents, and I never will. If my mother thinks I will take care of them when they are old, she is more delusional than the lies she tells about me.

DH's parents don't expect anything from us. They live close, and we see them often by choice. They wouldn't want us to make choices based on what they might want or need later.

 

[Dawnlight]

I think there's a line between trying to please a parent, which seems to imply that the adult child is going against themselves, and honoring a parent.

I try to honor my mother and sometimes that involves sacrifices. It's no different than other relationships; don't we all make sacrifices for those we love and care about?

For example- our furniture was very kid-worn and while it was livable for us, it was uncomfortable for her. When visiting, she would sleep on the sofa, but we understood how much it hurt her back. New furniture wasn't a financial priority, but her comfort while visiting us is, so we bought a new sofa that will allow her to sleep more comfortably.

 

[wmson2000]

Does anyone else make decisions based on what was/is expected years/decades later?

I'm in my 50's and I still do. It sometimes makes me mad at myself - but I guess there are worse things. Trying to please parents who had high standards has helped me make good decisions my whole life. So on the other hand, I'm grateful that using their "yardstick" for measurement has delivered for me a pretty good life!

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

For me it happened at age 2.

 

[mom2rtk]

For me it happened at age 2.

 

[mombrontrent]

I don't live my life to please my parents but I also don't do anything that would displease them anyway.

 

[Bluestars]

I stopped trying to please my parents the day I moved out of their house. I made decisions that I felt were right for me. When I got married and had kids, I made decisions that I felt were right for my family. I never considered what my parents might think because it's my life.

One the other hand, I have always treated my parents with respect. I have never even cussed in front of them. I talk to my mom on the phone every week and have helped her through some very tough times in her life. But as an adult, I would never make a decision based on another person's opinion unless it involved the other person or I needed some advice. I wouldn't make a decision to please someone else. They can please themselves with their own decisions.

 

[lauradis]

For me it happened at age 2.

Wow your a late bloomer.

I was 23 months old.

Pleasing some one with expectations of action isn't love or honoring, it's being controlled.

I don't live my life to please my parents, nor other adults.