Assisted living questions UPDATE

[MushyMushy]

I need advice! My mother was put in an assisted living facility on Friday. They came to the hospital to evaluate her and found her fit enough to be there. She has to be able to stand for long enough to get from bed to wheelchair to toilet.

First of all, they took her in on Friday and she was being difficult and flat out refusing to do ANYthing. She kept threatening to leave and kept telling everybody she couldn't stand up to get to a toilet. They had to call my sister from work, and then us and we weren't even in the state so we had to go rushing back.

Long story short, they brought in a physical therapist, who had her standing up. They had her on the toilet and even had her in the shower for the first time in years. The supervisor assured us that there were always enough employees on staff to assist her, and in fact went on and on and on about this.

Friday night, we get a phone call to come help my mother into bed. All kinds of major drama because they couldn't get her into bed. Now it's turning out that one woman's pregnant and can't assist, one employee has a bad back and can't assist, one employee is "afraid" and can't assist, and yet another employee hurt her back yesterday and can't assist. Therefore, they've been calling US 3 times a day to help her. And it's been MY wonderful husband who's been doing it because my sister lives way out in the country and I have a bad back & neck (though I'm not hired in an assisted living facility so I don't need a good back ) plus I have a bad case of tennis elbow.

We can't continue to do this. We have her in "assisted" living for a reason, and if they weren't going to be able to help her in this manner, then they shouldn't have accepted her and they definitely shouldn't have told us that they could!

What are our options here and what should we do? As I've mentioned before, she cannot live with us and we cannot care for her. She won't do anything to try to help herself get more mobility and just wants the world to wait on her hand and foot.

From what we understand, the local nursing homes have no empty beds and she refuses to even consider going out of town.

I'm at a loss here. And also need to vent a little.

 

[MushyMushy]

And as I typed this, we just got the phone call to come help put her to bed.

They're not even trying to do it. My mother's roommate told us that today, and said it right in front of the aide.

 

[ZipaDeeDooDah]

I can't help but think that your mom might be a real spitfire.

Is she normally stubborn about things?

 

[MushyMushy]

I can't help but think that your mom might be a real spitfire.

Is she normally stubborn about things?

My mother is the most difficult person I've ever known. It's her way or the highway.

One thing we're not sure of right now is if the facility people are shirking their duties or if my mother is just becoming dead weight so they'll have to kick her out of there. When DH goes to help her into bed, she does put forth effort to help. But we don't know if she's helping when THEY try to get her into bed.

 

[charabby]

I suggest setting up a meeting with the director to discuss the situation. Meanwhile, keep looking for an alternative and insist on being let out of any contract. If her needs don't fit what they are able to offer, then I don't think you will have a problem with that.

Then be very careful with your next choice. The phrase 'assisted living' is not a technical term and can refer to living situations ranging from non-medical staff that 'keep an eye on' the residents to a micro step below a nursing home. In fact, assisted living is often a choice for people who are somewhat independent, although not always so I would guess at their facility they don't have high needs residents and are therefore not accustomed to doing so much. It is a popular alternative to a nursing home b/c the care level is lower, and since it's not a technical term, you're going to find widely varied care levels. I work in affordable housing, btw, and so that's why I'm familiar with assisted living. It's the next big thing for seniors in both the affordable and market rate markets.

 

[ZipaDeeDooDah]

By the way, I am anticipating that one of my parents will be a spitfire in the same situation, so I am really interested in the responses.

 

[kacaju]

can you try to find a new place..one closer to one of you? I am sorry but at this time you need her where it is close to you, not where Mom wants to be.
My Dad was at a nursing home one time that was an hour from me..what a pain. He was sick though... I got a call saying they needed to move him to another place. They were no longer accepting vent/trach patients. I think it was because my Dad was the only one and it was costing them too much!!

It took a lot of work but I was able to find a place within 20 minutes of me and what a difference!!

 

[ZipaDeeDooDah]

My mother is the most difficult person I've ever known. It's her way or the highway.

One thing we're not sure of right now is if the facility people are shirking their duties or if my mother is just becoming dead weight so they'll have to kick her out of there. When DH goes to help her into bed, she does put forth effort to help. But we don't know if she's helping when THEY try to get her into bed.

I am thinking that maybe your mom is not the right fit for that particular facility.

I would hope that any facility would not let pregnant people and people with bad backs work there if the facility felt the duties of the job would put their workers in danger of being hurt.

I am thinking there are deeper issues here, do you have access to a geriatric psychiatrist?

 

[Gisele]

Is home care an option at all? those medical and Medicare entities can really make you a poor person, or your mother, if they decide you have enough money, also as a result, you can most likely forget about those entities paying for any home care, and the home itself, may not care either about much of anything, from how well she is actually being taken care of, to finances, (yours, they only seem to care about themselves) personally I would rather be dead than be in a facility, I can state this most accurately for between the time that I have spent (not a long time, but long enough) working in that type of industry, to trying to take care of my own father, who is at a facility that we all hate, for a number of valid reasons, if I don't have my financials squared away, so as to be able to live in my own home, and have proper live in care, then yes, that is how I would want it for myself.
I know that some people are actually happy with their new residence, and maybe in time, your mother will join those ranks. Again, if home care is an option, your mother will possibly be happier and more co-operative, if she is at home.
I sure do hope that you can find away, that will work out best for everyone,
I am sorry that you have to deal with this situation, for your mother is at an "assisted living facility" not a lets just call the family, 3 times a day, and ask for help, that is very unprofessional, really it is, and I would lodge a complaint against that attitude with the facility and with the local ombudsman, I don't know your state, mine is Ca. and there are posters that have ombudsman information and a phone number to call, please look into that, if nothing changes for the better, and in home care will not work for this situation, then she will have to be moved into a more professional SNF.
The best of luck to you, and us all, for that matter, because my particular situation, is really making me uptight.

Side note, have you noticed that this website seems to know what you are posting about? I do not like that one wit! for example we are talking about SNF et al. and here is an ad by google for depends, that is not a coincidence, it happens all of the time, here, I really do hate that and have a big problem with it actually, because it means that our posts are being tracked. I do not appreciate that at all.

 

[RitaE]

really I've been there and spitfire is a really polite word for the way my Dad was treating that staff. She's most likely being unpleasant and *****ing like hell at them. They get tired of it and call you, so they don't have to mess with her anymore.

Tell them you can't come over the next time they call. They'll either find a way to get her to co-operate, or she'll get kicked over to a Nursing Home.

By the way, Dad was always threatening to leave also. There is really no answer to that other than "You may leave, but don't count on me helping you accomplish it."

 

[ZipaDeeDooDah]

MushyMushy:

Did your mom know what she was being evaluated for in the hospital?

Is there any chance that she thought she was being evaluated so that she would be able to go back to her home or somewhere she wanted to go?

 

[sha_lyn]

I suggest setting up a meeting with the director to discuss the situation. Meanwhile, keep looking for an alternative and insist on being let out of any contract. If her needs don't fit what they are able to offer, then I don't think you will have a problem with that.

Then be very careful with your next choice. The phrase 'assisted living' is not a technical term and can refer to living situations ranging from non-medical staff that 'keep an eye on' the residents to a micro step below a nursing home. In fact, assisted living is often a choice for people who are somewhat independent, although not always so I would guess at their facility they don't have high needs residents and are therefore not accustomed to doing so much. It is a popular alternative to a nursing home b/c the care level is lower, and since it's not a technical term, you're going to find widely varied care levels. I work in affordable housing, btw, and so that's why I'm familiar with assisted living. It's the next big thing for seniors in both the affordable and market rate markets.

Well said. Also you should check with the administration ASAP and find out what level of care they can legally provide.
When my grandmother went into assisted living, the filling of syringes and giving my GM her insulin shots, checking her blood sugar levels wasn't addressed in front of the administrator. They had no idea that their nurse was doing the above when they were not licensed to do so.
It all finally came to a head when the nurse quit or was fired. They called me frantically wanting me to come fill her syringes ASAP. I filled some thinking that is was just because they hadn't replaced the nurse yet and that she hadn't filled enough ahead of time. When the syringes ran out they called me again. I think the 3rd time I went to complain about the new nurse not doing her job and found out that by law they weren't suppose to.

Once I knew that I was fine with it, since we visited almost daily anyway. It was the fact that they never revealed what they could/could not do that had me PO'ed. Sometime during all that they even ended up making arrangements through all the pharmacies to place all meds in individual plastic blister dispesors because they were never licensed to touch the meds. The could by law lock them up in a cart/roll them to each patient and unlock the cart, but they couldn't actually open a bottle or touch the individual pills.

I know things have since changed. I believe the laws changed to allow them to a license to provide some basic medical services.

 

[Micca]

Mushy this sucks, I'm sorry you're going through this. Surely there is another assisted living facility where the employees aren't invalids. I guess I'd start looking for someplace else along with having some serious dialogue with the present facility.

Has she undergone a psych evaluation? If there are issues in that respect it would be good for you to know that now rather than later. I also agree that you're going to have to start saying "no" when she calls for help. Sometimes dealing with elderly parents is like raising small children.

We had to place my mother in assisted living at age 89 when she had lived by herself in her house for 30+ years. She thought it was the worst thing ever until she had to go to a full-care nursing home and then would have been willing to do anything to return the AL. Good luck.

 

[Gisele]

You had to fill the syringes yourself? wow, I am really shocked at that, the person administrating the injections, should have been able to fill them as well, that just does not make any sense to me, or did you have to do that too? why would that be o.k.? unless you are a Lvn or RN, or MD.

 

[Gisele]

Forgot to mention Sha lyn, I love your tag line! it is so very true for me, as well, and it sure is humorous, too, and I love your kitty avatar, he or she is just so cute and rolly polly, reminds me of my Tommy kitty and Happy Birthday to your daughter, I hope that she has a really great birthday!

 

[Gisele]

Hey google stop tracking our post, you are like a spy or some kind of tick.

 

[Gisele]

I know, I will simply never, ever, click upon any of those tracking ads, there ya go, problem solved, I think?

 

[Fire14]

I work in LTC and we have an AL unit. Our AL staff are to be able to assist with transfers, and there is a nurse for 8 hrs/day exclusive to AL and for 16 hrs there is a nurse on site but she has Nursing home also. I will say that our admission person has brought in/relocated people not right for AL but yet they stay. I know in our policy manual it's says something to effect of you must be able to perform job duties while preg. or take leave.
I refer to our AL as NH Jr. as some of residents in NH would be better suited to AL than some that are there.

 

[ZipaDeeDooDah]

I know, I will simply never, ever, click upon any of those tracking ads, there ya go, problem solved, I think?

Honestly, what the heck are you talking about. Could you please explain?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would start looking into nursing homes for plan B.

On the flipside, request a meeting with the director and find out how to get your issues worked on.

Sounds like a rough time. Hang in there!