chell
Mushu's Best Friend
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2001
- Messages
- 19,859
Here is what I posted in my blog earlier today. Sorry it is so random and whatever else it is. But just a few hours ago I found out that my ex-husband was killed. Even though we were no longer married that doesn't take any pain away. Actually I think it makes some of it worse.
Hopefully I didn't say anything on my blog that isn't DIS appropriate. If I did, I will apologize now. But this is nothing but raw emotion.
Please take the time to say a prayer for me, but especially for Junior's soul and Frankie. Just a little while ago I got a phone call that my ex-husband was killed. I don't know what to do or say or anything right now. Even though things didn't go well for us I still loved him and cared about him and always will. Oh my God, I don't know how to handle this.
We did talk tonight and I am so very thankful that it was a good one. He was happy when we hung up the phone. But what if I had talked a little longer? What if I didn't have to go so I eat? Maybe then he wouldn't have been behind the truck. I know these are not questions that you or anyone else can answer. These are things I need to get out right now though. This is my current venting place.
My nose is sore, my throat hurts from sobbing, my eyes are dry, my head hurts. I don't know what to do. How do I get through this?
My mother and her husband are so upset because Junior drove for them and they feel like it is all their fault. Frankie was backing up the truck and has tons of guilt but he had no way of knowing Junior was back there. I am all upset because I tried for so long to fix him and I couldn't. Maybe I could have done something different and this wouldn't have happened. But then I remind myself that God has a plan and He knows why things happen when they do. I keep trying to remind myself that Junior is much better off because now he is with both of his parents who he missed so bad and he no longer has to deal with diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease or his addictions. But this is NOT how I wanted his addictions to be healed. Not at all.
Please pray for me to be able to accept this and to have a peace about it. Please pray that I'm not filled with guilt.
I can't remember when but i had a dream about getting the call I got tonight. Why the hell didn't I remember that dream any sooner? Here I go beating myself up again. I know it is not healthy for me to do that but I don't know what else to do. I need to see him. I need to know what happened. There is so much I need to know.
Yes I am trying to remember that he is so much better off and this was a better way for him to go rather than drinking himself to death and letting his body slowly give out. But I need to know that he died quickly and wasn't in pain.
I am sure this is the worst rambling and such you have ever seen from me but I have been crying for almost 2 hours now and my head is hurting so bad.
Please pray he is in heaven. Pray for me to be able to deal with this and to grieve properly without worries of what my boss and others at the station will think or say since he & I are (were) no longer legally married. He did know that I cared about him and loved him. I had told him that several times.
Thank you for your love and support. If I don't respond to messages quickly or anything don't think I'm trying to be rude or anything. I'm just trying to deal with life and figure out what to do next.
Hopefully I didn't say anything on my blog that isn't DIS appropriate. If I did, I will apologize now. But this is nothing but raw emotion.
Please take the time to say a prayer for me, but especially for Junior's soul and Frankie. Just a little while ago I got a phone call that my ex-husband was killed. I don't know what to do or say or anything right now. Even though things didn't go well for us I still loved him and cared about him and always will. Oh my God, I don't know how to handle this.
We did talk tonight and I am so very thankful that it was a good one. He was happy when we hung up the phone. But what if I had talked a little longer? What if I didn't have to go so I eat? Maybe then he wouldn't have been behind the truck. I know these are not questions that you or anyone else can answer. These are things I need to get out right now though. This is my current venting place.
My nose is sore, my throat hurts from sobbing, my eyes are dry, my head hurts. I don't know what to do. How do I get through this?
My mother and her husband are so upset because Junior drove for them and they feel like it is all their fault. Frankie was backing up the truck and has tons of guilt but he had no way of knowing Junior was back there. I am all upset because I tried for so long to fix him and I couldn't. Maybe I could have done something different and this wouldn't have happened. But then I remind myself that God has a plan and He knows why things happen when they do. I keep trying to remind myself that Junior is much better off because now he is with both of his parents who he missed so bad and he no longer has to deal with diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease or his addictions. But this is NOT how I wanted his addictions to be healed. Not at all.
Please pray for me to be able to accept this and to have a peace about it. Please pray that I'm not filled with guilt.
I can't remember when but i had a dream about getting the call I got tonight. Why the hell didn't I remember that dream any sooner? Here I go beating myself up again. I know it is not healthy for me to do that but I don't know what else to do. I need to see him. I need to know what happened. There is so much I need to know.
Yes I am trying to remember that he is so much better off and this was a better way for him to go rather than drinking himself to death and letting his body slowly give out. But I need to know that he died quickly and wasn't in pain.
I am sure this is the worst rambling and such you have ever seen from me but I have been crying for almost 2 hours now and my head is hurting so bad.
Please pray he is in heaven. Pray for me to be able to deal with this and to grieve properly without worries of what my boss and others at the station will think or say since he & I are (were) no longer legally married. He did know that I cared about him and loved him. I had told him that several times.
Thank you for your love and support. If I don't respond to messages quickly or anything don't think I'm trying to be rude or anything. I'm just trying to deal with life and figure out what to do next.
Let it all out - it's ok. Say whatever and feel however you want. God (and us here on the Dis) are here for you.
