Article about multi generational living & cohabitation, what do you think?

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Check out the actual article at USA TODAY for photos and a chart.



More families, friends move in together

By Haya El Nasser and Paul Overberg, USA TODAY


"It's crowded to say the least. I'm retired and working full time, but we are happy that we are all together despite the 'over-crowding' in the home."

--Robert B. Lettow, whose two grown children, plus one of their spouses, a granddaughter and mother-in-law live with him and his wife in Shreveport, La.


"We are fortunate as my home is large enough to accommodate us all and we are a close family.... I keep telling them all that this is how things used to be many years ago with two to three generations of families all living together and that things will get better."

--Jane Korte, whose son, daughter-in-law, two granddaughters and three dogs moved into her Sylvania, Ohio, home.




By Haya El Nasser and Paul Overberg, USA TODAY


The Grundy family seemed to be headed down the conventional path followed by American families: Daughter goes to college, graduates, gets a job and her own apartment.

Then something happened.

"She lost her job," Vel Grundy says about daughter Monika, 25. "She kept looking and got very, very discouraged. She moved back home."

Grown children returning home. Brothers and sisters moving in together. Families taking in grandparents. Friends living in the basement.

Fueled by the dismal economy and high unemployment, more Americans — friends and families — are doubling up.

MORE: Recession affecting every aspect of American life
MULTIPLE GENERATIONS: More Americans live under one roof
CENSUS: Income gap between rich and poor got wider in 2009
LIVING TOGETHER: Numbers jump 13%, linked to job losses

From 2005 to 2009, family households added about 3.8 million extended family members, from adult siblings and in-laws to cousins and nephews. Extended family members now make up 8.2% of family households, up from 6.9% in 2005, according to Census data out this week.

"Clearly, a big part of that is the economic recession and housing costs," says Stephanie Coontz, co-chair of the Council on Contemporary Families, a non-profit research association. "We're seeing a shift away from the 1950s and 1960s mentality against extended families," when "modern" women did not take in aging parents for fear of hurting their marriage.

There are also signs of a shift from family households. For the first time in more than a century, more than half of people aged 25 to 34 have never been married.

The number of people in non-family households — those whose members are not related — grew 4.4% from 2005 to 2009, faster than the 3.4% growth for family households.

"It's a realistic recognition that while a good, healthy nuclear family is a valuable thing to have, it's not the only family form people are going to live in all their lives," Coontz says.


Financial needs often trigger unconventional arrangements. How some are coping:

• Memphis. Vel Grundy's daughter, Monika, moved back home when she couldn't find work in Jonesboro, Ark., where she had graduated from Arkansas State University. She has a job now but can't afford to live alone.

Her parents don't mind.

"She has been a really big help and it's nice to have her back," says Vel Grundy, 52, a sales assistant for Clear Channel Radio. "It's affected her more than me because she's used to being by herself."

Vel and husband, Arthur Grundy Jr., are bracing for their other daughter, a senior at Arkansas State, to move back, too. And if Vel Grundy hadn't found a job after being laid off last December, they might have all had to move in with Vel Grundy's mother, who has taken a part-time job to supplement her retirement income.

"We'll be like Dynasty— everybody living in the same house," Grundy says.

• Watkinsville, Ga. —Christine Burgoyne's daughter and her four children moved a lot and often stayed with her parents between moves.

When her daughter settled down with her current husband, Burgoyne and her husband decided to find a house they could all live in.

"First thing we did is we made a list of what our criteria would be," says Burgoyne, 59, a program coordinator at the University of Georgia in nearby Athens. "We wanted separate quarters … (and) a neighborhood where the kids could play outside."

Burgoyne found a 2,600-square-foot home that has a large, well-lit basement. She and her husband turned it into their apartment, including a kitchen and work room.

"So far, it's been really good," Burgoyne says. "I don't spend much time upstairs at all but the kids spend an awful lot of time downstairs."

• Sylvania, Ohio — Jane Korte's son and daughter-in-law couldn't keep up with their mortgage when he was laid off from his well-paying job as a construction superintendent. They sold their home at a loss. Korte, a widow, was happy to let them, their two kids and three dogs move in.

"I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason," says Korte, 56, an administrative manager. "Overall, it's been a really good experience. … I have a wonderful relationship with my son."

• Milwaukee ——Jonathan Lewis, 45, left home in 1984 for Atlanta. He went to college and later worked as a mortgage broker. In 2008, he lost his job — and his house to foreclosure. He searched for work for two years before selling his car and moving back in with his mother in his childhood home.

"I came back feeling like a failure," Lewis says.

Eight days later, he found a job in the health care industry and is regaining his financial footing.

"It kind of was a breath of fresh air," says Lewis, who is staying in his sister's old room. "It's given me an opportunity to reconnect" with his mother, he says. "It's cool. We have breakfast together. … I take her shopping."
 
I love it because it unites grandchildren with grandparents and reconnects children with parents. The older generation benefits from help around the house and the younger generation benefits from the stability that comes with cohabitation.

Now it only works if everyone is willing to give and take in all situations.
 
If I had anything to say about it, I'd move my family in (mom, sister, maybe even brothers). We are very close. My dh would freak out! He would never do the same with his family... in fact, I think I would freak out at that! :scared1:
 
I'm all for it too. I grew up from the age of 10 in my Grandmother's house and was very lucky to learn from her Depression era wisdom, in fact both of my Grandmother's influenced my views on many things, especially money and priorities. The generation born in the early 1900's were all about being sensible.

My in-laws live next door to us and I am forever surprised at the number of people who make comments about it like I must have been hit on the head to do it. Really, it's not that big a deal. All you need is mutual respect and the ability to set boundaries. That's all you need. My MIL doesn't get in my way and I don't get in hers.

The biggest benefit is that my kids are growing up in a home full of love with our beliefs reinforced by my DH's parents next door. I do big Sunday dinners and habitually bring them over extra plates of food mid week, after all 6 pork chops takes no more effort than 4. They are there for me when DH is away on a business trip (tonight). I was there when my MIL needed help to recover from knee replacement. My FIL brought me into NYC for my follow-up visit with the surgeon when DH couldn't get off from work. We were there when MIL was panicking about her elderly dog having seizures. She is a retired RN who is around to run over and listen to my kids' lungs when they are sick (Asthma). DH and I shovel all the snow and my FIL helps DH with jobs around the house, like they are putting in new attic stairs next week. We both help each other out with our pets and my MIL and I have an opportunity to hang out as friends every now and again when we go shopping & stuff like that (we went to Shop-rite yesterday). We've lived this way for the past 14 years and I'm fine with it. I have already told them both that I would not have any problem with bringing them into our home if their finances were to ever demand it. Of course next door is better but I'd still do it. I don't know that they would take us in if we needed it but I'd like to think they would.
 

There is a lot of good logic to the concept, but I don't see it working out in this day and age. A century ago when families living in large Victorian houses there was a general respect for the family elders and the "head of the family" made the rules and everyone lived by them or moved out. I just don't see that working today. It would be nice if it did, though.
 
You can do a whole study at my sister/BIL's house.:rotfl:

Let's see, my brother has lived there for a couple of yrs, getting on his feet.

My mom and dad have lived there for about 2yrs while they got back on their feet.

My other brother used to stay there when he had his kids for the weekend. (He can't because of the current situation.)

Currently she has her MIL (who is terminal from cancer) and a SIL there. Once a BIL lease is up he is moving in to help in the care of his mom.
 
There is a lot of good logic to the concept, but I don't see it working out in this day and age. A century ago when families living in large Victorian houses there was a general respect for the family elders and the "head of the family" made the rules and everyone lived by them or moved out. I just don't see that working today. It would be nice if it did, though.

This is exactly why it works so well for the Amish and many other Old Order groups.. It's all based on general respect - and not "just" for the elders.. Everyone is respected - everyone cooperates and works together, not in "competition" against one another.. Family life and the time spent together is a number one priority..

So many families today are scattered; dysfunctional; in constant competition with each other; show very little respect for one another; etc.. It would be nice if the trend in this article could restore families to what they used to be, but I'm afraid that in the long run it will fail because values have changed so much in our general society - and that's a shame..:(
 
I'm all for it too. I grew up from the age of 10 in my Grandmother's house and was very lucky to learn from her Depression era wisdom, in fact both of my Grandmother's influenced my views on many things, especially money and priorities. The generation born in the early 1900's were all about being sensible.

My in-laws live next door to us and I am forever surprised at the number of people who make comments about it like I must have been hit on the head to do it. Really, it's not that big a deal. All you need is mutual respect and the ability to set boundaries. That's all you need. My MIL doesn't get in my way and I don't get in hers.

The biggest benefit is that my kids are growing up in a home full of love with our beliefs reinforced by my DH's parents next door. I do big Sunday dinners and habitually bring them over extra plates of food mid week, after all 6 pork chops takes no more effort than 4. They are there for me when DH is away on a business trip (tonight). I was there when my MIL needed help to recover from knee replacement. My FIL brought me into NYC for my follow-up visit with the surgeon when DH couldn't get off from work. We were there when MIL was panicking about her elderly dog having seizures. She is a retired RN who is around to run over and listen to my kids' lungs when they are sick (Asthma). DH and I shovel all the snow and my FIL helps DH with jobs around the house, like they are putting in new attic stairs next week. We both help each other out with our pets and my MIL and I have an opportunity to hang out as friends every now and again when we go shopping & stuff like that (we went to Shop-rite yesterday). We've lived this way for the past 14 years and I'm fine with it. I have already told them both that I would not have any problem with bringing them into our home if their finances were to ever demand it. Of course next door is better but I'd still do it. I don't know that they would take us in if we needed it but I'd like to think they would.

You're so blessed, you and your family sound so loving and considerate. This is what family is all about. :grouphug:
 
Tonight's news report sadly it will get a lot worse before it gets better and I suspect we'll see much more multi generation cohabitation with reports of 1 out of 4 houses in foreclosure. Matter of fact, my elderly BIL recently had his DD and DGS just move in as times are tough for them. We have offered my 83yo Mom who lives 1/2 hr away to sell out and move in with us as she's alone, however like us, she enjoys her independence and as long as her health is fairly descent I respect her decision. :flower3:

Each of our married kids have lived with us while building their homes, our DS also rented our lower level for 2 yrs. when he was stationed near by. We have plenty of room, everyone did their fair share, and we actually enjoyed the company. Our local DD&SIL recently built a big home with an inlaw BR/bath should that time arrive for us. Very nice gesture and comforting thought, however like most seniors, we hope and pray to stay independent, as long as we have each other, our health and finances hold out. Of course, who knows what tomorrow will bring ~ we're 74 and 64yo, when and if things change, times get tough, we'll do whatever it takes for survival. :goodvibes
 
My in-laws live next door to us and I am forever surprised at the number of people who make comments about it like I must have been hit on the head to do it. Really, it's not that big a deal. All you need is mutual respect and the ability to set boundaries. That's all you need. My MIL doesn't get in my way and I don't get in hers.

The biggest benefit is that my kids are growing up in a home full of love with our beliefs reinforced by my DH's parents next door. I do big Sunday dinners and habitually bring them over extra plates of food mid week, after all 6 pork chops takes no more effort than 4. They are there for me when DH is away on a business trip (tonight). I was there when my MIL needed help to recover from knee replacement. My FIL brought me into NYC for my follow-up visit with the surgeon when DH couldn't get off from work. We were there when MIL was panicking about her elderly dog having seizures. She is a retired RN who is around to run over and listen to my kids' lungs when they are sick (Asthma). DH and I shovel all the snow and my FIL helps DH with jobs around the house, like they are putting in new attic stairs next week. We both help each other out with our pets and my MIL and I have an opportunity to hang out as friends every now and again when we go shopping & stuff like that (we went to Shop-rite yesterday). We've lived this way for the past 14 years and I'm fine with it. I have already told them both that I would not have any problem with bringing them into our home if their finances were to ever demand it. Of course next door is better but I'd still do it. I don't know that they would take us in if we needed it but I'd like to think they would.

My daughter and her husband are currently looking at a place with 100 acres and two houses. They asked us whether we would consider moving into one of the houses (they're next door to each other). We asked them if they were sure that would work, and they were both eager (they already spend a lot of time with us so it wouldn't be a huge change). As mentioned in the post above, we would be there to help each other out with the animals, land maintenance, etc. If the land stays for sale until after the first of the year, we may very well do it if we can reach an agreement with the current owners.
 
I tend to lean towards the idea that people treated each other better in past generations because they were mutually dependent on each other. When you are under one roof and know there is no walking away everyone has to bend a little. Maybe that's what this country needs? I kind of think so, I think the whole 'me,me,me' mentality experiment has beet a total disaster.

I like the stories of people coming together into bigger groups. Of course, I wish the circumstances were better but that doesn't mean no good will come of it.

BTW, don't get me wrong about our family, we're not perfect and my in-laws tick me off plenty. Still, there is no denying that being so close changes things because there is always an element of accountability in everything. A small disagreement or even a big one simply is not worth disrupting the balance of our family so we smile when we don't feel like it and before you know it, all is forgiven. That just doesn't happen at a distance.
 
I tend to lean towards the idea that people treated each other better in past generations because they were mutually dependent on each other. When you are under one roof and know there is no walking away everyone has to bend a little. Maybe that's what this country needs? I kind of think so, I think the whole 'me,me,me' mentality experiment has beet a total disaster.
.

:thumbsup2

I grew up with my immediate family (6) , my maternal grandmother and my great aunt. My mom's sister and her kids lived in the apartment next door. We were all very much codependant. and you're absolutely right, it quickly got rid of the "self absorbtion" I see today. One vivid memory I have is fridays and Sunday dinners. My dad who was a cop always recieved Fish from a fish store that was on his beat. Every friday when I got home from school, my dad would make me go next door, get my cousins, make sure they were in play clothes and then bring them over for dinner.

Generational living can be a great experience.
 
I love it because it unites grandchildren with grandparents and reconnects children with parents. The older generation benefits from help around the house and the younger generation benefits from the stability that comes with cohabitation.

Now it only works if everyone is willing to give and take in all situations.[/

This is important to note. I don't know about the rest of you, but I would find it very hard to live with some of my family because of their personal habits. Some of them are terrible hoarders, some are smokers, other are big drinkers. Some live like slobs and some just never shut up! I'm not being overly picky but I'm just not going to live like that. I like my nice, quiet, small household. My oldest child is 24 and thankfully moved out last year when he decided that he didn't like living with rules anymore (pick up your stuff, wash your clothes, clean up the kitchen, mow the grass, pay some rent.) Even though he is just squeaking by, *he* is much happier now and so are we. We all just get along better when we're not under the same roof.
 
My parents divorced when I was 7, my middle sis was 5, and my youngest sis was 2. My dad got custody of all 3 of us. He moved us into my grandmothers house. There were 8 of us living in a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house that is probably about 800 square feet (my dad, us 3 girls, grandma, grandpa, aunt & cousin). I lived there until I got married.

Every summer my grandma and aunt would take me, both my sisters and my cousin to live at the lake in a camper. My dad and grandpa stayed at home to work. The camper was even smaller than our house.

I don't ever remember thinking our home was too small or too crowded. However, now that I have my own family, sometimes I feel like having 3 bathrooms in our house is still not enough for the 4 of us. It's crazy!

My grandmother always had dinner started when we would get home from school. We ate together as a family every night.

We're all still very close. My co-workers can't believe how often we still do things together as a large family. To me, my kids having their own cheering section at sporting events is normal. If one of the kids are sick, I know to expect no less than 10 phone calls checking on them. We even occasionally borrow a small bus from a family friend so that we can all ride to places together.

It used to drive DH crazy. Now that he's gotten older, he appreciates my large, close family. He knows if we need someone to take care of the kids or pick them up from school, my family will do it every time.
 
It works for us!!

My Dad retired about 4 years ago - and found that he had more house than he needed or could comfortably afford - they have lived in this house for 25 years - I consider it "Home". My Mom has some health issues, which tied my Dad to the house - so he was becoming grumpy. We all talked and my DH and I decided to sell our house (about 3 miles away) - and buy my parents house - only they didn't move out - we all live there together! My DD has grown up at the house - my Mom kept her when she was a baby - and since starting school - has always rode the bus there in the afternoons. We were there for cook-outs, holidays, everyday to pick up DD - so... living there wasn't that big of a transition.

My Dad and my DH are best friends - they fish, hunt, golf, play poker, etc. etc. - of course DH has his moments - but overall it's definitely win! win! My DH and I pay the mortgage - and my Dad picks up all of the utilities - we all buy food and whatever else we need. Someone is at the house basically 24/7 - whether it's Madi who needs supervision - or my Mom!

We get comments all of the time as to how we can do it - I say it works for us!
 
Hmmm, the thought honestly makes me cringe. We have so many different personalities in our families that I really don't think it would work for us. But if thats the way your family runs, I have no issues with it. I guess what it all comes down to is that I just need my space.
 
Works for us, too! We have a semi-permanent house guest/honorary aunt, who spends probably half a year here, off and on. We also have my husband's mother, who moves down in the fall and leaves in the spring. I love her!

I like having company, and my daughter recently wrote an essay for school about the positive impact her "aunt" has had on her life. (She had to pick a personal hero.)

If the personalities all work, then I think it's a great thing. I don't think I could ever have my mother living with us, though. Actually, I don't think she could ever live with anyone. She needs to be able to control her own space.
 
I am very thankful that we've never gotten financially desperate enough to live with extended family (on either side).
 
I would do it in a hearbeat!!
I lived with my brother and his wife right after college. It worked out well. We sat down and made rules (about bills and sharing with house stuff) and set boundaries at the beginning, and things worked out well.
As long as everyone gets along and is willing to abide by a common set of rules regarding respect for everyone else, it can work well. It really is a win-win situation. You save money and you get closer as a family. :thumbsup2
 


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