Arranged Marriage

[disneychrista]

Would you allow agree to an arranged marriage? Why or why not?


I am reading a book (free from good reads) about a woman who is feed up with dating and signs up for a arranged marriage service. It got me thinking. I have had nothing but bad experiences in the whole romance/dating world. So much so that I no longer trust myself to make good decisions, so I have taken myself out of the game. That doesn't mean I wouldn't like to have someone to share my life with. Would I trust someone else to make the choice for me? Probably not. But it is an interesting idea.

 

[Kittyblue]

Ive heard stories of people who swear by it, that their family knows them best and so can find the best match. I'm too bull-headed to let anyone else decide for me

 

[mommasita]

No, never. I mean I’ve been married for 25 years next week, and I would have only agreed to arranged dates, nothing as fixed or final as a marriage.

I did know two girls growing up who married 2 men from Greece for big bucks, well big bucks when you are 19. I said no way. NEITHER stayed married after 5 years.

 

[hereyago]

Nope

 

[low-key]

only if they are sexy

 

[RangerPooh]

I’d pass.

A classmate from college who was from India attempted an arranged marriage. I can’t recall if the person he married was arranged or not. But do recall him talking about how difficult the process was. Even though he came from a wealthy family his prospective matches often didn’t work out due to cultural stigmas. He worked with special needs youth and that didn’t sit too tell with most people.

 

[Disneylover99]

No thanks. I would prefer to make my own choice for marriage. If it turns out to be the wrong choice, well that’s on me. I can live with that.

 

[disneychrista]

only if they are sexy

But you wouldn't know if they were sexy until you were standing at the alter. And maybe not even until you "life the vail" to seal the deal with a kiss.

 

[bcla]

It's not very common around here. A friend of mine is from a traditional Chinese family and I heard something about an attempt to set him up for an arranged marriage with a girl from Hong Kong. I heard that financial security (her family was rich) was part of it. But he wouldn't have any of it. He's actually doing quite well now.

A few friends originally from India said that if they would ever get married they would probably ask their parents to arrange a marriage because that's how things are done. Yet I know quite a few from India who met a future spouse in the US and their families were OK with it.

 

[Disneylover99]

But you wouldn't know if they were sexy until you were standing at the alter. And maybe not even until you "life the vail" to seal the deal with a kiss.

Don’t you briefly meet the person ahead of time in most arranged marriages?
Or at least see a picture? If not, you gotta lift the veil before you say I do!

 

[DisGirlAllie]

Probably not, but if I'm still single in 10 years ask me again lol

What is the name of the book?

 

[DuskKodesh]

I've been happily in love with my spouse for over a decade now. I honestly don't believe anyone else on the planet would have understood the things I'd consider to be a dealbreaker in a relationship. So for me? No. Never. I'd rather be alone than have someone picked out for me. I don't even like it when people give me clothes! Even a new shirt is too personal!

 

[FigmentSpark]

I have a friend who had an arranged marriage. But it wasn't a service, it was his parents that arranged it. They are Indian, so there is a whole culture of arranged marriages. They have the connections internationally to be able to make successful marriages, because there is a huge pool from which to find eligible prospects.

Anyway, 30+ years later, they are still married. They've had their ups and downs, like anyone, but overall, it's been a success.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I wouldn't do it but I do remember a thought provoking discussion in my Intimate Relationships (psychology) course in college.

In it the professor discussed the westernized concept of marrying for things like love, companionship, security, friendship, children (be it that you got married because you were pregnant or wanted to have children in the future), etc but he compared that with a story from a student of his from a culture (and honestly I'm blanking on what culture it was) that for the wealthy (i.e. higher up in the socio-economic ladder) arranged marriages are commonplace. The story his student described is her family researched her husband, his family and their pedigree (yes that was the term used), the family and husband's ability to provide for the bride, their rank in the society, etc and really the only thing left for her to do was fall in love as everything else (in her mind) had already been considered by her parents.

That def. led to a good discussion that's for sure.

 

[bcla]

Well - there are many ways. I remember talking to a coworker from Iran about how she met her husband. It's not exactly a courtship like one would have elsewhere. Marriages weren't specifically arranged, but she told me that her husband knew her family and then inquired about her status. Not terribly romantic, but I guess not all traditional ways are.

 

[disneychrista]

Don’t you briefly meet the person ahead of time in most arranged marriages?
Or at least see a picture? If not, you gotta lift the veil before you say I do!

I think in most cases I think you are right. In this book (I only began it a couple days ago) from what I understand - they will exchange a few emails and then head to the alter.

What is the name of the book?

And yes the half naked man on the cover is one of the main reason I'm reading it

 

[tcufrog]

My DH is Indian and his parents weren't happy, to put it mildly, that he refused to let them arrange his marriage.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My DH is Indian and his parents weren't happy, to put it mildly, that he refused to let them arrange his marriage.

My sister-in-law is dating a Pakistani..his mom has def. been trying to find a wife for him for years. They hid their relationship from his family because he technically wasn't supposed to date her "kind" (and frankly she still isn't allowed to attend certain events). They've outed themselves and while the mom isn't as upset, even going so far as to have a nice relationship with my sister-in-law there is the ultimate question about marriage as no doubt she would prefer to find him a wife.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

View attachment 500340

And yes the half naked man on the cover is one of the main reason I'm reading it

That book is on my list actually to read and yes right there with you on the cover

 

[tcufrog]

Before she even considers marrying him she needs to make sure that he will side with her if his parents treat her badly. Will he stand up to his family for her? It doesn't sound like he has the courage to do so. If my DH hadn't we never would have gotten married.