Are your in-laws "private people"?

[Karista]

I know many of you have been blessed with fantastic in-laws, but I have not. Just recently we found out that my husband's oldest sister filed for divorce in May. None of the siblings knew.

My MIL has been in the hospital for surgeries in the past and we all find out after she's home. No matter what happens in the family, deaths to births, vacations to new cars, no one is ever told anything. When it gets brought up, her pat response is always, "Well, we're private people." AARGH!!!!

 

[4greatboys]

On the contrary my mil is happy share every detail of her life right down to her last bm or the last time she got some--neither of which I care to know

 

[lisajl]

4greatboys On the contrary my mil is happy share every detail of her life right down to her last bm or the last time she got some--neither of which I care to know


EWWWWWW!! Ok...my in laws are bad, but not that bad!

 

[RUDisney]

My ILs are only private with "non-family" members, i.e., me, BIL, SIL, etc. I have found out that cousins had babies when I read it in the paper, or that family has died from the obits or from someone at work. With one another, though, they know every intimate detail of each other's lives. Heck, I didn't know my SIL's wedding date until I got the invitation... and my kids were IN the wedding. All I knew was that it was some Saturday in May.

 

[browneyes]

I know too much about my SO's family. We live right there near each other.

 

[DrTomorrow]

Heck, my family are private people! When I was away at college (years ago ) I'd find out about some surgery my mother had after the fact - sometimes weeks later. Honestly, I'm that way too; I think that it is hereditary. I come from midwestern Lutheran Swedish/German stock; you know the type: "I don't want to be a bother", " Don't look at me while I'm sick", "I can do it myself", "It's just a flesh wound", etc. Plus, I get a perverse kick out of telling people "Oh, I had spinal surgery last week - didn't I tell you?"

However, DW's family is the opposite - if one of them goes in for even minor outpatient surgery, there needs to be a phone tree, hourly updates and the waiting room must be filled with anxious hangers-on.

DW and I like my family's approach better.

 

[believe]

MY MIL is not private, but BILs (DHs side) and SIL (my side)are. One BIL only invites you to his house if he needs you to work on something for him, they do talk to us about vacations and things going on...just don't want us to see their house. DH told him, no thanks the last year when he wanted him to work on something. We haven't been 'invited' to their house in almost 6 years. MIL and FIL only are 'invited' to work.

 

[Gette88]

My FIL is a private person. My MIL will tell everyone her families business and it drives us all nuts. Things she should say she doesn't but things that should be kept "just in the family" she tells everyone.

 

[~Sparkly~Zoe]

I wish I could go to the Returns & Refunds dept at the store and return my inlaws.

 

[FOJMO]

Originally posted by Karista
Just recently we found out that my husband's oldest sister filed for divorce in May. None of the siblings knew.

Frankly, I don't think news like this is anyone's business except your SIL and her husband. Maybe they wanted it kept private.

I've had times in my life where I've been in the hospital and didn't want my DH to call everyone in the family. My mother, on the other hand, does everything short of taking a newspaper ad out to let everyone in the world know that she's in the hospital! If it's very serious, that's another matter.

Sometimes, it's just no one's business... even family.

 

[GladysK]

Originally posted by DrTomorrow


However, DW's family is the opposite - if one of them goes in for even minor outpatient surgery, there needs to be a phone tree, hourly updates and the waiting room must be filled with anxious hangers-on.

LOL!

This reminds me of when my cousins had their babies. The whole family including all grandparents and Aunts and uncles were in the birthing room with her. ewwwww

 

[Pembo]

We don't have any contact with my husbands parents. We refer to them as "those cannot be named" (ala Harry Potter).

So to answer your question, we are the private ones. We tell them nothing. We didn't even tell them we moved.

 

[RUDisney]

I had to laugh at the birthing stuff.

When my SIL was diagnosed with endometriosis, she decided to see a dr out of town. On her first trip, she went with her mother, my DH, and her UNCLE! When the dr was ready to discuss her problems and treatment, all of them went into his office. But, then again, they should know everything because they are real family.

When she went for her lapro surgery, her mother and two of her brothers took her. (One was my DH.) They borrowed someone's suburban so that the three of them could stuff into the front seat for the ride home while SIL laid across the back seat.

I only know these things because my DH was there.

 

[luvndisney358]

Thank you Karista for giving me a vehicle to vent!

Gosh my inlaws are so good to us and our kids but it all comes with a hefty price. We have been married for almost 20 years now and they meddle in every facet of our life. My FIL isn't too bad but since DH has his own family business ~dad's retired~ FIL still tells him how to run the business etc which unnerves DH.

As for me, my mother is a staunch Christian and if one of my teens misses even Sunday School ~like when my volleyball playing daughter had a tourny in PA~ She puts them on an internal guilt trip. She has too much to say about everything we do and everything we say. Needless to say I steer away from her as much as possible.

She also outbuys all other relatives when it comes to our children. When DD #1 turned 13 my mom bought her a beautiful little heart ring with a diamond in it. MIL bough her a hanging DIAMOND HEART. My mom felt very upset and inadequate because naturally DD was oohing and aahing at the heart instead of the ring. I have taught my kids that it's the thought that counts, NOT THE MONETARY VALUE OF THINGS but at this age, kids don't quite "get it".

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that God has blessed me with generous Out-Laws but it's not right to tell us how to raise our children when we are doing a fabulous job already. My kids are wonderful students, good kids, and mannerly and kind.

I could go on and on but I won't.....It's been a complete trial for me for 20 year but I still try to maintain a pleasant demeanor.........