Are your affairs in order?

[lauradis]

my affair is out of order

I have been having an affair for the past 20 years with the same man

 

[pigletgirl]

Yes. DH's dad is a lawyer and when we found out we were expecting DD, he highly encouraged us to think about what we would do in an event. Also, DH's youngest brother is disabled and we'll be his guardian (MPOA/ financial, etc) when his parents pass.

It's definitely something everyone should have an idea about. What a tragic story.

 

[S. C.]

my affair is out of order

As long as they don't know - you're ok.

And if they find out

 

[StitchFanZ]

When our kids were younger, our lawyer advised us to not only list our choice of guardians but to also list the character traits and religious values we wanted in a guardian. So, if for some reason our choice was not able to take care of the children, the judge could refer to our wishes when choosing the guardian.
We have some relatives that we felt might try to gain guardianship to get their hands on any assets. Unfortunately, sometimes the worst comes out in people when money/deaths/inheritance is involved.
In addition to listing characteristics for the guardians, we also locked up assets for specific purposes only and then had a list of potential guardians that went about five deep.

 

[minkydog]

I would say our affairs are in pretty good order. We have Wills, POAs, and Advance Directives and also a Special Needs Trust for Christian. We recently updated all that with our attorney but it hasn't been finalized--waiting on the funds to do it, but in the meantime we still have the old one.

DH is in poor health so there is impetus to really get things in order. He has been advised to have open heart surgery, but he is in such poor health the doctors don't know if he would survive it. So we're in a bit of a dilemma. We need to check on all his life insurance beneficiaries. I *think* we sent them up so that Christian does not inherit directly. If he does, he would lose his Medicaid benefits which is what pays for his group home and health care. That would be devastating for us and for him!

My dad died with a Will he printed off the internet. It was not notarized so it was invalid. We had to track down his witnesses, which took several weeks, and then the courts had to validate the will. It was such a mess and I thought the 5 of us siblings were going to come to blows at times. Dad had put an enormous lien against the property and we had to all come out of pocket to keep from losing it. I really worked to keep things moving in a positive direction but is was exhausting. It took us 2-1/2 years to get the estate settled. I would never want my kids to go through this!

But it does remind me that we need to make sure the kids know where to find our wills, et al, and how to contact the attorney. We made the attorney executor and guardian for Christian because the older kids are still getting established and sorting out our affairs would be overwhelming to them at this time in their lives.

 

[PizzieDuster]

PSA-addition......Revocable Living Trust, in addition to the WILL.



Our experience was great. Local FH, fully pre-paid. A solid contract is very important.

Revocable Living Trust in ADDITION to the will!

We are good too. Although, it's a running joke around here that my husband's life insurance policy is $2 million. He will NOT get up on a ladder with me around. I thought it was a joke until the other day, he was on a bar stool, on the second floor, right next to the stairs, changing a light. He said "Two million" under his breath and I came running out and he jumped off that bar stool so fast we couldn't stop laughing. He really won't get up on a ladder with me around!

Reality check, I joke a lot, but seriously, I'm sorry for their loss.

 

[MrsDuck]

My parents affairs (they're in their late 50s/early 60s) are in order. My grandma passed Dec. 26th of 2013 and it's inspired (?) my mom to get things together.

DH and I don't have a will yet but plan on creating one soon. No kids. Will for sure have a will by the time we have a child.

 

[John VN]

So what's the difference between revocable and irrevocable?

A little helpful information. http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/revocable-versus-irrevocable-trusts.html

AND having just a will means your estate information becomes public knowledge during the probate process and can take a long time. Not helpful to heirs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Probate

 

[figment80]

My mom has her stuff pretty much in order but we will be meeting with a lawyer early June when my sister is here to make sure everything is truly in order and so my mom can go over everything with us together so that there is no confusion or questions later on. (Long story short because of stupid family drama on my mom's side of the family she wants to make sure everything is out in the open and that there are no secrets)

 

[tvguy]

My mom has her stuff pretty much in order but we will be meeting with a lawyer early June when my sister is here to make sure everything is truly in order and so my mom can go over everything with us together so that there is no confusion or questions later on. (Long story short because of stupid family drama on my mom's side of the family she wants to make sure everything is out in the open and that there are no secrets)

When my mom passed away last year, I walked in to the Funeral Home with her hand written list of her wished.

I think the Funeral Director was a little horrified, but no sales pitch.

1)Cheapest casket they have (with cheapest underlines 3 times and marked over with yellow market pen)
2) No embalming
3) No services
4) No obituary.

Still not cheap. If my mom had known transporting her the 110 miles to be buried with my dad was going to cost $800, I think she may have stipulated I rent a U-Haul and take her myself.

 

[John VN]

When my mom passed away last year, I walked in to the Funeral Home with her hand written list of her wished.

I think the Funeral Director was a little horrified, but no sales pitch.

1)Cheapest casket they have (with cheapest underlines 3 times and marked over with yellow market pen)
2) No embalming
3) No services
4) No obituary.

Still not cheap. If my mom had known transporting her the 110 miles to be buried with my dad was going to cost $800, I think she may have stipulated I rent a U-Haul and take her myself.

1100 mile transport here, but that was in coach, in an approved container with legal document to allow boarding of half the ashes. The other half was a legal burial at sea, so for DFIL we had a surf and turf affair.

 

[tvguy]

1100 mile transport here, but that was in coach, in an approved container with legal document to allow boarding of half the ashes. The other half was a legal burial at sea, so for DFIL we had a surf and turf affair.

Groan. I had people throw things at me when I noted after John F. Kennedy's body was recovered from the Atlantic by the Coast Guard, cremated, and scattered in the same Atlantic by the Coast Guard that the Coast Guard had a new "catch and release policy". Being the son of a President I assume is why the Coast Guard agreed to do the scattering.

 

[Disney Doll]

When our kids were younger, our lawyer advised us to not only list our choice of guardians but to also list the character traits and religious values we wanted in a guardian. So, if for some reason our choice was not able to take care of the children, the judge could refer to our wishes when choosing the guardian. We have some relatives that we felt might try to gain guardianship to get their hands on any assets. Unfortunately, sometimes the worst comes out in people when money/deaths/inheritance is involved. In addition to listing characteristics for the guardians, we also locked up assets for specific purposes only and then had a list of potential guardians that went about five deep.

Could you also list people you were certain you did not want as guardians?

 

[DWGal210]

This is a good reminder. Very sad for that family, their poor children.

I am single and I don't have kids, but I do need to get a will and POA taken care of.

This is also a good reminder to be sure and have conversations with your parents, kids, etc about your last wishes and what you'd want. My grandpa passed away about 4 years ago; prior to that, he had very bad dementia for the past 5-6 years. It created conflict in the family because each of his kids "knew what Dad would have wanted" in regards to care, arrangements, etc - they hadn't ever had a conversation about it, with all of them present, with their dad when he was healthy.

His passing actually got my family talking with our parents about what they'd want - for instance, I never knew my dad doesn't want to be kept hooked up to a machine for an indefinite amount of time. They have wills, medical and financial POA, etc but it was valuable for them to sit down with all of their children and talk together, so we're all on the same page about their wishes.

 

[aprilchem]

Also, make sure you have enough life insurance not only cover your funeral/burial, but to support those you leave behind. DH and I each have enough life insurance on ourselves to replace our salary for the rest of our lifetime and pay off the house, so that if one of us dies the other one will be fine, financially.

Another thing we did is name separate guardians for our kids and trustees for our estate (which would go into our kids' name but they wouldn't get it until they're adults). That way there are checks and balances as to how the money is spent so it's spent in the best interest of the children.

 

[MerMom60_94]

I have a will and health care proxy and POA, but it has been in existence since DD was a baby and I now have to update it.

I am in the process of settling my husband's estate and in addition to legal documents, I strongly suggest keeping a spreadsheet of accounts and contact information and approximate balances since most people outside of the marriage aren't likely to know where you have your accounts so they can notify companies and close out accounts, etc. Also, put together a list of user names and passwords for some key sites that may need to be accessed if you are disabled or deceased. For instance, DH was actively selling on Ebay when he died. I had no current information to log into his Paypal account and working through them via phone and email was a nightmare (to the point of contacting my attorney general). Also, I hacked into his email and there were automated bills that I would not have known about (i.e. car insurance) since they were paperless and sent to his email. I have detailed information on a spreadsheet in a safe in my house so my daughter will have it if anything happens to me.

 

[sbtrfly74]

Biggest thing I learned when my MIL passed was thankfully she added POD(payment on death) to all of her bank accounts giving my DH immediate access to them.

That way they were not included as an asset for her estate, not that it would have been a problem since everything went to my DH anyways. But the money would have been tied up for a long time (6mths to a year) and wouldnt have been able to pay for funeral costs and house expenses over the next year.

 

[DWGal210]

I am in the process of settling my husband's estate and in addition to legal documents, I strongly suggest keeping a spreadsheet of accounts and contact information and approximate balances since most people outside of the marriage aren't likely to know where you have your accounts so they can notify companies and close out accounts, etc. Also, put together a list of user names and passwords for some key sites that may need to be accessed if you are disabled or deceased. For instance, DH was actively selling on Ebay when he died. I had no current information to log into his Paypal account and working through them via phone and email was a nightmare (to the point of contacting my attorney general). Also, I hacked into his email and there were automated bills that I would not have known about (i.e. car insurance) since they were paperless and sent to his email. I have detailed information on a spreadsheet in a safe in my house so my daughter will have it if anything happens to me.

I'm sorry for your loss. That's a great tip to have password, open account information, etc.

My SIL's grandfather passed away about 5 years ago, and they are JUST NOW getting things wrapped up. He was in his late 80s, so you would think he would have had his affairs in order, but no. He passed away and his family didn't know where everything was, what accounts were open, etc. His wife didn't know either (from a generation, I suppose, where the husband took care of 90% of the financials) and so the kids had to track everything down. 5 years later, it's just now getting wrapped up.

 

[minkydog]

My SIL's grandfather passed away about 5 years ago, and they are JUST NOW getting things wrapped up. He was in his late 80s, so you would think he would have had his affairs in order, but no. He passed away and his family didn't know where everything was, what accounts were open, etc. His wife didn't know either (from a generation, I suppose, where the husband took care of 90% of the financials) and so the kids had to track everything down. 5 years later, it's just now getting wrapped up.

Oh, my! you reminded me of when my step-dad died. He had been diagnosed with MAST cell leukemia for about 6 weeks. This particular kind of leukemia is hard to treat and has a high mortality rate. He was pretty sick and he thought he had his affairs in order--pre-paid funeral, Will, bank accounts with Mother's name on them, bills paid, little credit card debt. However, the one thing he forgot to do was change the beneficiaries on his life insurance. He joked with my Mother that he would someday leave her a rich widow.

Well, you can guess what happened. He had a heart attack and died 11 days later. His $100,000 life insurance policy went to his 1st ex-wife, from whom he had been divorced almost 30 years and a $40,000 policy when to his 2nd ex-wife who happened to be a good friend of Mother. The 2nd ex immediately turned the money over to Mother. The 1st ex thought she had won the lottery and refused to give mother anything.

My step-dad's will was a total mess. It was legal, but OMG. He left the house to my mother and his son & daughter. He stipulated that all his things were to be sold and the money given to his son & daughter. Step-dad had a collection of model plane kits, over 1500. He told my mother that at least one of them was worth $5000 and Mother believed him.

It's been a mess. His son died a year after step-dad and his daughter died a few years later. Step-dad has one legal grandchild ( age 32), so now all that stuff goes to him. Mother couldn't bear to sell his things so she has put it off for 12 years. We finally got her to give all the plane kits to the grandchild. She's planning to also give him some of step-dad's books and furniture, but she keeps putting it off. She's not allowed to given anything to Goodwill. Unfortunately, none of the stuff is valuable. She's going to get very little for it, but it will require a LOT of work on her part to get rid of this stuff.

Mother is 79 and this a HUGE burden on her. I know my step-dad had good intentions but if he had had any idea how this was going to go down, I think he would have done things differently.

 

[StitchFanZ]

Could you also list people you were certain you did not want as guardians?

Yes, you can list them. In our case, listing the character traits and values of our preferred guardians, eliminated them.