Are you the 'Poor Relations?'

[PrincessKitty1]

Apparently we are.

Dh's family always treats us like the Poor Relations. You know, the n'er-do-wells who are related to you but are just.....mmm, losers.

Of course, DH and I are not poor and not losers. But his parents and siblings are wealthy while we are just middle class.

We visited the in-laws last weekend and DH's sister was embarrassed to be seen in DH's SUV because it has a sign for his business on the back window. They have made comments about this before, about how neighbors have commented that servcie people shouldn't park in certain places, and questioned DH about whether the sign really brings him any business, etc. etc.

There's lots, lots more over the years as you may imagine . That's just the tip of the iceberg.

We don't visit very often.

Is anybody else the Poor Relations?

 

[ADisneygirl]

Yes, I feel like the poor relation whenever we visit my cousin -- boy do they live well. They are not people to flaunt it in our faces, or ever say anything rude to us, but I feel it when I am there. I am the one feeling poor. It doesn't help either that all my siblings are way better off financially as well. They don't seem to feel it when they are there. But the income gap between me and this cousin is so vast that I feel as if I stepped into an episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous! (anyone remember that show with Robin Leach hosting?)

 

[mytwotinks]

I am kind of, but since I'm the youngest it isn't really the same. It is more like we just haven't "gotten there" yet. Honestly we have such different lifestyles that we can't even really compare. I stay home, most of my sister's work. We live in a smaller home so we can travel, they put everything they have into their homes.

We probably have less financially than most of my siblings, but we also have a lot less emotional baggage so I'm o.k. with it!

 

[jillyjoey]

I am the poor relation compared to my sister and her hubby. But they don't treat us that way at all -- their lives are like the "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous." In fact, DS told me that their jobs were just to fly around from country to country.

On the other hand, DH's sister treats us as poor relations, which I cannot understand since we are not, at least compared to them... I guess she can feel that way if it makes her feel like a bigger person for it. Whatever....

 

[autumnbaby9]

Most of my family are concidered to be the poor relations if you are talking to my uncle's wife. She tends to pretend his side of the family doesn't exist.

 

[NMAmy]

On DH's side of the family, yes. Then again, FIL told us that while DBIL & DSIL look like they have a fabulous life, he's worried about their finances. So, while we don't have the big fancy house and life, we're actually better off with savings/retirement, etc.

On my side of the family, we're a bit better off because I'm the only one with a combined income with a DH. One sister is divorced and the other has never married. So, because two of us are working, we have a bit more disposable income.

 

[clarabelle]

So, while we don't have the big fancy house and life, we're actually better off with savings/retirement, etc.

I think this is the key. Someone may appear much wealthier than you -but they may just be bigger spenders. They may not save for retirement, give to charity, or have any savings.

 

[honeymom]

We have some wealthy relatives, but no nobody ever makes me feel like the poor relatives. Everybody is loving and caring to one another.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

We're way better off than my wife's family and we typically help them out with their finances when they need it (although they never actually ask). Sometimes my SIL will complain to my wife that they're going through a rough patch and we might send them GC's for groceries, or a check to make their mortgage. We also treat them to once a year family Disney trips...we'll pick up their room, park tickets, things like that...when we all go to WDW. I've never really figured out if they're comfortable with it. My SIL will sometimes say to me "You're not supposed to be doing this...she (my wife) is my little sister!". I've always wondered if the might secretly resent what we do...which is only done because we love them and want them to be happy. Would that be considered treating your relatives like "poor relations"?

 

[SC Minnie]

according to my SIL we are. She has children about my age and her one daughter is doing very well. I constantly hear about how well they are doing. They just moved from Denver to San Diego because her Dh got a new job which doubled his already large salary. She was able to transfer her job. She makes very good $ too but they put her entire paycheck either in saving or investments so that they can retire before they are 50. goes on and on.

My mom goes on an on about her husband children. One son's wife is a SAHM and their children are geniuses because she home schools (DD is in public school and I work outside the home). The daughter's children all go to private school. She and her husband are both engineers and do very well- so well in fact they have own 2 homes out right (the one they live in and a rental). These are cheap homes either. My mom doesn't really see how it sounds but sometimes I just feel like we don't match up.

 

[GoofyBaseballMom26]

We are definately the poor relations financially. Not that we are doing without, but that my sister's husband makes a TON of money! She doesn't work, I've always had to work... their house is huge, ours is small, but comfortable and PAID FOR!!!!! They just live a different lifestyle but we are not treated differently.

We live more modestly than my step daughter also. Her mom has a lot of money and that's what she is used to. We can't give the same type gifts etc but I don't try. We don't play the "keep up with the Jones" game at all.

I'm very happy with my life, my home and my family. I have occasionally been envious but I try hard not to be and remind myself all the time how lucky we are!

 

[It's A Happy Day]

We are probably the "rich relation" in our immediate family and let me finish that sentence with we are by no means rich. Both of us have to work but we do own a house albeit on the smaller side, BUT, compared to 4 siblings:

1 is divorced and horrible with money (has lost at least 2 jobs for missing funds related issues)
1 works full time retail & rents an apartment
1 works 2 jobs, rents, but canot figure out a budget so blows through all the money
1 still in school so really cannot count

Personally I feel that my mother is probably the best off financially but to talk to her, she doesnt have a pot to pee in Yet she & her husband are retired (she is in her mid 50's), have a house, own 2 nice cars (at least 30K each), own a trailer, take trips when they want, and more. I think they have some savings but due to her childhood doesn't like to part with any of it. Mom is the only one to make ALL of us kids feel like we are failures and not doing our part in the family. We do not call enough, give enough, do enough so it isn't money based here, it's mental issues

 

[autumnbaby9]

We also treat them to once a year family Disney trips...we'll pick up their room, park tickets, things like that...when we all go to WDW.

Where can I sign up to be your "Poor Relation"?

You have got to be one of the coolest family members on the planet .

 

[PrincessKitty1]

We're way better off than my wife's family and we typically help them out with their finances when they need it (although they never actually ask). Sometimes my SIL will complain to my wife that they're going through a rough patch and we might send them GC's for groceries, or a check to make their mortgage. We also treat them to once a year family Disney trips...we'll pick up their room, park tickets, things like that...when we all go to WDW. I've never really figured out if they're comfortable with it. My SIL will sometimes say to me "You're not supposed to be doing this...she (my wife) is my little sister!". I've always wondered if the might secretly resent what we do...which is only done because we love them and want them to be happy. Would that be considered treating your relatives like "poor relations"?

No, being openly embarrassed to ride in your relatives' car, condescending about their lifestyle etc. and then wondering why your relatives don't visit often would be considered treating your relatives like Poor Relations.

BTW, for the people who didn't get it, I'm using the term Poor Relations in a tongue-in-cheek manner. We are financially comfortable, have good professional jobs and are financially able to go away for a weekend trip to Disney or the beach every month. The Poor Relations reference is to the way my in-laws treat us.

But even if we were poor or broke (which we certainly were 20 years ago), it's rude to treat people in such a condescending manner.

 

[budbeerlady]

We are treated that way on the Dh side. They have the new car every year or 2 (okay a frick'n boat of an suv and a truck) and a huge house, huge boat in a slip.

We chose to send DD to priv. school, I am filling the 401k, we chose to drive the 1989 chevy, we chose to put our home on 10 acres in the country. I sleep well knowing I dont have to heat that huge house or make the car payments! I chose to save now for a better life when I am older. We are only just 30 but if I stay away from them I feel like I am doing quite well with my finances.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

Where can I sign up to be your "Poor Relation"?

You have got to be one of the coolest family members on the planet .

Believe me...my wife and I get far more out of it than her sister, BIL and their kids! IMO, there's no greater "high" in life that doing things for the people that we love.

And for the record, we are not mortgaging our future, as some here's families are. We are very conservative with how we spend, and that includes what we do for family. We just have a bit more to go around.

 

[doxdogy]

My son-in-law thinks we are the poor relations. Though he would never verbalize it to us or our daughter. It is shown in just his general attitude towards us. He honestly feels that he is smarter then the both of us because he has a college degree and we don't. Yet he hasn't the common sense to come in from the rain. I remember when he and DD first married she had to teach him how to write a check. He always paid his bills using a money order, because he had no idea how to write a check.

 

[EthansMom]

So, while we don't have the big fancy house and life, we're actually better off with savings/retirement, etc.

That's us too. We may look like the poor relations by comparison (driving older cars that are paid for instead of leasing new cars, don't wear bling, don't party with the wealthy crowd in our town), but in reality, we're doing MUCH better financially than our family members in the same generation.

 

[mytwotinks]

That's us too. We may look like the poor relations by comparison (driving older cars that are paid for instead of leasing new cars, don't wear bling, don't party with the wealthy crowd in our town), but in reality, we're doing MUCH better financially than our family members in the same generation.

My husband and I are 33 and 34 and many of our friends and family have bigger homes, newer cars, more jewelry, etc.......... I think that it will be very interesting as we get older and my husband and I are able to relax (we have planned for the future) while they scramble to try to figure out how they are going to survive in their older days.

I am amazed at how many of my peers do not think of the future at all. Many of them would spend their last nickel at the mall and not even think of the bills that are due next week. To the outside world they look as if they really have it together. I have known enough people like this to never again be envious of somebody elses lifestyle.

 

[caitycaity]

we are the atheist relations, which to my s. baptist relatives is probably worse than the poor relations.

apparently, i am going to hell for not wearing pantyhose in the middle of july when i wore a dress to their church. oh the horrors.