Are you the friend who has to call first?

[thumpersfriend]

I was just thinking the other day that I hadn't heard from a few of my friends for quite a while. I realized that they really never call or vist me, I always have to call them and plan to do something. So I am wondering if they are really a good friend or what. Maybe I am feeling a little sad about this. Does anyone else have this same situation? This really has been pretty much the way it has been since I can remember. Or should I not be bothered by this? Thanks for any advice.

 

[Pop Daddy]

Im like your freinds, ya gotta call me

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by thumpersfriend
I was just thinking the other day that I hadn't heard from a few of my friends for quite a while. I realized that they really never call or vist me, I always have to call them and plan to do something. So I am wondering if they are really a good friend or what. Maybe I am feeling a little sad about this. Does anyone else have this same situation? This really has been pretty much the way it has been since I can remember. Or should I not be bothered by this? Thanks for any advice.

Yes, I have quite a few friendships that are like this...that *I* have to make the first move. I finally realized that some of these friendships are just not worth the work...and let it slowly fade out.

It's sad, yes...I wish I had more friends actually. I'm not THAT busy of a girl. Some of my friends aren't married and are still into the "bar" scene..I may join once a month or so...but it's not my thing to do each weekend.

When you find you are putting more effort into the relationship then the other person is...I find it's time to step back and think if you really want to continue it...

best of luck to you

 

[olena]

I'm the one who calls most of my friends. I do have a couple of buds who keep up with me, too.

 

[Bob Slydell]

I hate talking on the phone, so no, I'm not usually the one who calls first.

 

[binny]

no youre not alone.

Im the "Maintainer" as well in most of my relationships.

 

[snoopy]

I seem to be following Bob around today, agreeing with him.

I also hate talking on the phone, so I'm not usually the one who calls either. I do have no problem orchestrating the get together, I just rarely to never initiate it.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I am the one that always have to call one friend and my DBF. My DBF and I get into huge arguments about this and all I ask him for is to make an effort!!! It makes me very mad.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by snoopy
I seem to be following Bob around today, agreeing with him.

You're stalking me?!?

 

[chesirechik]

I had a friend like that. One day I called and left her a message to call me and decided I wouldn't call her again until I heard back.

It's been 5 years.

 

[Kallison]

Yes and I'm having some friend issues right now. It's more connected with my one son, how he has their son over constantly to swim and sleep over yet hasn't been officially invited to their house in YEARS. They are only down the street. We even discussed it last year. I stopped going over and calling and I'll hear the "I never see you any more". I've even told her it hurts my son's feelings. She'll make time for other kids. She was always worried about her son being popular, I guess she just figures we'll always be here so she doesn't have to make an effort. I'll tell her about it again and it probably won't be in such a nice way.

 

[coliebird]

Originally posted by snoopy
I also hate talking on the phone, so I'm not usually the one who calls either. I do have no problem orchestrating the get together, I just rarely to never initiate it.

This is me too, as soon as one of my friends says let's get together, I am in planning mode. I'm actually having a bbq next weekend to get together with friends.

I'm fortunate that I am allowed to have AIM at work so one of my closest friends and I IM each other everyday, which is really good or else she'd never hear from me lol.

 

[Jasminesmommy]

My friends usually have to make the first move. I do occasionally email them which I think I will do today.

 

[castlegazer]

Yes! It drives me insane, but I have different criteria for how long I will put up with it for different friends. My best friends who I have been freinds with for about 25 years I will call whenever I need to and never expect a call from - they're phone weenies I have determined. But other friends who I have had less history with I have less of a tempermant for that.

My DH and I have dropped a couple due to this. It gets annoying and less than a two way friendship. But we also give others who are less habitual about it slack because we know how busy everyone's lives are and how hard with children it is to make time for outside things.

 

[vettechick99]

Originally posted by chesirechik
I had a friend like that. One day I called and left her a message to call me and decided I wouldn't call her again until I heard back.

It's been 5 years.

awww. but it made me giggle too.

I've been there myself. A few friends I decided not to call or email and it eventually faded out. One got married and didn't invite me...and I thought I was going to be in the wedding!! That's when I stopped emailing her.

I realized, looking back, that those people were mostly self-centered. Had a new flame, or new something going on...not enough time for friends.

The friends I care about call me and I call them, just to keep tabs. Those are the ones worth keeping!!

 

[RitaZ.]

Originally posted by chesirechik
I had a friend like that. One day I called and left her a message to call me and decided I wouldn't call her again until I heard back.

It's been 5 years.

LOL

Yes, it happens. I have two friends that always call me, but I call them too. Those two friendships are beyond the "I called you last time, so it's time for you to call me".
I know what you mean though and it's disappointing. If I always have to be the one to initiate getting together and keeping in touch, it sends me the signal that "our" friendship isn't as important to them as it is to me. After a while, I just stop "begging".

 

[Disfan1]

Wow- I thought i was the only one who felt this way! I have had several friendships fizzle out because I decided to see how long it would take for them to call ME for a change. Like chesirechik, I'm at the 5 year or more mark for a couple of them. The good thing is that the friends I have now are really GOOD friends & I know they are there for me. Quality over quantity!

 

[MinnieM21]

Yes, it's the exact same way for me. My friends never call me and it does make me a little sad. Oh well.

 

[onecoolmama]

If I want to go out and see them, I call. Otherwise, I dont usually. Unless I have heard that they are going through a tough time. Then I call. Otherwise just to say Hi..I email.

 

[thumpersfriend]

Thanks everyone, now I don't feel so bad. I guess quality is better than quantity, even with friends.