Are you mean?

[teacups]

I don't think I'm mean. I will say, though, that I think people who post on the CB asking for advice should have a pretty thick skin. There are all kinds of people on here, all with varying opinions, and a poster has to be prepared for that. Kind of like it is in real life.

Well said. BUT, I guess I wish more of those people who "forget" that these internet people are REAL LIFE people somewhere out there.. would remember.

 

[azgal81]

It seems like if you post here everyone who doesn't agree with the OP's views is considered to be mean. So yeah I am probably mean!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Yes, true. BUT there is a point where a lot of folks would say, "that's nasty!"
I guess Im asking, "Do YOU think YOU have crossed that line for no good reason once or twice?

I know for a fact that I've crossed the line one time (needless to say, this isn't my first username. ). Other than that, I'm sure there's some people who'd say I've crossed it more times, while others would disagree with them. Thus, my answer of "probably".

 

[poohandwendy]

I always sort of chuckle when I see threads like this come up here. Mainly because these boards are soooooo tame compared to others I have visted. As a matter of fact, I would say for as many members who post here regularly, this website is FULL of extremely nice and helpful people. Seriously.

I think, for the most part, most people here go out of their way to use tact. I think the problem is that many people have totally different ideas of 'nice' and 'mean'. What one person says that they consider frank or blunt, can so easily be taken as meanspirited by another more sensitive person. I think there are probably a few people who go out of their way to be meanspirited, but i think they are few and far between. As for myself, I try to be nice, tactful, reasonable...but I am also a very honest person and I call it like I see it. I am the same way IRL.

As always, I think that if your (general you, not anyone in particular) feelings are being hurt, it's time to walk away and give the boards a break. On the same token, if you find yourself getting riled up over issues, it's probably also a good time for a break.

JMHO

 

[teacups]

It seems like if you post here everyone who doesn't agree with the OP's views is considered to be mean. So yeah I am probably mean!

That's not true. At least, thats not what Im talking about. Mean is when you have a total disregard for someone else's feelings... not their opinion. There is always a decent way and a nasty way to talk. Do you think that's true?

 

[teacups]

As a matter of fact, I would say for as many members who post here regularly, this website is FULL of extremely nice and helpful people. Seriously.

I think, for the most part, most people here go out of their way to use tact.
JMHO

I agree.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I try not to be and usually only lash back and be "mean" if someone rips me a new butthole first.

It has happened, more than once. I feel bad for the people who ask a simple non-suspecting question and they get attacked.

I wouldn't say something on here that I wouldn't tell people to their face, but judging from alot of the holier than thou attitudes on here I'm sure that isn't usually the case.

 

[dementia412]

I think everyone does occasionaly. I try my hardest to write the bad response, delete it and try again! Sometimes it doesn't work.

When you are mean and nasty you do not express your point well. You may be a well spoken, educated person with a great point, but no one will get it because they are concentrating on your angry aggressive words or behaviors. I see this happen all the time on here. Two people getting upset, screaming and YELLING, and losing all sense of perspective. I can understand when that happens, and I don't think those people are really mean. Something just hit a nerve, and they were off!

The thing I hate is when people have to comment about puncuation, spelling, or grammer mistakes as a way to attack someone when they disagree with what the person has posted. If you don't agree just say so, and if you can not articulate an actual response then don't attack where they put that comma! It really doesn't help your side of an argument. (on the same page as pointless personal attacks)

ps... no comments on my spelling, grammer, or punctuation please

 

[robinb]

I think that some people think that I am mean because I am a straight shooter. I don't dilly-dally or beat around the bush when I have something to say. Sometimes I don't agree with the majority of posters on a thread and will still post my opinion. I think that I was recently called a "Negative Nellie" on a thread like that because I wasn't all hugs, prayers and pixie dust.

I actively try not to hurt people's feelings and I have apologized in the past for doing so. I have also edited posts before others can get to them to quote me .

 

[Sandy V.]

I don't think I'm mean, but I'm sure I've been snarky a few times on here.

There are a few folks who either a) post about the same relationship problem that has been going on for YEARS but don't want to do anything about it, or b) post asking for advice, but then "pooh-pooh" everyone's suggestions on how to solve a particular problem. Then I know I get frustrated and am probably not as "nice" as I could be. I certainly know I've re-written or deleted more than a few responses!!!

 

[va32h]

I'm cynical. I don't have much patience. I've never been able to pretend that I understand something I don't get the point of, or like something that I can't stand.

There are some issues that are genuine deal-breakers for me; some opinions that are so odious to me that I cannot respect the person who holds them.

None of those qualities are particularly virtuous; all of them can be considered "mean".

So yes, I would say that I have been mean in the past, and being a mere human, will most likely be mean in the future. But I am working on it. Believe me, if you knew all the things I have wanted to say, but didn't, you'd be duly impressed with my progress.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I can honestly say I've never been mean here. I may have bordered on snarky or sarcastic or just plain fed up with an argument, but never mean. Even on other boards where meaness is tolerated and even encouraged I find it hard to be mean - it's just not me.

 

[Aidensmom]

I am blunt, and I speak the exact same way in real life that I do here. I have been told by someone on this board I am mean, but I have also have had people tell me that I say things nicely, so "meanness" seems to be in the eye of the beholder.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I'm cynical. I don't have much patience. I've never been able to pretend that I understand something I don't get the point of, or like something that I can't stand.

There are some issues that are genuine deal-breakers for me; some opinions that are so odious to me that I cannot respect the person who holds them.

None of those qualities are particularly virtuous; all of them can be considered "mean".

So yes, I would say that I have been mean in the past, and being a mere human, will most likely be mean in the future. But I am working on it. Believe me, if you knew all the things I have wanted to say, but didn't, you'd be duly impressed with my progress.

I can be a little like you - except that I don't post all of my feelings. If I think I can't be nice enough, I walk away and don't respond. I guess I really internalized the lesson "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all!!"

I don't want people to think my persona here is all an act - it isn't - I am just careful what I say. I think before I type, I ask myself if what I'm about to type is really going to be helpful. And I've hit the back button many times.

va32h - I don't see you as mean, just a little more apt to say what's on your mind, whereas I'm more shy about what I share. I think I'm actually a little afraid of offending others! Even in real life I tread carefully.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I don't lie, sugarcoat, or beat around the bush--I say what I believe. However, I've been known to not say things because I don't feel it's necessary. Better to stay quiet sometimes than to hurt someones feelings for no reason. I'm probably one of the nicest snarky people you could ever meet. And I'm basically the same here as I am in real life.

 

[Frantasmic]

I think there are many here who have been here a while and no what buttons to push on others and do so sometimes. However, I wouldn't call them "mean." They are more like brothers and sisters in a big family.

 

[va32h]

If I think I can't be nice enough, I walk away and don't respond. I guess I really internalized the lesson "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all!!"

Well that is what I am working on. Asking myself if what I have to say really contributes to the thread, hasn't already been said better, or is even what the poster wants to hear.

There I have been many threads that I started to reply to, and then changed my mind. My contribution would have been pointless bickering. I am striving for the stage where I can actually have empathy for the situation, but would be content just to be able to shake my head at the computer screen and go on.

But there are some things I feel strongly enough about that I will always put my feelings out there, no matter how mean they are. It would be dishonest of me not to - not dishonest to the DIS, but dishonest to myself. If someone makes a comment I find offensive, I really feel duty-bound to respond to it.

Now in the Dixie Chicks threads (one of them) I had a little mean-spirited fun at the expense of Ann Coulter. I was being mean. I suggested throwing things at her. My replies in that vein were mostly for the amusement of a couple other posters on that thread, and partly because I really loathe Ann Coulter and couldn't possibly pretend otherwise.

 

[teacups]

Well that is what I am working on. Asking myself if what I have to say really contributes to the thread, hasn't already been said better, or is even what the poster wants to hear.

There I have been many threads that I started to reply to, and then changed my mind. My contribution would have been pointless bickering. I am striving for the stage where I can actually have empathy for the situation, but would be content just to be able to shake my head at the computer screen and go on.

But there are some things I feel strongly enough about that I will always put my feelings out there, no matter how mean they are. It would be dishonest of me not to - not dishonest to the DIS, but dishonest to myself. If someone makes a comment I find offensive, I really feel duty-bound to respond to it.

Now in the Dixie Chicks threads (one of them) I had a little mean-spirited fun at the expense of Ann Coulter. I was being mean. I suggested throwing things at her. My replies in that vein were mostly for the amusement of a couple other posters on that thread, and partly because I really loathe Ann Coulter and couldn't possibly pretend otherwise.

And, I think one more thing that can make someone come across as "mean" is when they continually post their opposing views right after your post! You start to feel like they are following you, when in fact, it's all in the timing.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Probably. Everyone's definition of mean is different, though.

I talk here the same way I do IRL. I have many friends, so I guess I am not that mean.

 

[AmazingGrace]

When I've SOOO wanted to blast people here, but then I remember what kind of board this is, I consider the sources and then I move on. I try NOT to be mean.
But sometimes....