Are you a playdate family?

[ilovejack02]

SAs I explained, many of our playdates have had issues with discipline and destructive play. Not something that either DH or myself find acceptable, so I posted to get tips and see how other families 'play'.

Honestly If I had that much trouble with distructive play and discipline I also would not be up for playdates, friends over etc. Would not be a medication issue for us either , but it would be an issue of I need to find different friends for my kid LOL!!

Our playgroup was very particular about who we invited to join. If we met a new mommy that we wanted to invite to join we always made sure we had one on one time with mommy and child before we invited to join group. We didn't want to invite trouble in.
Not saying that every playdate went without a hitch .. of course not, but we tried to weed out the super permissive parent who didn't teach any manners or discipline their child . There were also the parents that were the total opposite of us and wanted very scheduled play , no messes, following their kid around the entire time etc and they usually went running for the door with in a cpl of meetings HAHA!

This did not include of course of mommies of autistic children, we have at least three in our group and while the boys are a handful and destructive at times , we all work to help with the boys and learn their routines etc, plus helps our kids become more understanding and patient children. Their mommies need time with their friends and so do their other siblings.

To each his own OP, I understand that much for sure!

 

[ilovejack02]

You make parents come along on their childrens' playdates, and you go along on yours? Your dd6 is not going to have a lot of friends, I can tell you now. My gf invited her d6's classmate over on a Saturday, and the dad stayed the whole time. Word spread quickly, and no one will invite this girl over now. One of the purposes of a playdate is to have someone for your child to play with so you can get stuff done.

I guess I would never allow my child to go somewhere I feel the need to stay the whole time . Playdates now that my son is older are usually one on one, but involve friends that were in our Mommy group as youngsters. I have no problem leaving DS when them and they are the same with us.

If one of DS7's classmates invite him over to play now, I would have to say no. I have met the parents all most of classmates a few times, but we don't know each other well , so I would not allow DS to play with them alone at their house , unless I have a chance to get to know parents better.

 

[clutter]

That's the thing though - playdates are only big with some of the people I know, many others are way too busy like us, so there aren't a lot of invites at all. Plus, our kids are younger, so again, they need to be supervised (the baby for sure), so that's an issue as well. All of my friends are working professionals like us, so time is very limited. My best friend who does a lot of playdates is part-time with a younger child at home, so this is part of her thing, as she has more time to devote to it.

Are you thinking that playdates have to be for both kids?

At their ages, I would agree that you may not want to have too many for the 2 year old, but when my dd was 6, we had them most weekends. As someone else said, it was my time to get stuff done around the house peacefully! Howeer, my dd is an only and we have no kids in the neighborhood, so we were desperate! But, it seems like a wonderful time for your 6 year old to find some friends so you can have some extra one-on-one time with your 2 year old.

Anyway, here's a really wonderful 'playdate' story. Back before my dd was 2 (she's now turning 13), we changed to a new home daycare provider. My dd and another girl there got along pretty well, and one day, mom approached me. Her husband was having issues with depression, and his doctor suggested going out once a week. Would we be interested in getting together with our girls one night a week. Well, as a single mom with minimal social life, I jumped at the chance! On those Wednesday nights, the girls got to know each other really well. Eventually, her dd started doing sleepovers at a pretty young age with us. They moved about an hour away a few years ago, but her dd still comes to stay with us for a weekend when she can. She spends most every Thanksgiving weekend and New Years with us, with other times when we can work out around both girls' active sports schedules. I love this girl almost as much as my own. We were watching old videos recently, and she's in SO many of them. The girls, now that they are texting, are in frequent touch with each other.

So, yes, even at 2, playdates can turn out to be wonderful things. When things work, they work. When they don't, they don't.

All of my dd's favorite friends are from the old days. She has friends from school, but the ones she likes best are a few from her old daycare (she ended up in middle school with some twins she used to like, and they didn't even miss a beat!) and pre-school/kindergarten. We tried playdates with a lot of the girls back then, and these were her favorites then as well as now. As someone said, there's nothing in the world like a really good friend, and those relationships do need some time outside of the place where they originate. I'm so glad that these other parents and I invested in the driving time to let these girls get close.

 

[MrsBanks]

You make parents come along on their childrens' playdates, and you go along on yours? Your dd6 is not going to have a lot of friends, I can tell you now.


Yes, parents must come with the children. End of story. My daughter has ADD and is a little different in some ways, that is the reason she is slow making friends - has nothing to do with me.

One of the purposes of a playdate is to have someone for your child to play with so you can get stuff done.

Nope, that's called a baby-sitter, not a play date


20 years ago did our parents bring us to play dates, did we have endless after-school activities? Answer is probably no. And are any of us worse for this? I don't think so.

 

[Mkrop]

What is the haed shake for??? Playdates just don't work for us, and I find them to be more about the Mommies and their clicks than the kids anyway. Sorry, but it is the truth. My DD has enough healthy interaction with other chidlren on a daily basis that I do not need to take away from what little family time we get on the weekends to schedule "playdates". I shouldn't have to schedule my DD's playtime. I prefer to just let her be a kid, and play with who she wants to when she wants to. If she specifically asks for a friend to come over, or to get together with someone I will try to make it happen, but I am not as a rule part of the playdate social circle, which in my experience is really what it is about. I don't have the time for it, and am frankly not interested in the Mommy clicks that develop. Too much drama for me!

The head shake was for your insult towards SAHMs. Reread your post. This is one SAHM who has no time on her hands, and all the SAHMs I know are super busy. You may think you know how their lives are but most likely you do not have a clue to how busy they are. I make the time for playdates because they are important to my kids.

I think scheduling your kids' time to play with other kids depends on your kids ages and your neighborhood, and school. If your kids attend private school which may not necessarily be in your neighborhood, then you may need to arrange a day for a friend to come over to play, as they can't just come over and knock on the door. The same goes for your neighborhood. One may not necessarily live in a neighborhood where there are other children your child's age. Now if your children are young, in the pre/K set, then it wouldn't be appropriate for them to wander the neighborhood themselves knocking on doors.
Actually, I would think the "scheduling" would be way more important to someone who works outside the home, to ensure that they would actually be home.

That is exactly the situatuon here. There are some neighborhood friends but most of my kids friends live a car ride away, or a supervised walk away, so phone calls are involved to arrange. My kid just cant run over to John's house to see if he is home, it it too far.

 

[princessmom29]

The head shake was for your insult towards SAHMs. Reread your post. This is one SAHM who has no time on her hands, and all the SAHMs I know are super busy. You may think you know how their lives are but most likely you do not have a clue to how busy they are. I make the time for playdates because they are important to my kids.



That is exactly the situatuon here. There are some neighborhood friends but most of my kids friends live a car ride away, or a supervised walk away, so phone calls are involved to arrange. My kid just cant run over to John's house to see if he is home, it it too far.

Did you read the follow up post where I calrified that???? I do know the lives of my close friends and several are SAHM's who are floundering since their last baby went to school and really do have little to fill their days. They do tennis, bunko, and playdates as a way to fill in. I don't have time for all that, and as I pointed out in my previous post, there are a lot of SAHM's that do not either. It was not meant as a slam to stay at homes at, all only an observation based on first hand knowledge of the situation with the families with chidlren in DD's grade at our school. The families that are heavily into playdates are the ones where mom is satying home and looking for something to fill her time. Not all SAHM's fit into that category, but there are several at our school that do. They comment to me that they are bored since all the kids are in school.

 

[ksjayhawkfan]

Our playgroup was very particular about who we invited to join. If we met a new mommy that we wanted to invite to join we always made sure we had one on one time with mommy and child before we invited to join group. We didn't want to invite trouble in.
Not saying that every playdate went without a hitch .. of course not, but we tried to weed out the super permissive parent who didn't teach any manners or discipline their child . There were also the parents that were the total opposite of us and wanted very scheduled play , no messes, following their kid around the entire time etc and they usually went running for the door with in a cpl of meetings HAHA!

And this would be the exact reason I HATE playgroups. I have enough on my plate to try and make sure Im the "right" kind of mommy to join in a little club. I have always wondered why/how such little kids become clique at such a young age, now I get it. Im so thankful that my kids know how to play with all kinds of kids, and not just perfect ones.

 

[princessmom29]

And this would be the exact reason I HATE playgroups. I have enough on my plate to try and make sure Im the "right" kind of mommy to join in a little club. I have always wondered why/how such little kids become clique at such a young age, now I get it. Im so thankful that my kids know how to play with all kinds of kids, and not just perfect ones.

That's exactly the kind of thing that happens with some playgroups here. It becomes a clique very quickly, and if you are not the "right" kind of person you are not invited. Working mom is generally included in not the "right" kind of person. Yet another part of why I quit trying to do playdates.

 

[mjkacmom]

Nope, that's called a baby-sitter, not a play date


20 years ago did our parents bring us to play dates, did we have endless after-school activities? Answer is probably no. And are any of us worse for this? I don't think so.

My kids have been having playdates for the past 10 years, and no, it's not babysitting. When we invite children to our home for a playdate, I don't consider myself babysitting - I'm happy to have them. And in all my years of playdates, I have NEVER, except for my previous example, heard of a parent staying once they are in elementary school. It's not done here, same with birthday parties at home.

When I was a kid, I didn't have many activities, so went over a friend's home almost daily, or they came to my house (no homework then, either).

 

[Arabella1978]

That's exactly the kind of thing that happens with some playgroups here. It becomes a clique very quickly, and if you are not the "right" kind of person you are not invited. Working mom is generally included in not the "right" kind of person. Yet another part of why I quit trying to do playdates.

Yuck that stinks! That's why I only ever invite one mom over at time with her kiddos...blech who has time for cliques as a grownup?

You would be welcome at a playdate at my house princessmommy! Sometimes there is even wine involved! LOL! (Not too much of course, but hey a little wine does a mommy good sometimes!)

 

[princessmom29]

Yuck that stinks! That's why I only ever invite one mom over at time with her kiddos...blech who has time for cliques as a grownup?

You would be welcome at a playdate at my house princessmommy! Sometimes there is even wine involved! LOL! (Not too much of course, but hey a little wine does a mommy good sometimes!)

thanks for the vote of confidence. A little wine is definitely a GOOD thing!!

 

[mjkacmom]

That's exactly the kind of thing that happens with some playgroups here. It becomes a clique very quickly, and if you are not the "right" kind of person you are not invited. Working mom is generally included in not the "right" kind of person. Yet another part of why I quit trying to do playdates.

Working women usually aren't in playgroups, because they meet during the day. A huge downside to being a SAHM is the lack of adult interaction - it's tough!

 

[Ava]

20 years ago did our parents bring us to play dates, did we have endless after-school activities? Answer is probably no. And are any of us worse for this? I don't think so.

I most certainly got together with friends to play 20 years ago. I don't think anyone called them "playdates" back then, but it definitely happened. If I didn't have an activity after school (I did have 1 or 2 per week, even 20 years ago) I'd often play with neighborhood friends after school. Once I got to be 8 years old or so, my parents didn't really have anything to do with it except to grant or deny permission for me to go to X's house or for X to come to our house, or for me to go play outside somewhere in the neighborhood. Very informal. Meeting up with school friends was usually reserved for weekends or summers, since most of them lived a drive away. But again, the kids were the ones who requested these "dates" after we got to be 7 or 8 years old. Younger than that I did have one friend who lived in the house behind ours, so it was easy for us to just play in our backyards, since the yards connected. At 7 or 8 I started branching out & playing with other kids in the neighborhood, who were a range of ages.

I'm honestly not trying to be snarky, but do your kids attend birthday parties? If so, do you stay at those too? I would've been mortified at 8 years old if my mom insisted on staying at my classmate's birthday party.

 

[shaylahc1]

I'm late to this thread but I wanted to add my 2 cents. I have 4 kids so messes and chaos are no big deal here I love playdates so I can interact with other adults....but I only invite people I like over for playdates For example I have a neighbor I am very close to and our kids adore each other--she comes over for playdates at least once a week! I've had children or parents I didn't like as much and those kids I call "outside friends" If a child is overly destructive or mean they won't be invited back over.

OP I think you should give playdates a chance Yes it will be noisy and messy but it will make your kids very happy, and at your children's ages you will likely have an adult to chat with during the playdate. Some of the best friends I have made were parents I met through friends of my children

 

[ilovejack02]

And this would be the exact reason I HATE playgroups. I have enough on my plate to try and make sure Im the "right" kind of mommy to join in a little club. I have always wondered why/how such little kids become clique at such a young age, now I get it. Im so thankful that my kids know how to play with all kinds of kids, and not just perfect ones.

Who said perfect ? NOT I, I did say no kids who run wild and I do mean RUN WILD. None of our kids are perfect , not a one. LOL mine smacked a child the first cpl of weeks in and I handled it quickly, has he done it again in the 5 years we have been with this group, I am sure he has! We have kids who don't share well, sometimes hit or yell and generally misbehave that's how kids are from time to time but all of our mom's handle and don't expect others to do it or ignore. What we don't want, nor does anyone are to be with children who arent given ANY discipline and you know exactly what I am talking about.

We have families from all walks of life, some parents work, some dont, some are divorced and they are all SOOO different in the way they parent. The children go to a range of different schools, secular and non religious private, public and homeschooled .

It is a shame to lump all Mom's group together as being a horrible group to join.

 

[MrsBanks]

I'm honestly not trying to be snarky, but do your kids attend birthday parties? If so, do you stay at those too? I would've been mortified at 8 years old if my mom insisted on staying at my classmate's birthday party.

Yes, my children attend parties but ALL the parents stay. I guess that's just the norm where I am.

 

[lovinpoohbear]

I stay at parties since my son has nut allergies and asthma. I need to be present in case he needs medicaton. Besides that, I am not comfortable with leaving my son at a Chuck e cheese or wherever with minimal supervision.
1 or 2 adults cannot properly supervise 20+ children.

 

[Kae]

I am still shaking my head the OP thinks other kids Don't know how to play correctly. WOW

Kae

 

[Tiger926]

I am still shaking my head the OP thinks other kids Don't know how to play correctly. WOW

Kae

What are you referring to? I already explained that we have a very small circle of friends/relatives that we play with, and many of them are destructive and parents struggle with discipline and such, so it makes for awkward play times. This makes for problem play...Many of them aren't corrected or helped out during our playdates, so the problem play just continues for most of the session. A few of the kids I am referring to really don't know how to play well and that is not being mean at all. It is what it is. This has soured us to playdates, but DH and I have been discussing this, hence my thread. I have explained myself many times, and edited my original post as I left info out, and had included some confusing info. I was not feeling well at all yesterday, so I have corrected myself with further posts.

Just looking to hear from other families as playdates are hard for us with how they stand now. Our daughter will be graduating to a new school in Sept., and so we are excited for her to make some new friends. This will surely help the situation as it will allow her to make new friends and we will hopefully have some better playdate situations in the future. We still can't and don't feel that we need to schedule multiple dates each week, but as the kids get older, this will change, I'm sure.

Tiger

 

[drdes]

whats all this got to do with Disney?