Are we wrong?

[Toby]

Sorry I posted this on the wrong board -

Are my husband and I wrong to lay the guilt trip on my 20yo daughter to join us and her 17yo brother on the 7-day western cruise next summer. She has been on two previous Disney Cruises when she was younger, and now feels she's too "old" to go on another one. We try to take a "family" vacation every year, and I've tried to convince her that with the new Western itinerary, it will be a whole new adventure for her. Since this will be our 3rd Disney cruise, we've also told her that we don't expect her on any more. We went to Bermuda this summer, and we all reconnected as a family and had a ball. She hears the name, "Disney" and thinks - it's for little kids - there will be no one my age on board at all. My husband feels, as I do, we should all be together. And, my daughter is travelling with her college friends next summer, also. It's not like she's spending the entire summer with just us!! All we ask is one week.......help!

 

[MdmMim]

Toby...I just went through this 2 years ago. Your DD grew up, just like mine did. JMHO--I'd let her stay home. My DD absolutely refused to go on the cruise (used the same reasons your DD did). She still enjoys WDW--but with her friends now, not her family. I know exactly how you feel, but I figured family vacations were wonderful while they lasted--great times and great memories. For some reason, children insist on growing up and making their own path in life. Good luck.

 

[mmouse37]

Was your DD 18 when she last sailed???? If not the cruise will be a whole new experience for her now that she can attend the evening adult activites. That coupled with the Western Itinerary should give her a different cruise experience than before. Have you considered maybe inviting a friend of hers to come along. We did this with our son because he refused to go again. His friend paid his own way for the cruise (I paid his airfare and tips, my choice. I felt it was worth the piece of mind knowing my son was with us instead of home contemplating having house parties!!!!). Our son had a blast with his friend...they had run of the ship and were very well behaved, but truly enjoyed themselves. The cruise is great for teens when they have a friend with them. I know your DD is older, but the friend thing may work.

I know my DD loves the cruise even more now that she can attend all the adult activities. Every night she was in Rockin Bar D having a ball. She did not meet many others her age but she didn't care. We really bonded and had a great time together!!!

Good luck

MJ

MJ

 

[trishy]

this thread is bumming me out. Gosh the whole point of going on Disney vacations is for the family togetherness and bonding that seems to come with it. I'm going to get my girls on video promising me that when they are adults they will still vacation with us no matter if it's Disney or some other trip. I can't see how anyone would relate Disney to a kid trip - I've always thought of Disney as a family vacation. DCL is so totally different than a WDW vacation and better than some other cruise lines (no names mentioned here). I've been an adult for some time now (.....) and still love the Disney atmosphere. I know 100% that I would push and push (even bribe with extra spending $$$ on the cruise) to get my girls to go with us. Good luck - I hope it turns out well for you.

 

[floridaminnie]

Have you talked to her about what she can do on the ship and on port? For example at Cozumel you can do the Jeep excursion.

 

[pal2pluto]

All right, my 2 cents...........since you asked us for it.

My brother and I were extremely lucky as kids to go to WDW w/our family for 4 years running when it opened in the 70's. We all absolutely loved it. However, as adults (I'm 38, he's 42) we view Disney and family vacations w/our parents differently now.

My Mom, however much I love her, still wants to control our vacations to a point. When my daughter was 7, my parents decided it was time she see Disney World and offered to take her/pay her way. DH and I thought it was a wonderful idea and went along, paying our own way, of course.

My parents offered the same to my brother's son, and they turned down the offer. As much as he loved Disney when he was little, taking a "family vacation" w/our parents was not his idea of fun.

Don't get me wrong....there are great reasons to go w/my parents......reducing costs, letting them see the joy of the grandkids,.....but my mother likes to be in charge and can pull out the "I'm your mother, you will do what/when/if/as I say". A vacation with her is wonderful, but stressful. Good grief, I'm 38 and still having "mother issues"

All of this to say, maybe she needs the freedom to NOT go once in a while. If I were given a chance to decide for myself whether I went or not, I'd really appreciate it. If it were "expected" of me, and then made to feel guilty.....that is just so typical of the control my mom would use. If you all have a great time and she misses it, it's her decision. I wish my mom would treat me more like an adult sometimes.

Okay, I'll get off the couch now

 

[wovenwonder]

In April my DD loved the cruise as an 18 year old ADULT. We had cruised on DCL two previous times when she was still in the teen group and she loved it. Well she LOVED cruising as an adult even more --- and can't wait to go back again sometime. With that said -- she brought a friend along and they enjoyed the adult experience together. Had she not brought a friend -- I really think she would not have a had a very good time. We opted for adjoining cat#10 [secret porthole] rooms. With Hubby and I in one room and DD, DDF, and DS[13] in the adjoining room. It was great to have a room alone for myself and DH -- and the 'kids' enjoyed having a little bit of freedom also.

If your DD cannot have the option of bringing a friend -- then I would not make her go along. Why make the trip miserable for the entire family!

 

[Toby]

Thanks so much for everyone's input - my daughter's funny - she's more than willing to travel with us every summer to places she's never been, and doesn't have to bring a friend. She always tells us she's had a wonderful time, and the vacation is strictly low key. We thought she'd be happy to see Cozumel and the Grand Cayman islands, as none of us has ever been there....guess she's "disneyed" out. My husband who has lost his mother recently, as well as two aunts he was very close to this past year, is now "alone" with no close relatives - thus the need for the "family" to be together - this is our last Disney cruise with the kids - unless they beg us to go again!! If they ever go to Alaska, my husband and I would go alone...

My daughter said after this past trip this summer, '"so where should we go next summer? Go figure!!

 

[pal2pluto]

Sounds like you have a great relationship (envy, envy:wink. Perhaps you could let her know you have a deadline to know in order to book a room? That gives her the option of thinking it over, but knowing that she has to make a final decision, and it's her decision.

 

[TeensMom]

I disagree that being an "adult" will automatically make it a totally different cruise and that she will enjoy it. We sat at a table with another family who had a young adult daughter (college age). She was too old for the Common Grounds activities and really didn't feel comfortable with the adult bars and lounges. She was very sweet and never complained but didn't really look like she was having fun. Often as DH and I were roaming ship late at night we would see her with parents walking around. Several days she told us she just went to bed early.

We plan on taking our daughter again next year when she will be an "adult" but we have already invited her best friend (we are paying for cruise as graduation present for both girls. Friend's family will pay incidentals, extras, etc.).

 

[Cruise]

Toby,

You've mentioned a couple of times your desire for "one more family vacation" but your daugher's unwillingness to go on another Disney cruise. Is changing vacation plans an option? If the time together is the really important thing, maybe you could ask your daughter what she would like to do instead and see if it's agreeable with everyone else. Maybe she and your DS could come up with something equally as fun

Julie

 

[BethC1952]

Our son went through the "not cool to vacation with your parents" thing, and now we travel together a lot. We even went with him and his wife on their honeymoon (honest, although we stayed at the same hotel we did have different rooms! Hey, it was Las Vegas...)LOL.

We have a great time together (although we also take separate vacations) and have decided that, at least for the foreseeable future, we will take one family trip together each year to WDW and on the cruise. We can't do it this year because my son forgot to arrange the vacation time, but it's all planned for 2003!

Beth

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, another humble opinion here.
Of course, without knowing you and your family personally, it is impossible to give good input. It may be that your daughter is just temporarily Disney'd out... Going thru the 'I just want to do my own thing'. And, I have heard of several 18-20 year olds who were not quite comfortable in the adult bars, etc. Especially alone. And, face it, for most of that age, adult partying with mom and dad may not hold hold much appeal. How can you let loose and have a great time with Mommy and Daddy looking over your shoulder.
Also, perhaps there are other plans on the horizon for your 20 year old. Yep, at that age, they really do begin to get their own life! Is there a significant other involved?

Whatever her reasons, I feel like the 'guilt trip' is the wrong way to go. I would keep it totally positive. There will always be other opportunities for time together as a family. But, in the near future the family will grow, with spouses and children! Looks like the definition of 'Family Vacation' is now changing for your family!!! (the key word being 'NOW' not after just one more cruise please.)

Here is my personal experience. My Husband and myself vacationed several times with his parents, who own a timeshare week that they use to travel to different places each year. Well, we have decided NOT to vacation with them again, because of the 'Family' and 'Guilt' issues. We would take the time off and money to travel, and then do NOTHING at all with them, because with our DS, they simply did not want to compromise and spend time doing anything that you can easily do with a toddler. They wanted us to do what they wanted to do, and drag a toddler along, with no special considerations for travelling with a toddler (feeding, naps, changing, etc...) They also had no consideration for any private vacation time for DH and myself.... They refused to adjust their idea of the Family Vacation to include myself and our young son, so now there are no more Family Vacations at all !! their loss!!

Hope this helps.
If you're lucky, maybe she will make a decision to join you after all!!

 

[taswira]

<B>Toby</B> - Perhaps your daughter really <I>would</I> enjoy another Disney cruise with the family, but is thinking she might be too embarrassed to tell her friends! Unless her friends have cruised DCL, they might not understand that it is not "just for kids." If <I>that</I> is the problem, it seems the only solution <I>would</I> be to have her bring along a friend.

I do think those 18 to 20 may sometimes feel in limbo. They don't want to hang out with younger teens, but they don't want to sit in a nightclub watching their parents and other folks drinking! Maybe she sees a scenario of no one asking her to dance because she is "guarded" by her parents. If she does go with you, she would probably be miserable if it had to be 100% "family time." Although she has cruised DCL with you before, have you shown her the current brochure and video and emphasized the "adult" activities they show?

 

[MDDisneyFan]

My DH and I took a WDW vacation when my son was 20. I asked if he wanted to go along and he declined. Although I was very dissapointed at not having a family vacation (the vacation was for the milenium and had been booked for 7 years!), at 20 I felt he had a say in how he spent his winter break from college. I believe that part of his reluctance was the independence streak that some college kids go through.

I didn't feel it right to demand that a 20 year old go. And, we have plenty of other memories throughout the years. Bottom line - my son was happy and that's what's most important to me.

 

[DISNEYGATOR]

Hmmm... I think she might be reluctant, but once she gets there, she will change her mind. I have just passed that "age" (24 now) and I never wanted to do the family vacations at first, but I always had fun once I was there, and looking back I am glad I did them, because you never know what is going to happen. We did a family trip to D.C during the summer when I was 19 and I did not want to go. 4 months later, my grandfather passed away. Looking back I have some great memories from that trip with him.

Besides.. you are paying, and its just one week in her life, and she has hundreds of weeks left. Maybe promise her a spa treatment or two. It's a week of laying around on beachs, by pool decks, eating great food, getting pampered and meeting interesting people! Maybe try to sell it to her that way, instead of that it is a family vacation.

I think she should go though, and this is coming from someone close to her age. Just my two cents..

 

[Hygiene99]

TOBY if DD does not want to go , i will it will be like the son u never had,,, sorry im 36 will i do? we went on The May11,2002 inagural cruise and we had a blast .....................
and i think she would also .... may be she will reconsider
peter

 

[gometros]

I know exactly how you feel, since I have a very similar situation. I have a 20-year old son, an 18-year old and 15-year old daughter. Getting the girls to go is not the issue (as a matter of fact one reason we're doing this is cause the 15-year old laid so much guilt on us when we went by ourselves last November . My 18-year old daughter is even thinking of doing the college program and wants to pursue the 5-month program that starts in August so as not to miss the trip.

My son, on the other hand, is a different story. He plays ultimate frisbe both for club and college and there is a big tournament the weekend we would be away. He has suggesetd he would rather go to that than enjoy 4 days at WDW and a 7-day cruise to Cozomel and Grand Cayman. Go Figure!