Are we crazy...thinking of baby #4?

[bjscheel]

DH and I both came from families of 4 kids and it was a nice amount. I was the tail-ender so I got the benefit of having 3 siblings and of having my parents to myself from 7th grade on. It's nice to have the big family at Christmas and birthdays- it would seem so dinky to only have say my sister and I.

That said, we have 2 girls and while DH would love to have a boy I just can't decide if we should. I am currently not covered for maternity so better not be any accidents! I did fine during pg but post-delivery was a problem both times. The daycare here is always full for babies. Both girls have their own room and having another would make them share. Both are now in school (first day of Kindergarten today!) and I will have my days off from p-t job to myself (to eBay and plan for Disney)...the reasons not to go on and on.

However, we are considering adopting a boy from foster care when the girls are older. Why should I risk my health to make a baby when there are kids that need rescued, I guess! We shall see. Problem is, I don't feel equipped to handle one with major problems.

 

[1princessX2princes]

I think that you "know" when you have enough kids. After I had my second, I just still wanted one more child. After my 3rd though, I knew I was done. I can handle three but I realized I could not handle anymore than 3. I always wondered how people could decide to have 1, 2, or even 4 but after my experience I just felt like for the most part you know what you can handle (of course sometimes we don't get to choose if we get to have more or if we are really "done"). From everything I've read in your post it sounds like you are ready for 1 more! Good luck!

 

[THESCHULTZFIVE]

We currently have 3 beautiful little boys, 8 1/2, 7 and almost 3. We are seriously considering having another child (the lure of the little girl ).

I feel like I am having a constant battle between my emotions and my logic. My heart tells me that I want another child, but my head says "are you nuts". The reasons against having a baby are so very minor and trivial that they are almost not worth mentioning, ie: always have to rent a large car on vacation (We rarely rent a car!), always have to get two rooms at a hotel (we own DVC!), have to "start" over (I am already doing the mom thing, might as well add one more!), that much more time before I go back to work (who am I kidding, I never planned on going back to work ), etc.

So, for those of you with larger families, do you have any advice? My DH is going on a 6 month deployment starting at the end of November. Maybe I should just throw caution to the wind (so to speak) for the next few months and see what God has in store for us.

help, drowning in my indecisiveness...

You may feel alot better about your situation after you read this.

We have 3 DDs. When my DD9was 5 we had my DD4(there was a miscarriage in between). That was great. Then when DD4 was 2, we had DD2(does that make sense?). That was hard. I'm kind of a small person(5 ft tall and about 105lbs when NOT pregnant) and when I'm pregnant I gain all my weight in the front. It's all stomach and chest. Eevryone would ask me if I'm going to fall over(hahaha). I was tired from running after my DD who was 2 carrying all this extra weight around(about 40 lbs). I told DH that I didn't think I could do it anymore. He always wanted 4 kids(his family is 4 boys and 1 girl). We decided that he would get a vasectomy right after she was born. Fast forward to now 2 1/2 years later and we considering reversing it and having another. Like you, I have that feeling of something(or rather someone) missing. It's not a gender thing, but it may be a number thing. My mother was so disappointed with my stopping at an odd number of children(I have to remind her that she had 1 which last time I checked was an odd number). As they've gotten older though, sometimes 2 will be playing something together, or dancing together, and someone is left out. Yes they could all play or dance or whatever alltogether, but it dosen't work out that way. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are not crazy for feeling that. BTW my cousin is preg. with baby #5 . When we get the kids together it is a total blast. We always say we could have a party with just our 2 families. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[BikeFan]

DW and I have 4 . . . and no regrets about it. Of course, we're both from families of 5, so 4 still seems like a 'small' number!

 

[rt2dz]

Can't help but to want to throw my two cents in. I have DS5, DS2, DS1 and am going to start working on baby #4 as soon as I loose these last 8 lbs or Thanksgiving--whichever comes first, hopefully the 8 lbs.

Before we got married DH wanted 2 and I wanted 4. We compromised on 3. I still really wanted 4 though, and wonderful that DH is, he said he'd go for 4 if and only if it was 3 boys or 3 girls.

Well, I've had rotten pregnancies. Morning sickness so bad I was dehydrated and hospitilized. And I had morning sickness from conception to birth with #1 & #3; #2 was from conception to 6 1/2 months. I was on bedrest with #2 (and had a 2yo). #1 & #3 required limited activity. When pregnant with #3, I couldn't even pick up #2 (and they're just over 1 year apart). With #2, I had preterm labor that started very early, we were praying to just make it to 26 weeks (that's part of the bedrest thing). And much, much more. To top it off, I can't seem to deliver. All were born via c-section. With DS#1, both he AND I almost died. None of these things have detered me from another.

The first time I was pregnant, I said it was only going to be one. But once he was born (and I was more than just slightly conscience), I wanted a dozen. The payoff is worth it.

I did consider stopping after 3. I HATE being pregnant, and think people who enjoy it might be a bit insane... But, I knew if I didn't have baby #4, someday I'd regret it. I read somewhere where someone knew nobody who ever regretted having that last baby, but many people who regretted not having just one more.

I'll know I'm done when I don't box up the baby clothes and think, I want to see them worn again. Or when I don't box up the swings and exersaucer, but donate them to the women's shelter. When between babies I'm not looking at the upgraded highchairs, strollers and other paraphernalia thinking, won't that be nice next time.

Am I going for a girl? No. It's a 50-50 chance. And really, would my life be any better if those boys of mine were a girl? Absolutely not. I love and adore those boys and can't think of anything better than another boy, if that is what is in store for us. Besides, that would mean all new clothes, new toys, activities were equipment wouldn't be able to be passed down, etc, etc. Not that a girl wouldn't be welcomed... I'll just save my prayers for a happy, healthy child and love whatever comes my way.

 

[grlpwrd]

Good Luck and I think the above says it all.

Sooo true!

We have 5. Our 1yo was a complete surprise, but I don't have any regrets. Our family is complete.

GL in whatever you decide!

 

[mamacatnv]

Are we crazy....thinking of baby #4?

Yep, but everyone has their own definition of crazy

 

[ncmomof2]

We just had #3 (she is 6 weeks today) I have not ruled out 4 but my hubby has! We will see! Good luck!

 

[scanne]

Just when I thought I had come to terms with my decision to stop at 2 kids, I read this thread.

Look, if it is within your means financially (and it sounds like it is) and it's in your heart, then you should see what happens and try for that 4th blessing.

I really do want a third baby, but for us, there are two very good GOOD reasons not to.

1. I had gestational diabetes with my 2 previous pregnancies.
2. Financially having 3 in day care would be a hardship.


If I win the lottery ( ) then I might really push DH into changing his mind about #3. But I have to come to terms with reality.

I hope you can go forth and bring that 4th child into your life. I wish you the best!

 

[babynurse1]

I always felt like something was missing after baby #3, people said I just wanted to have a sister for my daughter, but I could have cared less if it was a boy or a girl. After our 4th child was born, I felt our family was complete. I still miss a newborn, but its just so expensive raising kids these days!
4 is harder than 3 at first, only because you have a newborn added to the mix with other small children (in most cases). Once the baby got a little bigger, it wasn't much different from 3. We love our even numbers! As I've said before on the boards, everybody has a riding partner at WDW!

 

[Merriwind]

I think that every woman knows somehow what number is right for her. I never thought mine would be one, but having an only daughter has been perfect for us. Everybody's different. Best wishes!

 

[makinorlando]

- but that's coming from someone with only one who wasn't born until I was 39, and who I've been raising alone since my ex-DH split up when she was 5 months old.

I admire all those of you with more than one who can keep it all together. I don't know if I could have handled more than one!

(I'm having enough trouble with the multiple pets!)

 

[Tinker53]

I say go for it and if its not a baby girl, trust me you will be happy! I have four wonderful boys. the second one was a big surprise being his older brother was only 3 months old when I found out I was pg. again but they are the best of friends. (now 13 and 12) Having 2 more (Now 9 and 7) was just wonderful. there is never dulll moment in our home. Life is busy but I wouldn't have it any other way. We have fun together and I love having all boys. I figured if I had a girl after having 3 boys around she would more likely do more boy stuff anyway.

You sound like you have already made your choice just needed to hear some friendly advice. Good luck!!!

 

[las3888]

No answers for you whatsoever, and at this point, I have only 1 DC, but I can certainly share your indecisiveness. I am torn about having another, but I am old, and DH is old too...both in our 40's...it's been a long road getting to where we are with DS and I don't think either of us can stomach the worry/problems that go along with having another one (for us), but I still think about it. Can't rule it out just yet. My basement is full of all my DS's clothes, toys, baby things, etc. Just can't part with it YET!

Good luck with your decision!

 

[3princes1princess]

From a personal standpont, I say go for it. I had 3 wonderful sons (10,6,2) at the time. I wasn't sure if I was ready to be through, but we had kinda decided that we should be satisfied with our sons. i always wanted a girl, though, so I was kinda sad...seemed like everyone i knew was having a girl. Long story short, my in-laws live in Gulfport, MS and we went to help after Hurricane Katrina and we worked our hearts out( because my SIL was newly pregnant and couldn't do anything (like hard labor), so i thought stress was NOT bringing my monthly time. The day we got home, after a week of no toilets, electricity, hard work, hot, tiredness, you name it, we found out we were PREGNANT!!! I was shocked!!!! Cancelled Disney trip, horribly sick, but had our daughter in MAY...best thing that ever happened to us. We would have been thrilled with another boy, but now we KNOW we're done. I am finally actually getting rid of maternity clothes, something i kinda always held onto. If you both agree, then let nature's take it's course. I agree with others that say you might regret it one day. good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[jenjersnap]

We are going through a similar decision process here. Granted, my littlest guy is still pretty "new", but I am getting up there in years so, if we had a 4th, it would be sooner rather than later.

If we do have a 4th, we'll be doing microsorting to help the odds of having a girl. That said, I LOVE my boys and would be thrilled with a healthy baby of any gender, but a little help from science is appropriate for us in a quest for gender balancing. For me, the longing is strong and sad since we lost our second child, a DD, at birth due to a severe heart defect.

Good luck making your decision! I believe, as others have said, knowing you can afford more kids is key and that you will know when your family is complete (at least, I hope so ... I need that feeling to hit me like a ton of bricks after another one, LOL)

 

[mom_of_5]

I have to throw my two cents in here. If you already have 3 you are used to all the stuff you have to do any way, why not add another now when they are all still young. I have met many larger families lately, maybe I am more aware of them since I have 5 kids myself. It is not that hard, if you are organized and somewhat patient and calm. The more the merrier right?? We just go back from a week of DW and DH keep insisting for the last 6 months we needed to bring a nanny with us, there was no way we could do this alone. Well we did and it was fine we survived and even had fun. Go for it now, Good luck.
son 11 (has austism)
son 9
son 6
son 4
daughter 1 1/2

 

[2Princes2Princesses]

I had my 1st 2 kids a girl and a boy they are 2 1/2 years apart. everybody told me that I had the perfect family. That I would be crazy to have any more. Well I had that feeling that somebody was missing. Thinking that feeling would go away I let years pass. They feeling got more intense. And yes of course that biological clock was ticking. So when oldest dd was 12 and ds 9 I had our 3rd.

Ahhh a kindred spirit. My 4 kids are 13, 11, 3 and almost 2!!! My friends and family seriously considered having me committed when I decided to have #3. Our youngest was a bit of a "surprise."

I love my crazy house!!! I think the age gap works in our house, I get to do such different things with each of the kids.

To the OP, my cousin once told me that some things in life you can never be sure of.....having more kids is one of them. It may be great, it may be not so great. In my case, the chaos is part of "home" for me. The sheer volume in my house is amazing. Nothing is EVER where I put it, and someone is always in the bathroom or on the phone when I need it. I LOVE every minute of it. You have 3 boys already, so things like messes and such are obviously not an issue for you. So if you and your DH feel that one more child would complete your family, go for it. You might be crazy....but you will need to be with 4!!!

I am PROUDLY out of my mind.

 

[SILLYANDI]

We currently have 3 beautiful little boys, 8 1/2, 7 and almost 3. We are seriously considering having another child (the lure of the little girl ).

I feel like I am having a constant battle between my emotions and my logic. My heart tells me that I want another child, but my head says "are you nuts". The reasons against having a baby are so very minor and trivial that they are almost not worth mentioning, ie: always have to rent a large car on vacation (We rarely rent a car!), always have to get two rooms at a hotel (we own DVC!), have to "start" over (I am already doing the mom thing, might as well add one more!), that much more time before I go back to work (who am I kidding, I never planned on going back to work ), etc.

So, for those of you with larger families, do you have any advice? My DH is going on a 6 month deployment starting at the end of November. Maybe I should just throw caution to the wind (so to speak) for the next few months and see what God has in store for us.

help, drowning in my indecisiveness...

we have four and wouldn't want it any other way. We didn't feel "done" with #3 (even though he was the boy we wanted!). Regardless of the opinions of EVERYONE around us-we went ahead and had #4 . I think everybody has that magic number, for some it is 1 child, for others it is 8. DH summed it up this way "if we can't say with 100% clarity that we are finished having kids-then that means we're not done!" About 3 weeks after #4 was born we could bothsay with 100% clarity that we are "DONE"!

 

[hipporina]

Personally, I love having a big family. We went from 4 to 8 in July when we got a sibling group of 4 to adopt. We really enjoyed being a family of 6, but we didn't feel like we were finished adopting. When God sent the newest 4 into our lives, our first reaction was FOUR!!!!!!! NO WAY!!!!! But obviously, we fell in love and changed our minds. Now that we have been a family of 10 for a while, I wouldn't have it any other way. There are times that it is difficult, especially with all of our kids' special needs, but it is so much fun and so rewarding.

A large family has so many benefits. The kids always have someone to play with, which is great for them. As the mom, I enjoy having so many kids to love! Each child is so unique and has such wonderful characteristics, that I couldn't imagine life without any of them.

If you don't feel like your family is complete, it probably isn't. We aren't sure whether we are done yet or not. For the moment we are, so that is all I'm worrying about. Don't be afraid of the changes it brings, it is all worth it. Plus, after 2 years of having 4 kids, I can tell you it is a great number. Good luck with making your decision!