Are Thank You notes passe???

[DisneyJen0504]

If I am given a gift, I give a thank you note. It takes two seconds to show my appreciation.

 

[stephbillalec]

We have never recieved a thank-you note from a childs birthday party and my kids are older. We always have sent thank-you notes for gifts, even at christmas to family that was there when the gifts were open, but never to kids after a childs party and like I said, we have never recieved one either.

Kids do not open gifts at "kid" parties here. I really can't understand how parents can not send a thank you note after their child has opened his/her gifts to let the giver know they liked it. The only "thank you" given at the party is "thanks for coming", not "thanks for the ______________".

Please tell me it's the norm where you live for kids to open the gifts at the party and then I won't have a heart attack!

 

[Ember]

I expect a thank you. Yep, that's right, I expect it. It's come up on these boards before that you shouldn't have to say thank you for a gift, because giving a gift should have no expectations. But if I have spent my time and money on someone, I darn well expect a word of appreciation. Otherwise next time there will be no gift. I don't give gifts to entitled brats who feel they deserve them just for breathing and feel no need to show their appreciation. As you can see, I feel very strongly about this.

That said, I don't care how the thank you comes. In person, by e-mail, text message, phone call, or in a card. I love mail and stationary, so I love getting thank you cards, but they are not necessary so long as the thank you has been said. For weddings and formal events, I think they're pretty important as it's usually the only way you know the gift was received. It's also traditional in these cases.

As for me, I send out many thank you cards. As I said, I enjoy them.

 

[AristocatFan]

I've wondered the same thing. Last summer we sent flowers/items to four different funerals and never received one thank you note! I know they were received because I saw them at the funeral home.

Now on the other hand, we've had several weddings and graduations and thank you notes were all done, sent/received. As for birthdays, thank you notes are sent/received only if the person is not thanked in person or called.

 

[Ember]

I've wondered the same thing. Last summer we sent flowers/items to four different funerals and never received one thank you note! I know they were received because I saw them at the funeral home.

I give funerals and grieving families a lot of leeway. This is one time when I do not expect a thank you. I hope my gesture is taken well, and reminds the family that they are loved and supported. When you are trying to cope with the crushing grief of losing someone plus the endless list of things you need to do when someone dies, the very last thing I would want the family thinking about was thank you's.

I know when my mum died in March I didn't sent thank you's for probably the first time in my life. I appreciated the gesture, but just getting up and facing each day was an heroic effort. I could barely feed myself, let alone attend to social niceties. I really hope everyone understood and no one felt slighted.

 

[clh2]

In April - we had a very last-minute party for DD's 16th b-day. Then 2-months of very busy activities. (She was in a competitive sport, went to a national level of competition for a creative problem solving team, a show week, then exams). She finally got to her TY's the last day of her exams. She felt bad about taking so long to get out her TY's, but still did them. She even included a TY to one of my aunts who sent her a lovely letter, just to thank her for "thinking about her" on her special day.

I will say - she normally has her TY's done within a day or two she recieves a gift. I don't even have to nag her anymore (and haven't for years.) Really - it only takes a couple of minutes per thank you note. I don't have the opportunity to see them anymore (DD does the envelopes now.) But when DD was about 9 or 10, my parents gave her a video rocker for Christmas. Part of her TY stated: If I knew that would have been so fun, I would have asked for one years ago.

One year, DD took all her b-day money and used it to buy something big - a rolltop desk. For her TY's, she took a picture of her by the desk, and printed it out on cardstock, and wrote her note on that. Everyone loved seeing specifically what she bought, especially since it was a mojor purchase. The desk is massive.

 

[AristocatFan]

I give funerals and grieving families a lot of leeway. This is one time when I do not expect a thank you. I hope my gesture is taken well, and reminds the family that they are loved and supported. When you are trying to cope with the crushing grief of losing someone plus the endless list of things you need to do when someone dies, the very last thing I would want the family thinking about was thank you's.

I know when my mum died in March I didn't sent thank you's for probably the first time in my life. I appreciated the gesture, but just getting up and facing each day was an heroic effort. I could barely feed myself, let alone attend to social niceties. I really hope everyone understood and no one felt slighted.

I totally understand that aspect of it and have been there. Lost mom and grandparents all a month apart. The supplies are given by the funeral home and family/friend took care of them. Just having four not received I thought was odd.

 

[::Snow_White::]

There is hardly ever thank you notes sent in my area unless a gift or something is coming through the mail, then we will either call the person or send them a thank you note. I would much rather be told thank you in person and that is normally what happens around here. I have never been given a thank you note. Only my close family and friends give me gifts for my birthday and they are all present so I tell them thank you, but I do not send them notes. Wedding, graduations, or parties like that, I would send out thank you notes to everyone.

If I cannot thank someone in person then I will gladly send out a thank you note. A woman that my family is friends with gave us tickets to see a show, and since I did not get to see her in person, I did send her a thank you note and told her how great the show was. She loved it.

 

[tchrchgo]

I do find it funny though when folks are rude about other folks not having what they feel are "manners".

I hardly think posting a question about thank you notes to be rude behavior! I certainly hope you were not referring to my original post. Especially since I did not say anything to the gift recipients, I merely posed an innocent question online!

 

[bicker]

It takes two seconds to show my appreciation.

It takes me at least two minutes to find a pen! More like twenty minutes most of the time.

I hardly think posting a question about thank you notes to be rude behavior! I certainly hope you were not referring to my original post.

Nope, my comment was a general observation about discussions about manners. You can generally tell when I'm saying something in response to something else; I'll

it.

The kind of thing I'm referring to is when Person A aims to make Person B look bad, or feel bad, about doing (or not doing) something that Person A think "people" should (or shouldn't) do. Good manners is the practice of making other people look good or feel good, not making other people look bad or feel bad.

 

[Rora]

I always send a thank you note but rarely expect to receive one if I'm the gift giver.

Born and raised in the South.. maybe that has something to do with it?

 

[marcyinPA]

I'm a preschool teacher, and I receive A LOT of gifts from students for Christmas and at the end of the school year. I always send a thank you note to their home addressed to them and their family. The children I teach are 2/3 year olds, but I still think it is important to show my gratitude!

I had 29 thank you notes to write when the school year ended at the end of May....I'm a little embarrassed to say that I'm still working on them...but I've been really busy with my own kids. My goal is to have them done and in the mail by the end of June.

As for thanking family and friends for personal gifts...yes, I do. I send a hand-written note. I also send a thank you note if we are invited for a special meal/occasion (like we were invited to my SIL's to celebrate several big events last weekend. She had a wonderful meal, and hosted several family members. I sent her a note telling her what a great time we had, and thanked her for having us).

My kids are getting a little harder in this dept...my oldest sends his thanks via email, which I don't particularly like, but if that's the only way he's going to send a note, then so be it. My youngest I have to harp on until he writes his out, but I think it's important that he show his appreciation.

 

[Disney Doll]

I enjoy receiving a thank you. I don't care if it's written, texted, emailed or a phone call.

I do think that for occasions such as weddings, showers etc, a written thank you is nice.

I also think society in general is losing our sense of propriety and class. Too much Jerry Springer...

 

[Mrs.Reese]

I think sending a thank you note is a way to show that you have class and manners. To not send one looks as though you are an ungrateful, spoiled brat even if you are not. Then again I was a debutante.

 

[minkydog]

I always send a thank you note but rarely expect to receive one if I'm the gift giver.

Born and raised in the South.. maybe that has something to do with it?

Me too. I wouldn't think of not sending a thank you note! That's just good manners.

Now, I don't usually expect a thank you note from others. In the last 20 years I could probably count of two hands how many thank yous I've received. I do appreciate when they at least email or call me to let me know they got the present. I have cut off my niece and nephews after they turned 18. None of them have every acknowledged a gift in any way, so I feel no obligation to recognize them on birthdays or Christmas. I'm not snotty about it, but hey! they're adults now. They can just deal with it. I do have one niece,12, who never fails to write thank you notes. I know my sister makes her, as I did my own kids, but I'm really glad she does it.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Thank you notes are definitely a big thing in my group, as are any form for written things. Most of us love arts & crafts so any chance we get to show off something, we do so.