AP author essay: The Over-Parenting Crisis

[Jacksmom99]

Well said Eyeores wife!! I've even heard of kids being suspended from school for bringing a butter knife to cut a pan of brownies What is wrong with that. Some schools forbid home made snacks. If a kid pulled the fire alarm (not that that is a good thing to do), they might be suspended. My DD 13 at the time was called into the principles office and questioned by the principle and a police officer about a situation where a girl in her class accused a boy of sexual molestation (in the class DD was in). The accusor is a drama queen and has accused other people of trying to kill her because they had green dots on their hands. Anyway, I was never informed by the school. I found out about it from my DD. I really think if a police officer was going to question my daughter even as a witness then I should be at least notified, but this girl was not molested. This was all over reaction.

Schools forbid homemade foods because of the severity of food allergies. The school can't ensure proper food handling and cross-contaminations procedures of homemade items. All the food items for classroom celebrations in our school have to have the ingredient list checked by the nurse.

I may be incorrect, but I believe the school's hands are tied as far as the punishment due for a pulled fire alarm. I think there may be state or federal guidelines for this. And not to mention the cost to the town for the manpower and resources for responding to a false alarm. Children should be punished severely for pulling false alarms. Suspensions (in house) I don't like out of school suspensions unless physical altercations were involved, as well as community service, fines, etc.

No child should ever be questioned by the police without parents the parents being notified! I would definitely have issue with the school over that one.

I work in a very affluent town where several of the parents fight the kids battles, never let them make mistakes, and refuse to consider that their "precious" prince or princess should have to follow the same consequences as the rest of the school population. I always wonder where these kids will be when mom and dad aren't around to fight or run interference for them. These children believe that they are better than others, entitled to special treatment, and expect that they don't have to follow the same playbook as the rest of us. They have not, however, learned coping skills or problem solving skills, as well as the age old lesson "we learn from our mistakes". These children never make mistakes, so apparently they have nothing to learn. (well according to their parents)

I have to battle my DS9 to get homework done and packed appropriately into his backpack. IF he doesn't get something done because he forgot to write in his agenda book or left the necessary item at school, I make him email his teacher explaining why said assignment wasn't done, and when he will get it done the next day on his own time (before school, recess, etc.). I will not hand deliver the forgotten item to school or make excuses for him.

 

[leebee]

My DH teaches chemistry at the college/university level. It isn't uncommon for him to get phone calls from his student's parents, complaining about why my DH gave the kid a bad grade (duh, the kid earned the grade), or something equally ridiculous. THAT's how these kids turn out when they leave high school- daddy STILL fights the battles for them. He also has students who want credit on multiple choice questions because, even if they do not choose the correct answer, they strike out ones they know are not correct. "I knew that wasn't the answer so I should get credit for it." This is inverted logic; you cannot answer the question asked but you should receive credit for providing unasked information?

IMO: Many times I see kids who are over-indulged, pampered, and self-centered, who don't know how to be responsible for their actions. Children need to be taught how to be self-sufficient, and that doesn't mean parents should fight the battles, or simply do things, for the kid. We also are overinvested in self-esteem. Many studies have shown that while US high school students score mediocre grades in math, science, and reading, they consistently score at the top in self-esteem. Huh. Remember when only the winning team got the trophy? There are lessons to be learned by not winning, but if everyone wins all the time, we are fostering a generation that is satisfied with mediocrity. "I tried so I should get credit for it." (yes, another excuse DH hears). Kids also need to learn that their actions have consequences for which THEY are responsible. It's not up to Daddy to straighten it out; it isn't the professor failing you; just because someone doesn't do their end of a group project isn't an excuse for you not doing yours.

I don't know how it's all going to end, or what can really be done. When I went to school, it was basically, "sit down, be quiet, do your work", and if we didn't there were consequences. I rarely see consequences (i'm an ed tech in a K-8 setting); instead we have to find out why something was done, why it wasn't done, how can the child be motivated to do something,etc. I see fewer and fewer parents who draw a line in the sand which will NOT be crossed without consequences. Parenting is hard. It's not fun to enforce rules on a child (and I'm not talking corporeal punishment, let's not go there...consequences, not punishment), and it's hard to be consistent, especially when you feel like you are consistently the bad guy. But jeez, what are the options? You're sure not doing your kid any favors if it's to the point where you call the professor or department chairperson to complain when your kid's in COLLEGE- and yet, it's NOT uncommon.