Anyone's DH addicted to video games?

[hentob]

I have to schedule our life around his computer game. Heaven forbid I plan ANYTHING for Sat nights-- the all-important raid night!! He comes home from work, says hi to me & the kids, and sits down & plays until midnight. On weekends it's until 2 am or so. The server he plays on is a west coast server (he runs a guild w/ his brother, who is lives near Seattle) so most people he plays with are able to stay up later. It definitely affects family life.

Maybe my standards are too high, but you say in your original post that he is a wonderful father. How is this so

 

[luvmyboys]

No, you're right.... It isn't right to say he is a wonderful husband & father these days, though I love him dearly & know he has the potential to go back to being so! I do tend to make excuses for him now. (and am going to again right now!) He has had a terrible 6 months at work, and is basically trapped in this job until I am out of school.

Though he has long been an avid gamer, this all-hours of the day & night obsession has only been for the past 6 months. So, I guess in my mind, he is still the wonderful father he used to be, but is just trapped in this addiction if you will... He still manages to spend time with our older son (like playing catch w/ him for half an hour today) but basically ignores the baby unless I ask him to watch him for a while...

Still working up the courage to talk to him about it. Us non-confrontational people aren't very skilled at laying down the law!

 

[FreshTressa]

There is an add in a magazine of a guy whose care is floor to ceiling games from all platforms...that is what my house looks like.

 

[ceiligh1]

My DH is currently addicted to Oblivion, before that it was the beta version of Final Fantasy. He has several games lined up to take Oblivion's place once he is done. He has always been like this. Before we were married he would come home from work and play until it was time to go to sleep, so the 2 hours or so every other day is actually an improvement. Now with the Xbox 360 he actually talks with his best friend from high school while he plays so at least he interacts with a human. I am used to it now, but I must say I was angry last night when he snapped at me for daring to talk to him during a cut scene that could not be replayed. Sometimes I worry that he doesn’t quite know the difference between the real world and the computer world.

He has a stressful job and uses the games as stress relief. Other than the occasional geek fest in our living room it doesn’t really impact me much. He always asks before he plays so I can always say that I want to do something with him. That said who designed a game that doesn’t allow you to replay a scene? I don’t know how many times we have pissed each other off because I walked in front of it or asked him a question, cant they put in a pause button.

 

[hentob]

Still working up the courage to talk to him about it. Us non-confrontational people aren't very skilled at laying down the law!

I don't think you have to "lay Down the Law". If he was once a good father and you know "he'll be back", I bet you just talking to him and telling him how you feel would work. He will probably be mortified at how you feel and try to change immediately.

Another idea is to make weekend plans and then tell him. "Hey Sweetie, we are going miniature golfing and then for ice cream this w/end. The kids are so excited! We'll be leaving @ 6pm--Be ready!" Do you think that will work

 

[Planogirl]

A lot of this is probably due to his work situation. It's important to have an escape valve when things gets stressful IMO.

Invite him to do things with you! I bet that he would be happy to set aside the game for a while.

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

I am a "recovering" Civ gamer. I never did get upto 40+ hours a week, but I remember way too many nights when I stayed up until 3am trying to win that next battle. Games sure are fun, but I am glad I got off of them, I know that it created extra tension in the household.

 

[Lynn CC]

I think it's a harmless outlet, try to look at it in a positive way. He could be looking at internet porn or out at a bar until all hours of the evening like some husbands!
My DH (we've been married 24 years) likes to golf. There are some weekends when he's in tournaments that he's gone both days most of the day. I know he works hard and needs that outlet and he enjoys playing. He comes home afterwards we eat dinner together and then he's so tired he usually falls asleep! LOL

Maybe you can move your computer into the room he's playing WoW on or get a wireless hookup and move a laptop by him or something. This way you can DIS or do other things and still be together, or you can learn how to play WOW and get your own account and show him a thing or two! LOL

My DS who is 19 likes WOW and he plans on playing a lot this summer on his break, he plays until the wee hours of the morning, does your DH stay up to play? They say that's when everyone's on late at night until 4am.

If you can't beat them, Join them...I've been trying to learn how to be a good golfer to compete with DH for YEARS! LOL

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Similiar to the addiction to Dis.
Since I got the laptop, I'm on it all the time at home.
and a little too much at work, for which my boss (friend) shakes his head.

 

[mickeyboat]

DH does not play video games, he does not watch sports, he spends very little time on the computer. And I like it that way.

I'm glad we have girls so we don't have to deal with the video game issue quite yet. I am sure we will have game/computer issues when they get older, but they haven't shown much interest so far.

We have a PS2, and one game, DDR - which I bought for myself.

Disclaimer - the following is not a flame of anyone - just information I have recently seen that I am sharing for discussion purposes.

Next week at the kids' elementary school is "Screentime Turnoff Week" - no tv, no video games, no computers - for a whole week. The purpose is to encourage kids to find other things to do with their time besides screentime, and after the week is over, use those ideas and limit screentime to 1-2 hours per day.

I went to a meeting on Tuesday night where the school guidance counselors explained their reasons for encouraging less screentime. There are new studies showing that excessive screentime can lead to obesity, irritability, hyperactivity (ADD and ADHD), violent behavior, and decreased academic potential - especially for boys who play video games. They described one study which compared cycle of video game addiction to cocaine addiction. They also said some people are recommending no screentime at all for infants under age 2, and no video game systems until after age 10. Also mentioned was some information that the incidence of divorce is higher in couples who have a tv in their bedroom.

The counselors told us not to feel guilty for having allowed our children to watch Baby Einstein videos, or use Playstations - because before this recent information, we did not know the dangers. They compared it to the time when we did not know that smoking was dangerous to your health.

Now, I have not read these studies myself, I don't even have a link to them. I am not sure what to think about this information. Anything can be dangerous if not used in moderation. But I wonder if 10 years from now we will all be looking at a generation of children with multiple issues all related to screentime.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

Denae

 

[hentob]

Does anyone have any thoughts?

Denae

I agree with what you are saying

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My ex-husband was (probably still is). It was a huge problem in our marriage.

My dbf is a webmaster of a forum specifically for online games. I see myself running into the same problem I had with my ex-husband. dbf doesn't play the games very often anymore though. Hopefully he keeps it that way.

 

[harleyquinn]

Does anyone have any thoughts?

Denae

As a children's librarian, I've heard A LOT about screen time. I've read all of the studies. The scariest thing for me is that children 2 and under should be getting NO screentime at all or very very little (2 hours a WEEK). When they get more than that it effected how their brains function. until children are 2, their eyesight is not completely developed. So too much screentime leads to all of the things you mentioned in your post.

I know for a fact that children under 2 are gettting A LOT more than 2 hours a week in screentime. We have a game computer at the library, and it's scary how many mothers stick their toddlers on it so they can read magazines or play on the Internet. I've had mom's sit with infants trying to teach them to play with the computer.


As for gaming DH and I are both big gamers. DH does most of his gaming at night while I read. I'm addicted to reading more than DH is addicted to gaming.

If DH ever neglects his family for games, he'd be given limits just like the kids.

As a WOWer, I can tell you that sometimes it hard to quit within a time limit, but I do it all the time. It's possible. Video game addition is a real problem. Don't shrug it off, if you think it's serious.

 

[tikilyn]

Not my Dh but my DAD!!!

It started with Mech Warrior and now he's moved on to some army war game that he plays with other people online. He's so into it that his computer has a water cooling system in it and has a 5.1 surround sound system and a 32" lcd hd monitor!! Can you say ADDICTED!!

I lived with my parents through his Mech online. I swear for two years I didn't get a good nights sleep. The puter room was next door to my bedroom. All night all I heard was loud noise from the game and my dad talking to other people also playing. I was so glad to move out and finally get a good nights sleep.

The funny thing is my dad will be 60 in august and still plays like he's a you man!! I tell my mom it's the kid in him coming out!! LOL

 

[hentob]

I think it's a harmless outlet, try to look at it in a positive way. He could be looking at internet porn or out at a bar until all hours of the evening like some husbands!
My DH (we've been married 24 years) likes to golf. There are some weekends when he's in tournaments that he's gone both days most of the day. I know he works hard and needs that outlet and he enjoys playing. He comes home afterwards we eat dinner together and then he's so tired he usually falls asleep! LOL

I do think it is harmless when there are NO children involved, and you have a spouse that does not mind.

I think rushing by the children, with a quick "Hello", only to sit and play video games for hours and hours is VERY harmful to family life.

 

[palmtreegirl]

I am starting to think I have the only husband who is NOT into computers, those video games and such.He has an AOL account, looks like he has 150 pieces of mail. The only email he receives is from Sears and Snap On. His emails they start self deleting because he never checks them. About once a year he asks me his password, because he doesnt remember it, and then he delets all of his email

You're not the only one! My DH didn't even have an email address until last week and now he only has one because of his new job.

 

[PixieDust32]

MY DH loves video games, Playstation, Xbox, nintendo and all the others, I can't keep up. He plays non stop until he finish the quest or whatever, he loves Resident Evil, Grand Turismo, Grand theft Auto and many others.

 

[Fredd's Girl]

We are a video game household! We don't even have cable, and we have a "game" room. Not your grandma's game room. My fiance has systems all the way back to who knows when. Normally there is at least 1 of the 2 PS2's hooked up, the Xbox (not the 360 yet, but I hear about that ALL the time), and the Gamecube. Plus the computer. It's my fiance's release. He'll play whatever game depending on his mood and it helps him relax. I'll take a gamer any day. He's home, he helps out, we spend time together. I enjoy games too. I don't play nearly as much as him, but I try to stay up on games and what's going on. And he stays up to date with what's going on at Disney or on the DIS. It works for us.

 

[cruisnfamily]

None of you(or your DHs) play the new Dungeons and Dragons online?

That would be my DH's new addiction.

First it was Everquest
Then it was World of Warcraft
Now it Dungeons and Dragons

At some point in there we had quest for Camelot and Neverwinter Nights.

We currently have subscriptions for both Wow and D&D and DH has 3 months to decide(next billing cycle) which one to keep. He's only been playing D&D and has dropped WOW but so many of his online friends still play WOW so he's undecided.

 

[ZachnElli]

My dh is also addicted to WOW. He's been at it really bad lately. He's unemployed right now, so he's got too much time on his hands. He's actually mowing right now, I'm in shock!