Anyone with an ADD child?

[PrincessMom2002]

My son was "unofficially" diagnosed with ADD. We've done the testing, had the necessary meetings, but he won't get an official diagnosis until he's re-evaluated in the spring and we try different non-medicine things to see if any work. His teacher, school psychologist, and we are not interested in medicine at this point because he is not severe. He's 7 and in the 1st grade. Does anyone have info or tips how to help him? Also does anyone have any advice how to get my DH to acknowledge DS's ADD? DH chalks it up to our son trying to see what he can get away with, not the fact that he can't focus. Mind you, DS doesn't have hyperactivity/aggression/social issues. He strictly cannot stay focused or sit still to save his life. I am looking for books regarding diet/nutrition to help. But it won't do me one bit of good to try to change anything if DH won't accept that changes need to be made. At this point I am more frustrated with DH than the ADD.

 

[MidgeD79]

Check out the disablilities board.

 

[paigevz]

Yes, diagnosed at 7, but ours IS severe and also severely hyperactive.......he does take meds at school.

Can't help with dh, mine just had the "aha" moment a couple of weeks ago, said son is now 11..........it was quite a blow for him, I think.

 

[ElizK]

It took a LONG time, and a real heart-to-heart talk with my DH for him to acknowledge DD's ADD and LD. It was like I was a single parent in anything concerning her. Talk about being on an island. He still has a tough time talking about it, but he's much more supportive. Give your DH some time, and then talk to him about it. He may come around.

I understand how you feel about medication, but I have to tell you what my DD said on the very first day we tried the medication: she said, "Mommy, I finished all my work!" This was the same child that had to stay in from recess everyday to catch up, as well as bringing home a couple of hours worth of unfinished work EVERY DAY! My wonderful daughter who had very little confidence, thought she was stupid, and was not doing well in school suddenly was doing all her work, and doing it well!

It's a tough road to walk, I know. Hang in there!

 

[ChrisnSteph]

My 5 year old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD. We suspected for a long time, and he even tested borderline for it when he was 3. It wasn't until recently when he started kindergarten and having problems in school that the doctors would do anything about. We tried different diets, eliminating the sugars, dairy, ect., various discipline methods - nothing worked and it just got worse. He was started on the lowest possible dose of Focalin, and I can't even gush enough what a positive effect it's had on Matt! Unfortunately he adjusted too quickly to the dose and already needs to have it increased. And for the record, he isn't a zombie, not even close, and he still has his same personality. He's just less "spun". I'm sorry about your DH. Unfortunately, ADD/ADHD has gotten a bad rep over the past few years due to being over-diagnosed. Maybe counseling would help? Good luck!

 

[petrymom]

My DS is ADHD and I would say it is moderate to severe, probably more moderate. He was diagnosed in 3rd grade after a year of hell iwth the teacher. I had thought about it but didn't act on it until then.

DS is on Meds and they make a HUGE difference. We still struggle with getting the homework done and I also have an issue with DS and a calculator fetish. Seems other kids calculators manage to come home in his backpack. I think it may be a bit of OCD.

Just last week, I made hime delivery a calculator and an apology to a little girl whose calculator he took. Told him I am done, next time I call the cops. Not sure what to do.

As far as DH, I don't think he realized until the meds were all settled and DS forgot to take then one day. THEN it all sank in.

God bless you and your son.

 

[PrincessMom2002]

I understand how you feel about medication, but I have to tell you what my DD said on the very first day we tried the medication: she said, "Mommy, I finished all my work!" This was the same child that had to stay in from recess everyday to catch up, as well as bringing home a couple of hours worth of unfinished work EVERY DAY! My wonderful daughter who had very little confidence, thought she was stupid, and was not doing well in school suddenly was doing all her work, and doing it well!

It's a tough road to walk, I know. Hang in there!

I have been keeping in the back of my mind that ultimately it's not what we want, but what will help him the most. He too misses some recesses so he can catch up on his work. I'm glad we know what is wrong because now knowing really makes me have more patience, and understand that he is not lazy, or unintelligent. He has so little self-confidence when it comes to school. Does your DD take medication all day or just for school hours? Thanks everyone so far for your input. My FIL also is in total denial that there is anything wrong. I don't get why they (DH and FIL) think acknowledging this is somehow a negative reflection on them. They, as well as DS, have no control over it!

 

[paigevz]

Meds made a huge impact on my son too..............didn't really mention it as you seemed so set against it OP..........

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

My oldest DS (now almost 17) has it. When he was in first grade, we noticed his desk at school was turned away from some of the others. He would also get a lot of "unsatisfactory" in conduct, but his grades were almost straight A's. We just thought he was misbehaving.
In third grade he had a very understanding teacher that had a son with ADD. She told me that my son never caused problems, he would just get up in the middle of the class and start walking around. She said that sometimes she would look up, and there he was. He never bothered anyone or was disruptive.
We got through the grades through 7th fairly well. Then we noticed that although his grades were A's and B's, he would score extremely low on the achievement tests. He told me that his mind would blank out and he couldn't concentrate. In 7th grade he always forgot to do homework, forgot his books, didn't concentrate in class. We kept his grades up by studying a lot when he got home. We would have to go over the same things over and over. It he had a book as required reading, I would have to read it to him, because he couldn't concentrate enough to follow the story by reading it himself.
In 8th grade we started him on adderall. He now takes 25 mg XR. He tried Focalin for a month, but wanted to switch back to adderall. He told me that it helps him concentrate and makes his thoughts more focused. In no way does this medication turn him into a zombie, or anything like that. He is just able to focus now.
I think his problems became so much more noticeable in junior high because that is the age that he had to be more responsible for his assignments and other things in school.
I wish you good luck with finding the right ways to help your child. I'm sure things will work out just fine. I think it just takes a lot of patience and love.

 

[HeatherH]

Yes, I have a daughter with ADHD, officially diagnosed when she was in 5th grade (8th now) and meds have made a HUGE difference for her.

I just want to CAUTION you, a SCHOOL cannot make this diagnosis or recommend meds. Maybe you weren't explicit in your post, but it sounds like you are depending on the SCHOOL to decide the medical or non-medical route for your son.

Don't get me wrong, I strongly believe that you should work closely with the school for evaluations and observations in determining the right path for your son.

But you DEFINITELY need OUTSIDE evaluations through your pediatrician and/or a pediatric psychologist, psychiatrist or neurologist to get that official diagnosis. And if meds are in the future, they would need to be CLOSELY monitored and evaluated by a pediatric psychiatrist (ideally) or a pediatrician.

Good luck to you and your son.

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

My dd is ADD. We chose not to medicate.The reason being that dh (also ADD) is medicated and it is so hard finding the right medicine (one caused him to rage, another made him severely depressed, etc, and then even when you find the right one it stops working after awhile) and that is with him being an adult who can fully express what is going on. I just didn't feel comfortable with doing that with dd as a child. It will be her choice when she is a bit older (shes 6). We have altered her diet which helped some (cutting out Red dye 40 seemed to help the most there), but the biggest change came from putting her in a new school, and I realize most people do not have this option, but it has been FANTASTIC for her.

Last year I was at my wits end, crying in teachers conferences, dealing with a kid who hated school, and teachers telling me she couldn't focus, wouldn't do her work, etc. For 1st grade we put her in a charter school (woohoo, its free) that is perfect for her. Each morning the kids go in and pull their individual work chart that has a lists of tasks they need to complete by the end of the day, as long as they get their jobs done, they can do them in any order and take as long as they need to do them. So dd can breeze through journal (her favorite since shes very creative), but then spend 2 hours on math if she needs and they have different methods for kids learning different ways, a kid can put on headphones if he is easily distracted, can do addition by using blocks or beads, and then transfer the answers onto paper, etc, instead of just doing it the same way as all the other kids in the class. My kid who last year in K couldn't count, or recognize numbers past 10, can now count to 100 and back down, recognize all the numbers even out of order and knows place values to the thousands, and can do double digit addition and subtraction... but better yet SHE LOVES IT. The same kid who was crying every day last year because she had to go to school, gets herself up and ready in the morning, and cried when she had to miss a day for illness. The teachers (there are 2 for 20 kids) mark off when the child has successfully completed their task (which means they have it 100% correct, if they don't the teacher sits down with them and helps them rework it till they have it figured out, which I like because dd was one to give up on something if it was hard and this doesn't let her do that). Its also really helping her work on time management and doing things for herself. Shes even kept her own room clean for over a month!!!!! The school emphasizes proper behavior and manners (even using cloth napkins at lunch). Another great thing is there are no desks. Perfect for fidegty kids with ADD. Their are some tables, some standing desks, some pillows and mats on the floor, some tables to kneel at. SO the child can move around and work where they are comfortable, they can also get snack whenever they are hungry so that is not a distraction, and thye have PE daily for the hyper kids that need to get some energy out. the kids individual work charts are all different so some kids are still working on state minimum standards for 1st grade while others are onto 3rd grade and up material (its an interesting mix at the school, lots of parents like me whose kid was having trouble at school due to ADD or something, and others whose kids are super gifted and were bored at regular school). DD is pretty much doing all 1st grade stuff, which is more then ok with me. I'm just happy to have a dd who enjoys school, loves learning, and is a happy kid again!!

I really hope you find a solution that works for you. It wasn't until things improved that I realized what a tremendous strain this had been putting on me, my marriage, and our home in general. I didn't have your dh issues, since my dh has ADD (and dyslexia) we were well versed in what to expect and all that. So i wish you luck there too. I definitely suggest talking to people about it and trying to make friends with similiar situations. It was only through my sons wonderful, amazing preschool teacher seeing my red eyes from dealing with another horrible morning trying to get dd to school last year, that I found out about this school. She asked me what was going on, and when I told her she put me in contact with another mom (who also had a younger kid in this preschool class) who had found this school. I NEVER would have known it was there. Its only 5 minutes away but in a different town so it didn't show up on any of our districts or towns education resources.

 

[PrincessMom2002]

Yes, I have a daughter with ADHD, officially diagnosed when she was in 5th grade (8th now) and meds have made a HUGE difference for her.

I just want to CAUTION you, a SCHOOL cannot make this diagnosis or recommend meds. Maybe you weren't explicit in your post, but it sounds like you are depending on the SCHOOL to decide the medical or non-medical route for your son.

Don't get me wrong, I strongly believe that you should work closely with the school for evaluations and observations in determining the right path for your son.

But you DEFINITELY need OUTSIDE evaluations through your pediatrician and/or a pediatric psychologist, psychiatrist or neurologist to get that official diagnosis. And if meds are in the future, they would need to be CLOSELY monitored and evaluated by a pediatric psychiatrist (ideally) or a pediatrician.

Good luck to you and your son.

The next step is with his ped. Sorry I didn't clarify that. We just had the school evaluation and meeting. They definately recommended we meet with his ped. I totally agree not to leave it solely to the school to decide how to handle. And I didn't mean to imply that I am dead set against meds. DH is dead set against them (but he is strictly basing that on things he's heard about ADD-medicated kids, which obviously can be false. He's also the same one denying the ADD.). I would like to try other things first to see if anything helps. Just basing that on the borderline results from his evaluations so far and his teacher being very willing to try different things with him to see if anything helps. She has an ADD son too so I think she's more willing to work with him. My step-mom is a 1st grade teacher and she immediately said put him on medication. To me, her suggestion wasn't fair because she only sees him a few times a year, has never had him in the classroom, and has never noticed problems with him herself. Maybe my unmedicated way of thinking is unrealistic in the end, I don't know. We are just starting out on this journey so I dont know where I'm going.

 

[HeatherH]

Abby, thanks for the clarification, that makes much more sense.

And I understand the hesitance for meds, I honestly do, but I'm glad to know you won't rule them out. There are ALL SORTS of resources out there for non-medication ways to deal with ADHD, spend a couple of hours on a google search and read...you do have other options to try, especially if your son is borderline. I would NEVER agree with putting a child on meds without a thorough evaluation AND a physician committed to WEEKLY evaluations while on the med, to determine dosage and if the med is really working.

As for your husband...again, there are articles and help out there to deal with parents who are in denial about a child's ADD/ADHD. Sometimes that is the hardest part.

Again, I wish you and your son only the best, and I hope you are able to get whatever help he needs.

 

[Mishetta]

Hi PrincessMom2002 ~ just wanted to wish you & your DS well.

I have 2 ADHD boys & I was diagnosed with it too last year. It is hereditery so possibly you or your DH may be ADD also!

Anyway, we started off with my DS's pediatrician but he referred us to a psychologist. The psychologist tested my DS & then we were referred to a neurologist. All 3 kind of work together on presenting a plan for your child (or at least, my sons team of doctors did.) Both my boys are in the extreme end of ADHD. If they didn't take their meds, I'd probably be in jail for murder by now!

My kids are on the opposite ends of the spectrum than yours but if I knew then what I would live through now....I'm sure we'd be childless. Please don't judge until you've walked a mile in my shoes.

We are doing meds & behavior modification. We have a counselor involved because my oldest DS was just getting way too out of hand.

I hope you find the help you need for your child. If your DH is against meds, ask him that if your child was a diabetic, would you give him his medicine? Same thing. Brain neurons don't connect & the meds help them connect & make sense out of life.

Sending Pixie Dust your way!

 

[PrincessMom2002]

Thank you again everyone so far for your input. It has already helped me thinking this through. I've often wondered if I have ADD. Seriously, I don't think I do because I have no problem staying focused and finishing things. I work in Accounting. Need I say more! But sitting still at home for long is a challenge. Although I think that may be a MOM thing! My DH, on the other hand, has a difficult time standing up at home. OK, just a little late-night humor! (in his defense, he is a mailman and walks 12 miles a day!)

 

[zjnawsaks]

Our oldest was diagnosed at the same age a lot of kids are, 7. We tried behavior modification before the meds, but the meds ultimately were more effective. He has not been on the meds since he started high school and seems to do all right--except for the usual "teenager attitude." He's a great kid though. The problems that he had in elementary school because of the ADHD affected others and for awhile, affected him socially. The other kids didn't want to get into trouble. We had to monitor the actual act of doing homework because it was easily (and often innocently) just forgotten. He would also get distracted and forget to turn in homework or finish a test. We found he could concentrate on his homework if he has something as simple as a ball to squeeze while he's reading. Karate helped, too, because it was one thing he could concentrate on and a great confidence builder. His first year in high school was a near disaster without meds but we stuck it out. We sent him to a military school for summer school. Just for one month but with lots of structure and he came back ready to do it on his own. This year, instead of "D's and "F's" he gets "A's and B's.

The younger one still takes the meds--one in the morning, one late afternoon. He knows it helps him calm down and focus. The biggest problem for him is emotionally detaching from a task when someone else is saying it's time to stop or change tasks. In spite of that, I'm sure he would have less friends, be more moody and be in more trouble without the meds. He knows he needs them. His teachers can tell when he has had or has forgotten to take it. He likes finishing things. We hope when he's in high school he won't need to continue his meds. As with the older boy, maturity helps sometimes. Something that helps when it gets frustrating to get their attention, remember the 3 rule before you get mad. It takes a little longer for them to process a new "event." Giving them a third announcement of a needed event change or 30 seconds to respond to your call can save everyone a lot of grief. And, he feels better about himself because he hasn't made you mad every time he turns around.

BTW, both my boys are gifted as are many who have ADD or ADHD. They probably could have made it through life without the meds; kids like that survived before the diagnosis when I was a kid. The choices they made and how they chose to survive were both positive and negative. This way The meds do so much more than help them pay attention. They help their self-esteem. Positive self-esteem can make for positive, healthy choices.

I hope this ranting helps--if only as an encouragement to hang in there. You know it's worth it.

 

[Jynohn]

Just subscribing because I'm beginning to suspect that DD may be struggling with this too. She's always been easily distracted, have to remind her several times to do a task, etc. but I just received a phone call from her teacher this morning that she's not completing work at school and has a really difficult time with transition. This is not the first time I've heard this. Her pre-school and kindergarten teachers have told me the same thing, and I've always just chalked it up to her being a little immature for her age. But now that she's in first grade I'm worried about her getting behind.

We fortunately aren't dealing with behavioral issues, other than the frustration of things like having to check 20 times just to see if she's getting dressed for school in the morning, but if there is an issue I'd like to see it addressed so that she doesn't struggle in school. I'm also concerned about her being "labeled" by teachers, etc.

Any idea of the first steps I should take to look into this? Her pediatrician hasn't seen it to be an issue up until this point, but I'm starting to get concerned.

 

[JoyG]

I'm beginning to suspect one of my son's has it too. I'm still in the research stage, reading books etc. At the first marking period I'll meet with his teacher and get her thoughts on it and maybe proceed with an evaluation.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

My DS is 10 and in 5th grade. He was diagnosed in February.

He has moderate range inattentive ADD - no hyperactivity. We tried 2 different meds in 4th grade at 2 different dosages - nothing. We didn't try any meds over the summer because there wasn't anything he really needed to pay attention to, and he is tiny so we wanted him to gain as much weight as possible. He started 5th grade with no meds. Lots of unfinished assignments, talking in class, lack of focus. We started him on a different medication last month and WOW! We FINALLY have a solution!

I can understand not wanting to use meds, but we didn't want him to struggle. He is a smart guy, he is just flighty! At conferences last week his math teacher and his science teacher told me he is doing SO much better - finishing assignments, focusing, participating in class. They are very pleased with his progress. We don't give him the meds on the weekend- just Monday-Friday and he does fine.

Good luck! I hope you are able to find a solution that works for your child, as well as getting your DH to understand!

 

[beavismom]

I could have written your post almost word for word 5 years ago. The first concerns for my DS were raised when he was in 1st grade. He is very bright (many with inattentive ADD are), but would often not pay attention in class. We struggled with the issue, adamantly vowing not to do the medications. We tried every combination of rewards and punishment that we could think of including taking away ALL of his toys.

When 5th grade rolled around and I was already in a teacher conference 3 weeks into the school year because of late/incomplete work I decided that we needed to look at medications. When I pulled out his prior years report cards there was a glaring pattern there (he had already been tested). We went to his pediatrician and he started us on the smallest dose of Focalin and we monitored his progress. He ended up taking 20mg. It made a huge difference and the only side effect is his lack of appetite during the school day. He eats a good breakfast before he takes his pill and a good dinner so we haven't seen weight loss issues, but we do keep an eye out for it.

I know you hear a ton of horrible stories about ADHD meds, but you can find one that doesn't have those issues. I am glad we didn't jump right into meds, but I wish we had been more open earlier. I think we probably caused more damage to his self-esteem and mental health by waiting.

I wish you luck. It isn't an easy decision or one to be made lightly.