Anyone "the favorite" family member?

[LvsTnk]

Actually I was and I hated it. I don't speak to my mom now because of how she continually treated my sister. She wanted me to chime in with her and when I had enough she blamed my sis for our riff. My father kind of treated her the same way but has admitted it and tries very hard to make up for it.

We all actually get along VERY well now and are extremely close minus our mom.

My reason for the thread is that my DD is dating a boy who is the favorite as well. I just don't get this. It really rubs me the wrong way. The family went to the WS/Angels baseball game last night minus one of the boys because the other brother wanted to bring a friend. They really aren't very nice to him.

How on earth can you treat your children so differently and I don't mean for the obvious reasons. I have 3 children who couldn't be more different but I love them all soooo much.

Sorry so long but can anyone enlighten me????

 

[SC Minnie]

I would say my brother is and he would probably say I was. We made different choices in our education-- I went to college right out if HS and parents paid for it and he didn't and had to pay his own way.

He got married young (21) and started a family and my parents(Mom) helped them out soooo much financially. To the point that his ex took advantage. Dh and I have never asked for help. Even when DD was born and he was out of work. We made do. DB now lives in another state and when we comes to visit (a couple of times a year) Mom makes such a big deal. I was the one that was here dealing with my parents during their separation. I am here during holidays and dealing with when to visit who so no one gets mad. He gets all the glory of Mom.

Even so, my brother and I get along well. DD spent 6 weeks with them last summer.

 

[grinningghost]

I was "the favorite" with both grandmothers. Not always easy. I'm not even sure WHY I was the favorite on the one side, but on the other I think it was because I was the only REAL granddaughter, the others were stepgrandchildren. She claimed to love us all the same, but I could tell I was the favorite anyway.

 

[KelNottAt]

I've had others tell me I was was my grandfather's favorite. I found it hard to believe because he treated all of us the same; very equal in every way. It makes me uncomfortable when I hear it.

Fortunately, the opinions don't come from my Dsis or cousins...they seem to realize he was fair and square. It's other people who comment about it...those who used to have conversations with Papa about "his girls." They say I am the one he spoke most highly of.

 

[chrissyk]

Apparently I was my grandfather's favorite. I didn't even realize that he treated my sister badly. He was/is a total jerk anyways, so I didn't want or need to be his "favorite". If I'd known that he was so nasty to my sis, I would have gone out of my way to avoid him even more than I already did.

 

[KimR]

My sister was the favorite of my parents (especially my Dad) and I was the favorite of my grandparents. It caused quite a bit of conflict in our family, both between me and my parents and my parents and grandparents. I suppose feelings are what they are and if you truly favor one child over the other there's not much you can do about that but jeez Louise, it is certainly unnecessary to be so blatant about it. My Dad has said so many hurtful things to me that as much as I would like to overcome all of that I have found that it is no longer possible for me to have a close relationship with him. I take the kids to visit once a week and he is a wonderful Grandfather, but our relationship is very strained and superficial.

I was always adamant that our parents show no favortism whatsoever to our girls and fortunately, they have respected our wishes. If they do favor one grandchild over the other, they are hiding it well because I have no idea which one it could be.

 

[Kim&Chris]

My younger sister was Mom's favorite. They used to go and get their nails done every Saturday and never invite me or any of my other sisters. My mom got her some sort of custom-made prom gown for her boyfriend's prom, and the rest of us had to buy stuff off the rack. The special treatment lasted well into my sister's adulthood, and continues to this day. I have no idea why, because my sister has learned to use my mom's generosity and I think my mom is just now beginning to realize it (or maybe not).

I could type on and on about that crap. Believe me, it caused ALOT of very hard feelings in our family that continue to linger today.

 

[lulugirl]

...nope, I was probably was the least favorite out of my mothers 4 children.

My stock has gone up though, I'm the only one who has given her grandchildren. It's a very interesting family dynamic.....

 

[NMAmy]

I was Dad's favorite and my younger sister was my mom's. She actually got the better deal because Mom was with us all the time while Dad worked and was only there weekends and evenings.

She's actually still my Mom's favorite and she's pushing 40 & can do no wrong in Mom's eyes. I had a hard time after my dad passed away because he was always a buffer between Mom and I and would refuse to let her say hateful things to me. It got to the point where I had to tell her if she wanted to be welcomed in my home, she had to stop being so hateful to DD and I. She did make the turnaround and only rarely says those things anymore. My older sister and I do tease Mom that DH is her favorite kid--she also thinks he can do no wrong. He's Mr. Wonderful.

I actually think this is one reason I only had one child. No chance of favoritism here. I know how hurtful it can be firsthand and it really made me pull away from both my parents for many years.

 

[Sandy V.]

I was my grandmother's favorite because I was the first grandchild and a girl (Grandma had 2 sons). I think it caused some resentment among my cousins, but at the time, I needed a positive female role model because my mother struggled with mental illness and had her own issues to deal with.

I have a daughter and a son, and I adore them both. I try very hard to not play favorites. With teenagers, I may feel closer to one or the other on a particular day because of hormones, a growing sense of independence, or their desire to "push the envelope" on various issues. I would hope that it all evens out. I would do anything for either of them!

 

[punkin]

My sister claims to this day that I was our mother's favorite. I never saw this. My sister is 9 years older than me and my mother always said she had 2 only children and we were both her favorites.

My sister was my grandmother's favorite (no argument there. my grandma was very partial to my sister and female cousin. I was OK, and she could not stand our male cousin at all.)

Now my older daughter says I favor my younger daughter, but I really don't see that either.

 

[golfgal]

Well, I was NOT my mom's favorite child but I am my Dad's favorite child so guess who I talk to and who I don't. I have days when I don't like one or more of my kids, but I certainly don't favor one over the other.

 

[Kitty 34]

I was my great grandfather's favorite.

 

[arminnie]

My father always refers to me as his "favorite daughter." Of course he also calls my sister his "favorite daughter" too. Sometimes he will refer to one of us as his "other favorite daughter" - it's been a family joke for years.

When he had open heart surgery many years ago, the first thing I said to him in ICU was "Your favorite daughter is here" and I got a tiny little smile even though he was out of it.

 

[LvsTnk]

My father always refers to me as his "favorite daughter." Of course he also calls my sister his "favorite daughter" too. Sometimes he will refer to one of us as his "other favorite daughter" - it's been a family joke for years.

When he had open heart surgery many years ago, the first thing I said to him in ICU was "Your favorite daughter is here" and I got a tiny little smile even though he was out of it.

It's funny to read that because my children each think they are their Papa & Nana's favorite. It really cracks me up that they have done such a good job of making all their grandchildren feel special that they all feel like the favorite.

I also agree that I get along with each of my children a little better at times or their are times when they need one parent over the other , but what I am talking about borders on hatred of one child. It just tears me up.

 

[eeyore kelly]

I am my dad's favorite. I know this because he told my DH when DH asked to marry me. I never knew it, and my sisters don't either.

I was my grandparents favorite. It caused a lot of hard feelings.

 

[BostonTigger]

For years I always thought both my Grandmothers didn't like me...but then I found out that they just didn't understand me, and didn't until I became a tennager. Wait, isn't that when they're supposed to not understand me?

As for me, I use to have a favorite niece and nephew...until I other nieces came alone. My nephew? Still my fav. Of course, he's still my only nephew.

 

[froglady]

I'm my mother's (and was my late father's) favorite because I'm the only one of five children who grew up responsible enough, or concerned enough, to assist them in their old age. Sad, really.

 

[trappednabox]

I was always grandma & grandpa's favorite of all the grandchildren. I loved it, but my cousins hated me for it. I was their favorite b/c I was the only one who would always come and see them and spent the most time with them. I would have to say out of me, my brother and my sis, my sis is moms favorite. I can't really be mad about it though.

 

[Marseeya]

My sister was always my mother's favorite and I was my dad's. My mother set the tone for our relationship very early on, so it's no wonder we have a strained relationship now with very little affection. My dad and I are closer, but it's just so tough not being close to my mother.

In DH's family, even though his mother denies it, DH was always the favorite to his younger brother's detriment. She has absolutely no relationship with her younger son and has only seen her 3 grandchildren a few times. She and DH have only the most superficial relationship. It's sad.

As much as I hate to say this, I can see some of this dynamic going on with my own kids. My DD is extremely sweet and compliant where my son is extremely difficult due to his mental problems. I love him more than life, but I can see where he'd think I favor his sister. It's not like that at all! It's just that I have a very different relationship with the two of them. With him, it's more like a mutual respect where with my DD, there's a lot of affection. He has never wanted affection from anyone, even as a small child, so I'm not sure how to make up for that other than having a strong intellectual bond with him.