Anyone separate from or divorce their spouse and years later reconciled? Tell me about it

[Disney1fan2002]

My DH and I have have been separated for 7 years. Never legally separated nor divorced. We are technically still legally married living in two separate states. We never had any animosity towards each other, in fact, being separated has allowed me to realize I took him for granted.

We have begun a discussion about reconciling. We realize it is going to take a lot of work. Lots of things to consider, and it may not happen. I hope it does happen, but if it doesn't I am OK with that too.

Have you reconciled after a long separation?

 

[FigmentSpark]

No, but I wish you the best. If it's something you both want and you are willing to get to know each other (the new, more mature you), then you've got a great shot at it.

Marie Osmond married, had a child, divorced, married someone else, had and adopted more children, divorced and remarried her first husband.

If it's what you both want, you'll make it work.

 

[cvjw]

Not my personal experience, but my grandpa married the same lady twice after my grandma died. In the end, they divorced twice too. Just wasn‘t meant to be, I guess!

 

[hereyago]

Heck to the no

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I can't say for sure because I've never been in that situation. But I just can't see myself being such a glutton for punishment as to reconcile after separating.

I guess about all I can say to help you is for you both to think long and hard about why you broke up and how you've each changed from that if at all and whether or not it will work out this time permanently. And you really need to take an honest look into things. Because if the underlying issues are still there then you're just going to break up again and I assume that that isn't what you want as a result of getting back together. Good luck.

 

[MamaLema]

Not me, but I think it’s important to understand the reasons(s) you separated in the first time and figure out how it will be different this time. 7 years is a long time to be separated. Good luck!

 

[DLgal]

My parents did it. Divorced in 2004 after 33 years of marriage. Reconciled 4 years later. Moved back in together, and remarried officially again in 2009. They are still together.

I'm honestly not sure it was the best decision for either of them. However, they have a very co dependent relationship and could not manage without each other.

 

[FigmentSpark]

One thing I will say is make sure you don't fall into old routines and habits that lead to the fighting and break up in the first place. You said you took him for granted, so I think you know what I mean. In day to day life, we fall back on easy patterns. You and your DH have to work to make different patterns. It may take the help of a professional. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

It’s worth a try if he’s a good man.

 

[mrodgers]

Never ever ever!

My divorce is almost entirely because of finances. She won't ever change that. I can't look forward to retirement buried in massive debt and not having anything saved.

That said, we are friends. In fact, you could mistake us for best friends. She rides on the back of my motorcycle (note, I have no relationship nor does she at the moment.) We have no problem taking vacation together with our 2 girls. We have no problem doing things ourselves. We go to concerts (or did) together, go on motorcycle rides, I live near town where she works (we lived out in the middle of nowhere where she still is) and she stops by after work often to watch movies or, well, I had to rewatch the Sopranos with her even though I had only finished it the week before. We often go out to eat, usually with the kids but we'll go out to get a bite together occasionally.

Her next weekend off I told her I'd take her shooting.

 

[fla4fun]

I haven’t, but my cousin did. He and his wife had a child who suffered a birth injury and was left permanently disabled. It was a very stressful situation for both of them and they didn’t agree on a lot of issues regarding the situation. They stuck it out for a long while, and then divorced. While they were separated, they were both able to work through the problems they had, and they remarried a few years later. They are still together.

 

[katie01]

I have not, but one of my coworkers parents did that. Not sure when in their marriage they originally divorced, but I know they have been happily re-married for many years now

 

[superme80]

My grandma's best friend did. Her husband passed away, and she got together with a "new" guy. My mom explained it was her ex and he had changed. I don't think they legally married, but I believe they were together until one of them passed away.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

Not me, but my next door neighbors did. When we moved into the neighborhood, they were newlyweds. After a couple of years they had a little girl. A few years after that, the wife met someone at work and left the husband. They were divorced for 2 or 3 years when we noticed her car was back in his driveway at night. They got back together, remarried, had a little boy and have been happily married ever since. I guess she realized that the grass was not greener on the other side and that her first husband was a great guy.

Good luck OP. Focus on the reasons you fell in love with each other in the first place and on not repeating the bad patterns, which led to the separation.

 

[Christine]

Not personally, but my coworkers parents did. His parents were married for quite some time, had around 8 children. The husband decided to have an affair with a coworker, so they divorced. He remarried the coworker and they were married for a while. She (new wife) dies of cancer. The man gets back together with his first wife and they've been married for many years now, second time around.

 

[Alice Sr.]

Yes, but I went into it with the understanding a leopard can't change it's spots and, Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Do not expect any changes because the changes may not be important enough (to the other party) to put the effort into it in their opinion, or they are not capable of a sustained change. That's not to say it can't and won't happen but if you go into it knowing where the warts were in my opinion you can't be surprised if they come back (or are still there). Just some things to think about.

 

[tvguy]

Judge Judy did.

My dad remarried my older half brother's mother before he enlisted in the Army during World War II. It was a marriage on paper only because in those days, if you were killed in the war, your survivors got NO survivor's benefits if you were divorced. That's how much divorce was frowned upon in that era. They divorced again after he got out of the Army.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

My cousin has married and divorced , then remarried his current wife. It's a co-dependent situation and she rarely, if ever shows up at any family events. It's strange and complicated.

 

[antmaril]

I worked with a woman who remarried her husband. They were divorced when their son was young because the husband was an alcoholic. Eventually, he got sober and stayed sober. They remarried when their son was grown and remained married until the husband died from cancer. They were only remarried a few years when he got sick. It was sad.

 

[kymom99]

My former superintendent did. They basically annulled the divorce. I thought it seemed like more of a business transaction. Someone congratulated him and he said whatever is best for the boy (they had a young son at the time). They are still married years later.