Anyone have someone pass away on their child's birthday?

[cbellasmomma]

Two years ago my aunt passed away on dd's birthday and last year my grandfather passed away on her birthday. It was in July and she still talks about it. Yesterday she said she wanted to celebrate early this year because she thinks her birthday is cursed? Ugh that got me right in the gut Anyone have this happen and what did you tell them? She is 9 and also pretty sensitive. I told her her great grandfather would not have wanted her to think of her birthday as anything but special but it isn't working. Thanks.

 

[Southernmiss]

Double post.

 

[Laura66]

Can u put a spin on it if you're religious? Like - it's very sad for us because we miss them - but now they are in heaven, where they always wanted to be? If they were sick here on earth - now they are healed. And now onher birthday she can rember all the special things about that person.
I'm not particularly religious - but my neighbors are. They had the husbands mother living with them for a while. She was the sweetest lady - and although she was very sickly and suffered, and it wasn't easy for my neighbors as they had very small children - they wanted her with family. She died on Christmas Eve surrounded by her children and their spouses. When she told me the next morning - I said to her - what a beautiful day to go home! She said - yes! You get it.

 

[Mizzoufan]

That would be hard on anyone just not a child. Can you tell her that her loved ones will be celebrating her bday in heaven on her bday.

 

[Southernmiss]

Two years ago my aunt passed away on dd's birthday and last year my grandfather passed away on her birthday. It was in July and she still talks about it. Yesterday she said she wanted to celebrate early this year because she thinks her birthday is cursed? Ugh that got me right in the gut Anyone have this happen and what did you tell them? She is 9 and also pretty sensitive. I told her her great grandfather would not have wanted her to think of her birthday as anything but special but it isn't working. Thanks.

Ds' s best friend drowned on his 15th birthday. My aunt died on dd's 12th birthday.

While there's sadness to think about them and that someone died on their birthday, they also realize that there are 365 days and something happens on every day.

If you believe in God/heaven, could you frame it as a wonderful day to have a birthday on earth or in heaven and that the day is special for many reasons.

Then do something really fun for her bday to take her mind off of those who've died.

 

[gwynne]

Maybe you could remember these relatives on their birthdays, instead of the emphasis being on the day they died. You could pick up some flowers on those two days, and say a loving remembrance. Keep it brief. Let her birthday be her birthday.

 

[mjkacmom]

I had close relatives die on my birthday 3 years in a row. It became the family joke! I will always remember what day my aunt, uncle, and grandmother died on.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

This actually JUST happened a few weeks ago.
On my twins' 8th birthday their great grandfather passed.

 

[luvsJack]

My bil died on a nephew's birthday and bil's son's funeral was on that nephew's brother's birthday.

The first year is hard because the birthdays are overshadowed by the anniversaries of the deaths. Hopefully it will get easier for them.

 

[Shmily1]

Maybe you could let her celebrate a different day. Evidently that day is painful for her and she wants to be happy on her birthday. What day would she like to celebrate? What would it hurt to let her pick a different day?

 

[puffkin]

This hasn't happened to us....but my son is very mathematically inclined so I would probably just show him the obituary page in the newspaper for a few days and explain to him that on average, xx people die each day and there are only 365 days a year. I agree....the first year is usually the hardest with a close relative and the anniversary of the death. But I would just let her celebrate her birthday a day or two earlier or later.

 

[maslex]

Nov 1st-Mom's birthday
Nov 2nd-her mom died & funeral was on Nov 5th which is my sister's birthday

For the past year & a half or so, my mom was sick with kidney cancer. We had her over the house this past Nov 1st (her birthday) for a party. It was the last day that we saw her alert. Two days later we were called to let us know that she wasn't doing too good. She passed away on Nov 10th.

My sister just found out that her daughter is pregnant and is due Nov 3rd. So that birth can go either on my mom or sister's birthday OR the day my mother or grandmother died. Beginning on Nov has turned into a not so good time.

 

[Daddee]

My niece was in a fatal bike accident on my daughters birthday. Half the family uses the date of the accident the other half is kind enough to use the next day since she actually passed the next day.
My daughter(14) always feels bad that she is celebrating on her day due the half that uses her birthday.

 

[bbak30]

Oh gosh, that's terrible. And birthdays are so special and fun when kids are little.

 

[kamik86]

My husband's father died on his 25th birthday. It was difficult enough as an adult.

As for celebrating early being 9 I would just let her. People move birthday celebrations all the time for much less reason (so it falls on a weekend, so the kids are still in school for invitations, because the birthday is on a holiday, to celebrate while on vacation, etc) IN a few years I'm sure she will be more open to there are 365 days of the year and stuff happens on every one. But at 9 just let her move her birthday celebration

 

[jdb in AZ]

My father-in-law passed on my son's 16th birthday. Fifteen years later -- to the date -- my mother-in-law passed. We knew we were going to lose her but kept hoping grandma could wait just another hour so it wouldn't be on our son's birthday, the same day we lost grandpa. We often celebrate our son's birthday three days later to commemorate his adoption day.

 

[HM]

About celebrating on a different day-- It's not the same, but my DD has a summer birthday. All her friends have their birthday's during the school year and have all their friends around to help celebrate. She always felt left out on her birthday because most of her friends were on family vacations when we had her parties. One year she asked to celebrate her 1/2 birthday so that she'd be assured that her friends could come to her party. We decided to let her do it and she had a huge gathering of kids from school. She didn't ask to do it again, so I think having it her way for once was just what she needed. Maybe the same thing would go for your DD? Allow her to do what she wants this year and see where it leads.

 

[yoopermom]

We have a very deep faith, so, for my child, I would say, "You don't get to choose the day we are born, and you don't get to choose the day that you die. However you can choose to celebrate your birthday on whatever day you choose, whether that be the actual day of your birth or a different day."

I would also choose to celebrate the life of the people who have passed on their birthdays, not their "death days".

I have a family picnic in July that is literally my favorite event of the year next to Christmas. Last year my dog was horifically killed on that day, and I wasn't there to say goodbye. Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to get through the picnic this year, so I TOTALLY understand where your daughter is coming from. (And that's not even my birthday!)

Terri

 

[Minnesota!]

Happened this year - an uncle passed away on my son's 8th birthday (last week..when we were in WDW).

Also, my BFF...her older daughter passed away on her younger daughter's 6th birthday. Horribly bittersweet day for her.

 

[cbellasmomma]

About celebrating on a different day-- It's not the same, but my DD has a summer birthday. All her friends have their birthday's during the school year and have all their friends around to help celebrate. She always felt left out on her birthday because most of her friends were on family vacations when we had her parties. One year she asked to celebrate her 1/2 birthday so that she'd be assured that her friends could come to her party. We decided to let her do it and she had a huge gathering of kids from school. She didn't ask to do it again, so I think having it her way for once was just what she needed. Maybe the same thing would go for your DD? Allow her to do what she wants this year and see where it leads.

As far as letting her celebrate on a different day, that is fine by me for the same reason! Summer birthdays can be a disappointment when all your friends are gone. My only real concern is helping her work through the fact she thinks her birthday is cursed.